DC Tom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 DC Tom. The end. You had me at hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve O Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 This one is actually helpful given the winter. How do you turn your lawn mower into a snow blower? Buy her a shovel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azalin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A farmer with a sheep under his arm stands in the doorway to his bedroom, looking at his wife, who is lying in bed. The farmer says "This is the pig I've been sleeping with every night". His wife says "you fool, that's a sheep". The farmer shoots his wife an annoyed glance and says "I was talking to the sheep". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob's House Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A family from western New York built an addition onto their house for their son and his soon to be bride to live in. The morning after the wedding the father saw his son and asked him where his wife was. "I killed her," the son replied. "Why'd you go and do a thing like that?" His father replied. "Well, we got back to our room, I started to take off her clothes and she told me she was a virgin. I figured if she wasn't good enough for her own family then she wasn't good enough for ours." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So a blonde is walking along a river. She looks across the river, and sees another blonde. Not seeing a bridge in sight, she shouts across the other blonde "Hey, how'd you get on the other side of the river?" The other blonde thinks for a moment and replies "What do you mean? You're on the other side of the river!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gomper Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Last call at the bar. A guy who is many whiskey's deep, tries to get off his stool and falls. He tries and can't get up. He tries again and falls flat on his face. His friends carry him home and dump him on his porch. He tries again to get up but can't He finally gets the key in the lock, opens the door, and crawls to the couch and passes out. He wakes up a few hours later with his angry wife looking down at him. "You bastard" she says "You've been drinking again!" "No, that's not true dear" he slurs. "Oh really?" she asks.... "The bar called, you left your wheelchair!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “what's in the box?" The man says “I’ll show ya if you get me a beer.” So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks “hey! that's pretty cool, where did ya get that?” The man says” I’ll tell ya if you get me another beer.” So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a genie and a lamp” The bar tender says “If ya let me borrow that genie and that lamp I’ll give ya another beer.” The man says “Oh, Okay!” The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out! The genie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. “What the heck is this?! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!” And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks what's in the box?" The man says Ill show ya if you get me a beer. So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks hey! that's pretty cool, where did ya get that? The man says Ill tell ya if you get me another beer. So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says I got it from a genie and a lamp The bar tender says If ya let me borrow that genie and that lamp Ill give ya another beer. The man says Oh, Okay! The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out! The genie says Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?The bar tender says I wish for a million bucks! And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. What the heck is this?! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks! And the man says Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist! 😆A farmer with a sheep under his arm stands in the doorway to his bedroom, looking at his wife, who is lying in bed. The farmer says "This is the pig I've been sleeping with every night". His wife says "you fool, that's a sheep". The farmer shoots his wife an annoyed glance and says "I was talking to the sheep".LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Why does Mr Pibb come in a can? Because his wife died I'll spare you my litany of Dead Baby Jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I miss Marrone CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) A tour group is at an Indian reservation and a woman asks the chief why his headdress has so many feathers. The chief replies 1 feather one woman, many feathers many women. The woman replies "Oh Dear" The chief replies .. No azz to high and run too fast Edited February 10, 2015 by BillsFan-4-Ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Commuting during rush hour this week in Boston: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricojes Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 How do you keep a moron in suspense? Well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well? I already tried that, bastard won't give up the punchline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricojes Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) A 3rd grade teacher told her students they were going to play a guessing game. The teacher said I am going to hold an object behind my back and describe it, and you have to guess what it is I am describing. Ok, here's the first one...It's round and red. Dirty Johnny raised his hand, "ooh ooh, i know i know... But the teacher says Suzie, what is it? Suzie says, is it a ball? The teacher says...No, it's an apple, but I like the way you're thinking. Ok, next object...It's long and yellow. Dirty Johnny yells...ooh ooh, i got this, i know it. But the teach says Billy, what is it? Billy says, is it a banana? The teacher says No, it's a pencil, but I like the way your thinking. Dirty Johnny stands up and says, this is crap, I knew both of those and you pick these morons to answer your question, so i have an object for you. he reaches into his pocket and says i am holding something, it's round, hard, and has a head. What is it? The teacher says..Oh Johnny, that's disgusting, it's your penis. Dirty Johnny says...No, it's a nickel, but i like the way your thinking.... Edited February 10, 2015 by ricojes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 simple...take away one of his wives and his magic underwear Well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Midget walks into a bar. All the bartender can hear is "OWWWWWW" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A baby harp seal walks into a club...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A koala wakes up next to a hooker and gets out of bed...making his way toward the door. The hooker wakes up and asks the koala where he's going without paying. Koala says to the hooker: "I'm a koala, look up the definition in the dictionary." He walks out the door. Hooker opens the dictionary. "Koala (n) Small marsupial that eats bushes and leaves." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A koala wakes up next to a hooker and gets out of bed...making his way toward the door. The hooker wakes up and asks the koala where he's going without paying. Koala says to the hooker: "I'm a koala, look up the definition in the dictionary." He walks out the door. Hooker opens the dictionary. "Koala (n) Small marsupial that eats bushes and leaves." That's supposed to be a Panda walks into a bar. meets a hooker .... eats bushes and leaves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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