Joe Miner Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 The only fly in the ointment is the fishing line acting like a tourniquet if it somehow got wrapped around his willy. Talk about threading the needle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Never sit. Thats how toilet snakes get you CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I think I am sitting on them now. I don't think they belong to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Okay. I woke up at around 3:30 last night and needed to take a leak. I tried the cupping the junk method, first securing the seat to prevent for shifting (thanks JR), but I mistakenly cupped around the rear. It would have been fine, as there is enough room behind my ass for the reach, but I often pass gas when I am going pee. Especially when I am sitting down for a pee. My upper-wrist/forearm took heavy farting fire during the pee. I did not like that. I'm thinking a frontal cup method would be better. BTW...I asked my wife and she says I have long balls. I have never in my life sat on a testis, but, I have given your predicament much thought & I think I have a solution. Get yourself a fishing pole that comes in 2-3 sections. Throw out the upper section(s), they are too flimsy to handle your jewels. Attach a spinning real to the bottom (hefty) portion of the sack pole and load it with 100lb test line (don't go with clear line, could be dicey) Next you need to construct a collar/harness that is capable of holding the sack pole comfortably. Go to the store and buy a jock with an extra large sack sack. When you plan to take a sitter slip the harness over your neck and let out enough line so that the sack sack is hanging midway between your navel and your junk. Place your sack into the sack sack & sit with 100% certainty that you will not be crushing one of your boys. Thanks for your efforts, Beerball. I love the way we all stick together here. Good times and bad... The only fly in the ointment is the fishing line acting like a tourniquet if it somehow got wrapped around his willy. Good god, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Your Answer!! Here's how the commercial pitch would go: Marketing Director: "So Johnny, what product line are you working on?" Johnny Hammersticks: "Well Frank, have you ever sat down to take a leak or even a **** and you accidentally crush one of your balls under your thigh?" (Advertising and marketing guys all cross their legs at the same time) Johnny : "Well, it's happened to me...and that's why we are introducing the new line of "Thong Dongs"...with a "Thong Dong" you have the freedom to take a dump given its open back end AND your balls are protected from sudden gravitational movement as you lower your ass to the seat. You can now pee or **** with the comfort of knowing your testis will be nicely cupped in your groin and avoid the embarrassment of howling in pain during a 2am pee break. Try the "ThongDong"...I did." *applause* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 BTW...I asked my wife and she says I have long balls Who is she comparing yours too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) Who is she comparing yours too?I don't even care to know... I met my wife when I was 27. After graduate school. I assume she has seen balls before my balls. Don't ask don't tell. Edited June 22, 2016 by Johnny Hammersticks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Your Answer!! Here's how the commercial pitch would go: Marketing Director: "So Johnny, what product line are you working on?" Johnny Hammersticks: "Well Frank, have you ever sat down to take a leak or even a **** and you accidentally crush one of your balls under your thigh?" (Advertising and marketing guys all cross their legs at the same time) Johnny : "Well, it's happened to me...and that's why we are introducing the new line of "Thong Dongs"...with a "Thong Dong" you have the freedom to take a dump given its open back end AND your balls are protected from sudden gravitational movement as you lower your ass to the seat. You can now pee or **** with the comfort of knowing your testis will be nicely cupped in your groin and avoid the embarrassment of howling in pain during a 2am pee break. Try the "ThongDong"...I did." *applause* testes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaJoe Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Okay. I woke up at around 3:30 last night and needed to take a leak. I tried the cupping the junk method, first securing the seat to prevent for shifting (thanks JR), but I mistakenly cupped around the rear. It would have been fine, as there is enough room behind my ass for the reach, but I often pass gas when I am going pee. Especially when I am sitting down for a pee. Get a plastic ladle with a long handle. You can reach from behind to cup them without crop dusting your arm. Or look into the Squatty Potty to raise your junk. http://www.squattypotty.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 You should rename yourself Johnny Hammerballs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Yes. Be careful when you sitting on the toilet. And look before you flush. You might have dropped your wallet. If you have two testicles you would say "one or both"....but since you said "one or more of my testicles" I'm thinking you have three? Tres huevos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 LMFAO ... This thread may have to go down (no pun intended) as one of the funniest ever... I never knew how often my balls touched any sort of surface until I had the big V.... Sit down they hit the chair cushion... Pull your pants on they get mashed... Open the car door a little quickly they get bumped... This everyday incidental contact isn't even noticeable until the boys are swollen and sore... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beef Jerky Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 This thread makes me want to sit on them right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 This thread makes me want to sit on them right now.DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WotAGuy Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 It's threads like this that make me wonder why more women don't post on OTW. They'd get a real education Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbobbob Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Instead of sitting on the toilet, just sit on the edge of your bathtub and make sure your ass/balls are hanging *way* over the edge into the tub. Sure, your wife might get upset when she realizes that you're crapping and pissing in her bathtub. Just ignore her and keep doing it. The safety of your nads is the key thing, eh? You may need to come up with a way to flush your tub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 It's threads like this that make me wonder why more women don't post on OTW. They'd get a real education And then we'd get to enjoy Jeannie Bludgeonmelons starting threads like "Ever slam your breasts in a door?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Okay. I woke up at around 3:30 last night and needed to take a leak. I tried the cupping the junk method, first securing the seat to prevent for shifting (thanks JR), but I mistakenly cupped around the rear. It would have been fine, as there is enough room behind my ass for the reach, but I often pass gas when I am going pee. Especially when I am sitting down for a pee. My upper-wrist/forearm took heavy farting fire during the pee. I did not like that. I'm thinking a frontal cup method would be better. BTW...I asked my wife and she says I have long balls. Thanks for your efforts, Beerball. I love the way we all stick together here. Good times and bad... Good god, no. I'm sorry, I tried to offer some constructive advice earlier in this thread, but, I've seen enough. Are you out of your !@#$ing mind? WTF did you cup from behind? Not only is that forcing you to contort yourself, you are also susceptible to a sharting accident. Cup from the front, man, FROM THE FRONT. Stop making things harder than they need to be. Now, grow a pair and sit like a man when you pee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Could have them cut off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrader Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 This thread makes me want to sit on them right now. Wait, you want to sit on Johnny's testicles? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 Wait, you want to sit on Johnny's testicles? Apparently there is room for all! I'm sorry, I tried to offer some constructive advice earlier in this thread, but, I've seen enough. Are you out of your !@#$ing mind? WTF did you cup from behind? Not only is that forcing you to contort yourself, you are also susceptible to a sharting accident. Cup from the front, man, FROM THE FRONT. Stop making things harder than they need to be. Now, grow a pair and sit like a man when you pee. You're right. I went rogue and look what happened. Farted all over my arm fer chrissakes! Thank goodness I have you all to guide me through life's mysteries and conundrums such as this right here. Long balls be damned!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWATeam Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Long balls be damned!!!! When you're not sitting on them, are they dunking in the water? Maybe you should grab them when you go to sit and drape them over your thighs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 When you're not sitting on them, are they dunking in the water? Maybe you should grab them when you go to sit and drape them over your thighs? Now, let's not be ridiculous. This is a serious thread. There are those of us who suffer from this affliction, and we demand to be taken seriously! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 This Little Donnie guy probably understands where I'm coming from. Potentially NSFW if your workplace is stupid. http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/67ffdd333d/upright-citizens-brigade-little-donny-part-one-from-thaffner?_cc=__m___&_ccid=5f70e105-ac7b-425a-94bf-746ce63f7345 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Now, let's not be ridiculous. This is a serious thread. There are those of us who suffer from this affliction, and we demand to be taken seriously! Aren't all threads around here serious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Have we come up with a solution? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Have we come up with a solution? Ballectomy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Somebody here has got on to the "Rim Rider Technique." They highly recommend it for fellas w/big balls. You should try that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 No I havn't had that problem, but this seems like the right thread to bring this up, my dick keeps dunking in the water when I sit on the seat, that water is really cold, any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 No I havn't had that problem, but this seems like the right thread to bring this up, my dick keeps dunking in the water when I sit on the seat, that water is really cold, any suggestions? And some wonder why women don't post on the is board... But I betcha they lurk and dream of guys like FiSD! God... Why don't you just throw vinegar in my eyes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 No I havn't had that problem, but this seems like the right thread to bring this up, my dick keeps dunking in the water when I sit on the seat, that water is really cold, any suggestions? Hmmmm....similar problem. After the initial pee maybe flop that hog up on top of the toilet seat? Keep a coffee can next to the toilet for overflow. Circumcised or uncircumcised? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 No I havn't had that problem, but this seems like the right thread to bring this up, my dick keeps dunking in the water when I sit on the seat, that water is really cold, any suggestions? Dickectomy, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 No I havn't had that problem, but this seems like the right thread to bring this up, my dick keeps dunking in the water when I sit on the seat, that water is really cold, any suggestions? Have a plumber switch the water line to the tank from the cold line to a hot water line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Have a plumber switch the water line to the tank from the cold line to a hot water line. Then he will think he is hot sh*t, even though he has a lukewarm dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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