I’m Going to be a Dad

[EmotionallyUnstable]

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

[Augie]

AWESOME!!!

 

Congratulations! It will change your life in so many ways, some are not easy, but all are great! 

 

I had a co-worker get pregnant years ago and she asked me what to expect. At first I struggled to answer, but I later went to her office and told her it’s tough, but it’s GREAT. The lows may be lower (“WHAT? Why did he bite him?”) , but the highs are MUCH HIGHER. There is nothing like it! 

 

Don’t worry about what you don’t know. You will figure it out as people have done for all of time. 

 

Geez, if you thought you were emotionally unstable now.........

 

 

.

 

Edited October 29, 2020 by Augie

[GoBills808]

my wife is 19 weeks along

 

my advice- learn how to cook and clean

[billsfanmiamioh]

6 minutes ago, GoBills808 said:

my wife is 19 weeks along

 

my advice- learn how to cook and clean

Also, take advantage of the DD while you can! Congrats! It’s definitely the best, but it will certainly be hard at times. The first couple months suck unless you just get lucky with one that will sleep overnight for good chunks of time.
 

Ours was pretty good, certainly could have been worse. You learn to function on little sleep but it still sucks. I would advise just making sure you’re both on the same page about all the things that have to be done. Talk about it ahead of time, even if it’s just the day of. “I’ll do the overnight feed tonight, but you do the laundry & clean bottles”. Stuff like that goes a long way. 

 

Another hard thing for me was just accepting all the clutter and mess that comes with having a newborn. I like to keep things fairly tidy & organized but  you’re both exhausted every day and sometimes there’s just going to be piles of laundry that doesn’t get folded, toys that don’t get cleaned up, etc. 

 

Also I advise getting into a pretty regular routine with bedtime, even at a young age. I thought my wife was crazy when she was suggesting it for like a 3 week old but man, I think it really helped as he got older. I’ve heard horror stories from other parents about trying to get their (older) kids to sleep and I’m thankful we implemented a routine and stuck to it early. 
 

At the same time, flexibility is key. More so I guess I’m thinking of pre Covid times as you’re trying to kind of re-enter society. Sure it’s great to bring the baby over to friends house for a couple hours or try to grab a bite out or something, but just be prepared for it to blow up in your face at any moment and have contingency plans / exit strategy in place. Best of luck and welcome to the wild ride!

44 minutes ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

See above and congrats!

[DefenseWins]

Just remember that nothing will ever be the same ever again...

[thenorthremembers]

Its the best and most important thing youll ever be in yoir entire life.  Love them well.  Youre not perfect and its ok, just love them really really well.

[Gugny]

The best thing you can do is go on about life as if she's not pregnant.  Once you start treating her differently, she'll milk it and the next thing you know, you'll be rubbing feet and going to McDonald's at 3am.  Keep life normal and let her get through it on her own.  She'll appreciate you for it in the end.

 

Sincerely,

Divorced Guy

[Johnny Hammersticks]

This advice may be premature, but 3rd trimester sex is the best 😉

 

Congrats, brotha.

[CowgirlsFan]

My heartfelt congratulations 🎉🎊🎈🎈

[Greg S]

Congrats to you and your wife.

[BritBill]

Ask the doctor put an extra stitch in when it’s all over 👌 
 

Congratulations 👍 

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

12 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

congrats!!  
 

this is a cool site to track the development of your baby and then later on your child:

 

https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/week-by-week

 

 

[oldmanfan]

Congratulations!  To answer your questions, yes you can drink and eat sushi, although you probably would be advised to not drink much in front of your wife, not because of health issues but she could get ticked that you can and she can't.

 

Your life is about to be transformed in a way you never thought possible.  As much as I and other dads can tell you about what's coming in advance, it won't prepare you for the emotions you'll have when you see your child for the first time.  You will be overcome with emotions, ranging from the delight of seeing the child to the worries about how you'll pay for college and such.  All at once.  

 

Some practical advice.  Take over things like housework, laundry and such if you don't already; assuming your wife breast feeds she will be exhausted much of the time.  Listen respectfully to your relatives about things, then you and your wife make your decisions about how you want to deal with a new born.  

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

What you can look forward to:

 

[thebandit27]

Congratulations!

 

I have 7 year old twin boys and a daughter that will be 2 on Halloween. Being a dad is incredible.

 

My advice: don’t listen to people when they try to give you parenting advice 😂 There’s not one parent that has a clue what they’re doing—it is 100% making it up as you go and acting like you know what you’re doing.

 

 

[Beerball]

13 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

Congratulations! No matter what anyone tries to tell you, there is no owner’s manual. Have a blast!

12 hours ago, GoBills808 said:

my wife is 19 weeks along

 

my advice- learn how to cook and clean

Congratulations 808, very happy for you!

[ExWNYer]

Congrats!

 

I remember when my wife and I had our first. When she was discharged from the hospital, I drove home slow and in fear that someone would t-bone us before we made it to the house with our precious cargo. Once we were safely home, we sat on the couch, put his carrier on the floor between us, looked at one another, and then I said, "Now what the hell do we do?" and we had a good laugh. No nurses, no parents, no owner's manual, no instructions...but you'll both be amazed at how quickly instinct kicks in and you'll figure it out as you go and adjust on the fly. There is no 'one size fits all' way of doing it. Love them, protect them, teach them right from wrong, and hope for the best. It's the most important, frustrating, and rewarding job either you or your wife will ever have. I will say, enjoy the ride and take it all in....every good and bad thing along the way...it goes way too fast. My 'boys' are now 20 & 18 and I miss a lot of the 'kid' things but they have grown into awesome respectful young adults. I take pride in knowing that in some small way, we did our jobs. 

[Seasons1992]

Save your money. 🙂

 

Be there for your kid no matter what. 

1 hour ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

What you can look forward to:

 

 

The amount of poo blowout washes I did with one of my kids..........goodness.

 

My parents remind me I was the same.

My other kid, zero.

[teef]

great news and congrats!  i have a 5 and 2 year old, and even though it's exhausting, it's so much fun.

 

i loved it when my wife was pregnant.  i had a designated driver for months, and   i drank like i was going off to war.  as gungy said, just live you life as usual, and help out as much as you can.  time gets limited after this, so enjoy it now.  

 

one thing people don't tend to tell you...the first three months are ***** awful.  you'll be happy and excited, but that quickly dies off and fear sets in once you take that ***** home.  it's survival mode.  

13 hours ago, billsfanmiamioh said:

Also, take advantage of the DD while you can! Congrats! It’s definitely the best, but it will certainly be hard at times. The first couple months suck unless you just get lucky with one that will sleep overnight for good chunks of time.
 

Ours was pretty good, certainly could have been worse. You learn to function on little sleep but it still sucks. I would advise just making sure you’re both on the same page about all the things that have to be done. Talk about it ahead of time, even if it’s just the day of. “I’ll do the overnight feed tonight, but you do the laundry & clean bottles”. Stuff like that goes a long way. 

 

Another hard thing for me was just accepting all the clutter and mess that comes with having a newborn. I like to keep things fairly tidy & organized but  you’re both exhausted every day and sometimes there’s just going to be piles of laundry that doesn’t get folded, toys that don’t get cleaned up, etc. 

 

Also I advise getting into a pretty regular routine with bedtime, even at a young age. I thought my wife was crazy when she was suggesting it for like a 3 week old but man, I think it really helped as he got older. I’ve heard horror stories from other parents about trying to get their (older) kids to sleep and I’m thankful we implemented a routine and stuck to it early. 
 

At the same time, flexibility is key. More so I guess I’m thinking of pre Covid times as you’re trying to kind of re-enter society. Sure it’s great to bring the baby over to friends house for a couple hours or try to grab a bite out or something, but just be prepared for it to blow up in your face at any moment and have contingency plans / exit strategy in place. Best of luck and welcome to the wild ride!

See above and congrats!

the bolded is still the hardest for me.  kid ***** is just everywhere.  i never mind my wife getting the kids things, but she never removes anything.  it just piles up.  i'm the cleaner in the family, so i'm constantly organizing things.  

[Captain Caveman]

14 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

 

Congratulations!

 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?

 

How does she feel about it?  Having kids really highlights any gaps or problems in communication in a relationship, which can ***** ***** up bad.  Work on your communication, both speaking honestly without being a dick, and listening without trying to solve her problems (unless she asks you to.)  That's more marriage advice than Dad advice, but it's hard to raise kids in an unhappy marriage.

 

As for Dad advice, just do your best to be kind, patient, loving.  Kids are a weird combination of innocent and selfish (BIOLOGY) and they're usually doing the best they can.  There will probably be times when they're awful and you will hate them.  Take a breath, take a break and get over it.

 

Edited October 29, 2020 by Captain Caveman

[ExWNYer]

17 minutes ago, teef said:

the bolded is still the hardest for me.  kid ***** is just everywhere.  i never mind my wife getting the kids things, but she never removes anything.  it just piles up.  i'm the cleaner in the family, so i'm constantly organizing things.  

 

[teef]

13 minutes ago, Captain Caveman said:

 

Congratulations!

 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?

 

How does she feel about it?  Having kids really highlights any gaps or problems in communication in a relationship, which can ***** ***** up bad.  Work on your communication, both speaking honestly without being a dick, and listening without trying to solve her problems (unless she asks you to.)  That's more marriage advice than Dad advice, but it's hard to raise kids in an unhappy marriage.

 

As for Dad advice, just do your best to be kind, patient, loving.  Kids are a weird combination of innocent and selfish (BIOLOGY) and they're usually doing the best they can.  There will probably be times when they're awful and you will hate them.  Take a breath, take a break and get over it.

 

this is outstanding advice.  between the new dynamic in the family and a massive lack of sleep, it's easy to get on each other's cases.  being calm and reasonable with each other is something we needed to work on at first.

[dhg]

14 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

Well, you have a designated driver for 6 more months. 😉

 

But, seriously, congratulations to both of you. 

[billsfanmiamioh]

54 minutes ago, teef said:

the bolded is still the hardest for me.  kid ***** is just everywhere.  i never mind my wife getting the kids things, but she never removes anything.  it just piles up.  i'm the cleaner in the family, so i'm constantly organizing things.  

Same. It’s a miracle how quickly kids can just completely trash a room that was neat and tidy just minutes ago. I think this coming year I’m instituting a policy that with everything  new that comes in, something has to go out to get donated. He’s old enough now to understand that and figure it will be a good teaching exercise on helping others and being thankful for the things you have. 

[shrader]

I have to say, it's really funny seeing this thread immediately followed up by "Golly - what could possibly go wrong?" on the list of OTW threads.

[WotAGuy]

If you are “EmotionallyUnstable” now, wait till your wife’s postpartum depression sets in. 
 

Just kidding - it’s the most beautiful and scary thing I’ve ever experienced.  I now have 6 grandkids and this is far easier than bringing up 3 daughters.  
 

You’ll learn things about yourself and accomplish things you never imagined. Make it your focus in life to be a good husband first and foremost, and then a great Dad. Your partnership with your wife needs to be strong to make you the best Dad you can be. I failed at that, so I’m speaking from experience.  Your children benefit the most from a strong marriage. 

[PaattMaann]

The wife and I were on team no kids for the first 8 years of our marriage. We went out all the time. We traveled. We lived the good life. We agreed kids likely weren't for us, but if one of us wanted kids they should bring it up to the other. 

 

She came to me a year ago and said she wanted to have kids. I said OK. Our son was born at the beginning of April. 

 

Coming from not wanting kids (not a hater of kids, knew I would be a good dad if I became one, just really enjoyed our free time and lives as they were) to having one - it is incredible and there is NOTHING that anyone can say to you that will prepare you for how your feeling about everything change literally the second you meet your child. Be prepared for lack of sleep - our son has always been a great sleeper but there is still lack of sleep, (for example, sometimes I just wake up in the night and cant fall asleep for not reason, that never used to happen.) Be prepared to be very emotional about things, its not just women. 

 

Enjoy every second of the ride. Enjoy these next 6 months because everything will be very different.

 

Congratulations. Being a dad is the most satisfying and stressful experience one can have. 

[frostbitmic]

Congratulations

 

Enjoy every minute of it.

[May Day 10]

My best advice....  I guess it is to enjoy yourself now.  As far as getting sleep, sleeping in, going out with your wife, going on a trip(s), etc....  Get it all out now because all that is going away.  Some of it (like sleeping in) is gone forever.  The first year of kid especially is kind of like some sort of prison camp.  Its in a good way, but still

 

Having the kid is actually fairly easy.  It is when you have multiple that it becomes challenging (and you realize how easy 1 was).  

Edited October 29, 2020 by May Day 10

[Gordio]

19 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

 

The best time of my married life was when my wife was pregnant with our first born.  The doctor put her on bed rest for the last 5 months of the pregnancy and all she did was lay in bed and sleep.  She wanted nothing to do with me either so I was left alone.  It was great, it was like being a bachelor again.  Plus back then my fil bless his heart hooked me up with this illegal card & I got like 500 channels including every sports channel I could imagine & about 15 porn channels.  I spent a lot of time down in my basement those 5 months with my good friends Jack Daniels, Buddy Weiser & Jim Beam.  It was good times, enjoy!

15 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

This advice may be premature, but 3rd trimester sex is the best 😉

 

Congrats, brotha.

 

 

Your sick😂

[gomper]

Congrats!

 

You'll be amazed how your paternal instincts come out of nowhere and help guide you. It can be terrifying but you need to realize that people have gone through this since the first human. It's been done over and over.  Now it's your turn. You'll be floored by the experience.

 

Oh yeah, get your sleep now.

[KD in CA]

22 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

 

Can you drink???  Once the baby comes you won't be getting laid much till she's ready for the next kid so I would say, "hell yes".

 

My wife never bought into that sushi bullsh--.  Her reasoning was "what do pregnant women in Japan do?" 

 

The first few weeks are easy because wife and baby both want to sleep all the time.  Your job is simply to change diapers and periodically ask 'can I get you anything honey?'.

 

After that it depends on your kid (hopefully you won't have a screamer).

 

Sleep train as early as possible.  Don't get sucked into the 'kid in your room/bed' or 'midnight feedings until they are four years old' like some people.  Our doctor told us that once the baby is about 12 pounds, they have enough meat on their bones to sleep through the night without a feeding.  So when she was 3 months old we stuck it out for 2 nights of crying and boom, she was down for the night and we never looked back.

 

Practice your 'football hold'.

 

Never watch your wife 'pump'.  Trust me.

 

It's really fun so enjoy it.  And yeah, you'll need endless patience, both with the wife and the kids (more and more as they get older).

[RaoulDuke79]

22 hours ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

Absolutely 💯 

[Augie]

7 hours ago, PaattMaann said:

The wife and I were on team no kids for the first 8 years of our marriage. We went out all the time. We traveled. We lived the good life. We agreed kids likely weren't for us, but if one of us wanted kids they should bring it up to the other. 

 

She came to me a year ago and said she wanted to have kids. I said OK. Our son was born at the beginning of April. 

 

Coming from not wanting kids (not a hater of kids, knew I would be a good dad if I became one, just really enjoyed our free time and lives as they were) to having one - it is incredible and there is NOTHING that anyone can say to you that will prepare you for how your feeling about everything change literally the second you meet your child. Be prepared for lack of sleep - our son has always been a great sleeper but there is still lack of sleep, (for example, sometimes I just wake up in the night and cant fall asleep for not reason, that never used to happen.) Be prepared to be very emotional about things, its not just women. 

 

Enjoy every second of the ride. Enjoy these next 6 months because everything will be very different.

 

Congratulations. Being a dad is the most satisfying and stressful experience one can have. 

 

We were married 5 years before our first child. GREAT move! You need to get adjusted, learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses and be mentally prepared. There is no ONE right way, but that’s was a blessing for us. The amazing rollercoaster we have experienced with our kids needed the strength that grew in those 5 early years of bonding. 

 

Again, congrats to @EmotionallyUnstable! 

 

EDIT: Having said all that, we were married just a little over a year after meeting. My wife’s dad was battling cancer and she wanted him to walk her down the aisle. It was going to happen, so we just pushed things a bit. Our son has been with his now wife almost 3 years, but married only a few months. I won’t be surprised if they start a family much sooner than we did. Each situation is different, make the best of it! 

 

 

 

.

Edited October 30, 2020 by Augie

[Gordio]

I will add the first year of my first born was the worst year of my life.  Constantly crying, acid reflux, so many times I would find myself driving him around the neighborhood at 3 am to try to get him asleep.  I was walking zombie that first year.  My wife and I were constantly fighting.  She had post pardon depression and she was absolutely nuts.  One night I came home from work and I guess I bought the wrong formula and she actually threw a fulled diaper at my head.  I ducked and it splattered across the wall.  I don't want to scare you, just telling you how it was for me.  It got better after the first year or I was divorcing her for sure.  She will even admit she wasn't right back then.  It took her 6 years to convince me to have another kid but our daughter was one of those really easy babies you read about in magazines.  Slept full nights right out of the shoot, never cried.  But is all good now, my son is my best friend, 16, I will be devastated when he goes off to college in a few years.  My daughter is an angel.  Having kids is the best thing in the world.  Congrats and take a moment to enjoy the ride, they grow up very fast.

[SinceThe70s]

17 hours ago, May Day 10 said:

My best advice....  I guess it is to enjoy yourself now.  As far as getting sleep, sleeping in, going out with your wife, going on a trip(s), etc....  Get it all out now because all that is going away.  Some of it (like sleeping in) is gone forever.  The first year of kid especially is kind of like some sort of prison camp.  Its in a good way, but still

 

Having the kid is actually fairly easy.  It is when you have multiple that it becomes challenging (and you realize how easy 1 was).  

 

I have two and was terrified of having a third. I'm told that it's the difference between playing man to man vs. zone.

 

All the best to you and your wife @EmotionallyUnstable. One thing a friend told me before my first was born that was on point: Proper swaddling technique is a skill to master asap when the baby comes home.

 

 

 

 

 

[Wooderson]

On 10/28/2020 at 8:03 PM, EmotionallyUnstable said:

Nervous, excited, not sure what to do! Wife is 12 weeks, absolutely pumped but also scared sh$tless.
 

Can I drink even though she can’t? How about eating sushi?
 

Any seasoned vets out there willing to provide some insight? 

Congrats!  I had a son in April.  I absolutely love it.

 

One thing I will say, nothing can prepare you for that first month.  Nothing.  I thought I'd be fine with the lack of sleep but I was dead wrong.  Figure out a schedule right off the bat so one of you can sleep at a time.  If both of you are getting no sleep, it's not good for anyone.  We would do half night shifts where one of us would sleep in the living room with the baby while the other slept in the bedroom so at least one person is getting 4-4.5 hours at a time.  Every day is different and every day is awesome. 

[BuffaloBill]

Congrats

[EmotionallyUnstable]

It's a girl!

 

 

 

[RaoulDuke79]

17 minutes ago, EmotionallyUnstable said:

It's a girl!

 

 

 

Both....is the right answer. I think one thing that needs to change in the era of #MeToo is that the daughters parents are on the hook for the wedding. Congrats again man....nobody is ever really prepared but most of us figure it out. 

 

Also....that drive home from the hospital with your first kid in the back will the most nervous ride you've had since your drivers test.

Edited November 14, 2020 by RaoulDuke79