cantankerous Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him. And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree." Horrified Jane said,"Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates. "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed "What did you do that for?" Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 The Bills will never bring Richie Incognito back, and anyone who says so is blowing smoke out their arze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keukasmallies Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 It was 1:30 AM, and the bar closed at 2. I was sitting at the bar, and the only other person at the bar was a middle aged woman, maybe 45, kinda good looking, in the dim light, with plenty of make-up, and me with seven Jim Beam's on the rocks in my belly. I slipped into the stool next to hers, gave her my best salesman's smile and said "Hello". She smiled, and I had the bartender bring us both doubles. We made small talk, and as my hand rested upon her thigh she didn't pull away. When the bartender made last call, she acknowledged the bar was closing soon and asked me if I was up for a little mother-and-daughter action. I could hardly contain myself, this was my lucky day!! Sure I said, sure! I followed her directions as I drove her home, she had me hot as a pistol as we walked up the sidewalk and she opened the door. As we went inside she yelled "Mom, I got one"!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Why do brides wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the refrigerator and the stove. 2 sperm are swimming along and one looks over to the other and says "man we've been swimming forever, are we anywhere near the uterus?" The other sperm replies "uterus!! we haven't even passed the esophagus yet!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 On an all new Ancient Aliens... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary M Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 How do you keep a moron in suspense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maury Ballstein Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GdBuYzfGrJA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I mean, it is a joke, right? http://bit.ly/1zqy2vj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 The real buffalo joe walks in to a bar and sees to women of his dreams standing in front of 2 bar stools. He walks over and ask if he can be helpful and push in there stool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Why can't the mommy pumpkin have any babies? Because the Daddy pumpin has a Halloweenie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 The Patriots don't cheat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Why can't the mommy pumpkin have any babies? Because the Daddy pumpin has a Halloweenie. I was born Halloween Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I was born Halloween Good joke. Do you have a halloweenie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 That is what the wife says Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 That is what the wife says Too much wine. Strong drink giveth the desire but taketh away the ability. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 How do you keep a moron in suspense? How? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Too much wine. Strong drink giveth the desire but taketh away the ability. that is why god gave everyone a mouth. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 that is why god gave everyone a mouth. Lol I've got a drinking problem, man. One mouth and two hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumblefish Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 did you hear the one about the who the Bills just hired to be new HC, oh snap that a joke and a tragedy all in one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOKIE Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 DC Tom. The end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 DC Tom. The end. You had me at hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve O Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 This one is actually helpful given the winter. How do you turn your lawn mower into a snow blower? Buy her a shovel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azalin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A farmer with a sheep under his arm stands in the doorway to his bedroom, looking at his wife, who is lying in bed. The farmer says "This is the pig I've been sleeping with every night". His wife says "you fool, that's a sheep". The farmer shoots his wife an annoyed glance and says "I was talking to the sheep". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob's House Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A family from western New York built an addition onto their house for their son and his soon to be bride to live in. The morning after the wedding the father saw his son and asked him where his wife was. "I killed her," the son replied. "Why'd you go and do a thing like that?" His father replied. "Well, we got back to our room, I started to take off her clothes and she told me she was a virgin. I figured if she wasn't good enough for her own family then she wasn't good enough for ours." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So a blonde is walking along a river. She looks across the river, and sees another blonde. Not seeing a bridge in sight, she shouts across the other blonde "Hey, how'd you get on the other side of the river?" The other blonde thinks for a moment and replies "What do you mean? You're on the other side of the river!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gomper Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Last call at the bar. A guy who is many whiskey's deep, tries to get off his stool and falls. He tries and can't get up. He tries again and falls flat on his face. His friends carry him home and dump him on his porch. He tries again to get up but can't He finally gets the key in the lock, opens the door, and crawls to the couch and passes out. He wakes up a few hours later with his angry wife looking down at him. "You bastard" she says "You've been drinking again!" "No, that's not true dear" he slurs. "Oh really?" she asks.... "The bar called, you left your wheelchair!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “what's in the box?" The man says “I’ll show ya if you get me a beer.” So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks “hey! that's pretty cool, where did ya get that?” The man says” I’ll tell ya if you get me another beer.” So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a genie and a lamp” The bar tender says “If ya let me borrow that genie and that lamp I’ll give ya another beer.” The man says “Oh, Okay!” The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out! The genie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. “What the heck is this?! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!” And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks what's in the box?" The man says Ill show ya if you get me a beer. So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks hey! that's pretty cool, where did ya get that? The man says Ill tell ya if you get me another beer. So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says I got it from a genie and a lamp The bar tender says If ya let me borrow that genie and that lamp Ill give ya another beer. The man says Oh, Okay! The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out! The genie says Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?The bar tender says I wish for a million bucks! And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. What the heck is this?! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks! And the man says Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist! 😆A farmer with a sheep under his arm stands in the doorway to his bedroom, looking at his wife, who is lying in bed. The farmer says "This is the pig I've been sleeping with every night". His wife says "you fool, that's a sheep". The farmer shoots his wife an annoyed glance and says "I was talking to the sheep".LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Why does Mr Pibb come in a can? Because his wife died I'll spare you my litany of Dead Baby Jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I miss Marrone CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) A tour group is at an Indian reservation and a woman asks the chief why his headdress has so many feathers. The chief replies 1 feather one woman, many feathers many women. The woman replies "Oh Dear" The chief replies .. No azz to high and run too fast Edited February 10, 2015 by BillsFan-4-Ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Commuting during rush hour this week in Boston: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricojes Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 How do you keep a moron in suspense? Well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well? I already tried that, bastard won't give up the punchline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricojes Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) A 3rd grade teacher told her students they were going to play a guessing game. The teacher said I am going to hold an object behind my back and describe it, and you have to guess what it is I am describing. Ok, here's the first one...It's round and red. Dirty Johnny raised his hand, "ooh ooh, i know i know... But the teacher says Suzie, what is it? Suzie says, is it a ball? The teacher says...No, it's an apple, but I like the way you're thinking. Ok, next object...It's long and yellow. Dirty Johnny yells...ooh ooh, i got this, i know it. But the teach says Billy, what is it? Billy says, is it a banana? The teacher says No, it's a pencil, but I like the way your thinking. Dirty Johnny stands up and says, this is crap, I knew both of those and you pick these morons to answer your question, so i have an object for you. he reaches into his pocket and says i am holding something, it's round, hard, and has a head. What is it? The teacher says..Oh Johnny, that's disgusting, it's your penis. Dirty Johnny says...No, it's a nickel, but i like the way your thinking.... Edited February 10, 2015 by ricojes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 simple...take away one of his wives and his magic underwear Well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Midget walks into a bar. All the bartender can hear is "OWWWWWW" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A baby harp seal walks into a club...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A koala wakes up next to a hooker and gets out of bed...making his way toward the door. The hooker wakes up and asks the koala where he's going without paying. Koala says to the hooker: "I'm a koala, look up the definition in the dictionary." He walks out the door. Hooker opens the dictionary. "Koala (n) Small marsupial that eats bushes and leaves." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A koala wakes up next to a hooker and gets out of bed...making his way toward the door. The hooker wakes up and asks the koala where he's going without paying. Koala says to the hooker: "I'm a koala, look up the definition in the dictionary." He walks out the door. Hooker opens the dictionary. "Koala (n) Small marsupial that eats bushes and leaves." That's supposed to be a Panda walks into a bar. meets a hooker .... eats bushes and leaves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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