John from Riverside Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) Yes its me Just turned 48 2 days ago so im no spring chicken OK so I am going through a divorce.....I mean it really is over we dont talk and havent for what seems like years all that is left is the paperwork to be finalized....I wont get into the details of that except to say I hung on for too long and ended up being married for over 20 years to a woman that didnt love me for several of them. So here I sit.....2 kids are now of age (daughter has 2 kids so I am a grandfather...I help them a LOT and we live in the same house) Did the on line dating thing for like a month (let me say....I am so friggen out of touch with this crap it feels so awkward) the first person I talked to wanted to have this chat sex thing and I just couldnt do it....felt so wierd and made me feel even older. So I ended up meeting someone on line......nothing kinky just talk and getting to know one another....after a few days she wanted to talk on the phone......still feels ok.....now I ask her if she would like to meet for coffee on my lunch......and that is happening FRIDAY The woman is close to my age (slightly younger) and a professional women......by that i mean she is a Dr. A surgeon at the hospital in the town where I work (I am a student advisor at a university) while we both have "professional" jobs I have no doubt our pay scales are not even close to similar but this person doest bring up how much money we make.....doenst even mention it. So ok....my first date in over 20 years (I was totally faithful to my wife) Why do I feel so guilty? Im actually scared as much as I hate to say it. (told my kids and they are thrilled...they wanted to know what took me so long) Thoughts? No im not posting picks.... Edited July 27, 2017 by John from Hemet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Jackson Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 That's great John!! You seem like a good dude with a positive outlook on life. Just make casual conversation and take it slow. Get to know her and see if it feels like someone that you want to be around more. Be confident, women hate a puss, and courteous. Hold the doors, say please and thank you but don't come across like you are trying too hard. Make it natural. They are sharks. The confidence will come out and so will weakness. Have a great time and let us know how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4merper4mer Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Careful to not almost get chopped into tiny little bits like Joe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John from Riverside Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 That's great John!! You seem like a good dude with a positive outlook on life. Just make casual conversation and take it slow. Get to know her and see if it feels like someone that you want to be around more. Be confident, women hate a puss, and courteous. Hold the doors, say please and thank you but don't come across like you are trying too hard. Make it natural. They are sharks. The confidence will come out and so will weakness. Have a great time and let us know how it goes. Thanks Kirby Small talk wont be hard because she works in the medical field and I advise students in the Biomedical Sciences graduate program......its when we get past that. We come from different backgrouns - Her....classy....high reputation......however I get the real sense from her that when she leaves her work she wants to leave her "dr's coat" behind and just be a woman - Me.....old military war horse.....after 10 years of military worked my way up from a part time clerk at a University to a top level advising position (without the degree's to back it up but work with highly educated people all day long) So we are similar....but not really similar you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Jackson Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Thanks Kirby Small talk wont be hard because she works in the medical field and I advise students in the Biomedical Sciences graduate program......its when we get past that. We come from different backgrouns - Her....classy....high reputation......however I get the real sense from her that when she leaves her work she wants to leave her "dr's coat" behind and just be a woman - Me.....old military war horse.....after 10 years of military worked my way up from a part time clerk at a University to a top level advising position (without the degree's to back it up but work with highly educated people all day long) So we are similar....but not really similar you know? I get what you are saying. It really isn't all that different. Don't be insecure about it. Find some common ground and just make conversation. People are just looking for someone that they enjoy being around and a good time. You seem to have a good approach to life. People like being around that. You'll bond over food, or wine, or maybe even the Bills. It must be scary but you'll do well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Single women in their late 40s are long past the stage of needing a guy who makes a lot of money. She has her own money so your bank account is far down on her list of priorities, so don't sweat who earns more or has a fancier job title. Your job on a first date is to get to know the person enough to judge if you want a second date. That's it. Don't get wrapped up in 'could this be long term' or 'will I get laid' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I agree with everything Kirby is saying. But one thing Kirby forgot to do is ask, very nicely, if you'll reconsider posting a pic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Jackson Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I agree with everything Kirby is saying. But one thing Kirby forgot to do is ask, very nicely, if you'll reconsider posting a pic.Also if she does make a lot of money you might want to consider stopping your birth control. Don't tell her though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOKIE Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) Are you picking her up? If so, after you reach the restaurant and open the car door for her, (hopefully youve achieved at least a minimal bond by this point), try gently but confidently taking her hand and hold it for the walk to the restaurant door. She may be nervous too, and that simple touch will relieve a lot of anxiety for the both of you. It works for me. Edited July 27, 2017 by BUFFALOKIE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John from Riverside Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 Are you picking her up? If so, after you reach the restaurant and open the car door for her, (hopefully youve achieved at least a minimal bond by this point), try gently but confidently taking her hand and hold it for the walk to the restaurant door. She may be nervous too, and that simple touch will relieve a lot of anxiety for the both of you. It works for me. We are meeting there......god this just keeps getting better. I now drive a leaf and she drives an escalade or something (watch her show up in one of those trucks with the huge wheels that cost a mint and totally demasculate me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 We are meeting there......god this just keeps getting better. I now drive a leaf and she drives an escalade or something (watch her show up in one of those trucks with the huge wheels that cost a mint and totally demasculate me... "Demasculate?" Huh? You have nothing to fear, if she DE- emasculates you, that means she will make you more of a macho man! ;-) Hmmmm... But we still have to do something about that Nissan Leaf. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sig1Hunter Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Hmmmm... But we still have to do something about that Nissan Leaf. ;-) I found something I can agree with you on, EII! Good luck, John. I echo Kirby's sentiments. Be yourself. If that's not good enough, it's not worth any more time wasted. Hey, you got nothing to lose and everything to gain! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeGOATski Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Why date again? Serious question and I'm curious to know how others here think. You've already been through married life and parenthood. What's the point of a girlfriend or second wife? Wouldn't you much rather forget all that drama? Sure, have a short fling here and there for the fun of it. My father-in-law is in the same situation and playing the same dating game. I don't get the point. Online dating makes it so easy now to just hook up now and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sig1Hunter Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Companionship? Humans were made / wired for relationship. Obviously, that varies from person to person, but I tend to think that is the primary motivator for a lot of people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maury Ballstein Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Don't forget to kiss her and pinch her butt. If you don't do these 2 things you will get friend zoned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Franklin Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Why date again? Serious question and I'm curious to know how others here think. You've already been through married life and parenthood. What's the point of a girlfriend or second wife? Wouldn't you much rather forget all that drama? Sure, have a short fling here and there for the fun of it. My father-in-law is in the same situation and playing the same dating game. I don't get the point. Online dating makes it so easy now to just hook up now and then. Behind the fantasy you lay out is a sad lonely reality. That's why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimShady'sSpaceForce Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Yes its me Just turned 48 2 days ago so im no spring chicken OK so I am going through a divorce.....I mean it really is over we dont talk and havent for what seems like years all that is left is the paperwork to be finalized....I wont get into the details of that except to say I hung on for too long and ended up being married for over 20 years to a woman that didnt love me for several of them. So here I sit.....2 kids are now of age (daughter has 2 kids so I am a grandfather...I help them a LOT and we live in the same house) Did the on line dating thing for like a month (let me say....I am so friggen out of touch with this crap it feels so awkward) the first person I talked to wanted to have this chat sex thing and I just couldnt do it....felt so wierd and made me feel even older. So I ended up meeting someone on line......nothing kinky just talk and getting to know one another....after a few days she wanted to talk on the phone......still feels ok.....now I ask her if she would like to meet for coffee on my lunch......and that is happening FRIDAY The woman is close to my age (slightly younger) and a professional women......by that i mean she is a Dr. A surgeon at the hospital in the town where I work (I am a student advisor at a university) while we both have "professional" jobs I have no doubt our pay scales are not even close to similar but this person doest bring up how much money we make.....doenst even mention it. So ok....my first date in over 20 years (I was totally faithful to my wife) Why do I feel so guilty? Im actually scared as much as I hate to say it. (told my kids and they are thrilled...they wanted to know what took me so long) Thoughts? No im not posting picks.... Dude! No pic's no free advice. Guilty or scared? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Be yourself. Have fun. What happens happens. See if she will come to the opener tailgate party. Let us know how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aristocrat Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 What's her opinion on tyrod? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I'm sure it's scary but you'll be better off. You can be choosy as hell right now. Just enjoy talking to new women and whoever doesn't give you that tingle...just move on. It's better to just enjoy and don't think about committing right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) 1) tinder 2) bumble 3) I'll post pics if you post pics 4) I only go after educated women. This is the polite way of saying earners. Recent one was on the board of a hospital at 31 years old until she just moved. Edited July 27, 2017 by Boyst62 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Confidence is key. Trust me. Nothing turns a woman off more quickly than a guy who isn't sure of himself and comfortable in his own skin. And by the way, confident doesn't mean cocky. Chivalry also isn't dead. Pull out her chair, open the door, let her order first...you know, all of the gentlemanly stuff. I'm sure you'll do fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 You have to tell us - big breast or small. You can PM me that information so no one else has to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teef Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 this is your time to be gross john. have some fun. your first date should end with the stink finger olympics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob's House Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 The worst thing you can do is be the nice harmless guy. Be assertive and decisive. As far as the money thing goes, tell her you'll bring home the turkey if she brings home the bacon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeGOATski Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Behind the fantasy you lay out is a sad lonely reality. That's why. It's not a fantasy at all, but I understand it scares some people. Why, I don't know. Especially for those who already have a family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aristocrat Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Don't marry the first girl you date. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeGOATski Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Don't marry the first girl you date. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Don't do it at all. He's already been married! Am I the only sane one here?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Don't do it at all. He's already been married! Am I the only sane one here?! I am with ya brother...but also with John. Each is own, no right way to be happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aristocrat Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Don't marry the first girl you date. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Don't do it at all. He's already been married! Am I the only sane one here?! Oh I agree. My gf and I have a son and trying for the second. No talk of marriage. It's funny cause people ask here and there why we aren't and they have no response when i ask them if the rings guarantee they will be together forever? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBud Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Hey - try it at 56!! Going through the same thing. All I can offer you is to relax, be yourself, and enjoy the company. Nothing more, nothing less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I am with ya brother...but also with John. Each is own, no right way to be happy so youre the woman hes talking aboht? I mean with him... we must assume biblically Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Good for you John keep us posted! Wow a surgeon? GOOD FOR YOU! CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 i stand by my oft stated opinion that you need to be comfortable being single before you can be successful in dating. I may go overboard with that opinion, but it works for me. If you are looking just for physical 'relationships' have at it all you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 i stand by my oft stated opinion that you need to be comfortable being single before you can be successful in dating. I may go overboard with that opinion, but it works for me. If you are looking just for physical 'relationships' have at it all you want. I waited two years after splitting, and i'm glad i did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Just from your posts here...you are a good man and a great father. Don't be uptight or nervous. First dates are actually great because there's so much to talk about...her life, your life..family..interests...what you do for fun.....if you ending up laughing and smiling a lot its usually a good sign. BTW, get football out of the way early. If she happens to be a Pats fan...politely say-- "ma'am I am so sorry but I think my house is on fire..I will call you in a few weeks" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Things Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 On a side note... I also turned 48 a couple days ago (on the 24th). Happy belated birthday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebandit27 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 You'll do fine John, so just relax. As for advice, you've gotten plenty of good stuff here. I'll toss in my 1 cent... In my experience, no one single thing endears a man to others as much as the ability to listen. I've learned that connecting with others--especially women--is a matter of asking questions that I sincerely want to know the answer to, and then actively listening. Most of all though, have fun. You're getting a brand new start and I hope you enjoy making the most of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
\GoBillsInDallas/ Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 http://nypost.com/2017/07/26/talking-and-singing-sex-robot-deemed-a-game-changer/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Look at it this way - worst case scenario you get to have a meal with someone who wanted to have a meal with you and some pleasant conversation. That by itself is worth getting out of the house for, even if it doesn't go anywhere else. It's no big deal, so have fun and be sure to report back with pics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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