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Wedding Gift Question

LabattBlue

By LabattBlue
in Off the Wall Archives

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Wedding gift amount?  

36 members have voted

  1. 1. How much(per person) do you put in the envelope when attending a wedding of a FRIEND?

    • $25-49
      4
    • $50-74
      6
    • $75-$99
      5
    • $100+
      21

  2. 2. How much(per person) do you put in the envelope when attending a wedding of a FAMILY MEMBER?

    • $25-49
      1
    • $50-74
      4
    • $75-$99
      4
    • $100+
      27

  3. 3. Cash, Check or Gift?

    • Cash
      15
    • Check
      17
    • Gift
      4

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Seasons1992
Seasons1992

I'm old so I'm not invited to weddings anymore. 

Gugny
Gugny

I might actually get married again just so I can invite you!

The Jokeman
The Jokeman

I prefer the word more settled lol 

Buffalo_Gal All Pro

Buffalo_Gal

Posted
Posted (edited)

Way over $100 a plate. I want the newlyweds to not start too far in debt after their big party. After that, I add a gift amount. (So I pay for each plate + gift amount.)

I only buy presents (plus the check) for very close family members. Everyone else just gets a check (too many stories about envelopes being stolen, I can always put a stop payment on a check and issue a new one).

Edited by Buffalo_Gal
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plenzmd1 Hall of Famer

plenzmd1

Posted
Posted (edited)
15 minutes ago, Seasons1992 said:

I'm old so I'm not invited to weddings anymore. 

no, you are not old, you are in the middle ground! I am old, and have a wedding coming up in December, now my friends' kids are getting married, thats when you are old! Went a good 15 years with no weddings..now seems like 2 a year or so. Not a fan!

 

In terms of gifts, when did this idea of paying for your plate start???? 

 

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

 

BTW, i was mid 30's when i got married, paid for the wedding ourselves, ay a great spot in DC..paid by the drink. Scariest moment in my life walking up to the bar at the end of the night to get the bill!! Great thing was about 1/3rd of what we budgeted. we got married at 5, my friends and family pre-gamed pretty hard..kept costs down!!!!!!

Edited by plenzmd1
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Gugny Hall of Famer

Gugny

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Always at least $100 cash if I get invited to a wedding (even if I don't attend).  I typically shell out $300 for a close friend or family member. 

 

I might actually get married again just so I can invite you!

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apuszczalowski All Pro

apuszczalowski

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, plenzmd1 said:

no, you are not old, you are in the middle ground! I am old, and have a wedding coming up in December, now my friends' kids are getting married, thats when you are old! Went a good 15 years with no weddings..now seems like 2 a year or so. Not a fan!

 

In terms of gifts, when did this idea of paying for your plate start???? 

 

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

 

BTW, i was mid 30's when i got married, paid for the wedding ourselves, ay a great spot in DC..paid by the drink. Scariest moment in my life walking up to the bar at the end of the night to get the bill!! Great thing was about 1/3rd of what we budgeted. we got married at 5, my friends and family pre-gamed pretty hard..kept costs down!!!!!!

I agree with most of this, you invited me to celebrate your wedding, now I'm supposed to pay for my dinner and a gift? Many cases the parents/family help out and pay for it, plus they have Stag & does to make money to help pay too. If you can't afford it or don't want to end up in debt afterwards, don't have such an expensive wedding.

 

When I got married i didnt want a Stag & Doe and paid for pretty much all of it ourselves. Kept it small and told my wife to work with the budget. 

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plenzmd1 Hall of Famer

plenzmd1

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Mr Info said:

We are purchasing something from the registry...no cash or checks. 

If the couple has not planned a registry then not going to the wedding as that probably will not be well organized either. 

 

or...maybe they just don't want gifts....or maybe they know you will not attend and that's why they do that!!!!

 

 

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Augie Hall of Famer

Augie

Posted
Posted

A close friend has a daughter getting married soon. They are in their 30’s, established and she’s quite successful. Nothing on the registry was over $100. It felt awkward but we got something at the high end and will probably send a check too (cannot attend due to conflict). What do you do if they are 45 instead of 25? Is that any different?

 

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it. 

 

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

My wife is from a HUGE family, and it’s that time for everyone to start getting married. Four in last 12 months I think. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Travel expenses for each one is a real thing. One was at Baha Mar resort in the Bahamas. It was worth every penny! 

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DaBillsFanSince1973 All Pro

DaBillsFanSince1973

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

no, you are not old, you are in the middle ground! I am old, and have a wedding coming up in December, now my friends' kids are getting married, thats when you are old! Went a good 15 years with no weddings..now seems like 2 a year or so. Not a fan!

 

In terms of gifts, when did this idea of paying for your plate start???? 

 

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

 

BTW, i was mid 30's when i got married, paid for the wedding ourselves, ay a great spot in DC..paid by the drink. Scariest moment in my life walking up to the bar at the end of the night to get the bill!! Great thing was about 1/3rd of what we budgeted. we got married at 5, my friends and family pre-gamed pretty hard..kept costs down!!!!!!

my friends kids have kids. yeah, I'm old. I'm a grandfather so I'm cool with being old.

 

as for the gift, as some said, 100 bucks should suffice and a nice well aged bottle of scotch.

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Tenhigh Veteran

Tenhigh

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Always at least $100 cash if I get invited to a wedding (even if I don't attend).  I typically shell out $300 for a close friend or family member. 

More like this.

 

 

 

4 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

Less like this.

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Augie Hall of Famer

Augie

Posted
Posted

It al depends on where you are in life. We’d do probably $100 minimum for someone we barely know, probably $250 for someone closer or a cousin’s kid. My son? He should not be expected to come up with anything like that when his friends are getting married. 

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Buffalo_Gal All Pro

Buffalo_Gal

Posted
Posted
45 minutes ago, Augie said:

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it.


Congratulations!!!

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plenzmd1 Hall of Famer

plenzmd1

Posted
Posted
38 minutes ago, Nextmanup said:

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the wedded couple did not have a gift registry somewhere, and I pick an item off the list.

 

Absolutely at least $100.  That's low.

 

 

plenzmd1 raises hand!!!! No gifts at our wedding..we absolutely requested no gifts, but if you like please make a donation to SOME DC(  so others may eat). My one aunt who was a fantastic artist gifted us a lovely original painting...only gift we received

10 minutes ago, Gugny said:

Either I'm really (REALLY) cheap, or only wealthy people are posting in this thread.

nah, just like so much in our world, things have been taken to extremes. Gender reveals, crazy birthday parties for kids, the horror of not being at every one of your kids college athletic contests etc. I mean how could these little darlings in their late 20's possibly make it in the world without $300 for every guest!

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Mark Vader Hall of Famer

Mark Vader

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Augie said:

A close friend has a daughter getting married soon. They are in their 30’s, established and she’s quite successful. Nothing on the registry was over $100. It felt awkward but we got something at the high end and will probably send a check too (cannot attend due to conflict). What do you do if they are 45 instead of 25? Is that any different?

 

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it. 

 

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

My wife is from a HUGE family, and it’s that time for everyone to start getting married. Four in last 12 months I think. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Travel expenses for each one is a real thing. One was at Baha Mar resort in the Bahamas. It was worth every penny! 

Does your son and family members know to not get married during football season?

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US Egg All Pro

US Egg

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am glad it's quieted down with family and friends kids weddings and invite obligations.

 

Some years there'd be 3 or 4, one year 5, weddings from June to mid Sept.

 

Add in same amount of June through July High School graduations too during this time.      

 

I don't miss it.

Edited by I am the egg man
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Gray Beard Veteran

Gray Beard

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Augie said:

A close friend has a daughter getting married soon. They are in their 30’s, established and she’s quite successful. Nothing on the registry was over $100. It felt awkward but we got something at the high end and will probably send a check too (cannot attend due to conflict). What do you do if they are 45 instead of 25? Is that any different?

 

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it. 

 

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

My wife is from a HUGE family, and it’s that time for everyone to start getting married. Four in last 12 months I think. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Travel expenses for each one is a real thing. One was at Baha Mar resort in the Bahamas. It was worth every penny! 

My son’s fiancé was a worker bee for a wedding planner as a weekend gig for extra cash.  She insists that she wants no part of a big expensive wedding.  They would rather have money for a house and their honeymoon.  It’s actually their parents who would pay for the wedding more than they would, but they still don’t want to deal with it. 

 

When my son in law came to me to ask me about marrying my daughter, I told him, “We have something in common.  We both love my daughter, and we’re both scared of her mother.”  He didn’t know how to respond to that.  For the record, I’m happily married, it was meant to be funny (sort of).

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ExiledInIllinois Hall of Famer

ExiledInIllinois

Posted
Posted

$150/person.

 

Family... $200/person if all four of us attending... $500+ just me or my wife attending a close family wedding.

 

Cash... Sometimes check.  Depends.  NEVER a gift.  Who wants that!!!! /smh

 

Who in hell are the people <$100... ??? $25-$49... ??? This ain't 1966.  That won't cover plate & booze even @ Bob's Country Bunker in Kokomo, Indiana... Okay, maybe that will! ?

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Sundancer Veteran

Sundancer

Posted
Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

plenzmd1 raises hand!!!! No gifts at our wedding..we absolutely requested no gifts, but if you like please make a donation to SOME DC(  so others may eat). My one aunt who was a fantastic artist gifted us a lovely original painting...only gift we received

nah, just like so much in our world, things have been taken to extremes. Gender reveals, crazy birthday parties for kids, the horror of not being at every one of your kids college athletic contests etc. I mean how could these little darlings in their late 20's possibly make it in the world without $300 for every guest!

 

Giving what you can, at least the cost of your attendance at the wedding, is the norm. At most traditional weddings, that's 150/person at least. Less than 100 is ridiculous unless you are the most hard up of hard up.

 

If it's an older established couple on a second wedding at a friend's bar catered by a cousin, the gift may be quite different. But the young couple on their first marriage gets the little extra lift. It's a nice norm. 

 

We always give cash and skip the registry. 

 

Oh and for you cheap bastids who say skip the wedding so you don't have to give a gift, that's not how it works. Invite = gift. 

Edited by Sundancer
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OldTimeAFLGuy Hall of Famer

OldTimeAFLGuy

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, row_33 said:

100+ easily

 

if they are registered i will get them something useful

 

otherwise cash in an envelope

 

and always repay kindness to you with the same or better

 

 

....sounds reasonable.........my daughter runs a large event/wedding venue..........what parents spend on weddings today is crazy......she had one last weekend where the bride's floral budget was 20 grand......spent 10 grand for the dress....10 grand for oyster/shrimp cold bar.....the father hired a rigging company to install guy wires between the 6 columns to hang extra chandeliers for ambience.....total tab was well north of 100 grand......

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Gugny Hall of Famer

Gugny

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, JR in Pittsburgh said:


haha— that’s what I was thinking. I think we cut a $50 check, with a lovely card. 

 

I went to a wedding last Fall.  My former next door neighbors' (and still close friends) daughter was getting married.  I went alone.  I gave them a $50 check and  I still feel fine about it.

 

If I'd had a date, I would have given $100.

 

One of my Supervisors at work is getting married in a couple weeks.  I'm not going to her wedding (it's one of those destination things), but I will give her and her husband $100.  The main reason is because a colleague of mine jumped on her registry and got them a ***** microwave.  So I can't come in with a 50 spot after that.

 

 

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plenzmd1 Hall of Famer

plenzmd1

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, OldTimeAFLGuy said:

 

....sounds reasonable.........my daughter runs a large event/wedding venue..........what parents spend on weddings today is crazy......she had one last weekend where the bride's floral budget was 20 grand......spent 10 grand for the dress....10 grand for oyster/shrimp cold bar.....the father hired a rigging company to install guy wires between the 6 columns to hang extra chandeliers for ambience.....total tab was well north of 100 grand......

so what does it take to cover the cost of the plate on that one? Man, i be bust just going to a wedding LOL! BTW, already told my daughter, she is having her wedding paid for right now, its called tuition!

26 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

I went to a wedding last Fall.  My former next door neighbors' (and still close friends) daughter was getting married.  I went alone.  I gave them a $50 check and  I still feel fine about it.

 

If I'd had a date, I would have given $100.

 

One of my Supervisors at work is getting married in a couple weeks.  I'm not going to her wedding (it's one of those destination things), but I will give her and her husband $100.  The main reason is because a colleague of mine jumped on her registry and got them a ***** microwave.  So I can't come in with a 50 spot after that.

 

 

weird situation..wonder if HR would have an opinion on this...my gut is a betcha buried in the corporate handbook somewhere if a bigger company some rule about a limit on gifts being $50 or something

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Gugny Hall of Famer

Gugny

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

weird situation..wonder if HR would have an opinion on this...my gut is a betcha buried in the corporate handbook somewhere if a bigger company some rule about a limit on gifts being $50 or something

 

I'll check it out (then ignore it), but my guess is that the gift would have to be related to "services rendered," or otherwise work-related in order to be in violation of any policy.  This is strictly personal.

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plenzmd1 Hall of Famer

plenzmd1

Posted
Posted
Just now, Gugny said:

 

I'll check it out (then ignore it), but my guess is that the gift would have to be related to "services rendered," or otherwise work-related in order to be in violation of any policy.  This is strictly personal.

yea..i dunno bout that in a larger company...biggest gift gets promoted? biggest gift gets most favorable assignments? No gift..no raise?Lots of room for shenanigans. N 

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Gugny Hall of Famer

Gugny

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

yea..i dunno bout that in a larger company...biggest gift gets promoted? biggest gift gets most favorable assignments? No gift..no raise?Lots of room for shenanigans. N 

 

All true and, unfortunately, this is a very large company.  Now I'm going to go check it out.

 

EDIT:  Just checked the manual.  Not a word about gifts.  I'm actually shocked.

 

 

Edited by Gugny
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OldTimeAFLGuy Hall of Famer

OldTimeAFLGuy

Posted
Posted
Just now, plenzmd1 said:

so what does it take to cover the cost of the plate on that one? Man, i be bust just going to a wedding LOL! BTW, already told my daughter, she is having her wedding paid for right now, its called tuition!

weird situation..wonder if HR would have an opinion on this...my gut is a betcha buried in the corporate handbook somewhere if a bigger company some rule about a limit on gifts being $50 or something

 

...the reception cost (food, beverage, oyster bar, etc) was $65,000.......my daughter books weddings for some of the more prominent families in the community......three "brides to be" who were all close friends, booked their weddings......after the 1st one, the 2nd one added a bunch of stuff to outdo the 1st one........the 3rd one gets married in 2020 and she is doing the same "add" thing.....she is already over 100 grand just for the reception and.....rising...SMH......

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Keukasmallies Veteran

Keukasmallies

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, apuszczalowski said:

I agree with most of this, you invited me to celebrate your wedding, now I'm supposed to pay for my dinner and a gift? Many cases the parents/family help out and pay for it, plus they have Stag & does to make money to help pay too. If you can't afford it or don't want to end up in debt afterwards, don't have such an expensive wedding.

 

When I got married i didnt want a Stag & Doe and paid for pretty much all of it ourselves. Kept it small and told my wife to work with the budget. 

 

 

Huh?

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