Do you still consider childhood/high school friends your friends if you lost touch with them?

[Another Fan]

I found out this week a friend I had in middle school's dad died recently at age 71.  It's what triggering this thread for me.

 

We had fun/good times back in the day.  Which is like 25 years ago already.  But I haven't talked to him since.  It's not that we stopped talking because we were on bad terms with each other.  It was more we went to separate high schools and we forever lost touch with each other.  I'm not a big social media person and I don't think he is either.  

 

 

In this case no I wouldn't consider myself his friend but hearing about his Dad though legit felt like a gut punch.  I remember briefly meeting his dad way back when.  Was a charismatic/nice guy.  

[dhg]

100% still your friend 

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

3 hours ago, Another Fan said:

I found out this week a friend I had in middle school's dad died recently at age 71.  It's what triggering this thread for me.

 

We had fun/good times back in the day.  Which is like 25 years ago already.  But I haven't talked to him since.  It's not that we stopped talking because we were on bad terms with each other.  It was more we went to separate high schools and we forever lost touch with each other.  I'm not a big social media person and I don't think he is either.  

 

 

In this case no I wouldn't consider myself his friend but hearing about his Dad though legit felt like a gut punch.  I remember briefly meeting his dad way back when.  Was a charismatic/nice guy.  

On a related note, I remember going to my first few high school reunions

and was sort of amazed at the connections I still had with friends like this. Kids I hung out with in elementary or middle school, but then we drifted apart. We picked up as if we were back in 7th grade. 

[Joe Ferguson forever]

I'd lost touch from most of them.  We had a kinda strange informal reunion in Lwiston/Youngstown /Ransomville.  Wasn't the same but good times.  Barely talk on FB after.  You can never go back, really.

[Irv]

I still hang out with my four best buddies from high school.  Four of us still live in the same town.  

[Not at the table Karlos]

I’m still friends with every friend I’ve had since I was 10. It would have been longer but some passed away. 

[boyst]

No. i don't consider them friends from 20 years ago even if we were close. After high school the whole wide world opens up and i think too many don't grow beyond their little town to realize the whole world is out there. it's sad, actually.

 

i have 3 i talk to no more than once a year that i knew prior to 2001.

[Punching Bag]

 

When I went to last school reunion I had many people act like we were best friends who I barely knew.

I am known for bringing my yearbook every time and I checked and they never even signed it.

I saw a few people there I interacted with including a couple from old neighborhood Steelton (Blasdell/Hamburg line) but none of my best friends.

I missed last reunion for my wife could not go and too much driving for me for an evening.

Only time I had any interaction with classmates was if I stopped by local bar when I was in town.

Since I left for college before I was of drinking age (I was 17) I never did much of bar scene where I grew up.

 

 

 

[MPL]

I moved away from my hometown as soon as I graduated high school. Haven't kept up with many people other than superficially on social media. If an old friend rolls through town, I'll grab a beer with them and catch up, but it doesn't go much beyond that. I recently found out that one of my best friends in high school lost both of his parents in the past year. I haven't talked to him in probably 15 years. I loved his parents back in the day so I reached out to him to let him know that. Never heard back but getting a response wasn't the intent of my message, so it is what is. 

[Bermuda Triangle]

Topics like this remind me of a line from the movie Stand By Me:  "I Never Had Any Friends Later On Like the Ones I Had When I Was Twelve."

[dpberr]

Absolutely.

 

I think men value friendships built around shared experience much more than women do and are better at both building them and maintaining them.   The subconscious reason we all post here every day is that at its core.  It holds true for school and experiences like serving in the military, or you were a member of a core group of employees at a company.  Shared experience binds.  

 

Also, you crave friendships more as you age despite any outwardly curmudgeon status.  Especially for men, life can get lonely once you're out of college.  That loneliness compounds significantly when the kids are out of the house and then when you retire.   I think that's why a lot of people who blew off high school and college reunions in their 20s-30s, are avid, devoted reunion attendees in their 50s, 60s, 70s.   

[muppy]

Yes.

 

I don't think friendship itself has a time limit. The closeness of the friendship is what diminishes.    

[WhoTom]

High school, no. I guess I never had enough in common with my HS friends that I really wanted to stay in touch with them. I've never gone to my class's HS reunion.

 

I have a small group of friends from college who I stay in touch with. I see a couple of them every year and the others every few years, but we all email each other a few times a year and I talk to a couple of them on the phone every month or so.

 

 

 

[Bill from NYC]

4 hours ago, dpberr said:

 

I think men value friendships built around shared experience much more than women do and are better at both building them and maintaining them.   The subconscious reason we all post here every day is that at its core.  It holds true for school and experiences like serving in the military, or you were a member of a core group of employees at a company.  Shared experience binds.  

 

Interesting.

[Augie]

If we were friends when we were young, I’d be open to being friends again in the present. I can’t really commit to friendship, because I don’t know who those people have grown to be. I’m sure some of the people I hung out with back in the day have turned into people I wouldn't want to spend my time with today. We all grow and develop in different ways, so I’m a wait and see guy. 

 

I’m still in touch with some guys I’ve known since 4th grade. We mostly communicate about…….I bet you can guess……the Bills! We text several times a week. I lived in Williamsville, but went to St Joes, so I had my neighborhood friends and my school friends. I have no idea what has happened to the HS guys. 

 

I’m also in regular touch with a group from college, and a couple guys in particular who I text with almost daily. 

 

 

.

Edited November 13, 2023 by Augie

[WhoTom]

37 minutes ago, Augie said:

I can’t really commit to friendship, because I don’t know who those people have grown to be. I’m sure some of the people I hung out with back in the day have turned into people I wouldn't want to spend my time with today.

 

Exactly. I've had people from HS and even grade school contact me by email or FB after not having seen each other for 30-40 years. More often than not, they turn out to be ... let's just say that if we met today for the first time, I probably wouldn't become friends with them.

 

 

[Joe Ferguson forever]

2 hours ago, WhoTom said:

High school, no. I guess I never had enough in common with my HS friends that I really wanted to stay in touch with them. I've never gone to my class's HS reunion.

 

I have a small group of friends from college who I stay in touch with. I see a couple of them every year and the others every few years, but we all email each other a few times a year and I talk to a couple of them on the phone every month or so.

 

 

 

the only reunion i've gone to was 20 year.  at the stone jug in Youngstown.  The qb who is now a CPA was making out with one of the ex cheerleaders full view of everyone.  Gross....and he was a friend of mine.  u know who I mean Dave.....

Edited November 13, 2023 by Joe Ferguson forever

[BillsPride12]

Fun topic to dive into Another Fan.

 

I would say No in the sense that if a story or something I brought up involved a friend of mine from back in the day but haven't talked to in 20-25 years I wouldn't tell the story as "My buddy yada yada yada" but would tell like it "A friend of mine from back in the day", "An old friend of mine" "A good buddy at the time"  If that makes any sense.  But that doesn't mean it's in a negative light.  It's just time does move on and it's hard to classify someone I haven't spoken with in over 20 years currently as a "Friend"

But the topic itself is such an interesting one, just like the poster above mentioned I thought of the old Stand By Me quote instantly.  The crazy thing to me is I haven't stayed in touch with some of my closest friends from childhood but then I have other random friends I met wherever that I still keep in touch with.  I dunno life just has a weird way of flowing once you get to a certain age.  Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to it.  There's definitely people I wish I would've kept in touch with but the friendship just naturally fizzled out.  But I will say I still will always have love and a place in my heart for old friends and I would definitely feel the same way as the OP if I learned of a good friend's Dad passing away even if I hadn't talked to him in awhile.  I always say life goes on but the memories last forever.  

[Augie]

35 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

Exactly. I've had people from HS and even grade school contact me by email or FB after not having seen each other for 30-40 years. More often than not, they turn out to be ... let's just say that if we met today for the first time, I probably wouldn't become friends with them.

 

 

 

A bit off topic, but this is related to why I own a ton of Bills gear, but zero jerseys. There is NOTHING wrong with jerseys, it just makes me a little uncomfortable that I have no idea who these people really are. If I did anything it would be a throw back to someone known to be of solid character. 

[Joe Ferguson forever]

33 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

A bit off topic, but this is related to why I own a ton of Bills gear, but zero jerseys. There is NOTHING wrong with jerseys, it just makes me a little uncomfortable that I have no idea who these people really are. If I did anything it would be a throw back to someone known to be of solid character. 

17 jersey all day today

[Augie]

9 minutes ago, Joe Ferguson forever said:

17 jersey all day today

 

I hear ya! 

 

But the OJ jerseys were hot too.  🤷‍♂️

 

That is just ME. I fully realize I am the oddball here, so there is no need to pile on and explain why I am an idiot. I will stipulate that. 😋

[Another Fan]

7 hours ago, dpberr said:

Absolutely.

 

I think men value friendships built around shared experience much more than women do and are better at both building them and maintaining them.   The subconscious reason we all post here every day is that at its core.  It holds true for school and experiences like serving in the military, or you were a member of a core group of employees at a company.  Shared experience binds.  

 

Also, you crave friendships more as you age despite any outwardly curmudgeon status.  Especially for men, life can get lonely once you're out of college.  That loneliness compounds significantly when the kids are out of the house and then when you retire.   I think that's why a lot of people who blew off high school and college reunions in their 20s-30s, are avid, devoted reunion attendees in their 50s, 60s, 70s.   

Yeah my Dad who is in his early 70s was going to go to his college roommates door and knock on it after 40 plus years of no contact.  I suggested to him you know could that be considered stalking and thought social media would be the better option!   He couldn’t find his old friend on it though.   He hasn’t actually done it yet but his thought was I’m not going be on the planet much longer.  Why not?   
 

To some extent I understand his logic.  He’s more open now to friendships with old classmates than he used to be.  I think he said he joined a Facebook group for his high school graduating class or something like that 

[That's No Moon]

I probably suck, but I look at friends as people who come in and out of your life at a particular place at a particular time.  Sometimes you stay friends for a long time because that thing that brought you together stays constant, sometimes you drift apart and that's ok.  It's not that I don't like you anymore it's just that the thing that bonded us in the first place is gone. You have your stuff, I have my stuff. Rather than try to force that relationship to continue it's ok to let it fade and make new connections in your current place and time.  Out of all the people I considered friends in grade school or high school I still talk to one on a semi-regular basis.  He's a great dude, love him to death, but we've lived 300+ miles apart for almost 30 years now.  We've both moved on and grown in ours lives.  We touch base every now and again and it's nice to do that and if we lived closer it would be much easier to reestablish that bond but as it is I'm good with it.  Out of all my college friends I still talk to 3 and I only see one of them regularly. Not including the one I ended up marrying. I see her every day.  The one I see regularly lives near me, the other two don't hence I don't see them often.  Friends from former jobs? Yeah, nobody.

 

Grade school/high school people are hard. So many grew up to be so different from what you knew. I have people I used to know who are in prison for some unpleasant things and that's not the person I knew when I was a kid.  A bunch of my high school friends are dead. Several didn't make it out of their 20's. One of my college friends died before we got out of college.

 

I also don't do the social media thing anymore which probably makes it more difficult, but to be honest I feel like all of the is totally superficial and not really relationship maintenance.  It's LAMPing 99% of the time with the other 1% being heinous crap that makes you question why you liked them in the first place. Deleting all of that was the best move I've made in the last 10 years.  You miss the dopamine hits at first, but once that stops, you don't miss it at all and you become glad you're not part of it.

[Fr. Jerk]

No, ya dig?

[Augie]

On 11/13/2023 at 7:03 PM, That's No Moon said:

I probably suck, but I look at friends as people who come in and out of your life at a particular place at a particular time.  Sometimes you stay friends for a long time because that thing that brought you together stays constant, sometimes you drift apart and that's ok.  It's not that I don't like you anymore it's just that the thing that bonded us in the first place is gone. You have your stuff, I have my stuff. Rather than try to force that relationship to continue it's ok to let it fade and make new connections in your current place and time.  Out of all the people I considered friends in grade school or high school I still talk to one on a semi-regular basis.  He's a great dude, love him to death, but we've lived 300+ miles apart for almost 30 years now.  We've both moved on and grown in ours lives.  We touch base every now and again and it's nice to do that and if we lived closer it would be much easier to reestablish that bond but as it is I'm good with it.  Out of all my college friends I still talk to 3 and I only see one of them regularly. Not including the one I ended up marrying. I see her every day.  The one I see regularly lives near me, the other two don't hence I don't see them often.  Friends from former jobs? Yeah, nobody.

 

Grade school/high school people are hard. So many grew up to be so different from what you knew. I have people I used to know who are in prison for some unpleasant things and that's not the person I knew when I was a kid.  A bunch of my high school friends are dead. Several didn't make it out of their 20's. One of my college friends died before we got out of college.

 

 I also don't do the social media thing anymore which probably makes it more difficult, but to be honest I feel like all of the is totally superficial and not really relationship maintenance.  It's LAMPing 99% of the time with the other 1% being heinous crap that makes you question why you liked them in the first place. Deleting all of that was the best move I've made in the last 10 years.  You miss the dopamine hits at first, but once that stops, you don't miss it at all and you become glad you're not part of it.

 

My wife went to a sorority reunion at the beach. Her best friend arrived and asked “OK, what’s up with everybody? Not the FaceBook BS, what’s really going on? I’ll start, I have one kid in prison, one in rehab and a doctor and a lawyer.”  Things got pretty “real” as they say quickly after that. 

 

Your real, true friends are the ones you go to with the rough stuff. Everybody is there for the birthdays and graduations. Who is there to help you move or take you to the airport at an odd time? Who will go bail your kid out if you need it? Those are your true friends. 

 

 

. 

Edited November 15, 2023 by Augie

[WotAGuy]

I hate people so, no.  

[EmotionallyUnstable]

If you were friends and ended on good terms/lost contact for whatever reason, they are your “old buddies”

 

Friends stay in regular communication of some IMO, even if it’s texts, calls, etc.

[Just Jack]

I have a lot of high school classmates I consider friends, but the only time we communicate is through FB posts.  Several still live in the area, so we could get together regularly but we don't.  

[BillsPride12]

7 hours ago, Just Jack said:

I have a lot of high school classmates I consider friends, but the only time we communicate is through FB posts.  Several still live in the area, so we could get together regularly but we don't.  

That sounds like how life is in WNY too.  The problem is once you get to a certain age(30's are a big change from 20's) life just gets so busy and people don't have the free time to hang out like they used to.  There's a lot of people I don't talk to or see anymore and it just happened naturally because people are too busy it wasn't due to some sort of falling out.  

[Gugny]

If I haven’t actually hung out with them in person or spoken to them on the phone for decades, then I’d consider them “old friends from high school.”

 

I have a lot of those and am facebook “friends” with them. But I still consider them “old” friends. 
 

If I’m in contact with a person occasionally throughout the year, then yes … I call those people friends. 

[Augie]

2 hours ago, Gugny said:

If I haven’t actually hung out with them in person or spoken to them on the phone for decades, then I’d consider them “old friends from high school.”

 

I have a lot of those and am facebook “friends” with them. But I still consider them “old” friends. 
 

If I’m in contact with a person occasionally throughout the year, then yes … I call those people friends. 

 

I consider some of those people current friends if they take the time to keep renewing the restraining order.   😋

 

 

We have some old friends, I mean from decades back, who never miss a birthday or Christmas card. They are busy people too, but they give it a higher level of importance than most of us. The effort is appreciated. One lady in particular we met about 30 years ago, and moved away from them 13 years ago. Just last month the wife went to D.C. for her son’s wedding. 

 

I think the right answer is…….it depends. 

[Draconator]

I'm still in contact with a number of high school friends. I was in drama club, and the jock always went after us drama geeks. The one jock who stood up for us was the QB of the varsity football team. These days, he is 5 years into his battle with ALS. We go to the movies regularly. He's lost all ability to talk, but he can still walk and get in my car to drive to the theatre. 

 

The very first girl I ever kissed passed away a couple of years ago from cancer. We openly admitted that that was a special thing for us. 

[f0neguy]

I grew up in a small town in the southern tier where everyone knew everyone.  We all graduated in 75-77.  We get together for a weekend every three years or so.  Folks bring tents or campers, set up in a guys yard (who still lives in the same town) and eat and drink too much.  Last time we got together we had 20+ people (original kids and some spouses).  We’re all in our 60’s and we’re looking forward to the next one.

 

Don’t want to jinx anyone but we’re all still pretty healthy.