Fan in San Diego Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I like this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve O Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 How many men does it take to do the dishes? None, it's women's work. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, if your wife can't change it herself she can do the dishes in the dark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the topologist's room, the can is still closed but the topologist has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the topologist crawls out. "Damn! I got a sign wrong..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted September 22, 2017 Author Share Posted September 22, 2017 An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the topologist's room, the can is still closed but the topologist has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the topologist crawls out. "Damn! I got a sign wrong..." All I gotta do is google a couple words from your jokes, and they're funny. I mean, um, I was totally aware that topology is concerned with the properties of space that are preserved under continuous deformations, such as stretching, crumpling and bending, but not tearing or gluing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LB3 Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 A guy walks into a bar there's a sign behind the bar that says: Burger - $9 Chicken Sandwich - $10 Hand job - $20 He looks into his wallet to see how much money he has then walks up to the bar and waves one of the very hot bartenders over. She walks up with a smile and says, "Can I help you?" He whispers to her, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" She smiles and says, "Yes I am." He says to her, "Well, go wash your hands. I want a burger." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 All I gotta do is google a couple words from your jokes, and they're funny. I mean, um, I was totally aware that topology is concerned with the properties of space that are preserved under continuous deformations, such as stretching, crumpling and bending, but not tearing or gluing. A farmer asks an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to design a fence that encloses the most area with the least fencing. The engineer tells him: simple, just build the fence in a circle, it's most efficient. The physicist tells him: build the fence in a straight line, and assume it's infinite. We can then wrap the fence around a geodesic with a center corresponding to the center of the earth, and fence off half the earth. The mathematician builds a very small fence around himself and says "I declare myself to be outside the fence." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 DC Tom your jokes are terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 DC Tom your jokes are terrible. They're hilarious if you have an education. Not my fault you're an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 They're hilarious if you have an education. Not my fault you're an idiot. I mean I get the math ones and still don't think they're funny. But I also have no sense of humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 They're hilarious if you have an education. Not my fault you're an idiot. I do have an education and I do blame you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Whats Irish and stays out all night? Patio Furniture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 I do have an education and I do blame you. So that's two problems you have that are of no concern to me: brainless, and blame others for your problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 So that's two problems you have that are of no concern to me: brainless, and blame others for your problems. Well I'm getting by life just fine. How's life for you Tom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoBills808 Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny. 3/2 people have trouble with fractions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted September 22, 2017 Author Share Posted September 22, 2017 A farmer asks an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to design a fence that encloses the most area with the least fencing. The engineer tells him: simple, just build the fence in a circle, it's most efficient. The physicist tells him: build the fence in a straight line, and assume it's infinite. We can then wrap the fence around a geodesic with a center corresponding to the center of the earth, and fence off half the earth. The mathematician builds a very small fence around himself and says "I declare myself to be outside the fence." I only had to google geodesic to get this one. #Genius What's the difference between a hippo, and a Zippo? A hippo is very heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Avenger Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 I have a good networking joke about UDP, but some of you probably wouldn't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 (edited) A mathematician walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his trousers. He walks up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "I'll get you that beer, but first you gotta tell me what the steering wheel is for." The mathematician thinks for a moment, and says "Visualize me as a pirate," reducing the joke to a previously told form... Edited September 22, 2017 by DC Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 I have a good networking joke about UDP, but some of you probably wouldn't get it. I'd say send it in my direction but it would just disappear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 I have a good networking joke about UDP, but some of you probably wouldn't get it. Tell it anyway. Tom does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts