Baltimore OL DJ Fluker get beat up by girlfriend on the regular...she has been arrested for Domestic Violence(multiple incidents)

[Big Turk]

I am not sure what type of man allows this type of behavior from a woman he is dating/has a child with, let alone a big 350 lb OL...

 

Sad that is happened bit even sadder as a man you allow this to happen. And I am NOT suggesting he retaliate with violence himself, I am suggesting he lets her know that will never happen again and if it did he walks away forever. Typically this is the end result after a lot of other disrespectful behavior that is allowed to happen without him doing or saying anything. And by "doing" the advocation is walking away. Always walk away from disrespect from a woman. 

 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/sports.yahoo.com/amphtml/ravens-ol-dj-fluker-victim-domestic-violence-incidents-024119785.html

Edited July 25, 2020 by matter2003

[plenzmd1]

All people can be subject to mental abuse, not sure if abuse is the right word, maybe manipulation is better. I am dealing with friend whose behaviors and that of his wife have changed subtly over time, but now to the point he his totally dominated by her in every social situation and every decision "they" make is just really her decision. I don't believe there is any physical abuse, but man i do believe there is mental abuse

 

I applaud (most likey, as i do not now) his desire to keep his family together and his restraint.

[The BLUES Brothers]

Sad situation.  Chances are she experienced this type of behavior in her parents and it perpetuates itself.  Hope she gets help to break the cycle.

[Big Turk]

18 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

All people can be subject to mental abuse, not sure if abuse is the right word, maybe manipulation is better. I am dealing with friend whose behaviors and that of his wife have changed subtly over time, but now to the point he his totally dominated by her in every social situation and every decision "they" make is just really her decision. I don't believe there is any physical abuse, but man i do believe there is mental abuse

 

I applaud (most likey, as i do not now) his desire to keep his family together and his restraint.

 

See but that is the problem. Women will constantly test and push to see what they can get away with. They will start with small disrespectful things and if you allow it, they will keep doing slightly more disrespectful things until it gets to a point where they have no regard for the man(and no respect for him as a man) like the situation you describe and stay(for a while...until they eventually get to a point they view him with such disdain and disgust they either cheat or leave after so much abuse---mental, emotional or physical).

 

This is not something to applaud. If a man has no respect for himself, how can he expect anyone else to? She certainly doesn't anymore. I can pretty much guarantee you within 5 years she will divorce him and likely is/will cheat on him.

 

She has wanted him to stand up for himself for a long time. Women WANT a man to have boundaries for behavior. He doesn't. It lets them feel secure and their respect grows for him that he will not tolerate certain actions.  

 

The biggest fear a woman has is a man that is able to walk away. If he would simply show the willingness to not tolerate disrespectful behavior and have some self-respect for himself he may be able to slowly change the situation. The more he doesn't and the more he allows the closer it gets to the situation I describe which is going to be a when not if unless something changes drastically.

 

Sad we have reached a point where other men "applaud" a man for having no self respect and allowing a woman to treat them like a doormat. Completely unacceptable in my book.

Edited July 25, 2020 by matter2003

[NoSaint]

14 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

All people can be subject to mental abuse, not sure if abuse is the right word, maybe manipulation is better. I am dealing with friend whose behaviors and that of his wife have changed subtly over time, but now to the point he his totally dominated by her in every social situation and every decision "they" make is just really her decision. I don't believe there is any physical abuse, but man i do believe there is mental abuse

 

I applaud (most likey, as i do not now) his desire to keep his family together and his restraint.

yup. Just cause he’s 350 lbs doesn’t mean it’s suddenly easy to tear a family apart. And plenty of these guys carry all kinds of trauma. 
 

it’s not ok to stay in abusive situations that pass that trauma to a new generation but it’s not hard to envision storylines where it could easily happen. If anything seeing a rich nfl player in it should underscore it’s not always being broke or scared of retaliation that makes it hard if you see a loved one going through it. You have to make sure you are connecting to them in the right places to empower change and not just assume the “obvious” will actually get them out.

[machine gun kelly]

I’m sorry for the child having to see this despicable behavior.  Tolerating abuse of any kind is sad whether man to woman, woman to man, or to a child is disgusting.

[RobbRiddick]

I don't think it's about him being too weak to fight back, more that he just refuses to hit a woman, especially when he could probably kill her with one shot. Imagine if he did hit her and put her in hospital, what would that do to his career.

[ChevyVanMiller]

49 minutes ago, matter2003 said:

I am not sure what type of man allows this type of behavior from a woman he is dating/has a child with, let alone a big 350 lb OL...

 

Sad that is happened bit even sadder as a man you allow this to happen. And I am NOT suggesting he retaliate with violence himself, I am suggesting he lets her know that will never happen again and if it did he walks away forever. Typically this is the end result after a lot of other disrespectful behavior that is allowed to happen without him doing or saying anything. And by "doing" the advocation is walking away. Always walk away from disrespect from a woman. 

 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/sports.yahoo.com/amphtml/ravens-ol-dj-fluker-victim-domestic-violence-incidents-024119785.html

That was no Fluke. That woman is a terror. I give him credit for holding his temper, he could snap her in half before she knew what hit her.

[Victory Formation]

Men are usually more physically abusive, women are usually more emotionally abusive. This is why men need to be more cautious with who they sleep with. Sure, they may be more soft, lucious and beautiful at first but they can quickly dig their hooks and flip personalities in an instant. All of a sudden she has full custody of the kids and she’s taking half of what you got and she’s spreading lies about you to your children and turning them against you and the worst part is she’s in your life forever. Then all of a sudden you’re paying not only for your ex and your kids but also her new boyfriend she seduced to make you jealous. She’s screwing every guy in town but you just to piss you off.

[FireChans]

14 minutes ago, Victory Formation said:

Men are usually more physically abusive, women are usually more emotionally abusive. This is why men need to be more cautious with who they sleep with. Sure, they may be more soft, lucious and beautiful at first but they can quickly dig their hooks and flip personalities in an instant. All of a sudden she has full custody of the kids and she’s taking half of what you got and she’s spreading lies about you to your children and turning them against you and the worst part is she’s in your life forever. Then all of a sudden you’re paying not only for your ex and your kids but also her new boyfriend she seduced to make you jealous. She’s screwing every guy in town but you just to piss you off.

 

47 minutes ago, matter2003 said:

 

See but that is the problem. Women will constantly test and push to see what they can get away with. They will start with small disrespectful things and if you allow it, they will keep doing slightly more disrespectful things until it gets to a point where they have no regard for the man(and no respect for him as a man) like the situation you describe and stay(for a while...until they eventually get to a point they view him with such disdain and disgust they either cheat or leave after so much abuse---mental, emotional or physical).

 

This is not something to applaud. If a man has no respect for himself, how can he expect anyone else to? She certainly doesn't anymore. I can pretty much guarantee you within 5 years she will divorce him and likely is/will cheat on him.

 

She has wanted him to stand up for himself for a long time. Women WANT a man to have boundaries for behavior. He doesn't. It lets them feel secure and their respect grows for him that he will not tolerate certain actions.  

 

The biggest fear a woman has is a man that is able to walk away. If he would simply show the willingness to not tolerate disrespectful behavior and have some self-respect for himself he may be able to slowly change the situation. The more he doesn't and the more he allows the closer it gets to the situation I describe which is going to be a when not if unless something changes drastically.

 

Sad we have reached a point where other men "applaud" a man for having no self respect and allowing a woman to treat them like a doormat. Completely unacceptable in my book.

 

These are the takes that just keep me coming back to TBD

[Big Turk]

13 minutes ago, FireChans said:

 

 

These are the takes that just keep me coming back to TBD

 

The cold hard truth?

[Numark3]

1 hour ago, matter2003 said:

 

See but that is the problem. Women will constantly test and push to see what they can get away with. They will start with small disrespectful things and if you allow it, they will keep doing slightly more disrespectful things until it gets to a point where they have no regard for the man(and no respect for him as a man) like the situation you describe and stay(for a while...until they eventually get to a point they view him with such disdain and disgust they either cheat or leave after so much abuse---mental, emotional or physical).

 

This is not something to applaud. If a man has no respect for himself, how can he expect anyone else to? She certainly doesn't anymore. I can pretty much guarantee you within 5 years she will divorce him and likely is/will cheat on him.

 

She has wanted him to stand up for himself for a long time. Women WANT a man to have boundaries for behavior. He doesn't. It lets them feel secure and their respect grows for him that he will not tolerate certain actions.  

 

The biggest fear a woman has is a man that is able to walk away. If he would simply show the willingness to not tolerate disrespectful behavior and have some self-respect for himself he may be able to slowly change the situation. The more he doesn't and the more he allows the closer it gets to the situation I describe which is going to be a when not if unless something changes drastically.

 

Sad we have reached a point where other men "applaud" a man for having no self respect and allowing a woman to treat them like a doormat. Completely unacceptable in my book.

who is applauding him???

 

You sure this issue isn’t totally made up in your head?

Edited July 25, 2020 by Crayola64

[Don Otreply]

Being a bad person knows no boundaries of gender race or wealth, how to deal with it is always difficult in relationships. Hope their families issues are solved quickly for everyone’s sake. 

[RiotAct]

Dang - sad situation.  Hopefully it’s under control for good now.

[Dopey]

17 minutes ago, matter2003 said:

 

The cold hard truth?

There's always at least 1 person who thinks his/her opinions are "the truth'. 

[Big Turk]

10 minutes ago, Dopey said:

There's always at least 1 person who thinks his/her opinions are "the truth'. 

 

If you ask any relationship psychologist what this man should do I will be willing to bet they would be far closer to my side than they other side.

[GunnerBill]

One of my best friends has just got out of an abusive relationship with a woman who has physically assaulted him numerous times. I can't see myself ever being in that position but then I couldn't ever see him in that position either until he was.... I think it is harder to walk away than you presume for any number of reasons. They have a 2 year old child that he has had to leave in that situation too..... which makes it even harder. 

[Big Turk]

14 minutes ago, GunnerBill said:

One of my best friends has just got out of an abusive relationship with a woman who has physically assaulted him numerous times. I can't see myself ever being in that position but then I couldn't ever see him in that position either until he was.... I think it is harder to walk away than you presume for any number of reasons. They have a 2 year old child that he has had to leave in that situation too..... which makes it even harder. 

 

I get it. But the hard reality of the situation is that if a woman's respect level has deteriorated that much for a man that she is willing to do that it is only going to get worse not better if he does what he has been doing.

 

Now, does he actually have to fully walk away? No. But she has to BELIEVE he is capable of it and that if her behavior continues he WILL. She has to believe there some negative consequence for her actions because otherwise he is in effect positively reinforcing her behavior by not doing anything.  

 

At the end of the day it's about self respect. People typically will only be treated in a way they allow themselves to be treated.

[MJS]

2 hours ago, matter2003 said:

 

See but that is the problem. Women will constantly test and push to see what they can get away with. They will start with small disrespectful things and if you allow it, they will keep doing slightly more disrespectful things until it gets to a point where they have no regard for the man(and no respect for him as a man) like the situation you describe and stay(for a while...until they eventually get to a point they view him with such disdain and disgust they either cheat or leave after so much abuse---mental, emotional or physical).

 

This is not something to applaud. If a man has no respect for himself, how can he expect anyone else to? She certainly doesn't anymore. I can pretty much guarantee you within 5 years she will divorce him and likely is/will cheat on him.

 

She has wanted him to stand up for himself for a long time. Women WANT a man to have boundaries for behavior. He doesn't. It lets them feel secure and their respect grows for him that he will not tolerate certain actions.  

 

The biggest fear a woman has is a man that is able to walk away. If he would simply show the willingness to not tolerate disrespectful behavior and have some self-respect for himself he may be able to slowly change the situation. The more he doesn't and the more he allows the closer it gets to the situation I describe which is going to be a when not if unless something changes drastically.

 

Sad we have reached a point where other men "applaud" a man for having no self respect and allowing a woman to treat them like a doormat. Completely unacceptable in my book.

You have no clue what abusive relationships involve and the mental trap that ensues.

[Big Turk]

20 minutes ago, MJS said:

You have no clue what abusive relationships involve and the mental trap that ensues.

 

Yes you are right about that because I would never allow anyone to treat me like that. I would issue a stern warning once and then I would walk away and never look back if it happened again.

 

Once again, self-respect is the most important element in any relationship. Anyone who puts being with another person above that will not end up in a good position in the relationship ultimately. It just simply can't happen.

 

Believe, don't believe it, it doesn't matter. If you analyze ANY relationship where this stuff happens the root cause is they refused to hold their own self-respect as the most important element in their relationship.

Edited July 25, 2020 by matter2003

[GunnerBill]

24 minutes ago, matter2003 said:

 

I get it. But the hard reality of the situation is that if a woman's respect level has deteriorated that much for a man that she is willing to do that it is only going to get worse not better if he does what he has been doing.

 

Now, does he actually have to fully walk away? No. But she has to BELIEVE he is capable of it and that if her behavior continues he WILL. She has to believe there some negative consequence for her actions because otherwise he is in effect positively reinforcing her behavior by not doing anything.  

 

At the end of the day it's about self respect. People typically will only be treated in a way they allow themselves to be treated.

 

I think it is easier said than done. It creates absolute mental turmoil for the partner on the receiving end and that is without the added stigma that an abused male feels. Like I say, my friend is not someone you would have perceived as a submissive person or lacking in force of character. Saying you are only treated in a way you allow yourself to be treated is right but it is also simplistic. Changing things is much harder than you imagine. 

2 minutes ago, matter2003 said:

 

Believe, don't believe it, it doesn't matter. If you analyze ANY relationship where this stuff happens the root cause is they refused to hold their own self-respect as the most important element in their relationship.

 

I am sorry I just don't believe this to be true.

[Big Turk]

9 minutes ago, GunnerBill said:

 

I think it is easier said than done. It creates absolute mental turmoil for the partner on the receiving end and that is without the added stigma that an abused male feels. Like I say, my friend is not someone you would have perceived as a submissive person or lacking in force of character. Saying you are only treated in a way you allow yourself to be treated is right but it is also simplistic. Changing things is much harder than you imagine. 

 

I agree that changing things is harder, but that is precisely why self-respect being held as the number 1 most important thing comes into play.

 

If a person refuses to value you properly, you simply have to walk away. It doesn't matter what else is going on. Because if you want a person to ultimately place a higher value on you, how can you have that when you are showing you are willing to accept when they place an ever increasing lower value on you??

 

No. You have to show them that if they refuse to place the same value on you as you have for yourself you will walk. This then acts in the reverse way most people think...it tends to greatly increases their respect, love and interest for you because you show them you value yourself, which then forces them to value you more.  

Edited July 25, 2020 by matter2003

[GunnerBill]

Just now, matter2003 said:

 

I agree that changing things is harder, but that is precisely why self-respect being held as the number 1 most important thing comes into play.

 

If a person refuses to value you properly, you simply have to walk away. It doesn't matter what else is going on. Because if you want a person to ultimately place a higher value on you, how can you have that when you are showing you are willing to accept when they place an ever lower value on you??

 

No. You have to show them that if they refuse to place the same value on you as you have for yourself you will walk. This then acts in the reverse way most people think...it tends to greatly increases their respect, love and interest for you because you show them you value yourself, which then forces them to value you more.  

 

You do have to simply walk away.... but making that decision is incredibly difficult and people try and make that the last resort which is why it often takes multiple incidents for them to get to that stage. It is very easy to say "well if it happened to me that is what I would do". Until we have been there none of us really know how we would react. We know how we think we would. But I suspect most victims would have considered their likely reactions the same way. 

[Reader]

I had a professor who was studying abusive relationships where women were the abuser. I don't remember too much about his research other than how incredibly challenging it is for a man to be able to handle the situation. Cops get called? Guess who they are going to believe the majority of the time?

 

I guess the question is how much do you put any of this on Fluker? I mean aside from self-defense and a few other situations, I doubt his girlfriend could provide any justification for her actions I could find legitimate. Most people learn to use their words and not their fists by the age of thirteen apparently she thinks it's okay to act in this way because of "His" actions. Because he is a man, more people will probably say he need to do x, y or z instead of the fact that DV by anyone is unacceptable; I don't care who it is against.

 

Rule of thumb, but not always true, the "nicer" someone is the more at risk they are for a relationship like this. In trauma a person can very easily internalize the actions of others. He hit me because I made him mad. (As if anyone can make anyone else do something like that) Since we're humans and have empathy our mirror neurons cause us to feel what those around us feel. More empathy means stronger mirror neurons which means easier to feel responsible.

[GunnerBill]

10 minutes ago, Reader said:

I had a professor who was studying abusive relationships where women were the abuser. I don't remember too much about his research other than how incredibly challenging it is for a man to be able to handle the situation. Cops get called? Guess who they are going to believe the majority of the time?

 

The incident that finally caused my friend to walk away the police arrested him. Despite the fact he had locked himself in the bathroom and called the police. 

[Augie]

Once again, we don’t have enough information to pronounce exactly what can and should be done HERE. Without more info, I’ll just hope for the best for everyone, especially the child. 

 

I have been close to a situation that sounds similar. The mother could be physically and mentally/emotionally abusive. The father wanted to walk away from that relationship, but wasn’t willing to abandon his child. He stayed in the relationship as long as he could, all while letting events mount to the point that he finally won custody of the child. A case was built against the mother using her own actions. You need a VERY strong case to take the child away from the mother, but it sounds like that’s happening here. 

 

I appreciate a man who tries to keep a family together in the face of adversity, especially if he’s putting the best interest of the child ahead of himself, at least temporarily. Being a parent requires a lot of dedication and sacrifice. We have been fortunate in life, but there have been many times we’ve put our kids ahead of ourselves in many different ways. That’s called.....being a good parent in my book. (There are limits, but that’s way down the road and another story.)  

[Reader]

5 minutes ago, GunnerBill said:

 

The incident that finally caused my friend to walk away the police arrested him. Despite the fact he had locked himself in the bathroom and called the police. 

 

It really is terrible and all too common. I am a counselor and I haven't had any male clients who have dealt with this to this extreme, but I have definitely had talks and planned things out with a few who were concerned about a relationship escalating to this point.

[Coach Tuesday]

4 hours ago, matter2003 said:

 

See but that is the problem. Women will constantly test and push to see what they can get away with. They will start with small disrespectful things and if you allow it, they will keep doing slightly more disrespectful things until it gets to a point where they have no regard for the man(and no respect for him as a man) like the situation you describe and stay(for a while...until they eventually get to a point they view him with such disdain [blah blah blah]

Maybe the internet should require a license.  No actually, it’s great that anyone with a pulse can claim to be an expert on how all women act and what they all want. 

Edited July 25, 2020 by Coach Tuesday

[Lfod]

4 hours ago, matter2003 said:

I am not sure what type of man allows this type of behavior from a woman he is dating/has a child with, let alone a big 350 lb OL...

 

Sad that is happened bit even sadder as a man you allow this to happen. And I am NOT suggesting he retaliate with violence himself, I am suggesting he lets her know that will never happen again and if it did he walks away forever. Typically this is the end result after a lot of other disrespectful behavior that is allowed to happen without him doing or saying anything. And by "doing" the advocation is walking away. Always walk away from disrespect from a woman. 

 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/sports.yahoo.com/amphtml/ravens-ol-dj-fluker-victim-domestic-violence-incidents-024119785.html

You need to have dated a really beautiful girl that you love very deeply that has a bit of an attitude to understand why other people would put up with a lot. 

 

It's easy to tell a girl your not that attracted too and don't love that much to take a walk. 

Edited July 25, 2020 by Lfod

[FireChans]

32 minutes ago, Coach Tuesday said:

Maybe the internet should require a license.  No actually, it’s great that anyone with a pulse can claim to be an expert on how all women act and what they all want. 

Everyone on the Internet is Mel Gibson.

[nucci]

4 hours ago, Victory Formation said:

Men are usually more physically abusive, women are usually more emotionally abusive. This is why men need to be more cautious with who they sleep with. Sure, they may be more soft, lucious and beautiful at first but they can quickly dig their hooks and flip personalities in an instant. All of a sudden she has full custody of the kids and she’s taking half of what you got and she’s spreading lies about you to your children and turning them against you and the worst part is she’s in your life forever. Then all of a sudden you’re paying not only for your ex and your kids but also her new boyfriend she seduced to make you jealous. She’s screwing every guy in town but you just to piss you off.

speaking from experience?

[Coach Tuesday]

Lol these incels talking about what women really want...

[Paulus]

Women do this a lot more than we are aware. Then, the get a rise out of the guy, and call the cops on him.

 

In other words,

 

IT'S A TRAP

[Buffalo716]

3 hours ago, GunnerBill said:

 

I think it is easier said than done. It creates absolute mental turmoil for the partner on the receiving end and that is without the added stigma that an abused male feels. Like I say, my friend is not someone you would have perceived as a submissive person or lacking in force of character. Saying you are only treated in a way you allow yourself to be treated is right but it is also simplistic. Changing things is much harder than you imagine. 

 

I am sorry I just don't believe this to be true.

Once you give that power to a woman, where she uses that power to put you down and disrespect you

 

It is awfully hard to get that power back. Sometimes impossible

[Big Turk]

1 hour ago, Lfod said:

You need to have dated a really beautiful girl that you love very deeply that has a bit of an attitude to understand why other people would put up with a lot. 

 

It's easy to tell a girl your not that attracted too and don't love that much to take a walk. 

 

The truth is for every beautiful woman there is a man out there who sick of her crap.

[boater]

7 minutes ago, Paulus said:

Women do this a lot more than we are aware. Then, the get a rise out of the guy, and call the cops on him.

 

In other words,

 

IT'S A TRAP

Correctomundo. It's a trap.

 

The minute the 350 lb OL lifts his pinky, he's going to jail for DV...and she knows it. It's her end game. Amplified when their is a big paycheck involved. All the power to him for not biting.

 

I for one, am sympathetic for the guy.

 

Surprised this thread is still open.

[Big Turk]

51 minutes ago, Coach Tuesday said:

Lol these incels talking about what women really want...

 

Brother incels don't talk like that. They rant and rave and cry and scream about how women are garbage and how they can't get one. 

1 hour ago, Coach Tuesday said:

Maybe the internet should require a license.  No actually, it’s great that anyone with a pulse can claim to be an expert on how all women act and what they all want. 

 

Maybe. Or maybe they simply know from reading, studying and application of such knowledge? Not every man accepts being treated like a doormat regardless of how commonplace this is these days. 

Edited July 25, 2020 by matter2003

[muppy]

@matter2003 Healthy relationships are based on equality and respect while abusive ones are based on power and control. The sex of the person/abuser to me is irrelevant. Its a relational curse that as has been mentioned can begin gradually and escalate or have been the pattern they saw while growing up and they act what they know and have seen.

You being less tolerant of your partners alleged disrespect sounds great in theory and healthy boundaries and what conduct you personally will accept or not accept is your perogative. But especially when children are involved i'd try to be a bit less judgmental and know this issue isn't as cut and dried as "respect" or "disrespect". If you dont have the emotive skills to handle anger and frustration and the need to control doesn't mean they disrespect their partner necessairily . Could it be they simply respect their own opinions and judgments More and retaliate when it appears the partner won't go along with the program? Power and control is the key IMO and not "respect"

[Coach Tuesday]

31 minutes ago, matter2003 said:

 

Brother incels don't talk like that. They rant and rave and cry and scream about how women are garbage and how they can't get one. 

 

Maybe. Or maybe they simply know from reading, studying and application of such knowledge? Not every man accepts being treated like a doormat regardless of how commonplace this is these days. 

Please, Don Juan, show us these learned texts you’re referring to.

[Big Turk]

2 minutes ago, Muppy said:

@matter2003 Healthy relationships are based on equality and respect while abusive ones are based on power and control. The sex of the person/abuser to me is irrelevant. Its a relational curse that as has been mentioned can begin gradually and escalate or have been the pattern they saw while growing up and they act what they know and have seen.

You being less tolerant of your partners alleged disrespect sounds great in theory and healthy boundaries and what conduct you personally will accept or not accept is your perogative. But especially when children are involved i'd try to be a bit less judgmental and know this issue isn't as cut and dried as "respect" or "disrespect". If you dont have the emotive skills to handle anger and frustration and the need to control doesn't mean they disrespect their partner necessairily . Could it be they simply respect their own opinions and judgments More and retaliate when it appears the partner won't go along with the program? Power and control is the key IMO and not "respect"

 

Yes that is a very good point. In the end it comes down to power and control. A large part of the disrespect towards someone is because over time they have either knowingly or unknowingly given the power and control to the other person.

 

In some ways, counterintuitively,  the disrespect being shown is the other person's way of wanting them to do something that will take some of that power and control back from them to help put the relationship back in balance. 

 

Usually what happens is the exact opposite, which is the other person cedes more power and control which then turns into a vicious cycle.