CDogg20 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Okay... You want stupid: What has 4 wheels and flies? ...A garbage truck Why did they cancel the hockey game between the lepers? ...There was a face-off in the corner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 What did the San Andreas say after the Earthquake? Sorry, my fault Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 19-0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaoulDuke79 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning I don't think this is getting the credit it deserves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimShady'sSpaceForce Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 What did the San Andreas say after the Earthquake? Sorry, my fault That made me laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frostbitmic Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Why are camels known as the ships of the desert ? Because they're vessels for Iraqi seamen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KermitMcDermott Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 ^^^ Sadly, this is true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JÂy RÛßeÒ Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 You hear about the new restaurant on the Moon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv's Neighbor Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 As Only the Irish Can Tell A Story Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Jim took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat... And nearly drowned! Jim just barely managed to pull him to safety. F urious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother . "Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?" Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 oh dear lord......that's awful. I cannot wait to tell this to my group of buddies in a couple weeks!!!! What do brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common?If you're forced to have either as a kid you probably won't enjoy them as an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Why does a bride wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the fridge and the stove. What's the best part of sex with 21 year olds? There's 20 of them. (not good written, but hits the mark when spoken) A guy and gal from the old folks home decide to go out on a date. Things go really well and they end up back in the woman's room. Just as they are about to go at it, the woman stops and says "I need to warn you that I have acute angina." The man says "that's good because your breasts sure are ugly!" What does it taste like when you go down on a senior citizen? Depends... A man gets news that his wife has been in a horrible car accident and is in a coma. He spends night after night at her bedside hoping she wakes up. After many nights, he gets bored and reaches over and cops a feel of her breast. She lets out a slight moan which is the first sign of life since the accident. The man goes running out of the room to tell the doctor "Dr, this is a little embarrassing, but my wife made a noise when I touched her breast." The Dr thinks for a minute and replies "Since sexual stimulation seems to get a response, lets try something unorthodox. We will give you some privacy so you can try oral sex and see if it will snap her out of this coma." The husband goes into the roo and about 15 minutes later comes running out in a panic! "Dr, something horrible has happened. I think my wife is dead!" he yells. The Dr goes into the room and sure enough she is dead. The Dr asks the man what happened. "I don't know...I think she might have choked to death." How does a real man tell when a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 that's my go to "wanna hear the worst joke in the world" joke....of course i use fouler language and usually go between twenty six and twenty eight Why does a bride wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the fridge and the stove. What's the best part of sex with 21 year olds? There's 20 of them. (not good written, but hits the mark when spoken) A guy and gal from the old folks home decide to go out on a date. Things go really well and they end up back in the woman's room. Just as they are about to go at it, the woman stops and says "I need to warn you that I have acute angina." The man says "that's good because your breasts sure are ugly!" What does it taste like when you go down on a senior citizen? Depends... A man gets news that his wife has been in a horrible car accident and is in a coma. He spends night after night at her bedside hoping she wakes up. After many nights, he gets bored and reaches over and cops a feel of her breast. She lets out a slight moan which is the first sign of life since the accident. The man goes running out of the room to tell the doctor "Dr, this is a little embarrassing, but my wife made a noise when I touched her breast." The Dr thinks for a minute and replies "Since sexual stimulation seems to get a response, lets try something unorthodox. We will give you some privacy so you can try oral sex and see if it will snap her out of this coma." The husband goes into the roo and about 15 minutes later comes running out in a panic! "Dr, something horrible has happened. I think my wife is dead!" he yells. The Dr goes into the room and sure enough she is dead. The Dr asks the man what happened. "I don't know...I think she might have choked to death." How does a real man tell when a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Why does a bride wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the fridge and the stove. What's the best part of sex with 21 year olds? There's 20 of them. (not good written, but hits the mark when spoken) A guy and gal from the old folks home decide to go out on a date. Things go really well and they end up back in the woman's room. Just as they are about to go at it, the woman stops and says "I need to warn you that I have acute angina." The man says "that's good because your breasts sure are ugly!" What does it taste like when you go down on a senior citizen? Depends... A man gets news that his wife has been in a horrible car accident and is in a coma. He spends night after night at her bedside hoping she wakes up. After many nights, he gets bored and reaches over and cops a feel of her breast. She lets out a slight moan which is the first sign of life since the accident. The man goes running out of the room to tell the doctor "Dr, this is a little embarrassing, but my wife made a noise when I touched her breast." The Dr thinks for a minute and replies "Since sexual stimulation seems to get a response, lets try something unorthodox. We will give you some privacy so you can try oral sex and see if it will snap her out of this coma." The husband goes into the roo and about 15 minutes later comes running out in a panic! "Dr, something horrible has happened. I think my wife is dead!" he yells. The Dr goes into the room and sure enough she is dead. The Dr asks the man what happened. "I don't know...I think she might have choked to death." How does a real man tell when a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy. I read this in Quagmires voice after seeing your profile picture, and it fits almost too well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly the Dog Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 This 80 year old man walks into a church and into the confessional and says, "Bless me Father for I have sinned... I was just standing on this street corner and this beautiful young 21 year old blond girl with big boobs and a little bottom walked up to me looking for directions, and immediately we started talking, and just hit it off, you know, and before you knew it we were in a hotel room and both of us were naked and we made wild, passionate, exotic, aberrant sex for hours. Things I have never done or seen in my life." The Priest says, "How long has it been since your last confession?" The old man says, "Well, this would be my first." The Priest says, "You're 80 years old and you have never confessed?" The old man says, "Well, no, I am Jewish." The Priest says, "Then why are you telling me this?" The old man says, "I'm telling everybody!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DDD Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SinceThe70s Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. Going down that route eh? What's the first thing a woman should do when she gets back from the battered womens shelter? The dishes if she knows whats good for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountDorkula Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 (edited) Mushroom walks into a bar, bartender says We dont serve your type here! Mushroom responds with "Why not? I'm a Fungi." Edited September 21, 2017 by CountDorkula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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