Did anyone go to University but not make any friends there?

[Another Fan]

I'm gonna guess the answer is probably no but I'll ask the question anyway.

 

 

For me I did not.  A combination of commuting to college, large University, immaturity, social anxiety, and course load.

 

 

But maybe I'll be surprised what stories people come up with here.  

[That's No Moon]

I met a lot of people but I really only speak to 3 of them anymore.  Not including my wife. I talk to her a lot. Got her at school too.

[The Jokeman]

I graduated 22 years ago and only FB friends with one person from college.

[SlimShady'sSpaceForce]

You must be Canadian Or a Brit 

 

University. 😆 

 

 

[US Egg]

Still friends with some of the nuns who picked me to clap the chalk erasers out after class.

[That's No Moon]

1 minute ago, I am the egg man said:

Still friends with some of the nuns who picked me to clap the chalk erasers out after class.

That is an amazing euphemism and it explains why they still call you.

[Chef Jim]

Yes tons. It was The Culinary Institute in Hyde Park. Classes were small so we were all very close. I still communicate with many via FB and celebrated 40 years as a couple this January and 39 as a married couple this May with one of them. ❤️

Edited March 22, 2022 by Chef Jim

[Augie]

1 hour ago, Another Fan said:

I'm gonna guess the answer is probably no but I'll ask the question anyway.

 

 

For me I did not.  A combination of commuting to college, large University, immaturity, social anxiety, and course load.

 

 

But maybe I'll be surprised what stories people come up with here.  

 

Not living in the dorms is key, in my mind. Learning to live with other people and get along may just be more important than anything that happens in a classroom. College is about learning how to grow up first, learning a trade second. 

 

My wife went away to school her first year. Piano performance major at a stuffy school.  HATED it, came back to school in her home town. Her parents wouldn’t pay for the dorms since it was home town. She got a job at a jewelry store to pay for the dorms. Life can be what you make it. She’s done nothing but rise ever since. 

 

EDIT: I’m on a text thread with about 8 other college buddies that I hear from almost daily, and another who was the best man in my wedding.  I didn’t LOVE college like some people did, but I can’t complain. 

 

 

 

.

Edited March 22, 2022 by Augie

[Chef Jim]

5 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

Not living in the dorms is key, in my mind. Learning to live with other people and get along may just be more important than anything that happens in a classroom. College is about learning how to grow up first, learning a trade second. 

 

Knowing which guys in your dorm had scales to weigh the weed you were selling is also important.  If I heard “hmmm kinda light” one more time…..😡

[Augie]

17 hours ago, Chef Jim said:

Knowing which guys in your dorm had scales to weigh the weed you were selling is also important.  If I heard “hmmm kinda light” one more time…..😡

Live by the “you split, I pick method”. 

Edited March 22, 2022 by Augie

[Punching Bag]

Went to University of Buffalo and met friends some of which I sustained post college; one of them heard where I was moving to and looked me up.

This included some friends who I met at work at North Buffalo Food Cooperative short distance from UB Main Street Campus.

My major and living arrangements changed a number of times so that resulted in changes in social groups.

Unfortunately that was a long time ago and not in touch with any of them.  Still in touch with some from high school / neighborhood.

[thenorthremembers]

Commuted, wore headphones on my way to and from class.  The only friend I have that went to college with me, was my friend before college.

 

I was there to get a degree and had no interest in meeting new people.

[ExiledInIllinois]

Since we are talkin' Canadian:

 

I haven't made friends since GRADE 2.

 

😏...

[BillsPride12]

I went to the University of Buffalo but also commuted. I made some friends that I hung out with back then but they weren't friendships that lasted the test of time.  It's definitely a different ball game when you are living on campus for establishing lifelong connections and friendships.

[Another Fan]

20 minutes ago, BillsPride12 said:

I went to the University of Buffalo but also commuted. I made some friends that I hung out with back then but they weren't friendships that lasted the test of time.  It's definitely a different ball game when you are living on campus for establishing lifelong connections and friendships.

Commuted to Rutgers locally.  I have never particularly had school pride and still don't.

 

The year I finished was the year they made their first bowl game in football.  They were always pretty bad.  

 

But even now I still never got into them.  All I do is get aggravated about how they use taxpayer money.  

 

https://www.northjersey.com/story/news/2021/09/10/how-rutgers-athletics-debt-uncovered-north-jersey/8259666002/

[BuffaloBill]

10 hours ago, That's No Moon said:

I met a lot of people but I really only speak to 3 of them anymore.  Not including my wife. I talk to her a lot. Got her at school too.

 

 

Your wife would appreciate it if you would stop talking to her … at least that is what she has said to us …  

[LeviF]

Made lots of friends in college, didn't talk to most of them after moving away. My randomly assigned freshman year roommate was the best man at my wedding a few years ago though, and I was the best man at his about a year before that. 

 

Don't have social media so that certainly played a part. I'm also admittedly neither very sentimental nor good at staying in touch with people, reaching out, etc.

 

I am in a fantasy football league with another friend from college who now lives in Houston, so we chat about football sometime in August leading up to that draft. 

[Marv's Neighbor]

No "lasting: friends.  Went to school full time & mostly worked full time, so not a lot of down time.   Maybe missed out on a lot, but when i see/hear about kids graduating with monster loan debt, maybe it worked out?

[WhoTom]

I have a handful of friends from my undergrad years who I stay in touch with, but nobody from grad school. I lived on campus for my master's, but between a full load of classes and a teaching assistantship, I didn't have much time for a social life. For my doctorate, I had a full-time job and commuted to classes (an hour away), so again, no campus social life.

 

 

[DCOrange]

My first semester was pretty brutal. Got a scholarship to Syracuse, which was my dream school growing up and thought it would be amazing. Ended up getting assigned an international roommate who had been on campus for like a month before I got there. By the time I arrived he had his circle of friends already and I basically didn’t see him and just really struggled to make friends by myself.

 

Finally became friends with my neighbor at the end of that semester and he basically got my social life going. He was one of those guys that could hit it off with anybody and as an introvert, I needed someone like that to kinda pull me out of my comfort zone. By the end of my freshmen year I had a handful of friends and it all kinda blossomed from there.

 

Ended up meeting my wife the next year when she bought me in a fundraiser auction and I still meet up with a group of like 12 guys from college each year to do a fantasy draft and hang out for a weekend. 

[That's No Moon]

1 hour ago, BuffaloBill said:

 

 

Your wife would appreciate it if you would stop talking to her … at least that is what she has said to us …  

I'm sure she would. Contract law is a B word.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Nah, I made lots of friends right away.  Also crushed tons of pusss.  College was the best 7 years of my life.

 

To the OP, did you ever actually try to hang out on campus other than during the day?  I knew commuters who never hung out at night or on the weekends.  Also knew people who lived on campus and went home every weekend.  I never understood that…

[Another Fan]

26 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Nah, I made lots of friends right away.  Also crushed tons of pusss.  College was the best 7 years of my life.

 

To the OP, did you ever actually try to hang out on campus other than during the day?  I knew commuters who never hung out at night or on the weekends.  Also knew people who lived on campus and went home every weekend.  I never understood that…

I tried initially but the work/school load  crushed me.  As I said immaturity was involved as I’d have probably been better off at community college or working a year or two first.  

 

Is what it is.  I can’t change the past.  
 

But hey I thought maybe it might be more common than I thought 

[BuffaloBud]

I would have to say that would be the case for me.  At least for me, RIT was not the most "friendship building" university.  Also, I lived in apartment with 2 photo and 1 graphic art majors for 2 years.  I was in engineering.  Last year I lived off campus - rented a room.

15 minutes ago, Another Fan said:

I tried initially but the work/school load  crushed me.  As I said immaturity was involved as I’d have probably been better off at community college or working a year or two first.  

 

Is what it is.  I can’t change the past.  
 

But hey I thought maybe it might be more common than I thought 

Your JUCO comment is spot on here.  I wish I had taken that route intitially.  After the first year at RIT, I regrouped at ECC and then went back.  WORLD of difference.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

3 hours ago, Another Fan said:

I tried initially but the work/school load  crushed me.  As I said immaturity was involved as I’d have probably been better off at community college or working a year or two first.  

 

Is what it is.  I can’t change the past.  
 

But hey I thought maybe it might be more common than I thought 

I think it is more common than you think.  I played a college sport which helped a lot.  I had 35 friends before I even stepped on campus.  Girls came to our parties and wanted to be around us.  

 

I wasn’t the most outgoing or “coolest” kid in HS, but I played sports and I was kind to others, so I had a lot of friends of all different types.  I consider myself to be an extroverted introvert.  I can “work the room” and feel comfortable in any social setting, but I’d much prefer to be my myself most of the time.

[Just Jack]

I had friends in college, but once college was done, I haven't really talked to any.  There's a few I'm FB friends with but not in a "talk/text every day" type of friendship.  

 

Now my wife, she has a core group, about 20 or so, HS, college, and post college work friends that will talk/text, etc every day.  

[Bob in Mich]

20 hours ago, Another Fan said:

I'm gonna guess the answer is probably no but I'll ask the question anyway.

 

 

For me I did not.  A combination of commuting to college, large University, immaturity, social anxiety, and course load.

 

 

But maybe I'll be surprised what stories people come up with here.  

 

Interesting question.  I commuted from the Southtowns to UB in the later 70’s.  There were about a half dozen folks I car pooled with over the time, most were high school acquaintances - to start.

 

The commute and the multiple poolers and the distance meant, outside of classes, I didn’t hang out at school.  One arranged commuting partners with folks that had a similar time schedule for any given day.  Outside of the occasional beer event, we headed home after last class.

 

Truth be told, today I know no one from the dorms at UB.  On the other hand, most of my friends today were folks that I commuted with over the years back in the day.  

[Punching Bag]

1 hour ago, Bob in Mich said:

 

Interesting question.  I commuted from the Southtowns to UB in the later 70’s.  There were about a half dozen folks I car pooled with over the time, most were high school acquaintances - to start.

 

The commute and the multiple poolers and the distance meant, outside of classes, I didn’t hang out at school.  One arranged commuting partners with folks that had a similar time schedule for any given day.  Outside of the occasional beer event, we headed home after last class.

 

Truth be told, today I know no one from the dorms at UB.  On the other hand, most of my friends today were folks that I commuted with over the years back in the day.  

 

UB had a policy of only allowing people from outside of area being able to stay in dorms as freshmen for a long period because they had more requests for housing than they had spaces.   When I applied for dorms I was told no but I provided medical documentation that I could not drive and the result was a 2 hour daily commute by bus.  I got dorm limitation waived.  The dorm / no-dorm was a big impact on socialization & activities at college.  I did work for student government and other school organizations and almost all of the active students were from outside of area.  

[Augie]

1 hour ago, Bob in Mich said:

 

Interesting question.  I commuted from the Southtowns to UB in the later 70’s.  There were about a half dozen folks I car pooled with over the time, most were high school acquaintances - to start.

 

The commute and the multiple poolers and the distance meant, outside of classes, I didn’t hang out at school.  One arranged commuting partners with folks that had a similar time schedule for any given day.  Outside of the occasional beer event, we headed home after last class.

 

Truth be told, today I know no one from the dorms at UB.  On the other hand, most of my friends today were folks that I commuted with over the years back in the day.  

 

I went to St Joes on Kenmore Ave (near UB) but lived out in Williamsville and East Amherst. It was 3 hours a day round trip on the bus. I eventually got a car, but it was still 45 minutes each way driving direct. I had my friends where I lived, and they all went to school together. I had friends I went to school with, but I never really saw them outside of school until a little bit in our senior year. I wasn’t fully a part of either group. It was a bit odd, I admit. 

 

1 hour ago, Just Jack said:

I had friends in college, but once college was done, I haven't really talked to any.  There's a few I'm FB friends with but not in a "talk/text every day" type of friendship.  

 

Now my wife, she has a core group, about 20 or so, HS, college, and post college work friends that will talk/text, etc every day.  

 

My wife helped start a sorority while in college. She has a group text thread with her college buddies, and once a year all ages who were part of the sorority will rent a bunch of beach houses and gather. They all mix together, but mostly the “adults” tend to stick together. 

 

As mentioned earlier, I have a text thread with a bunch of college buddies. Half of them….I couldn’t tell you a thing about them. Some I just have numbers, and don’t even know their names. It’s a crossover deal, where I was friends with a couple, and casually knew a couple more with no idea who the others were.

 

My junior year I lived in the only off campus housing between school and the only bar you could walk to. It was known as Stan & Stu’s, a couple of my housemates. There were 12 of us in this three story former tri-plex. On any given “night” (NOT just weekends - it could be a random Tuesday morning in February) one of us would be closing the bar at 2:30 am and people would buy 12 packs then march to Stan & Stu’s. I was often asked “are you going to Stan & Stu’s tonight?”. It was even funnier when they asked the same question of Stan or Stu! It was a generic name for the “after party”, even if you didn’t know who Stan or Stu were.  It was like public property! 

 

We had some crazy parties there (probably the best was 1980 Olympic hockey which we rented giant TV’s for), but a lot of people recognized us as they would crash our house one or two nights a week, but I had no idea where they even lived or even what their names were. You know the characters in Animal House, the people at the keg party are anonymous guests not listed in the credits. This might explain a few things about me…… 🤷‍♂️

[DrW]

Interesting topic. For me, college was actually the time where it was easiest for me to make friends; usually, I am not very social. Of course, the circumstances in Germany where I grew up are different from the US. It is assumed that when you have finished high school (which, due to differences in the school system, applies to about 30-40% of all kids), you know enough about all general subjects. Thus, e.g. when you study biochemistry (as I did), you have classes in biology (botany, zoology), math, physics, and (mostly) chemistry and biochemistry, but not in languages, history, or ballroom dancing. All of the chemistry, biochemistry, and physics classes had labs, where you have more contact with your classmates. All together, with about 10 biochemistry and 40 chemistry majors in my class, this means that you are permanently around the same group of people. Thus, forming social bonds was nearly automatic.

 

One other relevant difference between the US and Germany is the drinking age. In Germany, when you start college/university at 18, you are allowed to drink alcohol in public. Thus, when you finish your zoology lab at 6 pm after having dissected a frog, and some classmates ask you to join them for a beer in a close-by pub, the answer is easy.  

 

Edited March 23, 2022 by DrW

[muppy]

well I made friends while in college it was a very fun time. True story. My first apartment with college roommates (4 of us) 3 bedroom place. Our rent including utilities but not phone.....$52.00 a month Each. LOL ....we had some great times in that place. I regret we lost touch and no contact in years.

[BringMetheHeadofLeonLett]

I can still remember the nerves on the first day moving into the dorms...

 

the rest is a blur

 

(well, some of it).  

 

I loved so many of the peoples I went to school with.  Still have an eternal bond with some.  
 

After a bit of settling in with the new roomies, I remember some cheerleaders (one I may still have a crush on) came to our room and said to keep our doors open (literally and figuratively).  It was absolutely the correct advice.

[frogger]

On 3/21/2022 at 10:15 PM, The Jokeman said:

I graduated 22 years ago and only FB friends with one person from college.

Same here, school was incredibly competitive in my field of choice.  I had friends, but I was also dating my first wife.  Needless to say, we never really hung out after graduation..I never hear from them at all.  They all went on to much better places. I burned out, married the girl, moved to a place my degree could have been a liberal arts degree…6 years after that I divorced the first wife, she was my last attachment to the school all together.

I honestly didn’t care too much for those friends and looking back 23 years ago, I didn’t like me as a person.  Oddly, I’m still friends with high school friends, but I feel I was more of myself then.

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

On 3/22/2022 at 7:27 AM, Another Fan said:

Commuted to Rutgers locally.  I have never particularly had school pride and still don't.

 

The year I finished was the year they made their first bowl game in football.  They were always pretty bad.  

 

But even now I still never got into them.  All I do is get aggravated about how they use taxpayer money.  

 

https://www.northjersey.com/story/news/2021/09/10/how-rutgers-athletics-debt-uncovered-north-jersey/8259666002/

i have a buddy who went to Rutgers and had the same experience as you. I think it must be the school. I have heard is it ridiculously huge.

 

Also, I bet commuting didn’t help. At the school I went to, the commuters really had a strange and detached experience.

 

I went to a small liberal arts school (about 2000 kids), and lived on campus. Really loved it. Two of my closest friends  and my wife are all people I met in college. But otherwise, I don’t keep in touch with a lot of people from there anymore. 

[Nextmanup]

On 3/21/2022 at 10:27 PM, SlimShady'sSpaceForce said:

You must be Canadian Or a Brit 

 

University. 😆 

 

 

It's not just "university"...it's "University" with no article before it.

 

Americans:  "I went to a university" or "I went to the university".

 

British Commonwealth folk:  "I went to university".

 

You hear this with other things too in Canada...."We're going to Skydome to see the game."

 

"We went to hospital after the car crash."

 

It's Brit-speak....which makes it proper English.

We Americans are the bastard children speaking the weird off-shoot of the language....and Aussies, and South Africans, and New Zealanders, and Canadians, and....

 

 

On 3/22/2022 at 12:15 PM, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Nah, I made lots of friends right away.  Also crushed tons of pusss.  College was the best 7 years of my life.

 

To the OP, did you ever actually try to hang out on campus other than during the day?  I knew commuters who never hung out at night or on the weekends.  Also knew people who lived on campus and went home every weekend.  I never understood that…

It depends on what sort of experience you had or were looking for IMO.

 

I was a commuter and really regret my approach to college.  The upside is that I was all business about it and got top marks, which helped me get into law school and formed the foundation of my professional life and life in general.

 

If I had been living on campus I would have been chasing girls 24/7 and been totally distracted---my grades would most definitely not been as good and who knows how things would have turned out.

 

I would tell young kids now (including my nephews who are going through this right now) to strongly consider going away and truly immersing in the college experience that I didn't have.  I think that's still the right way to do it.

 

Well, you live and you learn.

 

Anyway, you can't change history and at age 18 I was still quite immature and in no way prepared to move away from home and live on my own, immerse in the social aspects of college, and be a top student.

 

I suppose the circumstances are different for each individual.

 

 

 

 

[Big Turk]

I lived in the dorms and it was the most fun I have ever had in my life...anyone who didn't have that type of experience really missed out, IMHO.  

 

I still have at least 8-10 friends I talk with off and on and will go visit every now and again, going back 25 years

[Guffalo]

I went to Niagara University after going to St Joes. Both my parents went to Niagara as commuters, and strongly suggested I stay in the dorms. Some of the best advice I ever got.  I made plenty of friends, some of which I still have contact with to this day. My wife also went there and she still talks (and talks, and talks, and talks) to me every day. I can still pick up the phone and call 5-10 different people we went to school with and pick up right where we left off.

 

As for high school friends, since I moved away after Niagara, I never kept in touch, and never went to any reunions. For the Niagara ones, I am planning on the 40th this June and am looking forward to it.

[HereComesTheReignAgain]

I went to Oswego State in the mid 90s when it was still a lot of fun and a huge bar/house party town.  I made some of the best friends I've ever had and still see many of them several times a year.  We get together for camping trips and sometimes just meet up with the guys that live around me now.  I pledged a fraternity and that is where I met the majority of my close friends.  Fraternities in Oswego were not at all fancy and were more about cheap house parties, sorority mixers, and a group of friends to hang out with.  I know many people look at fraternities as "buying friends", but that was not the case in a small school like Oswego.  Hell, half the guys never paid the dues anyway! 

[teef]

2 hours ago, HereComesTheReignAgain said:

I went to Oswego State in the mid 90s when it was still a lot of fun and a huge bar/house party town.  I made some of the best friends I've ever had and still see many of them several times a year.  We get together for camping trips and sometimes just meet up with the guys that live around me now.  I pledged a fraternity and that is where I met the majority of my close friends.  Fraternities in Oswego were not at all fancy and were more about cheap house parties, sorority mixers, and a group of friends to hang out with.  I know many people look at fraternities as "buying friends", but that was not the case in a small school like Oswego.  Hell, half the guys never paid the dues anyway! 

sig tau?

[HereComesTheReignAgain]

24 minutes ago, teef said:

sig tau?

When I pledged, it was ZBT.  We had to change nationals due to some issues with ZBT though and became SAE.  I did go to a lot of parties at the Sig Tau house though.