Small Town office dilemma

[BringBackFergy]

There's this one lady that walks in off the street and talks to my secretaries for 20-30 minutes every other day or so...it's soooo frustrating. My office is upstairs and I can hear her talk and talk about stuff around town.

 

My secretaries try their best to "politely" break the conversation but she keeps going. I've even called my own office phone number on my cell phone upstairs, it rings through and one secretary answers the phone (to indicate she's busy) but she continues talking to the other secretary.

 

One of my secretaries has hidden under her desk when she sees her coming across the street to my office. The other runs to the bathroom. She announces her appearance and then I go down and talk with her for ten mins until the phone rings (from my secretary on her cell phone under her desk) and it is dead silence. I have to pretend I'm talking to someone. She waits for three or four minutes until I start jotting down notes on paper indicating the call will take awhile.

 

She's also a doorway diddler: "Well, just thought I'd stop in and give you an update. I have to go now...(door halfway open and cold air rushes in)....ohh, I forgot to tell you, the town is planning a....blah, blah, blah"

 

I may need some advice on how best to stop this treachery. Any other horror stories out there like this one?

[DC Tom]

Just now, BringBackFergy said:

There's this one lady that walks in off the street and talks to my secretaries for 20-30 minutes every other day or so...it's soooo frustrating. My office is upstairs and I can hear her talk and talk about stuff around town.

 

My secretaries try their best to "politely" break the conversation but she keeps going. I've even called my own office phone number on my cell phone upstairs, it rings through and one secretary answers the phone (to indicate she's busy) but she continues talking to the other secretary.

 

One of my secretaries has hidden under her desk when she sees her coming across the street to my office. The other runs to the bathroom. She announces her appearance and then I go down and talk with her for ten mins until the phone rings (from my secretary on her cell phone under her desk) and it is dead silence. I have to pretend I'm talking to someone. She waits for three or four minutes until I start jotting down notes on paper indicating the call will take awhile.

 

She's also a doorway diddler: "Well, just thought I'd stop in and give you an update. I have to go now...(door halfway open and cold air rushes in)....ohh, I forgot to tell you, the town is planning a....blah, blah, blah"

 

I may need some advice on how best to stop this treachery. Any other horror stories out there like this one?

 

Find out where she lives, show up at her home every evening for half an hour and talk her ear off.

[LeviF]

1 minute ago, BringBackFergy said:

There's this one lady that walks in off the street and talks to my secretaries for 20-30 minutes every other day or so...it's soooo frustrating. My office is upstairs and I can hear her talk and talk about stuff around town.

 

My secretaries try their best to "politely" break the conversation but she keeps going. I've even called my own office phone number on my cell phone upstairs, it rings through and one secretary answers the phone (to indicate she's busy) but she continues talking to the other secretary.

 

One of my secretaries has hidden under her desk when she sees her coming across the street to my office. The other runs to the bathroom. She announces her appearance and then I go down and talk with her for ten mins until the phone rings (from my secretary on her cell phone under her desk) and it is dead silence. I have to pretend I'm talking to someone. She waits for three or four minutes until I start jotting down notes on paper indicating the call will take awhile.

 

She's also a doorway diddler: "Well, just thought I'd stop in and give you an update. I have to go now...(door halfway open and cold air rushes in)....ohh, I forgot to tell you, the town is planning a....blah, blah, blah"

 

I may need some advice on how best to stop this treachery. Any other horror stories out there like this one?

 

You need advice on how to make someone go away?  Sack up already.  Be the richard cranium and tell her you pay your secretaries to work not to chat with people unless they're paying your fees.  Eat the bad yelp review and feel your testicles swell.

[BringBackFergy]

Just now, DC Tom said:

 

Find out where she lives, show up at her home every evening for half an hour and talk her ear off.

I see your point, and for a person like you or me, the message would be received loud and clear. Not this one...she's a whole different breed. She'd invite me in and talk MY ear off until the American Flag starts waving on Channel 4.

[LB3]

Or...

Edited January 7, 2020 by LBSeeBallLBGetBall

[Ridgewaycynic2013]

Close the Stamford branch.  Consolidate it with the Scranton branch.

[DC Tom]

2 minutes ago, BringBackFergy said:

I see your point, and for a person like you or me, the message would be received loud and clear. Not this one...she's a whole different breed. She'd invite me in and talk MY ear off until the American Flag starts waving on Channel 4.

 

Sounds like you have to lease a new office in a different town, then.

[Jauronimo]

Instruct your admins to tell this woman that they were recently chastised by the boss for spending too much time with personal conversations at the expense of work and she will get them both in hot water.

[Nextmanup]

This is a fairly common phenomenon, and it's pretty sad if you think about it.  

 

Jauronimo's approach makes sense; if she keeps coming back after that at least they have some leverage to say "please, I told you I'm going to get in hot water".  I think they will eventually convince her to stay away, though it may take 2 or 3 confrontations.  

 

You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar in this world.

 

 

[SlimShady'sSpaceForce]

LOCK the door and put up a sign 

 

BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.

[Ridgewaycynic2013]

16 minutes ago, SlimShady'sGhost said:

LOCK the door and put up a sign 

 

BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.

On a 7-11?!

[snafu]

1 hour ago, BringBackFergy said:

I may need some advice on how best to stop this treachery.

 

 

Buy an egg timer and give it to her.  She's got to bring it with her every time she comes in.  If she doesn't have it, she can't come in.

Tie a bow around it and make sure she knows that this is "her" egg timer, and when the sand hits the bottom, she's got to move along.  

Honestly, no matter how you treat her, it will probably come back and bite you in the ass -- she's going to go around town gabbing about how you've mistreated her.  If your reputation can take the hit that she will surely try to give it, then get it over with.

 

 

1 hour ago, BringBackFergy said:

She's also a doorway diddler

 

Walk her butt right out the door with the close talking routine.  There's no languishing in a doorway.

 

 

[ICanSleepWhenI'mDead]

Tell her you think Rex Ryan is the best head coach the Bills ever had, even though he had a foot fetish, and then complement her on her shoes (or toes if it was summer and you could see them, but that seems unlikely in January).

 

But if she then comes back in January with open-toed shoes, you've got a bigger problem.

[BringBackFergy]

32 minutes ago, snafu said:

 

 

Buy an egg timer and give it to her.  She's got to bring it with her every time she comes in.  If she doesn't have it, she can't come in.

Tie a bow around it and make sure she knows that this is "her" egg timer, and when the sand hits the bottom, she's got to move along.  

Honestly, no matter how you treat her, it will probably come back and bite you in the ass -- she's going to go around town gabbing about how you've mistreated her.  If your reputation can take the hit that she will surely try to give it, then get it over with.

 

 

 

Walk her butt right out the door with the close talking routine.  There's no languishing in a doorway.

 

 

I'm gonna suggest this to the ladies downstairs. Awesome.

1 hour ago, Jauronimo said:

Instruct your admins to tell this woman that they were recently chastised by the boss for spending too much time with personal conversations at the expense of work and she will get them both in hot water.

Tried that. This is the same woman that my secretaries say "Oh, the phone is ringing...I have to take this call" (and it's me calling from upstairs) and she says "That's ok, I'll wait".  

 

She's one of a kind. In a community of about 4,000 people, I get the one person with so little self-awareness that treats my office like a knitting club.

[NoHuddleKelly12]

Hire her! Then you have the power to send her straight to the windowless storage room where she can start reorganizing all of those filing cabinets while your other 2 employees catch up on their to do lists. Classic 2 birds with 1 stone sort of solution. You're welcome 

[Jauronimo]

4 minutes ago, BringBackFergy said:

I'm gonna suggest this to the ladies downstairs. Awesome.

Tried that. This is the same woman that my secretaries say "Oh, the phone is ringing...I have to take this call" (and it's me calling from upstairs) and she says "That's ok, I'll wait".  

 

She's one of a kind. In a community of about 4,000 people, I get the one person with so little self-awareness that treats my office like a knitting club.

Then man up and tell her that unless shes a client she needs to find some place else to socialize or Fergy is going to have to shiv a mofo.

 

Option B, walk into the lobby with your pants around your ankles and shout "cut the S@#$! Are we gonna f@#$ or not?!?!"

[ExiledInIllinois]

2 hours ago, BringBackFergy said:

There's this one lady that walks in off the street and talks to MY secretaries...

I stopped reading right there.

 

I'd comment, but I am a decent man.

 

Okay... You twisted my arm. 

 

Move to Mount Pilot... You cold city slicker.

[billsfanmiami(oh)]

Expose yourself ??‍♂️

[ExiledInIllinois]

Call Andy to have Barney bust her on down.  She'll wisen up after spending a night with Otis.

[KD in CA]

Is she hot?

[Buffalo_Gal]

Apparently, you and your staff are far too polite.

 

I’d just tell her to leave (unless your business is a church or charity), and lock the door after her. Or, lock the door as she approaches. You could also install a camera and buzzer lock and then never buzz her in. ? Or, how about a staff meeting as soon as she walks in the door. “Sorry, we need to lock up now! Bub-bye!”

 

You could always bill her for chat time. That would certainly send a message (although it would also bring her to your door in a tizzy, so maybe not).

 

[Gugny]

Do you have a picture of her holding a fish?

[BringBackFergy]

28 minutes ago, KD in CA said:

Is she hot?

Ugh....ugh....define HOT

28 minutes ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

Apparently, you and your staff are far too polite.

 

I’d just tell her to leave (unless your business is a church or charity), and lock the door after her. Or, lock the door as she approaches. You could also install a camera and buzzer lock and then never buzz her in. ? Or, how about a staff meeting as soon as she walks in the door. “Sorry, we need to lock up now! Bub-bye!”

 

You could always bill her for chat time. That would certainly send a message (although it would also bring her to your door in a tizzy, so maybe not).

 

It's a very unique situation...she's somewhat of a charity case in our town (so the "tough as nails approach" wouldn't fly in a small community). But she doesn't stop in at the pizza joint, the bank or other buildings...just mine.  I can overhear my assistants just saying "ohhhh" or "uh huh", meanwhile this lady talks a mile a minute about her day. It's funny and frustrating at the same time.

[The Poojer]

What's a secretary????

 

3 hours ago, BringBackFergy said:

There's this one lady that walks in off the street and talks to my secretaries for 20-30 minutes every other day or so...it's soooo frustrating. My office is upstairs and I can hear her talk and talk about stuff around town.

 

My secretaries try their best to "politely" break the conversation but she keeps going. I've even called my own office phone number on my cell phone upstairs, it rings through and one secretary answers the phone (to indicate she's busy) but she continues talking to the other secretary.

 

One of my secretaries has hidden under her desk when she sees her coming across the street to my office. The other runs to the bathroom. She announces her appearance and then I go down and talk with her for ten mins until the phone rings (from my secretary on her cell phone under her desk) and it is dead silence. I have to pretend I'm talking to someone. She waits for three or four minutes until I start jotting down notes on paper indicating the call will take awhile.

 

She's also a doorway diddler: "Well, just thought I'd stop in and give you an update. I have to go now...(door halfway open and cold air rushes in)....ohh, I forgot to tell you, the town is planning a....blah, blah, blah"

 

I may need some advice on how best to stop this treachery. Any other horror stories out there like this one?

[BringBackFergy]

2 minutes ago, The Poojer said:

What's a secretary????

 

The people who run my office. My bosses.

[Marv's Neighbor]

Have her whacked! 

[row_33]

6 minutes ago, Marv's Neighbor said:

Have her whacked! 

 

you know what to do....

 

[The Poojer]

awww...i miss that surly little midget actor prick

 

4 minutes ago, row_33 said:

 

you know what to do....

 

Edited January 7, 2020 by The Poojer

[row_33]

5 minutes ago, The Poojer said:

awww...i miss that surly little midget actor prick

 

 

never a day goes by without thinking about it

 

 

[Gugny]

4 hours ago, BringBackFergy said:

There's this one lady that walks in off the street and talks to my secretaries for 20-30 minutes every other day or so...it's soooo frustrating. My office is upstairs and I can hear her talk and talk about stuff around town.

 

My secretaries try their best to "politely" break the conversation but she keeps going. I've even called my own office phone number on my cell phone upstairs, it rings through and one secretary answers the phone (to indicate she's busy) but she continues talking to the other secretary.

 

One of my secretaries has hidden under her desk when she sees her coming across the street to my office. The other runs to the bathroom. She announces her appearance and then I go down and talk with her for ten mins until the phone rings (from my secretary on her cell phone under her desk) and it is dead silence. I have to pretend I'm talking to someone. She waits for three or four minutes until I start jotting down notes on paper indicating the call will take awhile.

 

She's also a doorway diddler: "Well, just thought I'd stop in and give you an update. I have to go now...(door halfway open and cold air rushes in)....ohh, I forgot to tell you, the town is planning a....blah, blah, blah"

 

I may need some advice on how best to stop this treachery. Any other horror stories out there like this one?

 

I think the message should come directly from you.

 

You're a nice guy and have a comforting personality.  I think you should tell her that you enjoy her visits.  But gently remind her that it is a place of employment and it's how you make your living.  Tell her that your secretaries have things to do while they're in the office and a quick "hello, how are ya," is one thing ... but an extended conversation can't be the norm.

 

Tell her that, once in a while, there will be days where she can hang out longer than others.  But that if there's work to be done, you or one of the girls is gonna have to tell her that they can't talk right now ... and ask her if she understands.

 

This way, you're not being mean.  You're not telling her to stop coming by.  You're simply asking her to understand that moderation needs to be exercised.

 

I think that will work and it will work best coming from you.

[ExiledInIllinois]

1 hour ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

Apparently, you and your staff are far too polite.

 

I’d just tell her to leave (unless your business is a church or charity), and lock the door after her. Or, lock the door as she approaches. You could also install a camera and buzzer lock and then never buzz her in. ? Or, how about a staff meeting as soon as she walks in the door. “Sorry, we need to lock up now! Bub-bye!”

 

You could always bill her for chat time. That would certainly send a message (although it would also bring her to your door in a tizzy, so maybe not).

 

Holy Moly!  You mentioned the word "lock" 4 times in this post.  Geeeesh... What are trying to do... Trigger him? He's so much better than having to lock things up!

 

Thanks... You're a real help. ?

Edited January 7, 2020 by ExiledInIllinois

[Just Jack]

1) Get an Aiphone, or similar system. https://www.aiphone.com/home/products

 

2) Lock the door

 

3) Put up a sign "Due to safety concerns, all visits require an appointment be made in advance. Absolutely no walk ins"

 

4) Don't let her in when she drops by. 

 

 

[snafu]

Loudly ring a cowbell every time she opens her mouth to speak.

If you do this long enough, she will get frustrated and stop coming by.

 

...Or actually, go back and revisit all of the great advice you gave way back when in that "my cats are peeing everywhere" advise thread.  Maybe there's something you can take from that which will do the trick.

 

[Taro T]

How did this start?  Was she a client and got chummy with the secretaries?  Is she related to one of them or past teacher / hair stylist of theirs?  How long has this behavior gone on?

 

The answers to those might alter / adjust where your approach to addressing the issue ends up between grinning and bearing it to shivving the mofo.

 

 

[BringBackFergy]

8 minutes ago, Taro T said:

How did this start?  Was she a client and got chummy with the secretaries?  Is she related to one of them or past teacher / hair stylist of theirs?  How long has this behavior gone on?

 

The answers to those might alter / adjust where your approach to addressing the issue ends up between grinning and bearing it to shivving the mofo.

 

 

She is neither a client or hairdresser. She is relatively new to the community (but grew up here years ago and moved back three years ago). She is now a self-proclaimed socialite (if announcing who danced with who at the Harvestfest constitutes social announcements). 

[Just Joshin']

3 hours ago, The Poojer said:

What's a secretary????

 

It is like an Administrative Assistant but in 1960.

[Poleshifter]

Get headsets for both secretaries. They can say they are transcribing and need to listen closely. The other one could be on a fake phone call.

 

[Taro T]

2 minutes ago, BringBackFergy said:

She is neither a client or hairdresser. She is relatively new to the community (but grew up here years ago and moved back three years ago). She is now a self-proclaimed socialite (if announcing who danced with who at the Harvestfest constitutes social announcements). 

 

Self proclaimed socialite you say?  With no real ties to your office nor your crew?

 

Pretty sure the right way of dealing with her is shiv the mofo.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Get a few pet tarantulas and let them roam freely around the office for a few days ?

[Just Jack]

47 minutes ago, BringBackFergy said:

She is neither a client or hairdresser. She is relatively new to the community (but grew up here years ago and moved back three years ago). She is now a self-proclaimed socialite (if announcing who danced with who at the Harvestfest constitutes social announcements). 

 

Did Billy Joe Bob Tom dance with Kelly Sue Tammy? He does like her, but doesn't know how to tell her.