Worst breakup you ever had

[C.Biscuit97]

Not a big poster on this board but looking for a little company in misery.  I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years a few months ago.  Went back and forth for awhile but it is officially over.  It was the longest relationship of my life and the first girl I ever seriously though of marrying.  Lately, I’ve just been beating myself up about screwing things up (she said I won’t grow up, which there is some truth sadly).  Hardest thing is telling my mom because she thought for sure this was it.  Can’t even pretend it didn’t hurt real bad because despite some annoying qualities she had, she was a great girl and I might have ruined having a beautiful family.  And I know she is the type of girl that another guy will marry so that is going to suck real bad. So it’s been a tough few weeks.

 

but now, I’m embracing the pain.  I want to write a book and just make myself stronger.  So if any of you have any advice or similar stories, this guy could use them right now.  Growing up is hard. ?. 

 

P. S. She hated the Bills. 

[KD in CA]

10 minutes ago, C.Biscuit97 said:

 

P. S. She hated the Bills. 

 

So what took you five years to get rid of her??

 

 

Immediate relief:  get laid.  It works.

Long term relief:  every day gets a little better.

 

If course, if you really screwed up and shouldn't have let her get away.....go back and get her.   But you better be sure if you go that route.

[Gugny]

Did she know you played college football?

 

I keed, I keed.

 

This is never easy.  I agree with KD and the Sunshine Band in CA.  If you are THE reason it's over, then go get her.  If you really didn't want her, anyway, then the pain will subside with time - but you made the right choice.

 

Good luck.

[C.Biscuit97]

38 minutes ago, KD in CA said:

 

So what took you five years to get rid of her??

 

 

Immediate relief:  get laid.  It works.

Long term relief:  every day gets a little better.

 

If course, if you really screwed up and shouldn't have let her get away.....go back and get her.   But you better be sure if you go that route.

Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. She would go shopping and I was free to do what I wanted.  I was watching with her one time (think it was a Lions game few years ago) fell asleep for a second and she changed the channel.  

 

But appreciate the advice KD.  I’ve actually met a girl but I can’t stop comparing her and don’t want to lead anyone on at this stage.

10 minutes ago, Gugny said:

Did she know you played college football?

 

I keed, I keed.

 

This is never easy.  I agree with KD and the Sunshine Band in CA.  If you are THE reason it's over, then go get her.  If you really didn't want her, anyway, then the pain will subside with time - but you made the right choice.

 

Good luck.

Of course, she knew I played college football. Why do think she dated me. ?

 

I used to hate the idea of being married but I realize life is so much better with some one you truly care about.  I’m so soft now. 

 

[Teddy KGB]

2 minutes ago, C.Biscuit97 said:

I’ve actually met a girl but I can’t stop comparing her and don’t want to lead anyone on at this stage.

 

Have a drink, grab some boobs, time to move on to the next one.  

[plenzmd1]

First, dont ever grow up..you will just get old. Ask one who has met me from this board, they  will attest i need to grow up too..and i just give em a big middle finger emoji!

 

2nd ...don't worry bout the family thing..plenty o time for that, trust me. 

 

3RD I"ve been dumped so many times in my past..they all kinda sucked. But looking back prolly all a blessing they dumped me..for both of us!

[Seasons1992]

4 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

First, dont ever grow up..you will just get old. Ask one who has met me from this board, they  will attest i need to grow up too..and i just give em a big middle finger emoji!

 

 

[plenzmd1]

6 minutes ago, Seasons1992 said:

 

 

and this is where we need that particular emoji!!!!!

[Gugny]

10 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

First, dont ever grow up..you will just get old. Ask one who has met me from this board, they  will attest i need to grow up too..and i just give em a big middle finger emoji!

 

2nd ...don't worry bout the family thing..plenty o time for that, trust me. 

 

3RD I"ve been dumped so many times in my past..they all kinda sucked. But looking back prolly all a blessing they dumped me..for both of us!

 

I will attest that Plenz needs to grow up.

I will gladly give Plenz the finger.

I will also say that I'm not shocked to learn that Plenz has been dumped many times.

[Misterbluesky]

1 hour ago, C.Biscuit97 said:

Not a big poster on this board but looking for a little company in misery.  I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years a few months ago.  Went back and forth for awhile but it is officially over.  It was the longest relationship of my life and the first girl I ever seriously though of marrying.  Lately, I’ve just been beating myself up about screwing things up (she said I won’t grow up, which there is some truth sadly).  Hardest thing is telling my mom because she thought for sure this was it.  Can’t even pretend it didn’t hurt real bad because despite some annoying qualities she had, she was a great girl and I might have ruined having a beautiful family.  And I know she is the type of girl that another guy will marry so that is going to suck real bad. So it’s been a tough few weeks.

 

but now, I’m embracing the pain.  I want to write a book and just make myself stronger.  So if any of you have any advice or similar stories, this guy could use them right now.  Growing up is hard. ?. 

 

P. S. She hated the Bills. 

If you didn't put a ring on her in 5 years,you didn't deep down love her...like "to death", love her.

Better to part ways now...no kids involved.

Peace.

[RaoulDuke79]

Can you be more specific about "growing up". What were/are you doing that she perceived as not being grown up?

[YoloinOhio]

Sounds to me like you loved the idea of her more than you loved her. Like she was the right one on paper, just not the right one for real life. How did she take it?

Edited June 11, 2019 by YoloinOhio

[WhoTom]

Sorry to hear about your breakup, Biscuit.

 

I almost married my high school sweetheart. Would have been the biggest mistake of my life, although at the time of the breakup, I was pretty devastated. After the dust settled, I realized that it just wasn't meant to be. We had a lot in common and had some great times together, but deep down, there were differences in core values that just made the whole thing collapse.

 

I learned a lot, though, both from the relationship itself and the way it ended. I learned about myself, relationships in general, how to be a better partner, and most importantly, how to choose a better partner.

 

Several years later, I met a woman who was, in many ways, a lot like her. The main difference, however, was that we shared the same core values. She turned out to be "the one," and we've been married for 31 years now.

 

As far as the "growing up" criticism, it really depends on what you mean by growing up. If you're mature enough to hold down a job, pay your bills, and be a supportive partner, then that's what matters. It doesn't mean to stop having fun, it just means to be responsible about it.

 

 

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Went through a bad break up when I was in my early 20’s.  I was in love and tried to hang on too long, which just made things worse for both of us.  She made it clear that she loved me very much, but wanted to “spread her wings” a little as we had been together for almost 5 years.  I was starting grad school at SUNY Oswego, and she was in her final year of undergrad at Cornell beginning to look at law schools.

 

I was an absolute mess for a while.  Even dating other girls didn’t help in the short term.  The hardest part was that she wanted to keep in touch, which just destroyed me every time I spoke with her.  It was so bad I delayed going to grad school for a year and moved to Rochester and lived with a couple of my close buddies.  Being far away and somewhat cut off from her helped.

 

Long story short...she called me out of the blue about 2 years later.  She was emotional and expressed that she had made a huge mistake, and was wondering if there was any way possible that we could work things out.  I was in a brief relationship with a really great girl at the time, so I told her thanks but no thanks.  That was such a weight lifted off my shoulders...the feeling in my soul that I didn’t need her to complete me anymore.

 

We still keep in touch here and there.  She ended up marrying a great guy.  We were actually lacrosse teammates in HS and somewhat friends.  We both have successful careers and beautiful families.  Time heals all wounds I guess.

[seregil42]

Sorry to hear this.  I've been there.  Was with a girl for 5 1/2 years (was engaged for the final year together).  Long story short, I came to the realization that she did not feel the same way about me as I did about her (I don't think she really saw it herself at first).  And it was a long process for me to come to that conclusion.  And it was a long process for me to get over it.  I've no real advice for how to deal with it.  It just took time to process my grief over the relationship.  Being with friends and family also helped. 

[thebandit27]

3 hours ago, C.Biscuit97 said:

Not a big poster on this board but looking for a little company in misery.  I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years a few months ago.  Went back and forth for awhile but it is officially over.  It was the longest relationship of my life and the first girl I ever seriously though of marrying.  Lately, I’ve just been beating myself up about screwing things up (she said I won’t grow up, which there is some truth sadly).  Hardest thing is telling my mom because she thought for sure this was it.  Can’t even pretend it didn’t hurt real bad because despite some annoying qualities she had, she was a great girl and I might have ruined having a beautiful family.  And I know she is the type of girl that another guy will marry so that is going to suck real bad. So it’s been a tough few weeks.

 

but now, I’m embracing the pain.  I want to write a book and just make myself stronger.  So if any of you have any advice or similar stories, this guy could use them right now.  Growing up is hard. ?. 

 

P. S. She hated the Bills. 

 

Been there.

 

My first real serious relationship as an adult ending in a painful breakup.  My girlfriend at the time was just graduating college, and I was about 2 years post-grad.  I started the relationship in not-willing-to-grow-up mode, and after her urging me to grow up, commit, and take things to the next level, I got on board.  I started making her a priority over things like friends and hobbies, which I thought would make her happy.

 

Then, a funny thing happened: she started to change.  In her final semester at school, she made a whole new group of friends and, for the first time in her life, had a really active social circle.  She started wanting to spend more time with her friends and less with me.

 

We had moved right past each other on the way out of each other's lives.  We both saw it, but I felt like it would be admitting failure to break up; that somehow I had too much invested in the relationship to just start over.  She was more pragmatic than that; she felt that we simply had grown apart, so she ended it.

 

Man, I was angry.  I felt like she'd worked really hard to convince me to change so that I could meet her emotional needs, only to see her change into the very same type of person that I was at the beginning.  I felt cheated.

 

Looking back on it now, I'm actually really grateful that she ended it when she did.  Had we stayed together, it would've gotten a lot worse.

 

That probably didn't help much, so my apologies for that.  The only advice that I can give you is to move on as quickly as possible. Yes, I know that you are hurting and probably aren't ready to act like it didn't happen, but I suggest that you fake it for a while.  Go out.  Party.  Whatever your personal cut-loose method is, go for it.  Go on a few dates with girls for the specific purpose of not taking things too seriously, and remember what it's like to have fun getting to know someone new.

[mrags]

3 hours ago, C.Biscuit97 said:

Not a big poster on this board but looking for a little company in misery.  I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years a few months ago.  Went back and forth for awhile but it is officially over.  It was the longest relationship of my life and the first girl I ever seriously though of marrying.  Lately, I’ve just been beating myself up about screwing things up (she said I won’t grow up, which there is some truth sadly).  Hardest thing is telling my mom because she thought for sure this was it.  Can’t even pretend it didn’t hurt real bad because despite some annoying qualities she had, she was a great girl and I might have ruined having a beautiful family.  And I know she is the type of girl that another guy will marry so that is going to suck real bad. So it’s been a tough few weeks.

 

but now, I’m embracing the pain.  I want to write a book and just make myself stronger.  So if any of you have any advice or similar stories, this guy could use them right now.  Growing up is hard. ?. 

 

P. S. She hated the Bills. 

Forget that commie Pats fan and have fun brother. 

 

Buy a decent computer, start playing WOW classic in August. I’m sure we could use a good healer. 

 

In all seriousness man, just live your life. Have as much fun as you can. You may feel like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened, but the universe has a way of working these things out on its own. 

 

Im not going to lie. I’ve been there before and felt the same way and this quote from Along Came Polly is the best thing that ever got me over it all. It’s corny from a comedy movie but it’s 100% true. 

 

https://youtu.be/hQ0voxOwRMs

Edited June 11, 2019 by mrags

[teef]

i really am sorry to hear that.  those types of breakups are just a kick in the face. i've been through one, and i made sure i handled relationships differently after that.  

 

for me it was a girl i met in grad school.  we dated all four years, and i just assumed this would be the girl i married and had a family with.  most people thought we were already engaged.  after school, we each had to do a year of post grad work, then we would have to figure it out.  i did my year in rochester, and she did hers in syracuse.  we knew it was going to be in syracuse because her dad was best friends with the director, so that year couldn't have changed.

 

well, about half way through the post grad year, she started acting a bit strange around christmas.  in fact, when she came to visit for christmas itself, she was straight up bitchy.  about a week later her mom had surgery and i called to see how everything went...nothing.  no call back.  days went by of repeated calls to check, and nothing at all.  when we finally made contact, i really wanted an explanation.  her reason...i wasn't going to marry her.  now, i absolutely was going to marry her.  i had decided to live with my brother instead of getting my own place just to save money, but the reality was i just couldn't afford a ring yet.  apparently she had a date set in her head, and if i didn't pop the question in time, she'd decided to move on.  on top of that, she kept letting me know she was hanging out with a guy in her residency, but just as friends.  multiple times i asked her to get together to discuss this, and she would set a date, move it, cancel it, etc.  she absolutely loved watching me squirm.  she even said if we were married, this wouldn't be a problem.  well...i was crushed so i did what ever i could to make myself feel better.  dated scum bags, went on benders, etc.  ultimately it turned into a bad divorce.  she later told me she was doing it so i would realize how important she was to me and marry her.  great idea, but you have to at least communicate with someone.

 

we moved on from each other.  she actually got engaged a few months later, (amazingly quickly) and that was that.  as i was told a few months ago, they're not living in separate houses.  

 

as awful as it was at that time, it was just the way our lives were going to work out.  to be honest, i never want anyone in my life who plays games to get what they want.  of course as soon as i decided that i was fine with not getting married and having kids, i met someone, and here we are.  she's 10 times the woman the girl i mentioned above is. 

 

my advise is just live life.  it's hard a first, and i did what you did @C.Biscuit97...every girl i dated immediately after i compared to my ex gf.  it's not fair to them and you can miss out on some great people.  it gets better.

[mead107]

You could try  doing 4 hookers a day for a month. 

Might help you forget. Just kidding. 

 

You will  find the right one. 

 

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

Don't worry little buddy. There's always another supermodel out there waiting just for you.

 

 

Oh, and edit:

 

At least you weren't married for 15 years and lost everything. There's that.

 

 

Edited June 11, 2019 by Joe in Winslow

[ExiledInIllinois]

Grow up!

 

(?Sorry, I had too!)

5 minutes ago, Joe in Winslow said:

Don't worry little buddy. There's always another supermodel out there waiting just for you.

 

 

Oh, and edit:

 

At least you weren't married for 15 years and lost everything. There's that.

 

 

LoL... Look at it this way, you never had any dignity anyway. ? There, feel better?

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

2 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Grow up!

 

(?Sorry, I had too!)

LoL... Look at it this way, you never had any dignity anyway. ? There, feel better?

 

Ha! I'm well past that horrible stage in my life, thank heaven.

 

Still some fallout. But life doesn't look so dire any more.

 

[WhoTom]

One piece of advice: a rebound relationship is fine, but recognize it for what it is and keep it casual.

 

[Augie]

Sorry for your rough times. Sometimes it sucks, but thing happen for a reason, and life unfolds as it’s mean to unfold. Mine wasn’t really even a break up. I was just out of school working at a bank and she was a couple years younger. We had only been together for months, not years, but it was different. I can’t explain it. Anyway, she was scheduled to spend a year in Spain. I knew I’d miss her, but I didn’t know how much. This is before cell phones and Face Time. Gone for a year with an unknown return date. 

 

I assumed she was having a great time and living her life, so I went about mine. It was hard, as it was rough to get her off my mind. During that year I met my wife. Luckiest thing that ever happened to me. Her father had cancer and we got married a little faster  than we might have (a little over a year from meeting) because we weren’t sure if he would last to walk her down the aisle. 

 

The week after I get engaged she returns from Spain and comes to the bank to see me.”My flight just landed and I came straight here.” THAT was an awkward moment! But it turned out to be the best for both of us. She still had to finish school and start her life. She became a sports producer for one of the major networks and met her wildly successful husband while working in Europe. (You might even recognize his name.) And I’ll have my 35th anniversary in February. (The only loser in this might be my wife, but she doesn’t seem to notice, so if you ever meet her, please don’t mention it!  ?)

 

Sometimes you wonder “what if” especially during dark times (and we’ve had some of that), but there is no question this is how it’s supposed to be and I am so thankful. 

 

Give it time....the right thing will happen.

 

.

Edited June 11, 2019 by Augie

[Teddy KGB]

At least you’re not Robert DeNiro 

 

Guy married his lady 2x, now she wants to rake him for 200 million ???

[Jauronimo]

39 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

One piece of advice: a rebound relationship is fine, but recognize it for what it is and keep it casual.

 

F@#^% that.  Hit the next one out of the park.  You need to show your ex that she f@!#$ed up and you were always ready to commit.  You need to show her that you've always been willing to sell that Call option on half your stuff; you've just been waiting to write it to the right girl.  

 

I would probably invest in some elastic waistband pants, some blackout curtains, and a 6 pack of Icehouse pounders. Single life is f@$#ing awesome!!

 

 

 

 

[BUFFALOKIE]

Yeah, no. Sorry for your pain, but just wait for the one you marry. That c*** will make this minor pain very forgettable.

 

I don't care to share my heartbreaking experience(s) nor the time to type them up with my thumbs, but I do promise that I have been as ***** over by a woman that I dedicated my soul to for many years as any man I ever met.

 

I recovered enough to become a man ***** for a few years, finally settled back down for a couple of years with the best lay in town....yeah that didn't end well either.

 

Now celibate for 3 1/2 years. My heart is withered and cold.

 

But hey, I got to raise two children on my own! ?

 

On the positive side: The Buffalo Bills ***** results are trivial.

Edited June 11, 2019 by BUFFALOKIE

[WhoTom]

18 minutes ago, Jauronimo said:

You need to show your ex that ...

 

Yeah, that's the way to get over a broken relationship: constantly do stuff to "show" her.

 

[Jauronimo]

12 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

Yeah, that's the way to get over a broken relationship: constantly do stuff to "show" her.

 

The most important thing he can do right now is not let that b#@$% win!  Even if it means making a slew of terrible decisions in the short run, she cannot be allowed to "win"!!

[The Poojer]

While I agree with your sentiment, let me add my own personal clarification.  Grow up to the point where you know how to behave in situations that might require you grow up(ie, financial, professional, emotional) but always have the heart of a child and have fun in life.  Don't have too many regrets no matter how insignificant something may seem in the grand scheme of things, if you geek out over it, geek out til you can't geek out no more.  Life is way too short to not have fun, but it's also long enough that you do need to adult a few times in your life

 

5 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

First, dont ever grow up..you will just get old. Ask one who has met me from this board, they  will attest i need to grow up too..and i just give em a big middle finger emoji!

 

2nd ...don't worry bout the family thing..plenty o time for that, trust me. 

 

3RD I"ve been dumped so many times in my past..they all kinda sucked. But looking back prolly all a blessing they dumped me..for both of us!

[LB3]

1 hour ago, BUFFALOKIE said:

Yeah, no. Sorry for your pain, but just wait for the one you marry. That c*** will make this minor pain very forgettable.

 

I don't care to share my heartbreaking experience(s) nor the time to type them up with my thumbs, but I do promise that I have been as ***** over by a woman that I dedicated my soul to for many years as any man I ever met.

 

I recovered enough to become a man ***** for a few years, finally settled back down for a couple of years with the best lay in town....yeah that didn't end well either.

 

Now celibate for 3 1/2 years. My heart is withered and cold.

 

But hey, I got to raise two children on my own! ?

 

On the positive side: The Buffalo Bills ***** results are trivial.

Dad, is that you???

Edited June 11, 2019 by LBSeeBallLBGetBall

[Marv's Neighbor]

7 hours ago, KD in CA said:

 

So what took you five years to get rid of her??

 

 

Immediate relief:  get laid.  It works.

Long term relief:  every day gets a little better.

 

If course, if you really screwed up and shouldn't have let her get away.....go back and get her.   But you better be sure if you go that route.

If she didn't like the BILLS, who did she like?  That could answer the go back and get her part.

2 hours ago, mead107 said:

You could try  doing 4 hookers a day for a month. 

Might help you forget. Just kidding. 

 

You will  find the right one. 

 

Hooker??

[CommonCents]

Time won’t wait for yah, do what makes yah happy and leave the past where it is. Been through a few long relationships, don’t get yourself in a funk over it. Take it as a sign to focus on being yourself at your happiest and not conforming to anyone’s wishes. 

[Alaska Darin]

3 minutes ago, CommonCents said:

Time won’t wait for yah, do what makes yah happy and leave the past where it is. Been through a few long relationships, don’t get yourself in a funk over it. Take it as a sign to focus on being yourself at your happiest and not conforming to anyone’s wishes. 

If a woman wants to change you...she's not for you.  It's a tough lesson to learn but it's very important.  Same thing goes the opposite direction.

[transient]

1 hour ago, Augie said:

Sorry for your rough times. Sometimes it sucks, but thing happen for a reason, and life unfolds as it’s mean to unfold. Mine wasn’t really even a break up. I was just out of school working at a bank and she was a couple years younger. We had only been together for months, not years, but it was different. I can’t explain it. Anyway, she was scheduled to spend a year in Spain. I knew I’d miss her, but I didn’t know how much. This is before cell phones and Face Time. Gone for a year with an unknown return date. 

 

I assumed she was having a great time and living her life, so I went about mine. It was hard, as it was rough to get her off my mind. During that year I met my wife. Luckiest thing that ever happened to me. Her father had cancer and we got married a little faster  than we might have (a little over a year from meeting) because we weren’t sure if he would last to walk her down the aisle. 

 

The week after I get engaged she returns from Spain and comes to the bank to see me.”My flight just landed and I came straight here.” THAT was an awkward moment! But it turned out to be the best for both of us. She still had to finish school and start her life. She became a sports producer for one of the major networks and met her wildly successful husband while working in Europe. (You might even recognize his name.) And I’ll have my 35th anniversary in February. (The only loser in this might be my wife, but she doesn’t seem to notice, so if you ever meet her, please don’t mention it!  ?)

 

Sometimes you wonder “what if” especially during dark times (and we’ve had some of that), but there is no question this is how it’s supposed to be and I am so thankful. 

 

Give it time....the right thing will happen.

 

.

 

Let me make sure I have this straight, just in case... if I meet your wife I’m not supposed to tell her that you think she’s a loser?   

[WhoTom]

26 minutes ago, Alaska Darin said:

If a woman wants to change you...she's not for you.  It's a tough lesson to learn but it's very important.  Same thing goes the opposite direction.

 

Agreed.

 

However, if she sets such a good example that you decide to improve yourself without her asking, then she's definitely the one.

 

 

[Augie]

8 minutes ago, transient said:

 

Let me make sure I have this straight, just in case... if I meet your wife I’m not supposed to tell her that you think she’s a loser?   

We all need to lose once in life to know how it feels. I guess she has accepted that?

[Jauronimo]

Its the rare TBD moments like these, where strangers set aside their past differences to post honestly and show their vulnerability, that truly remind us that a man's emotions are very ugly and weak.  Seriously, bottle that ***** up.  Eat it, choke it down, and stuff it way deep, deep down inside so no one can ever see it.    

[Misterbluesky]

7 hours ago, RaoulDuke79 said:

Can you be more specific about "growing up". What were/are you doing that she perceived as not being grown up?

He joined this website in 2004. He might be as old as you...and your old.

[RaoulDuke79]

8 minutes ago, Misterbluesky said:

He joined this website in 2004. He might be as old as you...and your old.

Maybe he's just technologically advanced.....I was curious about the growing up statement because it can mean several different things. Is it staying out and partying until 4am several days a week? Is it not being on a solid career path, or is it just a matter of different interests? Maybe he likes to play video games and she like to visit museums. Who knows? To your point though, after 5 plus years and not taking the next step, maybe subconsciously his heart wasn't in it.