Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Every once in a while, when sitting down on the toilet seat, I will sit right down on and squash one or more of my testicles. My wife came running yesterday when it happened, as she said she though one of the kids was hurting the dog (my pain squeal). Does anyone else have this problem? I don't view myself as having unusually large or long balls, but I think they may be slightly above average. Although it only happens 5 or 6 times per year, I notice it happening more frequently when it is humid outside and things unavoidably stick to my thighs. My friend and colleague just suggested I apply baby powder regularly; especially during the summer when it is hot and humid. Thoughts? Other helpful tips? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 No but since I read the title of this thread they hurt now. For me I get scared when I'm sitting on a loose toilet seat and all of a sudden it slips to one side. CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Yes. Be careful when you sitting on the toilet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26CornerBlitz Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 The very idea is just nuts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Yes. Be careful when you sitting on the toilet. So you can relate? I try to be careful, but it usually happens during the night when I am sleepy or sometimes drunk. I forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Miner Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Stop sitting to pee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Stop sitting to pee. Well, I normally only sit to drop a deuce, but at night when I'm sleepy I will sit down to pee because it's more comfortable. Call me a fem...I don't care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Did you hear about the 100 lb. midget with 50 lb. testicles? Everyone said he was half nuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beef Jerky Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I was squeezing between some of the side rails down a ramp and crushed my boys between the rail bar and my leg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Every once in a while, when sitting down on the toilet seat, I will sit right down on and squash one or more of my testicles. My wife came running yesterday when it happened, as she said she though one of the kids was hurting the dog (my pain squeal). Does anyone else have this problem? I don't view myself as having unusually large or long balls, but I think they may be slightly above average. Although it only happens 5 or 6 times per year, I notice it happening more frequently when it is humid outside and things unavoidably stick to my thighs. My friend and colleague just suggested I apply baby powder regularly; especially during the summer when it is hot and humid. Thoughts? Other helpful tips? If you have two testicles you would say "one or both"....but since you said "one or more of my testicles" I'm thinking you have three? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 If you have two testicles you would say "one or both"....but since you said "one or more of my testicles" I'm thinking you have three? My middle nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Frequently and it hurts like a @#$%&. It happens, the pain goes away and life goes on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Frequently and it hurts like a @#$%&. It happens, the pain goes away and life goes on So you're saying just "suck it up" and live with the excruciating pain of sitting on my balls? No preventative strategies? I have come here for advice. Chef Jim? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaJoe Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 If you don't plan on having any more kids, you could solve the problem by getting castrated. Plus your wife would probably enjoy a calmer you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/starbucks-sued-injury-rest-room-article-1.840879 I have been scared of toilet seats ever since CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MDH Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 My sack hangs in the middle, right where there is a giant hole in the toilet seat. The hole tends to be big enough for my sack to fit through. How on earth can your sack "stick" to your thigh? Even if moist, the weight of the balls prevent them from defying gravity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 If you don't plan on having any more kids, you could solve the problem by getting castrated. Plus your wife would probably enjoy a calmer you. Have them cut off. Good solution. Common guys...this is serious!!! My sack hangs in the middle, right where there is a giant hole in the toilet seat. The hole tends to be big enough for my sack to fit through. How on earth can your sack "stick" to your thigh? Even if moist, the weight of the balls prevent them from defying gravity. Obviously, your coin purse isn't large or long enough for you to experience the "pendulum effect." Scrotums stick to warm moist skin! I'm not a scientist, I just know they do. What the hell?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 So you're saying just "suck it up" and live with the excruciating pain of sitting on my balls? No preventative strategies? I have come here for advice. Chef Jim? Its like stubbing your toe or cracking your elbow against something. No real way to prevent it, just kind of happens. But is more painful Much more painful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I'm more worried about sliding toilet seats and getting something pinched CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 If you don't plan on having any more kids, you could solve the problem by getting castrated. Plus your wife would probably enjoy a calmer you. But then you'd have to wear one of those big plastic cones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 No, I don't. I'll hazard a guess that it's because I'm not a complete !@#$ing idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Grab your boys before sitting down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WotAGuy Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Never had that happen, but I hate it when my johnson splashes into the bowl. Gotta reel it in like a garden hose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 So you can relate? I try to be careful, but it usually happens during the night when I am sleepy or sometimes drunk. I forget. No, never done it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 No, I don't. I'll hazard a guess that it's because I'm not a complete !@#$ing idiot. You make a good point, Tom. Grab your boys before sitting down? Good suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Wait till you are Beerballs age, they will hang to your knees Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 My theory is that your wife has an evil plot against your boys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 My theory is that you are too much of a front sitter on the toilet. Need to shift your weight back, like golf. I thought about my technique. Even did a walk through today to ensure that my mechanics were in check. Typically when I sit on my bells, it's off to the side...like under hamstring. My theory is that your wife has an evil plot against your boys. Could be. We're not having any more babies, so maybe she wants to destroy my seed. No, never done it. Micro balls? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 No, I don't. I'll hazard a guess that it's because I'm not a complete !@#$ing idiot. Or maybe your abrasive personality is just a mechanism to compensate for other deficiencies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 1. I have never sat on either of my testicles. 2. Johnny - perhaps you need a bigger toilet seat. 3. When urinating after waking up in the middle of the night, I always sit when I pee. 4. We are dealing with the "sliding to the side" toilet seat in our upstairs bathroom. It's because the seat is cheap. My wife bought it at Walmart for under $10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punching Bag Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Every once in a while, when sitting down on the toilet seat, I will sit right down on and squash one or more of my testicles. My wife came running yesterday when it happened, as she said she though one of the kids was hurting the dog (my pain squeal). Does anyone else have this problem? I don't view myself as having unusually large or long balls, but I think they may be slightly above average. Although it only happens 5 or 6 times per year, I notice it happening more frequently when it is humid outside and things unavoidably stick to my thighs. My friend and colleague just suggested I apply baby powder regularly; especially during the summer when it is hot and humid. Thoughts? Other helpful tips? Heard about this condition. Also known as "Thunder Thighs". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 1. I have never sat on either of my testicles. But has Johnny Hammersticks ever sat on either of yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOKIE Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) Damn. I thought biting my tongue was bad. Tom Brady may have advice on this one. Have you tried standing on the rim and squatting? What does shower boy think? Roids. Steroids is the cure. Edited June 21, 2016 by SAMMY HANDWICH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 4. We are dealing with the "sliding to the side" toilet seat in our upstairs bathroom. It's because the seat is cheap. My wife bought it at Walmart for under $10. Get it fixed man. My buddy Jason got his junk caught in the sliding toilet seat, and subsequently went cross-eyed. Got kicked by a mule when he was 7 and they went back to normal. I don't know... But has Johnny Hammersticks ever sat on either of yours? I'm not willing to rule anything out at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Micro balls? No. See Tom's post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I have never in my life sat on a testis, but, I have given your predicament much thought & I think I have a solution. Get yourself a fishing pole that comes in 2-3 sections. Throw out the upper section(s), they are too flimsy to handle your jewels. Attach a spinning real to the bottom (hefty) portion of the sack pole and load it with 100lb test line (don't go with clear line, could be dicey) Next you need to construct a collar/harness that is capable of holding the sack pole comfortably. Go to the store and buy a jock with an extra large sack sack. When you plan to take a sitter slip the harness over your neck and let out enough line so that the sack sack is hanging midway between your navel and your junk. Place your sack into the sack sack & sit with 100% certainty that you will not be crushing one of your boys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26CornerBlitz Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I have never in my life sat on a testis, but, I have given your predicament much thought & I think I have a solution. Get yourself a fishing pole that comes in 2-3 sections. Throw out the upper section(s), they are too flimsy to handle your jewels. Attach a spinning real to the bottom (hefty) portion of the sack pole and load it with 100lb test line (don't go with clear line, could be dicey) Next you need to construct a collar/harness that is capable of holding the sack pole comfortably. Go to the store and buy a jock with an extra large sack sack. When you plan to take a sitter slip the harness over your neck and let out enough line so that the sack sack is hanging midway between your navel and your junk. Place your sack into the sack sack & sit with 100% certainty that you will not be crushing one of your boys. A Rube Goldberg idea at its best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I have never in my life sat on a testis, but, I have given your predicament much thought & I think I have a solution. Get yourself a fishing pole that comes in 2-3 sections. Throw out the upper section(s), they are too flimsy to handle your jewels. Attach a spinning real to the bottom (hefty) portion of the sack pole and load it with 100lb test line (don't go with clear line, could be dicey) Next you need to construct a collar/harness that is capable of holding the sack pole comfortably. Go to the store and buy a jock with an extra large sack sack. When you plan to take a sitter slip the harness over your neck and let out enough line so that the sack sack is hanging midway between your navel and your junk. Place your sack into the sack sack & sit with 100% certainty that you will not be crushing one of your boys. Or just be a man and hold your sack in your hands as you sit down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Or just be a man and hold your sack in your hands as you sit down. So, it's happened to you too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Have you considered applying for shark tank? The only fly in the ointment is the fishing line acting like a tourniquet if it somehow got wrapped around his willy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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