The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) Let me describe the white trash wedding I get to attend this weekend. I have to drive 90 minutes to my hotel after work tonight. That's still 30 minutes away, but the town the wedding is in has literally zero hotels. For those who know Houston, I'm driving from Clear Lake to Livingston, and going to the wedding in Onalaska. Groom is wearing a cowboy hat, jeans, boots, and lime green button up. There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. One of the groomsmen, who is the groom's cousin, had to drop out because he got into a fistfight with the groom, 10 days after Thanksgiving, about the amount of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. Edited January 11, 2019 by The Real Buffalo Joe 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo716 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 1 minute ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said: Let me describe the white trash wedding I get to attend this weekend. I have to drive 90 minutes to my hotel after work tonight. That's still 30 minutes away, but the town the wedding is in has literally zero hotels. For those who know Houston, I'm driving from Clear Lake to Livingston, and going to the wedding in Onalaska. Groom is wearing a cowboy hat, jeans, boots, and lime green button up. There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. One of the groomsmen, who is the groom's cousin, had to drop out because he got into a fistfight with the groom, 10 days after Thanksgiving, about the amount of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. Just found out the person that was supposed to DJ lost their aux cord, so there will be no music at this thing. Somebody get that effing DJ an aux cord, Stat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 Just now, Buffalo716 said: Somebody get that effing DJ an aux cord, Stat! Apparently he just decided to opt out completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo716 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Just now, The Real Buffalo Joe said: Apparently he just decided to opt out completely. Im sure somebody in the redneck town can play a mean washboard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ridgewaycynic2013 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) Actually, some fiddle music might be nice. * * Oh, it wasn’t only the wedding... Edited January 11, 2019 by Ridgewaycynic2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) Is the bride in her second or third trimester? Any shotguns involved? Edited January 11, 2019 by WhoTom 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coloradobillsfan Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I get really defensive about mashed potatoes too.. not sure I'd go to war over it but maybe.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 I got dragged to the bachlor/bachlorette party last week. It was a combined thing because apparently these two lovebirds don't trust each other enough to have a night out with the guys/girls. The groom's recently paroled, sorry, just probation because he was only in county and it was for less than 60 days, mulleted brother, ordered chicken fingers instead of steak at Texas Roadhouse. When the groom and all of his friends started teasing him for ordering chicken tenders at a steakhouse, again, a fistfight almost ensued. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv's Neighbor Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I was stuck living in that sh*thole 82-86. Seems as though nothing much has changed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaoulDuke79 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 4 hours ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said: Let me describe the white trash wedding I get to attend this weekend. I have to drive 90 minutes to my hotel after work tonight. That's still 30 minutes away, but the town the wedding is in has literally zero hotels. For those who know Houston, I'm driving from Clear Lake to Livingston, and going to the wedding in Onalaska. Groom is wearing a cowboy hat, jeans, boots, and lime green button up. There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. One of the groomsmen, who is the groom's cousin, had to drop out because he got into a fistfight with the groom, 10 days after Thanksgiving, about the amount of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. Does his tux include an ankle bracelet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsfanmiami(oh) Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 So you win? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Pics please. Of the bride ? ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augie Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I might have rather gone to Popeyes and endured all that resulted. @plenzmd1 know how that turned out. But if it got me out of THAT wedding? And you know these people how, exactly? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarleyNY Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 This is fantastic. Please update with all possible details. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augie Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 5 minutes ago, BarleyNY said: This is fantastic. Please update with all possible details. Thank you. Updates? Details? I want PHOTOS!!!! ? Video is preferred, but I hate to be greedy. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SinceThe70s Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 5 hours ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said: Let me describe the white trash wedding I get to attend this weekend. I have to drive 90 minutes to my hotel after work tonight. That's still 30 minutes away, but the town the wedding is in has literally zero hotels. For those who know Houston, I'm driving from Clear Lake to Livingston, and going to the wedding in Onalaska. Groom is wearing a cowboy hat, jeans, boots, and lime green button up. There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. One of the groomsmen, who is the groom's cousin, had to drop out because he got into a fistfight with the groom, 10 days after Thanksgiving, about the amount of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. Why didn't you politely decline? Regardless, let us know if the beef/chicken/fish comes with a side of garlic mashed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gray Beard Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I assume you have a connection via the bride’s side of the event? I might go for the people watching and future storytelling, but I don’t think I would go in anticipation of actually enjoying myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cripple Creek Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 5 hours ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said: Let me describe the white trash wedding I get to attend this weekend. I have to drive 90 minutes to my hotel after work tonight. That's still 30 minutes away, but the town the wedding is in has literally zero hotels. For those who know Houston, I'm driving from Clear Lake to Livingston, and going to the wedding in Onalaska. Groom is wearing a cowboy hat, jeans, boots, and lime green button up. There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. One of the groomsmen, who is the groom's cousin, had to drop out because he got into a fistfight with the groom, 10 days after Thanksgiving, about the amount of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. Guess that makes you the pick of the litter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Two words...... Facebook Live Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 a dry wedding? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augie Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 15 minutes ago, Pete said: a dry wedding? I do not see an adequate emoji for that comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdutton Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 TTIWWOP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaoulDuke79 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 4 hours ago, Augie said: I do not see an adequate emoji for that comment. ?????? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misterbluesky Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 4 hours ago, Pete said: a dry wedding ? Muslim? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hapless Bills Fan Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 4 hours ago, Pete said: a dry wedding? Really common in the family I married into. Southern Baptist. Though this sounds ...different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koko78 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 On 1/11/2019 at 4:52 PM, coloradobillsfan said: I get really defensive about mashed potatoes too.. not sure I'd go to war over it but maybe.. Insufficient and/or inadequate mashed potatoes are indeed a fighting offense. The only thing worse than not enough mashed potatoes is bad mashed potatoes. #SpudsMatter 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 On 1/11/2019 at 3:20 PM, The Real Buffalo Joe said: There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. That's awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 19 hours ago, Pete said: a dry wedding? I went to one, but different circumstances. The wedding of a colleague's daughter, both sides of the family are uber-religious. It was a hot, humid summer day, outdoor ceremony and reception. I would have loved a beer - or even a Budweiser. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 19 hours ago, Pete said: a dry wedding? 19 hours ago, Augie said: I do not see an adequate emoji for that comment. I have a good chunk of relatives that live on The Eastern Shore ..or s a governor of Maryland once declared, the poop-house of the state. Bout 25 years ago, went to a cousins wedding in Salisbury MD. The reception was in the Delmarva convention center( made most VFW's look like a Ritz), my cousin had her pack of Marlboro reds tucked into her bra and clearly visable throughout the reception..and self-poured draft beer out of the keg was free...fountain soda was $.50 cent a plastic cup! Wife was so impressed with the family she was joining!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 2 hours ago, plenzmd1 said: I have a good chunk of relatives that live on The Eastern Shore ..or s a governor of Maryland once declared, the poop-house of the state. Bout 25 years ago, went to a cousins wedding in Salisbury MD. The reception was in the Delmarva convention center( made most VFW's look like a Ritz), my cousin had her pack of Marlboro reds tucked into her bra and clearly visable throughout the reception..and self-poured draft beer out of the keg was free...fountain soda was $.50 cent a plastic cup! Wife was so impressed with the family she was joining!! Too funny. Married into some real class. Salt of the earth! ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nextmanup Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 On 1/11/2019 at 3:20 PM, The Real Buffalo Joe said: Let me describe the white trash wedding I get to attend this weekend. I have to drive 90 minutes to my hotel after work tonight. That's still 30 minutes away, but the town the wedding is in has literally zero hotels. For those who know Houston, I'm driving from Clear Lake to Livingston, and going to the wedding in Onalaska. Groom is wearing a cowboy hat, jeans, boots, and lime green button up. There will be no alcohol served due to court orders on the Groom's behalf. One of the groomsmen, who is the groom's cousin, had to drop out because he got into a fistfight with the groom, 10 days after Thanksgiving, about the amount of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. One lives in Texas, and associates with Texans, at one's own peril. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Q-baby! Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Gotta love merica. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) When I walked into the venue, the first thing they had was a handmade sign that said "She was his Destyni, he was her saving Grace." Right then and there I knew it was gonna be awesome. The venue didn't have ice, and nobody thought about it. So the bride gave me her debit card, and told me to go to the gas station and told me to get "a ***** ton of ice." So I bought ten 20 lb bags of it. The Best man/Groom's brother had a literal mullet, belt buckle the size of a new iPhone, and one of those gigantic Band-Aid's on his face, from some cyst he had to have drained a few days ago. Since my wife was lucky enough to be the Maid of Honor, she got to walk down the aisle with him. His actual date was his girlfriend. She wore a skin tight camouflage dress, with matching stiletto boots. I wanted to take a picture, but I didn't even feel comfortable doing so, since I don't even think she was 18. The DJ I mentioned not having an aux cord, don't worry. He had a CD player. Not a double CD player where he could have the next song cued up. So the bridal party came down the Aisle to the Final Countdown. Then the Bride was supposed to come down to some pop country song. But the DJ played the wrong song, and it took almost two minutes of the wrong song playing for anybody to realize it. So we sat there awkwardly listening to some song, then another two minutes of silence, before the right song started playing. The DJ only brought the CDs specficially requested. So other than the stuff for the ceremony, the couple's first dance, and the mother/son, father/daughter dance, there was no music or dancing. Both the wedding cake, and grooms cake had pick up trucks on it. All the food was made by the family. Which would be fine. Mashed Potatoes, ribs, brisket, chicken, sausage. I love BBQ. The problem is, they didn't have any warming serving trays, so by the time we ate, the food tasted like it was taken straight out of the fridge. The bride was yelling at her husband during the picture taking, which impressed me. They hadn't been married 15 minutes, and already they were fighting. Also, as mentioned before, no alcohol was served. However, if it was, and I decided to take a drink every time I heard a lame joke along the lines of "There's still time to run" or "Is this a wedding or a funeral" etc, I would have died of alcohol poisoning before the wedding started. Edited January 14, 2019 by The Real Buffalo Joe 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turk71 Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 (edited) 18 hours ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said: When I walked into the venue, the first thing they had was a handmade sign that said "She was his Destyni, he was her saving Grace." Right then and there I knew it was gonna be awesome. The venue didn't have ice, and nobody thought about it. So the bride gave me her debit card, and told me to go to the gas station and told me to get "a ***** ton of ice." So I bought ten 20 lb bags of it. The Best man/Groom's brother had a literal mullet, belt buckle the size of a new iPhone, and one of those gigantic Band-Aid's on his face, from some cyst he had to have drained a few days ago. Since my wife was lucky enough to be the Maid of Honor, she got to walk down the aisle with him. His actual date was his girlfriend. She wore a skin tight camouflage dress, with matching stiletto boots. I wanted to take a picture, but I didn't even feel comfortable doing so, since I don't even think she was 18. The DJ I mentioned not having an aux cord, don't worry. He had a CD player. Not a double CD player where he could have the next song cued up. So the bridal party came down the Aisle to the Final Countdown. Then the Bride was supposed to come down to some pop country song. But the DJ played the wrong song, and it took almost two minutes of the wrong song playing for anybody to realize it. So we sat there awkwardly listening to some song, then another two minutes of silence, before the right song started playing. The DJ only brought the CDs specficially requested. So other than the stuff for the ceremony, the couple's first dance, and the mother/son, father/daughter dance, there was no music or dancing. Both the wedding cake, and grooms cake had pick up trucks on it. All the food was made by the family. Which would be fine. Mashed Potatoes, ribs, brisket, chicken, sausage. I love BBQ. The problem is, they didn't have any warming serving trays, so by the time we ate, the food tasted like it was taken straight out of the fridge. The bride was yelling at her husband during the picture taking, which impressed me. They hadn't been married 15 minutes, and already they were fighting. Also, as mentioned before, no alcohol was served. However, if it was, and I decided to take a drink every time I heard a lame joke along the lines of "There's still time to run" or "Is this a wedding or a funeral" etc, I would have died of alcohol poisoning before the wedding started. Thnx for the update Joe. Sounds hilarious and painful at the same time. Edited January 15, 2019 by Turk71 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 15, 2019 Author Share Posted January 15, 2019 5 hours ago, Turk71 said: Thnx for the update Joe. Sounds hilarious and painful at the same time. I do stand up comedy, and this thing bought me five minutes of material. I don't even have to write jokes because half of this stuff is funny on it's own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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