Has a woman ever wanted to leave you for working too much ?

[Teddy KGB]

Being hit with an ultimatum for working too much is kind of dumb no ? 
 

You want the surf and turf or you want the McDouble when we are 80 ? 

[WhoTom]

5 minutes ago, Teddy KGB said:

You want the surf and turf or you want the McDouble when we are 80 ? 

 

That's a false dichotomy. Is there no happy medium between those two extremes?

 

For me, the key to my career was balance. I worked hard but still had time to spend with my family. I retired from my full-time gig at the first moment of eligibility and I have no regrets at all. (My wife and I both work part-time from home now. We don't make a ton of money at it, but it supplements the retirement income.) We'd have more money if I'd kept working full-time, but we're still doing okay. We can afford vacations without worrying about how much we're spending (within reason), and we can splurge on a nice dinner out when we feel like it.

 

 

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

20 minutes ago, Teddy KGB said:

Has a woman ever wanted to leave you for working too much ?

 

Need to see pics of her first.

[ExiledInIllinois]

7 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

That's a false dichotomy. Is there no happy medium between those two extremes?

 

For me, the key to my career was balance. I worked hard but still had time to spend with my family. I retired from my full-time gig at the first moment of eligibility and I have no regrets at all. (My wife and I both work part-time from home now. We don't make a ton of money at it, but it supplements the retirement income.) We'd have more money if I'd kept working full-time, but we're still doing okay. We can afford vacations without worrying about how much we're spending (within reason), and we can splurge on a nice dinner out when we feel like it.

 

 

Exactly... Doing the same.

[Teddy KGB]

19 minutes ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

 

Need to see pics of her first.

10 years younger than me but not ecstatic about staying in shape 

25 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

That's a false dichotomy. Is there no happy medium between those two extremes?

 

For me, the key to my career was balance. I worked hard but still had time to spend with my family. I retired from my full-time gig at the first moment of eligibility and I have no regrets at all. (My wife and I both work part-time from home now. We don't make a ton of money at it, but it supplements the retirement income.) We'd have more money if I'd kept working full-time, but we're still doing okay. We can afford vacations without worrying about how much we're spending (within reason), and we can splurge on a nice dinner out when we feel like it.

 

 

Small biz owner with the winters off about to take part time job Fri Sat Sun night at casino so I can actually put 50-200k away.  
 

 

11 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Exactly... Doing the same.

No you’re not.   You work 15 days a month and she’s making 3x what you make no ? 

Edited March 7, 2023 by Teddy KGB

[muppy]

31 minutes ago, Teddy KGB said:

Being hit with an ultimatum for working too much is kind of dumb no ? 
 

You want the surf and turf or you want the McDouble when we are 80 ? 

hubby used to work ungodly long hours at his job during the time when my kids were younger. When he had a day off to spend with us often he would take over parenting and I would go spend some time away doin what I wanted/needed alone.  However balance did not exist. WE ended up compensating by hiring help like a gardener to attempt to give HIM some time to recharge and regroup.

 

Yes those years were very long and difficult. But ultimately it allowed he to retire early and segueway into Christian ministry efforts of all kinds as well as just enjoying retirement for many other reasons

 

So I can see both sides. There in our case was also a very real possibility of emotional and physical burnout/ stress related health issues. Makin humans work 70-80  plus hours a week on and on and on Its just not healthy. and we care about our spouses. So imo wanting a spouse to work less isn't only about money. 

 

Would I have left him for working long hours? Not solely no but if said spouse was away endlessly from home and you suspect cheating Now Thats a different kettle of fish.

 

[ExiledInIllinois]

37 minutes ago, Teddy KGB said:

No you’re not.   You work 15 days a month and she’s making 3x what you make no ? 

Nope...

 

I am 55... My minimum retirement is 57.8... I am going at that age. Free money.  I have over 30, so I can collect the supplement at my minimum... Which is basically what my SS will be at 62. At 62 I will take a hit and probably wait to 65 to collect my SS. I am not leaving free money on table and going into work for 4 years making the same as staying home.

 

Wife makes slightly more than as me. We're public servants, we don't make a ton but have been saving since and investing for 30 years. She's 10 months older but where she works, she can go at 56... Which is end of this year. House will be paid off, we gone... Probably buy a second house back east to be closer to family...

 

I might look at going to work again, part-time as a Fed... Maybe in the same job field... As a retired annuitant. Weren't not close to one of our children here and family is still 500 miles away... We're leaving as soon as we can.

Edited March 7, 2023 by ExiledInIllinois

[Fleezoid]

Stupid me. When I first read the title, I thought it said "drinking too much." Chalk it up to a mind preconditioned. 

 

[ExiledInIllinois]

Good read:

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/many-young-people-shouldnt-save-for-retirement-says-research-based-on-a-nobel-prize-winning-theory-11664562570

 

We still saved, icing on cake... But strived for this before it was a "thing." I guess it just came naturally. 

 

Many young people shouldn’t save for retirement, says research based on a Nobel Prize–winning theory

 

"New research based on the life-cycle model says that people should strive for a consistent standard of living through their lives..."

Edited March 7, 2023 by ExiledInIllinois

[Your Brown Eye]

I had to give up my "fun" job this past summer working at a liquor store on my days off from the hospital once we had a little one, and give up picking up extra shifts with incentive bonuses at the hospital since we a so short-staffed. I had been working there for about 7 years when I was finishing up school, and it was a nice change of pace from working under the stressors of healthcare. We both have excellent jobs in healthcare and my fiance actually makes about 20% more than me, so when our little one was born last February, we used up our vacations and PFL time, and had a "tough" discussion about the necessity of my "fun" job or not picking up extra shifts at the hospital because we did not want to put her into daycare over it, which led to me giving it up. I definitely miss it, miss my coworkers, miss the customers, miss the discounts (I had a hell of a bourbon collection because the staff got first dibs lol), but there is a balance now albeit with a smaller paycheck, I switched to working 3-12's (more like 14's) two being on the weekends and 1-night shift a week while the Mrs' works outpatient 8-4 pm Mon-Fri. With this schedule we typically do not have days off together, so we make the most of our time together before/after work each day.

[LeviF]

One did leave me for "working too much." I put the scare quotes in because that was the excuse given and that was fine, but I suspected it had more to do with her assessment of the long-term viability of our relationship, given she was a little older with more buy-in and I was 24 at the time and not really looking to settle down.

 

It was early in my career so I was doing shift work as well as taking whatever overtime was on offer while she was a tenure-track teacher working 8-3 with an adjunct gig in the summer teaching one class at the local university. Final straw was when I went to Baltimore for a Bills game on short notice, which she correctly pointed out I managed to take time off for while I had taken none to spend time with her. Fair enough. She correctly saw that I was prioritizing work and a football team over spending time with her and made her exit.

 

I say all this really to highlight the differences in the situations. You're in your 40s, I think, and she's in her 30s with kids from a prior relationship, no? You're a small business owner which requires a certain amount of dedication and "hustle." One might think that should be understood by now but there's a balance to be struck and expectations need to be appropriately set. She's a teacher and has come to expect from her experience that after a certain amount of time she can be "comfortable" regarding her compensation and work hours and balancing that with her kids' needs while that isn't necessarily your experience in your field and having no kids of your own. Maybe a "come to Jesus Moses" conversation is in order, assuming it's not a dead horse that doesn't need another beating. 

[ArdmoreRyno]

My (now ex) wife left me for NOT working as much as hear (IMO). I worked at home and took care of our daughters.... online handicapping business from 1995-2006, meaning I was one of the first in the world to do it. Made six figures a year working 1-2 hours a night online writing articles and making advertising deals for my site. She worked 9-5 as an attorney, made about half of what I made and she had an affair with a 'client'. Married him, divorced him and begged me back (I said no thanks). 

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

 

You both gave wedding vows to be there for each other, better or worse. For her to do that, f' that man. You don't need it. 

 

Fast forward 15 years for me: I'm engaged to a beautiful woman who is 18 years younger than me (I'm 48) andis way out of my league but supports me 100% with what I do. I do the same for her. It's night and day from my ex-wife. 

[Mark80]

Working too much is so stupid, unless you truly enjoy working of course.  Life is too short, do what makes you happy, not what makes some rich dude even richer.  Nothing I regret more than wasting my twenties working 60+ hours a week salaried for a Billion dollar corporation that didn't give a crap about any of us, despite their persistent claims of being a family.

Edited March 7, 2023 by Mark80

[Doc]

When my older son was 1-3/4 years old and my younger son was 2 months old, I started working in a surgery center.  No calls, weekends or holidays.  Best thing I ever did.  I took less to do it but it was worth it.

[Teddy KGB]

4 hours ago, LeviF said:

One did leave me for "working too much." I put the scare quotes in because that was the excuse given and that was fine, but I suspected it had more to do with her assessment of the long-term viability of our relationship, given she was a little older with more buy-in and I was 24 at the time and not really looking to settle down.

 

It was early in my career so I was doing shift work as well as taking whatever overtime was on offer while she was a tenure-track teacher working 8-3 with an adjunct gig in the summer teaching one class at the local university. Final straw was when I went to Baltimore for a Bills game on short notice, which she correctly pointed out I managed to take time off for while I had taken none to spend time with her. Fair enough. She correctly saw that I was prioritizing work and a football team over spending time with her and made her exit.

 

I say all this really to highlight the differences in the situations. You're in your 40s, I think, and she's in her 30s with kids from a prior relationship, no? You're a small business owner which requires a certain amount of dedication and "hustle." One might think that should be understood by now but there's a balance to be struck and expectations need to be appropriately set. She's a teacher and has come to expect from her experience that after a certain amount of time she can be "comfortable" regarding her compensation and work hours and balancing that with her kids' needs while that isn't necessarily your experience in your field and having no kids of your own. Maybe a "come to Jesus Moses" conversation is in order, assuming it's not a dead horse that doesn't need another beating. 

this is it, I’ve been hit sign similar for having time for this not that etc 

[Johnny Hammersticks]

My wife is one of those people who can never sit still.  We both have full-time careers in education, but she has always had the desire to work part-time jobs here and there to stay busy. This tends to create added work for me at home with the household chores and the kids, but she enjoys it and it makes her happy.  
 

In August she shared with me that she wanted to apply for a psych tech job at the hospital and work a couple nights per week.  She makes ~$60/hour, so it brings in some extra cash flow to pay for vacations and the kids’ sports and such.  I’m totally cool with it.  It also gives me some alone time once the kids go to bed which I enjoy.  I’ve been married for 13 years though.

 

A long time ago when I was in graduate school I dated a girl seriously for a few years.  I was doing classes half-time, an internship in Syracuse City Schools, waiting tables at night, and then coming home and doing reading/homework for 4-5 hours.  She liked to go out to the bars after work, but I rarely joined her bc I was exhausted and had too much work to do.  After so many times of her crawling in bed with me drunk at 3-4 in the morning I broke up with her.  We were clearly not a good match in terms of our life goals.  I was bummed though bc she was incredibly hot and a lot of fun in bed 🥵🤗

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

4 hours ago, ArdmoreRyno said:

I'm engaged to a beautiful woman who is 18 years younger than me

 

Pics?

[Joe Ferguson forever]

Yes, as an intern there was a rule put in place that work weeks could be no more than 80 hours.  Shifts no more than 36 hours.  These were often ignored.

[teef]

nope.  if anything my wife gets angry that i only work 4 days a week.  ***** her...i put my time in.  now i don't do a damn thing.  yard guy, plow guy, etc.

[ArdmoreRyno]

16 minutes ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

 

Pics?

 

Against my better judgement, but here she is. She's an amazing person, very grounded, great mother, heart of gold. 

 

[Doc]

Congrats.

[muppy]

1 hour ago, ArdmoreRyno said:

 

Against my better judgement, but here she is. She's an amazing person, very grounded, great mother, heart of gold. 

 

she is a HOTTIE hermano. You are loudly singing her praises here  that's so cool. . I Love reading how you love her so much and have found each other. Congrats!!!

[ArdmoreRyno]

7 minutes ago, muppy said:

she is a HOTTIE hermano. You are loudly singing her praises here  that's so cool. . I Love reading how you love her so much and have found each other. Congrats!!!

Thanks brother… I’m a very lucky man, that’s for sure! Just sucks I’ll be 65 when she’s my age, lol. 

[ExiledInIllinois]

2 hours ago, teef said:

nope.  if anything my wife gets angry that i only work 4 days a week.  ***** her...i put my time in.  now i don't do a damn thing.  yard guy, plow guy, etc.

Same here. Work 3 12s and get paid for 80 hours every 2 weeks. Semi-retired right now... Wife wants to kick me out for more work. 

 

She will retire first until I can go... She's in for it, saving grace we don't wanna be here in Illinois. She will probably settle where ever we decide and I will close up shop here and meet her back east or something... 

 

Like @Teddy KGB said that I'd stay... But just in wrong town. Wanna get the hell out of Midwest and be closer to children, family...

 

Being a part-time retired annuitant may keep me busy in another town we want to be in. I WISH I could move my current job there. Yeah, good luck about that. 

1 hour ago, ArdmoreRyno said:

Thanks brother… I’m a very lucky man, that’s for sure! Just sucks I’ll be 65 when she’s my age, lol. 

So you're 47 and she's 29.

 

Thanks... Public school math and problem solving.  What she doing with an old fella like you?😉😜 

[ArdmoreRyno]

7 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Same here. Work 3 12s and get paid for 80 hours every 2 weeks. Semi-retired right now... Wife wants to kick me out for more work. 

 

She will retire first until I can go... She's in for it, saving grace we don't wanna be here in Illinois. She will probably settle where ever we decide and I will close up shop here and meet her back east or something... 

 

Like @Teddy KGB said that I'd stay... But just in wrong town. Wanna get the hell out of Midwest and be closer to children, family...

 

Being a part-time retired annuitant may keep me busy in another town we want to be in. I WISH I could move my current job there. Yeah, good luck about that. 

So you're 47 and she's 29.

 

Thanks... Public school math and problem solving.  What she doing with an old fella like you?😉😜 

lol… well, she’s like 17 years and 11 months younger. 
 

We met on Facebook a few year ago via a mutual friend. She commented about my dogs and I grew a pair and asked her out. The age gap was a huge concern for me at first but we quickly fell in love. 

 

She's more of an "old soul" so its works great, lol. Whats crazy, and maybe its a bad thing, but we've never had a fight. 

 

The only negative? Shes not a sports person… I've taken her to her first football and basketball game. BUT, she roots for the Bills (& Okla State) and she knows who Josh Allen is and knows all our "songs and chants" 😁😁

[Augie]

5 hours ago, Doc said:

When my older son was 1-3/4 years old and my younger son was 2 months old, I started working in a surgery center.  No calls, weekends or holidays.  Best thing I ever did.  I took less to do it but it was worth it.

 

I’m sure in the long run your sons would rather remember you and their childhoods fondly than not remember you and inherit a little more. 

[aristocrat]

11 hours ago, Teddy KGB said:

10 years younger than me but not ecstatic about staying in shape 

Small biz owner with the winters off about to take part time job Fri Sat Sun night at casino so I can actually put 50-200k away.  
 

 

No you’re not.   You work 15 days a month and she’s making 3x what you make no ? 

so you’re gonna be working seven days a week? I get the money is gonna be nice but she isn’t going to see you much. Tough to work on a relationship. Better show that you can give her the time she needs when you aren’t working and that it’s quality time. 
 

I had a girl break up with me cause of how I ran my business. She couldn’t understand how I could borrow money for projects and that it was reckless and irresponsible. 

[Just Jack]

Learn this phrase....

 

"I'm working to keep you in the lifestyle you've become accustomed to."  

 

 

[ExiledInIllinois]

1 hour ago, Just Jack said:

Learn this phrase....

 

"I'm working to keep you in the lifestyle you've become accustomed to."  

 

 

Thanks. But you're NOT helping.  😆 

 

😉 

We want them to stay together, not chase her away. 

 

[Augie]

1 hour ago, Just Jack said:

Learn this phrase....

 

"I'm working to keep you in the lifestyle you've become accustomed to."  

 

 

 

My wife is the over-worker bee, and she tells me “you like nice things too!”    😂 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

14 hours ago, muppy said:

hubby used to work ungodly long hours at his job during the time when my kids were younger. When he had a day off to spend with us often he would take over parenting and I would go spend some time away doin what I wanted/needed alone.  However balance did not exist. WE ended up compensating by hiring help like a gardener to attempt to give HIM some time to recharge and regroup.

 

Yes those years were very long and difficult. But ultimately it allowed he to retire early and segueway into Christian ministry efforts of all kinds as well as just enjoying retirement for many other reasons

 

So I can see both sides. There in our case was also a very real possibility of emotional and physical burnout/ stress related health issues. Makin humans work 70-80  plus hours a week on and on and on Its just not healthy. and we care about our spouses. So imo wanting a spouse to work less isn't only about money. 

 

Would I have left him for working long hours? Not solely no but if said spouse was away endlessly from home and you suspect cheating Now Thats a different kettle of fish.

 

@muppy is a kept woman and possible hellcat! 

[Bill from NYC]

21 hours ago, Teddy KGB said:

Being hit with an ultimatum for working too much is kind of dumb no ? 
 

You want the surf and turf or you want the McDouble when we are 80 ? 

I don't believe this happens frequently. In fact, I would dare to say almost never. My guess is that if she uses this as a reason there are almost definitely other far more serious reasons, or at least 1.

 

Jmo.

18 hours ago, ArdmoreRyno said:

My (now ex) wife left me for NOT working as much as hear (IMO). I worked at home and took care of our daughters.... online handicapping business from 1995-2006, meaning I was one of the first in the world to do it. Made six figures a year working 1-2 hours a night online writing articles and making advertising deals for my site. She worked 9-5 as an attorney, made about half of what I made and she had an affair with a 'client'. Married him, divorced him and begged me back (I said no thanks). 

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

 

You both gave wedding vows to be there for each other, better or worse. For her to do that, f' that man. You don't need it. 

 

Fast forward 15 years for me: I'm engaged to a beautiful woman who is 18 years younger than me (I'm 48) andis way out of my league but supports me 100% with what I do. I do the same for her. It's night and day from my ex-wife. 

OK but is she an Oklahoma State Fan?

[ArdmoreRyno]

2 hours ago, Bill from NYC said:

I don't believe this happens frequently. In fact, I would dare to say almost never. My guess is that if she uses this as a reason there are almost definitely other far more serious reasons, or at least 1.

 

Jmo.

OK but is she an Oklahoma State Fan?

 

She grew up not too far from Firebaugh, California (where Josh is from), in a small mountain town. She told me that they spent most of the time outside in the woods and mountains and didn't have internet and rarely TV. So she wasn't a sports person. She will go to football and basketball games with me in Stillwater, but she doesn't really care, but I love that she tries to act like she cares for me.

 

She told me the first time I took her to the game "I just hope they both have fun" lol. When our Bills win she will say, "Great job babe!" like I took part in the game. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[BillsPride12]

20 minutes ago, ArdmoreRyno said:

 

She grew up not too far from Firebaugh, California (where Josh is from), in a small mountain town. She told me that they spent most of the time outside in the woods and mountains and didn't have internet and rarely TV. So she wasn't a sports person. She will go to football and basketball games with me in Stillwater, but she doesn't really care, but I love that she tries to act like she cares for me.

 

She told me the first time I took her to the game "I just hope they both have fun" lol. When our Bills win she will say, "Great job babe!" like I took part in the game. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

That's a keeper all the way! 

[muppy]

9 hours ago, leh-nerd skin-erd said:

@muppy is a kept woman and possible hellcat! 

meow

 

lol

[zevo]

23 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Good read:

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/many-young-people-shouldnt-save-for-retirement-says-research-based-on-a-nobel-prize-winning-theory-11664562570

 

We still saved, icing on cake... But strived for this before it was a "thing." I guess it just came naturally. 

 

Many young people shouldn’t save for retirement, says research based on a Nobel Prize–winning theory

 

"New research based on the life-cycle model says that people should strive for a consistent standard of living through their lives..."

financial goals are highly Individualized. I can respect what this model is saying and in someways it makes sense. I am a firm believer in saving as much as you can in your younger years so you are able to take your foot off the gas in the later years. Your early dollars are worth so much more than your later dollars due to time and compounding growth. This all comes with the caveat that you are able to save and invest in your earlier years which is challenging for most. I am thankful that I was given this advice early and my only regret is that I didn't save even more earlier. Different strokes for different folks and what may work for some doesn't necessarily work for others. Thanks for the read, it always interesting looking at another perspective.