Punching Bag Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) I get along with my MIL great, so great she brags about her "American Son" to her friends. She is not well now and unfortunately I was not able to go with my family to on last trip there. My FIL did not approve me marrying his daughter but her mother, 2 elder brothers and elder sister did so they just ignored him. He was not a good father and was worse when he got older and needed to be put into nursing home until he died. Edited March 29, 2017 by Koolaid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommonCents Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 I get along with my MIL great, so great she brags about her "American Son" to her friends. She is not well now and unfortunately I was not able to go with my family to on last trip there. My FIL did not approve me marrying his daughter but her mother, 2 elder brothers and elder sister did so they just ignored him. He was not a good father and was worse when he got older and needed to be put into nursing home until he died. Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing though. He is a bitter old man already, the other daughter has never had a serious relationship and she is a 10 looks wise, personality meh. I often wonder what their childhood was like but they don't share anything that would be of concern. My biggest fear is since he has failed time and time again to get his way he will go to the Pastor at the church and have him involved. Sounds crazy just writing it, but this is a very strange man. The simplest decision would be for her to stand up to him but at 30 years old I don't think she has done that yet about anything serious. (Crazy how I fell in love with this type of woman, but she is great outside of this portion of the relationship) As far as approaching him to talk about it he hasn't visited since he last started in on her. I thought about stopping by their house, it isn't far but I'd like to talk to him on my terms and not provide him any reason to dramatize the situation. Oh well, if he gets his way I can always savor the moment that a grown man went to his pastor to ruin the best thing in his daughters life because of his own insecurities? If/when that happens I can final escape this nightmare and get back to basics. He now talked her into going to bible study which is on Thursday nights, my guess is something is said tomorrow because she skipped a church luncheon Sunday as we finished our workout room, that's what has the fire roaring this week. I'd share one thing, anyone in a new relationship be wary of a woman that is to close to their father. Don't discount their relationship just make sure you understand it. I always thought her calling him every single morning was weird and some other small things but here I am, the fool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing though. He is a bitter old man already, the other daughter has never had a serious relationship and she is a 10 looks wise, personality meh. I often wonder what their childhood was like but they don't share anything that would be of concern. My biggest fear is since he has failed time and time again to get his way he will go to the Pastor at the church and have him involved. Sounds crazy just writing it, but this is a very strange man. The simplest decision would be for her to stand up to him but at 30 years old I don't think she has done that yet about anything serious. (Crazy how I fell in love with this type of woman, but she is great outside of this portion of the relationship) As far as approaching him to talk about it he hasn't visited since he last started in on her. I thought about stopping by their house, it isn't far but I'd like to talk to him on my terms and not provide him any reason to dramatize the situation. Oh well, if he gets his way I can always savor the moment that a grown man went to his pastor to ruin the best thing in his daughters life because of his own insecurities? If/when that happens I can final escape this nightmare and get back to basics. He now talked her into going to bible study which is on Thursday nights, my guess is something is said tomorrow because she skipped a church luncheon Sunday as we finished our workout room, that's what has the fire roaring this week. I'd share one thing, anyone in a new relationship be wary of a woman that is to close to their father. Don't discount their relationship just make sure you understand it. I always thought her calling him every single morning was weird and some other small things but here I am, the fool. Also, be wary of a woman who isn't close to her father. Actually, just be wary of women. They be crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Man this guy is a pain in the ass, any oppurtunity he gets he tries to undermine me and make our collective life's hell. She gets upset then I deal with it. First it's move closer to us, we actually did. Then she had to get a job closer etc. Then it's oh I don't go to church anymore so I'm not holy enough. On and on we gooooo....I'm sure some folks have better stories and perhaps some mention of how they dealt with it. A happy relationship constantly being strained by someone who isn't a part of it!!! Interesting. You married his daughter not him. Who cares about him. He sounds like a real piece of work that needs to be ignored. The most interesting part of your post is the last sentence. How is he straining the relationship he's not part of? Sounds to me like he's very much a part of the relationship. Who is making him a part of the relationship? You? Him? Your wife? How does your wife feel about him? If she sides with him you're screwed. He's young (my age dammit!!) so he's likely going to be around a long time and if your wife sides with him your marriage is going to suck. Hate to be so blunt but that's how I see it. Also, be wary of a woman who isn't close to her father. My wife was not close to her dad. Disliked him until the day he died. He was an ass and treated her poorly. They had two kids and neither we nor my wife's brother had kids. They both blame him for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo Barbarian Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Man this guy is a pain in the ass, any oppurtunity he gets he tries to undermine me and make our collective life's hell. She gets upset then I deal with it. First it's move closer to us, we actually did. Then she had to get a job closer etc. Then it's oh I don't go to church anymore so I'm not holy enough. On and on we gooooo....I'm sure some folks have better stories and perhaps some mention of how they dealt with it. A happy relationship constantly being strained by someone who isn't a part of it!!! better get back to church My MIL was toxic. Not just to my relationship but to so many around her. I felt sorry for my FIL having to be married to her. Anyway, she was controlling and over-stepped one too many times and I got pissed and shouted at her. She stayed out of our personal decisions after that.. but she was always unfiltered and never changed in that regard. Always said what she was thinking even if the consequences of those words would hurt relationships. Just clueless Probably has Aspergers syndrome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 damn, that's one freaky family Interesting. You married his daughter not him. Who cares about him. He sounds like a real piece of work that needs to be ignored. The most interesting part of your post is the last sentence. How is he straining the relationship he's not part of? Sounds to me like he's very much a part of the relationship. Who is making him a part of the relationship? You? Him? Your wife? How does your wife feel about him? If she sides with him you're screwed. He's young (my age dammit!!) so he's likely going to be around a long time and if your wife sides with him your marriage is going to suck. Hate to be so blunt but that's how I see it. My wife was not close to her dad. Disliked him until the day he died. He was an ass and treated her poorly. They had two kids and neither we nor my wife's brother had kids. They both blame him for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob's House Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Napoleon syndrome, I'm no less than twice his size. It's just a garbage situation, in my only other long term relationship I was worshipped by much more accomplished parents. This guy retired at 50 off some money left from his parents, bought a slum apartment building, can't keep tenants, currently having lead removed I think a lawsuit is pending? Or he paid back rent? I will never get the whole story, don't care. The highlight of his working career was mixing ingredients for shaving cream fragrances at Gillette. His recent thing is being a born again, this is a guy in his mid 50's who stays high all day while his wife works. What gives...a shovel and a hole coming right up!! Got to give credit where credit is due. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Interesting. You married his daughter not him. Who cares about him. He sounds like a real piece of work that needs to be ignored. The most interesting part of your post is the last sentence. How is he straining the relationship he's not part of? Sounds to me like he's very much a part of the relationship. Who is making him a part of the relationship? You? Him? Your wife? How does your wife feel about him? If she sides with him you're screwed. He's young (my age dammit!!) so he's likely going to be around a long time and if your wife sides with him your marriage is going to suck. Hate to be so blunt but that's how I see it. My wife was not close to her dad. Disliked him until the day he died. He was an ass and treated her poorly. They had two kids and neither we nor my wife's brother had kids. They both blame him for that. My wife wasn't close to hers, either. But then, her family is "Jerry Springer wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole" !@#$ed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maury Ballstein Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Got to give credit where credit is due. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 F5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimShady'sSpaceForce Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Probably has Aspergers syndrome good call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordio Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I am pretty close to my parents, in which I speak once or twice a week. They pick up my daughter & drive her to school on Thursdays. I married into an italian family(I know my dad warned me not to) & I got to tell you they are a totally different animal. She talks to her dad at least twice a day. She talks to her cousins on a regular basis(the only time I ever see my cousins is at a funeral or wedding). With that being said her dad is a good guy & I got along with him very well. He has done a lot for me. Bailed me out of a couple gambling debts in my younger days. Her mother I can't stand but the good news is I rarely see her anymore. We don't need her to watch our kids anymore & such. MY wife doesn't get along with her either & I have feeling once she passes my wife is going to have a lot of baggage about her relationship with her mother. For the first 4 or five years of our marriage 90% of our fights were in some way caused by her mother. I know that sounds weird but it is the truth. Just a nasty lady. I will say hi to her when I see but haven't had a meaningful conversation with her in years. Over the yearsmy wife has seen the nastiness of her mother which is why we dont fight about her anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bray Wyatt Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) No! Respectfully disagree. This will make you look like a kitty. Talk to him like a man, and then have your wife follow up with the same message. It all depends on how he sees you already, and from what it sounds like he doesn't like him to begin with so who cares what he thinks. If his wife told her dad that she appreciates his concern but he needs to but out and actually stands up to him (doesn't sound like she ever has so this is needed as well) then that should solve things pretty quick. It sounds like to me this guy will go talk to his daughter after they have the conversation you wish, twist his words and make things worse I have no problem with the talk to him like a man arrangement, but it doesn't work in all situations and this guy seems like the passive aggressive type as he appears to address his issues with the OP through his daughter Edited March 30, 2017 by Bray Wyatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John from Riverside Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Just be firm in your conversations but also show a little respect. He sees one chink in the armour he will pounce. And Make sure the same message is going to him from both you and your wife...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrader Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I am pretty close to my parents, in which I speak once or twice a week. They pick up my daughter & drive her to school on Thursdays. I married into an italian family(I know my dad warned me not to) & I got to tell you they are a totally different animal. She talks to her dad at least twice a day. She talks to her cousins on a regular basis(the only time I ever see my cousins is at a funeral or wedding). With that being said her dad is a good guy & I got along with him very well. He has done a lot for me. Bailed me out of a couple gambling debts in my younger days. Her mother I can't stand but the good news is I rarely see her anymore. We don't need her to watch our kids anymore & such. MY wife doesn't get along with her either & I have feeling once she passes my wife is going to have a lot of baggage about her relationship with her mother. For the first 4 or five years of our marriage 90% of our fights were in some way caused by her mother. I know that sounds weird but it is the truth. Just a nasty lady. I will say hi to her when I see but haven't had a meaningful conversation with her in years. Over the yearsmy wife has seen the nastiness of her mother which is why we dont fight about her anymore. This sounds eerily similar to my experiences, except I'm currently in that first 4-5 years you described. It's nowhere near as harsh as your story, but the similarities are definitely there. One major difference, and something that is the root of a lot of issues here, is that my FIL died less than a year after we got married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beef Jerky Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I would have told him I don't believe in God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I am pretty close to my parents, in which I speak once or twice a week. They pick up my daughter & drive her to school on Thursdays. I married into an italian family(I know my dad warned me not to) & I got to tell you they are a totally different animal. She talks to her dad at least twice a day. She talks to her cousins on a regular basis(the only time I ever see my cousins is at a funeral or wedding). With that being said her dad is a good guy & I got along with him very well. He has done a lot for me. Bailed me out of a couple gambling debts in my younger days. Her mother I can't stand but the good news is I rarely see her anymore. We don't need her to watch our kids anymore & such. MY wife doesn't get along with her either & I have feeling once she passes my wife is going to have a lot of baggage about her relationship with her mother. For the first 4 or five years of our marriage 90% of our fights were in some way caused by her mother. I know that sounds weird but it is the truth. Just a nasty lady. I will say hi to her when I see but haven't had a meaningful conversation with her in years. Over the yearsmy wife has seen the nastiness of her mother which is why we dont fight about her anymore. Interesting. Not criticizing, but this vexed me: "We don't need her to watch our kids anymore & such." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maury Ballstein Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 What's ole father in law upto this weekend ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 What's ole father in law upto this weekend ? He'll be comfortably laid back in commonsense's recliner petting his dog and drinking his good bourbon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PromoTheRobot Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Man this guy is a pain in the ass, any oppurtunity he gets he tries to undermine me and make our collective life's hell. She gets upset then I deal with it. First it's move closer to us, we actually did. Then she had to get a job closer etc. Then it's oh I don't go to church anymore so I'm not holy enough. On and on we gooooo....I'm sure some folks have better stories and perhaps some mention of how they dealt with it. A happy relationship constantly being strained by someone who isn't a part of it!!! I learned early on that people only have power over us because we give it to them. I know he's family and your wife's feelings probably are a factor here, but I'd basically just act like he doesn't exist and any problem he has with you is his, not yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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