ExiledInIllinois Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Just in time for the autumnal season: What do you call an artsy pumpkin? ...An avant-gourd! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 A physicist walks into a bar with a bird on his shoulder. The bird starts squawking, "Pieces of seven!" over and over again. The bartender says, "What's with the bird?" The physicist says, "Parity violation." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 A physicist walks into a bar with a bird on his shoulder. The bird starts squawking, "Pieces of seven!" over and over again. The bartender says, "What's with the bird?" The physicist says, "Parity violation." A good comedian knows their audience. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 A good comedian knows their audience. ;-) I know my audience. They're idiots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 I know my audience. They're idiots. Then stop telling jokes over their heads! :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Then stop telling jokes over their heads! :-) Why should I make it my problem? They're the idiots, they can deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaoulDuke79 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his trousers. Walks up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "I'll get you that beer, but first you gotta tell me what the steering wheel is for." The pirate looks at the bartender and says "AARRGG! It be drivin' me NUTS!" Love that one. Good ol simple low brow humor. What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 30 lbs. Edited September 16, 2017 by RaoulDuke79 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaoulDuke79 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Guy walks into his house and says "honey pack your bags, I just hit the lottery". She says "where are we going? what should I pack?" ... He says "I dont care, just get the hell out." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly the Dog Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Why should I make it my problem? They're the idiots, they can deal with it. Wouldn't idiots not be able to deal with it? Otherwise they may not be idiots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Guy walks into his house and says "honey pack your bags, I just hit the lottery". She says "where are we going? what should I pack?" ... He says "I dont care, just get the hell out." I keep telling my fiancé that she'll be the second one I call when I hit the lottery. The first? Chef Jim so he can tell me how to hide the winnings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeYouToTasker Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) What do brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have either as a kid you probably won't enjoy them as an adult. Edited September 16, 2017 by TakeYouToTasker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Love that one. Good ol simple low brow humor. What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 30 lbs. That reminds me... What's the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? About $100 an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 What do brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have either as a kid you probably won't enjoy them as an adult. Haha. This is the type of joke that is so foul, but you can't help but chuckle for a second. True story. My brother in law, when he was relatively new to my family, told the following joke to an audience which consisted of my parents, my great aunt Kiki (who is a bad drunk), and my 91 year old grandmother. My Mother was soooooooooo pissed. So, a child molester and a little boy are walking back into the woods at night, and the little boy says to the man "Geez Mister...It sure is scary out here!" To which the child molester replies "You're telling me! I have to walk out of here alone!" I wanted to crawl under the rug... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Haha. This is the type of joke that is so foul, but you can't help but chuckle for a second. True story. My brother in law, when he was relatively new to my family, told the following joke to an audience which consisted of my parents, my great aunt Kiki (who is a bad drunk), and my 91 year old grandmother. My Mother was soooooooooo pissed. So, a child molester and a little boy are walking back into the woods at night, and the little boy says to the man "Geez Mister...It sure is scary out here!" To which the child molester replies "You're telling me! I have to walk out of here alone!" I wanted to crawl under the rug... I can understand why Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaoulDuke79 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 What do brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have either as a kid you probably won't enjoy them as an adult. Hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimShady'sSpaceForce Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Since the jokes are this bad What do you get when you cross a college professor and Big Foot? You get a hairy reasoner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SinceThe70s Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Guy walks into his house and says "honey pack your bags, I just hit the lottery". She says "where are we going? what should I pack?" ... He says "I dont care, just get the hell out." Love this joke, told it many times, but I heard/told it from the perspective of the guy coming home from work and wife won the lottery. Either way, great one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOKIE Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 What does Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamrock Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 A parrot swallows a Viagra pill. His owner, upset, puts him in the fridge to cool off! After a short time, the owner opens the door to find the parrot sweating heavily and with laboured breathing. The owner asks 'Why are you sweating and panting?' The parrot replies, 'Do you know how hard it is to pry open a frozen chicken's legs?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOKIE Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 A parrot swallows a Viagra pill. His owner, upset, puts him in the fridge to cool off! After a short time, the owner opens the door to find the parrot sweating heavily and with laboured breathing. The owner asks 'Why are you sweating and panting?' The parrot replies, 'Do you know how hard it is to pry open a frozen chicken's legs?' _ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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