Tell a story of someone you knew who was just stupid/dumb

[Just Jack]

25 minutes ago, Another Fan said:

I didn’t actually “know” these two but were mostly all Bills fans here

 

I'll see your Ryans boys and raise you BJH...

 

 

[Another Fan]

3 minutes ago, Just Jack said:

 

I'll see your Ryans boys and raise you BJH...

 

 

I’ll see BJH and come back with football to the head Tyler Thigpen

 

https://www.kansascity.com/sports/nfl/article4143791.html

[SinceThe70s]

Maybe this was ignorant more than stupid, but in high school I over heard a conversation regarding mercy killing. The comment that caught my attention went something like this:

 

Mercy killing? That's killing without mercy and I can't get behind that!

[Ridgewaycynic2013]

21 hours ago, Royale with Cheese said:

We kicked him out the very next month because he couldn't pay rent again.  I was about 25-26 at the time, he was about 10 years older.

And today, the world knows him as Jm J. Bullock?

[LB3]

Two brothers rode on my bus in middle school. One was in my grade, the other in the grade below. Whenever they got in fights with other kids, they would both immediately start calling the other kid's mom a whore. When they would fight with each other, they would call each other's mom a whore. Same mother.  After this happened a few times, I asked if they knew they were insulting their own mother. I still can't forget the look of confusion on their faces.

Edited August 10, 2018 by LBSeeBallLBGetBall

[Fadingpain]

22 hours ago, sherpa said:

I'll tell two, both from my days in the Navy.

 

We were going on our first cruise on Kitty Hawk. Supposed to be a six month Pacific deployment-turned out to be nine, but that's another story. One of the other bachelor junior officers in our squadron had a Porsche 911. He figured he'd store in during the cruise, so he removed the insurance two weeks prior to deployment. You guessed it-his girlfriend was driving it two days before we left and burned in to the ground.

 

I was in the Pacific Fleet Adversary Squadron. We had 12 airplanes, but only two were two seaters.  Occasionally, some guy from another single seat squadron would need to fly in  a two-seater, maybe off for a while with some medical issue or something. Anyway, they'd put him in the back seat of one of our airplanes and go out to the warning area east of the Sierras and fly around on instruments for an hour and a half or so. Incredibly boring if you're in the front seat, so the junior guy always got it.

No reason to ever be below 15,000'.

Anyway, one Friday afternoon our new guy was assigned to do this and off he goes. Nobody is flying over the weekend, but Sunday night when the full maintenance Dept. comes in to prepare the airplanes for the upcoming week, one of their guys notices the top 4 inches of the vertical stabilizer, (what most guys would call the tale), is gone from that airplane.

As bad luck would have it, about 40 homes in an area in our warning area had called in to their power company that they had lost power Friday afternoon.

Power guys find a down cable and a four inch  piece of aluminum a couple hundred feet away that nobody could identify.

He had flown under it and cut it.

Fight as hard as our CO could, the guy lost his wings over that.

So you were a pilot stationed aboard USS Kittyhawk for a while?

When was this?  I'm trying to guess the plane with the cut-off vert. stab.

 

I'm going to say it was an A-4, especially if you guys were in the adversary squadron.

 

Please tell us, oh, 10,000 more stories!  Not about idiots per se, but life on a carrier. 

 

I'm sure you have millions of great stories. 

 

 

This is absolutely a true story.

 

When I was in high school in the '80s a group of kids from our school went on a 10 day trip to Italy.  There were a number of teachers, adults, and chaperones traveling with us, including a pair of older sisters who were like the aunts of one of the students on the trip.

 

I'll say they were around aged 60 at the time.

 

So during our time in Italy, they were exposed to lots of pop Italian music on the radio, and they decided they really liked it.

 

They both purchased normal transistor type radios (in Italy) so that once they got back to the USA, they would be able to continue to tune into those great Italian radio stations and continue to enjoy the Italian music.

 

[ExiledInIllinois]

13 minutes ago, Fadingpain said:

This is absolutely a true story.

 

When I was in high school in the '80s a group of kids from our school went on a 10 day trip to Italy.  There were a number of teachers, adults, and chaperones traveling with us, including a pair of older sisters who were like the aunts of one of the students on the trip.

 

I'll say they were around aged 60 at the time.

 

So during our time in Italy, they were exposed to lots of pop Italian music on the radio, and they decided they really liked it.

 

They both purchased normal transistor type radios (in Italy) so that once they got back to the USA, they would be able to continue to tune into those great Italian radio stations and continue to enjoy the Italian music.

 

LoL... They were 30 years ahead of their time, they just forgot to buy the app and have internet connection.

 

?

[sherpa]

1 hour ago, Fadingpain said:

So you were a pilot stationed aboard USS Kittyhawk for a while?

When was this?  I'm trying to guess the plane with the cut-off vert. stab.

 

I'm going to say it was an A-4, especially if you guys were in the adversary squadron.

 

 

Ya. Two cruises on Kitty Hawk in the A7E.

It was a TA4, as you suggest.

We had A4's, a few TA4's and F-5's at the time with the Adversaries.

[Fadingpain]

5 minutes ago, sherpa said:

 

Ya. Two cruises on Kitty Hawk in the A7E.

It was a TA4, as you suggest.

We had A4's, a few TA4's and F-5's at the time with the Adversaries.

Fantastic!  What's it like landing on a carrier deck at night in choppy water?

 

The thing has like a 30 foot up/down discrepancy depending on where you are in the wave cycle, doesn't it!?

 

I don't know how you guys do that.  

 

Did you like flying that corsair?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sherpa]

7 minutes ago, Fadingpain said:

Fantastic!  What's it like landing on a carrier deck at night in choppy water?

 

The thing has like a 30 foot up/down discrepancy depending on where you are in the wave cycle, doesn't it!?

 

I don't know how you guys do that.  

 

Did you like flying that corsair?

 

I don't want to hijack the thread.

[RochesterRob]

  Do we have to limit to just one story?  The dumbest that I have personal knowledge of is some guy climbing onto a tower of a high voltage line on a dare.  Yeah, I know any fool can climb the better part of ten feet and not get hurt but this guy was probably no more than 5 feet away from 350,000 volts at probably nearly 25 feet up vertically.  Not some dumb teen moment and the guy was not a utility company worker.  Pretty dumb cashier at the local Wegman's for many years who often did the express lane.  Gave me a hard time once over 12 total items in a 15 items or less lane.  Then there were the times a front end manager would send people down who had maybe 20-24 items as the regular lines were slammed and this woman would have fits.  I told her once to talk to her boss about it.  She obviously was connected to a VIP in the community to keep her job.  I heard of one time somebody looking to steal gas took kerosene from somebody's garage and put it into the fuel tank of their automobile.  Did not work and took that auto to shop nearby to where the kerosene was stolen from with the shop owned by same last name relatives as the ripped off home owner.

Edited August 10, 2018 by RochesterRob

[boyst]

Well, hi... I'm Boyst

 

/Fin

[The Real Buffalo Joe]

I remember distinctly going to the Stop and Gas in South Buffalo at the corner of Hopkins and Tifft when I was about seven. My dad asked if they still had his brand of cigarettes on a buy one, get one free sale. The guy went back and after a few minutes came back and said "I couldn't find any buy one get ones, but they have two for one. Do you want those?" My dad says fine, and when he goes back to get the cigarettes, just looks at me and says "Stay in school, Joe. Please."

[Soda Popinski]

My first big pour as a service tech for a concrete company was a super target in Mt Dora FL.   We poured from midnight to 12 noon for a few weeks straight.   The testing company was Universal engineering and they sent out the biggest idiot I have ever met.  He said mud going in was 4-5 and coming out of the pump at 6-7 anyone who knows anything understands this is a physical impossibility concrete does not get runnier going through a pump but he had us testing it at both ends, he was a nightmare to the finishers as well, constantly badgering them about how to do their job.  one guy bulldozed his samples on purpose, so he had to ask me if he could get access to the ones I had made.   Just an all around idiot who let a very little bit of control go right to his head.   

[Augie]

On 8/10/2018 at 9:47 AM, LBSeeBallLBGetBall said:

Two brothers rode on my bus in middle school. One was in my grade, the other in the grade below. Whenever they got in fights with other kids, they would both immediately start calling the other kid's mom a whore. When they would fight with each other, they would call each other's mom a whore. Same mother.  After this happened a few times, I asked if they knew they were insulting their own mother. I still can't forget the look of confusion on their faces.

Was this bus, ummm..shorter than the other busses? 

[LewPort71]

Many years ago at the bowling alley somehow a discussion of the deterioration of the Ozone layer

occurred.  One of the discussion members blamed this on the holes in the atmosphere caused by launching the

space shuttle.  His idea was that this poked hole allowed the ozone to escape.  After a minute or two, I told him that

this was twice as bad as he thought since the shuttle poked a hole in the atmosphere on the way back to earth.

The look on his face was priceless. 

[WhoTom]

This may not be stupid, but it's "arithmetically declined."

 

My wife used to work for a landscaping company. Employees got a 25% discount on plants. One day, the place was having a 25% off sale, so my wife picked out a bunch of plants and went to the register. The check-our girl said, "OK, you get 25% off for the sale and a 25% employee discount, so that's 50% off."

 

My lovely wife, being the honest person she is, explained that that's not how it works.

 

 

[Soda Popinski]

I did know a girl in high school who thought buffalo wings came from bison.  

[Bullpen]

Admin assistant that used to work in our office:

Legitimately asked us how to use a ruler to measure something.

Didn't understand what "quarter til" and "quarter after" meant when she asked what time it was.

Couldn't place a call to a customer in Canada because of "overseas charges." 

The capper though: 

When walking past a photo of Mt. Rushmore, she asked us "That's man made right?" 

 

 

[mrags]

Gugny

 

stupid and dumb

 

end of story 

Edited August 14, 2018 by mrags

[HereComesTheReignAgain]

I once heard about a fan base that thought their team's equipment manager was called the deflator due to his rapid weight loss.

[Gugny]

5 minutes ago, mrags said:

Gugny

 

stupid and dumb

 

end of story 

 

What the hell prompted this?!?!

[mrags]

17 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

What the hell prompted this?!?!

The OP wanted a true story. Couldn’t help it 

[DC Tom]

25 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

What the hell prompted this?!?!

 

Come on.  You know it's true.

[Gugny]

5 minutes ago, DC Tom said:

 

Come on.  You know it's true.

 

Well, yeah.  But there's no need to state the obvious.

[DC Tom]

2 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

Well, yeah.  But there's no need to state the obvious.

 

Or there wouldn't be, if you weren't stupid and dumb...

[The Real Buffalo Joe]

My stepdad mother called my mother and told her that her car wouldn't start. My mom was busy, and told her to call AAA if she had a membership. About 20 minutes later she calls back and says she can't find "Triple A" in the phonebook anywhere.

[Cripple Creek]

I know a guy, he’s doing time now, who used the “but it was left out in the open” defense when he stole a $1500 outdoor grill from an elderly blind paraplegic lady. The police were none too happy and the jury did not buy his story.

[Misterbluesky]

17 minutes ago, Cripple Creek said:

I know a guy, he’s doing time now, who used the “but it was left out in the open” defense when he stole a $1500 outdoor grill from an elderly blind paraplegic lady. The police were none too happy and the jury did not buy his story.

bull ****.

[Cripple Creek]

8 minutes ago, Misterbluesky said:

bull ****.

I swear it’s true.?

[Misterbluesky]

12 minutes ago, Cripple Creek said:

I swear it’s true.?

Don't quit on me ,Tiger.I dislike cowards.Bring your best day.

[The Real Buffalo Joe]

I worked in a call center and the girl next to me didn't know how to use copy and paste. She just slowly and carefully typed 16-20 digit account numbers into the chat thread for (usually stupid) questions.

[Cripple Creek]

46 minutes ago, Misterbluesky said:

Don't quit on me ,Tiger.I dislike cowards.Bring your best day.

?my mother used to call me Tiger.

[stuvian]

On 8/9/2018 at 1:15 PM, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I was literally about to post that.  I learned that in college and it absolutely made sense...blew my mind there was actually a term for this.

 

This is one of my favorite quotes.  There were several other memes with this quote but I picked this one because there's an Asian in it.

 

The identification derived from the cognitive bias evident in the criminal case of McArthur Wheeler, who robbed banks with his face covered with lemon juice, which he believed would make it invisible to the surveillance cameras. This belief was based on his misunderstanding of the chemical properties of lemon juice as an invisible ink.^[3]

On 8/9/2018 at 2:01 PM, The Real Buffalo Joe said:

Is every single user on there an idiot?

Hi my name's Dunning Kruger

[Augie]

1 hour ago, Misterbluesky said:

bull ****.

 

It’s true, Cripple Creek IS that elderly, blind......never mind, you’ll call BS on me too....

 

 

My parents worked for a developer in WNY who owned tons of commercial, multi-family and single family properties. They instructed a certain unnamed person (who was an uncle to one of you, I’m sure) to tear down a house on Main St in Williamsville. The guy went and razed a house, but it was not the CORRECT house. Oops! 

 

Fortunately, they owned that one too, but it actually had value. 

[Misterbluesky]

13 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

It’s true, Cripple Creek IS that elderly, blind......never mind, you’ll call BS on me too...

God bless you folks that are taking him to the game...I didn't know he was disabled,that's why he blasts out degrading posts,I guess.Thanks for the honesty,Aug.

[Gugny]

18 hours ago, Cripple Creek said:

I know a guy, he’s doing time now, who used the “but it was left out in the open” defense when he stole a $1500 outdoor grill from an elderly blind paraplegic lady. The police were none too happy and the jury did not buy his story.

 

It was only a $400 grill and I never did any time.

 

And I had to spend $50 on a new table top!

[Magnetar]

On ‎8‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 5:18 PM, ExiledInIllinois said:

My father's brother, younger brother... My Uncle got a new car.  He put mud flaps on himself. This was back in the 1970s.  He comes over to show my father... Got all butt hurt when my father says:

 

"JESUS H. CHRIST!  This is why they make fun of us Polacks!"

 

My Uncle put the mud flaps on the front of the wheel wells. Was he planning on traveling in reverse a lot?

 

Then my father busts into how My Uncle was a Marine & how he was in the Army.

 

??

 

Haha!  Having a lot of Polish uncles, this hits home.

[teef]

On 8/9/2018 at 6:24 PM, Jay_Fixit said:

I’ve been posting with this guy who happens to live in Georgia, for about 10-15 years and he never shuts up about how he used to live in LA.

 

Another poster I’ve known for about the same amount of time...a local dentist, (he’s also short and hairy and claims to be Italian) likes to let you know when he’s at an airport. Yeah, one of those guys.

why do i always have to be hairy?  i mean...i have a fantastic head of hair for a guy my age, but i'm not ape like.  well...my legs are ape like, but that's it.

[Jauronimo]

A great story from Reddit which fits in well here:

 

t's not uncommon as a teacher to have students who are a bit behind the curve in certain aspects, but 99.99999% of the time they are keen on something. They might not understand how to identify a noun or what theme is, but they somehow know how to make a mean plate of nachos. You learn pretty quick to not judge fish for their tree climbing ability, ya know?

I thought this was the rule when I was teaching until I met Kevin. Kevin isn't his real name, but it doesn't matter because he can't spell it anyway. Kevin was a student of mine during my last year of teaching. He came to my classroom with very little to show for his academic past. He had moved a few times and thus was missing a lot of typical test scores that we use to try and ballpark their ability (Don't worry, it was a ballpark.....we didn't make major decisions until we actually had a chance to talk and work with a student for a bit.) I thought "That's fine. I'll just do some one-on-one with Kevin and see what's up" One on One with kevin was like conversing with someone who'd forgotten everything in a freak, if not impossible, amnesia incident. There was no evidence that he had learned anything past the 2nd grade....and now he was in 9th grade. Flabbergasted, I figured we needed to get more serious with this. If he was going to be in my class, I needed to know why and how.

I decided to meet with him, his guidance counselor, his parents, and another teacher to see what was really going on. This is where it all became clear. It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn't been wiped off the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic pinnacle of this null achievement. Even my instructional lead, a woman who could find a redeeming trait in a Balrog, failed to see any reason this kid or his family should be alive today.

So here's a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he's laughing uncontrollably:

• Kevin frequently forgot when/where class was. On more than one occasion, I had to retrieve him from other classrooms.

• Kevin ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.

• Kevin's dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me...his English teacher. This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school, Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.

• Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire....twice

• Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn't him.

• Kevin stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it was ringing. (Not that it wasn't his, not that he did it.....no, he denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times before the end of the year.

• Kevin called the basketball coach a "Mother!@#$ing B word" during gym. Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn't go well.

• Kevin's mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went to)

• Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game

• Kevin kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and threw up.

• Kevin say the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.

• Kevin stole another student's Iphone....and tried to sell it back to them.

• Kevin didn't understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes, homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.

• Kevin spit on a girl and said "You should get out of those wet clothes". The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.

• Kevin didn't know dogs and cats were different animals.

• Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library.....at the circulation desk....while he was logged on.

• Kevin asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don't go to prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address

• Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.

• Kevin regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over, grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name on it wherever there was room.

• Kevin had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember what they were. They were very concerned that "the holiday party" (it's high school, we don't have those) would have peanuts. When they finally got a doctor's note....he was allergic to amoxicillin

• Kevin and his parents took a trip to Nassau (how the !@#$ did they even get airline tickets?) and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn't believe him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.

• Kevin's grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.