The Real Buffalo Joe Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 23 hours ago, YoloinOhio said: Charlie: I got shitcanned recently and included in the email my humorless prick of a boss wrote about why I should be fired was an anecdote about how I basically shouted “ARE YOU !@#$ING KIDDING ME?!” in the middle of our large, crowded floor when I heard Eli was getting benched for Geno Smith. I stand by that reaction. This reminds of the time I was working in a call center in Texas. I was training some newbies, and they were listening to my call. When we thought the call was over, they asked "You're from New York, are you a Jets fan?" "I'm a Bills fan. F*** the Jets." Then heard "Hello?" on the other end. I didn't get in any documented trouble, but got a stern talking to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Love these so much ? Quote Here we have the most overly mannered of NFL franchises. A team that’s run like a Park Avenue co-op board. A team would play in formal morning suits if the uniform code allowed for it. The Giants are so thirsty to appear dignified that it is truly, deeply awesome to watch them spend an entire season stepping on rakes. and Quote Imagine being left at the altar by Josh McDaniels, and imagine being SURPRISED by it. Hard to believe such a high-character fellow would do such a thing! We’ll never get the real truth as to why McDaniels ditched the Colts, because McDaniels is a proven liar and sh*tbag. As it stands now, the story goes that he changed his mind at the last second after the Patriots gave him a fat raise and Bill Belichick promised to give him greater access to “the inner workings of the organization” (namely, the team’s Clomid lab and its Cave Of The Unspeakable). McDaniels also claims he was NOT promised the head coaching gig if/when Belichick finally retires to live in an abandoned lighthouse. Do you buy ANY of that? Of course you don’t. Only a credentialed NFL reporter would be dumb enough to believe that. Really a nice way to brighten a day at work... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frostbitmic Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Pure Gold ... What has always sucked: I’m sure the six remaining sober residents of Indiana will tell you that this is still a basketball state, but I know better. IU basketball is pure **** and will never return to prominence. No one cares about Purdue. The Pacers are playoff chum for the inferior NBA conference. Hoosiers has aged about as well as a full cup of urine. Once Peyton gifted this state a title (in the most underwhelming Super Bowl victory of my lifetime), all the fat humps slowly migrated from being unreasonable hoopheads to being unreasonable NFL fanboys. They thought they could carry on as happy football lovers when the Colts replaced Peyton with Luck, but now Luck is trapped at the bottom of a well and the rest of the Colts have long since been exposed as frauds and conmen. Every NFL team is a rich !@#$’s broken toy, but in Jim Irsay’s hands, the Colts are the MOST broken toy. All of your sports are garbage now, Indiana! And frankly, that’s what you get for unleashing Mike Pence upon the rest of the country. !@#$ing Pence. Standing up and walking out of that game like a preening dipshit. I can’t believe Donald Trump managed to find the one person on Earth who would make a worse President to be his backup. Join us this season when Pence huffily burns his season tickets because he saw a lady’s exposed wrist on the concourse. Mike Pence can go deep throat horseshoes in hell. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 2, 2018 Author Share Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) Haha, exactly what I think of BOB Your coach: Bill O’Brien. Every year, O’Brien makes his frowny diaper face on the sideline and then NFL beat guys are like, “This guy could be a sneaky hot commodity in the offseason market!” and then the Texans keep him aboard even though 9-7 is the absolute ceiling of any Bill O’Brien–coached team. I am baffled by the mystique this man holds over NFL front offices. Maybe it’s the chinbutt. I wonder what would happen if you really dug into that thing. I wonder if there’s very small, twinned Bill O’Brien head hidden within it. What if there’s a whole GALAXY in there, where every QB gets horribly injured and no defense is ever more than the sum of its parts? I am haunted by its mystery. Edited August 2, 2018 by YoloinOhio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dablitzkrieg Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 The chinbutt is awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ridgewaycynic2013 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 Denver's evaluation (evisceration?) is at Deadspin, posted Friday. This thread bump is brought to you as a public service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 Let me tell you something: when you trade three second-rounders to move up three spots, and the dude you end up drafting looks like a drunk teenager at a Nantucket wedding, you’ve made a terrible mistake. Granted, the Jets were wise to get rid of all their second rounders, because everyone they’ve ever drafted in that round ever has been a bust, but still. Last season Sam Darnold threw 13 picks and fumbled 12 times in 14 games. A USC quarterback with a fumbling problem? WHERE HAVE I SEEN THAT BEFORE? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy10 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 “Mike Francesa quit and then un-quit because no one else would hire him. Mike Francesa has a mouth full of veneers and a head full of soup.” ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 Anyway, your temp QB for the first three weeks of the season is Ryan Fitzpatrick who, as we ALL know, went to Tulane. And I know there are already a few takes floating around about how Jameis might not necessarily get his job back, but come on. No one is buying that. The Bucs have the hardest three-game opening schedule in league history (Saints, Steelers, Eagles), and that’s not even counting the inevitable hurricane that will strike. Even if Fitzcountryclub here puts up one of his occasional 300-yard games with three TDs and two picks, they’re handing the ball back to that predatory fraud the second he’s eligible again. You could staff an entire Amazon headquarters with the people who have apologized for Jameis Winston. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemhoff Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 The one on the Bucs today was really good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy10 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 That picture of JPP's hand, tho.... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) HOW MANY PEOPLE WANNA EAT A W TONIGHT? Edited August 7, 2018 by eball 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 16 minutes ago, jimmy10 said: That picture of JPP's hand, tho.... I was way underprepared for that! ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddie's Dead Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Fitzcountryclub? C'mon man, we glossed him WAY better here. Pickspatrick, Fitzmagic, Fitzbeardy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Murica Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Not going to lie, I had the biggest **** eating grin while reading this. Man, I hate the jets and their fans so much. 2 minutes ago, Freddie's Dead said: Fitzcountryclub? C'mon man, we glossed him WAY better here. Pickspatrick, Fitzmagic, Fitzbeardy.... Always a fan of Shitspatrick 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Quote I spent two years in New York at the beginning of this decade. When I moved there, I naively Googled the location of the Buccaneers bar in the city. It was just down the street from my apartment - what luck! I headed down to said bar just before kickoff in week 1, walk in and... no Bucs fans. One of the line cooks had a throwback Bucs hat on, which must have been the reason for its inclusion in the list. I had to ask to get one TV switched to the game. As far as I know Tampa is the only team that doesn’t have enough fans in the largest city in the country to warrant even an informal meeting place. We are utterly irrelevant, other than the fact that our current quarterback is the dumbest ahole in the league. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 The Bucs were 9-7 in 2016, then went back to the normal 5-11. Sounds like a once-in-2-decades 9-7 2017 team, where half the fans think this was anything worth celebrating... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy10 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 1 hour ago, Freddie's Dead said: Fitzcountryclub? C'mon man, we glossed him WAY better here. Pickspatrick, Fitzmagic, Fitzbeardy.... My personal favorite was always Fitzpicksix. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 8, 2018 Author Share Posted August 8, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Eh, the Bears one was pretty weak. I guess they can't all be home runs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Popinski Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 21 hours ago, eball said: HOW MANY PEOPLE WANNA EAT A W TONIGHT? That is one of the most cringeworthy things I've ever seen. I can't even watch it in replay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Just now, Soda Popinski said: That is one of the most cringeworthy things I've ever seen. I can't even watch it in replay. I'm dumbfounded. First, I have no idea what it means. Second, watching the players around him is priceless. That's the face of the franchise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Popinski Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 1 minute ago, eball said: I'm dumbfounded. First, I have no idea what it means. Second, watching the players around him is priceless. That's the face of the franchise! I don't know maybe he was talking about his uber driver after the game. I know if that was my QB, I'm cancelling my sunday ticket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hapless Bills Fan Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 On 7/30/2018 at 7:08 PM, Buffalo716 said: That # is going to get plenty of calls lmao i just pranked it ? I can't believe anyone would accept that phone number, anywhere, ever again My favorite comment : When we'd first get calls at 2 or 3 in the morning, my husband would answer the phone. He can't hear too well. They'd ask for Jenny, and he'd say "Jimmy doesn't live here any more." ... Tommy Tutone was the one who had the record. I'd like to get hold of his neck and choke him. — Mrs. Lorene Burns, an Alabama householder formerly at +1-205-867-5309; she changed her number in 1982.[10] Watch out Buff, your neck is next 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 8, 2018 Author Share Posted August 8, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy10 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) 14 minutes ago, YoloinOhio said: "Your 2017 record: 6-10, but oh my God you never heard people hype up a 6-10 record more than these fans. Those first nine straight losses still count, you !@#$s. You don’t get to burn those off the ledger just because you traded for Italian Clark Kent." ??? Now THAT'S a strong opening line. I haven’t even read the rest of it yet and can already say it’s my favorite one so far. Edited August 8, 2018 by jimmy10 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Quote San Francisco is what happens when the 10 worst people from every high school move to the same city. They took the most beautiful area in America and turned it into a douche playground, and we’ll never get it back. The rent is too high. Every restaurant hands you a 300-page handbook for how to order your !@#$ing dinner. The only way to get around town is to use a scooter-sharing app designed by a team of skinny pant Nazis. ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Because in a town that has a three time Stanley Cup winner, a basketball dynasty headed by the GOAT and a team snapping a 108 year curse...we still worship a team whose fame is built on a ****ty cable TV public access rap video. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsredneck1 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 On 8/7/2018 at 12:19 PM, YoloinOhio said: On 8/7/2018 at 12:19 PM, YoloinOhio said: Ryan Fitzpatrick who, as we ALL know, went to Tulane. oh ryan was from tulane? my bad , i must have him confused with jp going to harvard.....lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 My favorite lines from the Jets? Quote All the new real estate in town consists of 71-story luxury condo towers with one apartment per floor, each occupied for three weeks a year by the hideous nephew of some Uzbek cobalt magnate. New York City, itself, has become the Jets of cities: an expensive, boring wreck. how true is THAT? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 1 minute ago, joesixpack said: My favorite lines from the Jets? how true is THAT? New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 10, 2018 Author Share Posted August 10, 2018 On the field, they’ve replaced Ajayi with the leftover fat and gristle of Frank Gore. Pouncey has been replaced by former 49er Daniel Kilgore, who better go by the nickname “Colonel” or else he’s dead to me. They also signed Danny Amendola, which is hilarious because you know damn well they’re getting the Rams Amendola and not the Patriots Amendola. It’s like the world’s worst revenge for the Wes Welker trade. Amendola will have 68 concussions and a wooden leg by October. They also brought in a continental breakfast of assorted free agents (Robert Quinn, Josh Sitton, Albert Wilson), but who the !@#$ cares? This roster SCREAMS 7-9. Even if they have one of those seasons where they goof their way into second place in the East (which is always shared on a rotating schedule) and get a wild card spot, these Dolphins will still have the stench of 7-9 all over them. The cocaine coach is the biggest celebrity this franchise has produced in two decades. Gase will have Jeff Fisher’s mustache by midseason. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsfaninSB Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 “Come back to Miami. We weren’t shooting at YOU.” Nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Good one today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Quote The Dolphins finally rid themselves of Ndamukong Suh, who is now free to have 57 separate road rage incidents in Los Angeles. They also cut Mike Pouncey loose and traded Jarvis Landry in an attempt to de-turdify the locker room by at least 35 percent. But these are the Dolphins, man. They don’t import malcontents, they CREATE them. Their most notable feat of this decade was having one of their lineman bully another lineman to the point of insanity, and then turn insane himself. This is not a healthy place. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Cinci, classic: https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-cincinnati-bengals-1828297040 Quote Your coach: Yep, it’s still Marvin Lewis. He had one foot out the door before the Bengals snatched defeat from the jaws of defeat and were like, “You know what? Fifteen years isn’t a big enough sample size. Let’s bring Marv back and see if he can finally BREAK THROUGH.” Amazing. Marvin’s signature career accomplishment is presiding over the greatest victory of the century … for the Buffalo Bills. For his own team, he is a classroom lecture they can never leave. I can’t even imagine how dead these fans must feel inside. They must be dazed, as if walking away from a car crash they survived but still put them uncomfortably close to death. A piece of them is gone forever. Rooting for the Bengals is like seeing a window into the netherworld and never being able to avert your gaze from it. God, Marvin Lewis sucks at his job. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 15, 2018 Author Share Posted August 15, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 The Packers have 2 out of the 3 worst QBs that saw playing time last year. All we need to do is trade for Nathan Peterman and we’ll have the infinity gauntlet of suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 15, 2018 Author Share Posted August 15, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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