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Britain Sucks and I Am Never, Ever, Ever Going There Again

The Frankish Reich

By The Frankish Reich
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The Frankish Reich All Pro

The Frankish Reich

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This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

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Freak-O RFA

Freak-O

Posted
Posted

1. At least the entire country has the same time. 
 

2. NFL owners, NBA owners etc. 

 

3. Shutting out the rest of the world is something Americans excel at, much more than the Brits. 
 

4. Music is subjective. They have a lot of great artists. Not much Country music though. 
 

5. McDonalds, Pizza Hut etc. The US isn’t really known for their food either. 

😄

 

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BBFL Veteran

BBFL

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, Since1981 said:

Put the pint down. What are you smoking ?

 

Brits do need one thing badly. Dentists

 

Who needs a dentist?!?

Football aside, we Brits are like Bills fans after this game and the events that unfolded… Nothing to smile about. 

Edited by BBFL
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mjd1001 RFA

mjd1001

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Posted
33 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

 

I visit there once. It wasn't for me so I agree with a lot of what you said.

Some people love it, to each their own I guess, I just don't get it.

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stevestojan Hall of Famer

stevestojan

Posted
Posted

I asked ChatGPT to summarize to less than 40 words:

 

 

The author critiques England, citing outdated practices like Greenwich Mean Time, turf quality in the Premier League, the Brexit decision, their music scene, and traditional cuisine. The author wishes the Bills never return to England.

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The Frankish Reich All Pro

The Frankish Reich

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Posted
1 minute ago, MJS said:

Wow. Throwing an entire country under the bus. Bold.

I'm just gonna say that some of this is proving my point - our British posters here seem to get sarcasm. (Or maybe it's satire. I always mix those up)  Our Yankee posters, not so much 😀

10 minutes ago, zow2 said:

Lol.  You had that written up just in case of a Loss, all ready to click Submit. 

I swear it all flowed out of me like Niagara as soon as I learned that they actually do roll out an inferior fake turf surface for non-soccer events ....

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BillsFanNC Hall of Famer

BillsFanNC

Posted
Posted

I went to this game against my best instincts, given that the Bills have consistently ***** the bed against the Jags when I am in attendance. My best instincts were correct unfortunately. 

 

I cut my losses when it became readily apparent that the movie I've seen before was again coming to fruition.

 

Oh well. I beat the crowd to the tube and am now enjoying a nice dinner on the Thames.

 

The Bills will always be the Bills until they aren't anymore.

 

Carry on.

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klos63 Veteran

klos63

Posted
Posted
52 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

They're probably happy to see a bunch of loud, obnoxious , overweight people from buffalo go home too.

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Fallser Veteran

Fallser

Posted
Posted
55 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

So, did you have a good time?

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CodeMonkey All Pro

CodeMonkey

Posted
Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Big Turk said:

Why would they be on Eastern Standard time when they are further away than California that is 3 hours behind?

 

At minimum they should be 3 hours ahead of NYC.

No reason to dampen a quality rant with logic  😂

58 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

You forgot warm beer.

Edited by CodeMonkey
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SoMAn RFA

SoMAn

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

Until now, this day has been sort of lousy. This may be my favorite all-time post. I mean that sincerely. I don’t necessarily agree with everything, but the passion and tone is Diggsian.
Thank you. 

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