Wedding Gift Question

[plenzmd1]

1 minute ago, OldTimeAFLGuy said:

 

...the reception cost (food, beverage, oyster bar, etc) was $65,000.......my daughter books weddings for some of the more prominent families in the community......three "brides to be" who were all close friends, booked their weddings......after the 1st one, the 2nd one added a bunch of stuff to outdo the 1st one........the 3rd one gets married in 2020 and she is doing the same "add" thing.....she is already over 100 grand just for the reception and.....rising...SMH......

well , the old adage is whats a ton to us may not be a lot to them. But damn, the "look at me " world of facebook and the Gram have driven this crap....

[OldTimeAFLGuy]

3 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

well , the old adage is whats a ton to us may not be a lot to them. But damn, the "look at me " world of facebook and the Gram have driven this crap....

 

 

...she had one that was >100 grand.......spent 18 grand on FAKE flowers....4 grand to rent fancier chairs......bride and groom were disappointed because they wanted to hire Sam Hunt (country music star) for the reception, but he was booked.....

Edited November 16, 2019 by OldTimeAFLGuy

[Buffalo_Gal]

27 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

so what does it take to cover the cost of the plate on that one? Man, i be bust just going to a wedding LOL! BTW, already told my daughter, she is having her wedding paid for right now, its called tuition!

 

If my son would get married I'd gladly pony-up for a big reception. *sigh*. 

 

They have told me if (when) they get married they want it to be small (just immediate family). I blinked a few times, but hey, if it is what they want...

 

They bought a house together this year, so I have no idea what they are waiting on. The sooner they get married, the sooner I get grandchildren. 

[Gugny]

5 minutes ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

They bought a house together this year, so I have no idea what they are waiting on. The sooner they get married, the sooner I get grandchildren. 

 

Perhaps they're just having fun driving you crazy!

[plenzmd1]

22 minutes ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

 

If my son would get married I'd gladly pony-up for a big reception. *sigh*. 

 

They have told me if (when) they get married they want it to be small (just immediate family). I blinked a few times, but hey, if it is what they want...

 

They bought a house together this year, so I have no idea what they are waiting on. The sooner they get married, the sooner I get grandchildren. 

we bought a house and lived together for two years before getting married.Then no babies for 4 years after that!And my Mom was 75 when we got married!!! Course, my brother had a couple at that point, so heat was off!!!!

 

 

[row_33]

33 minutes ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

 

If my son would get married I'd gladly pony-up for a big reception. *sigh*. 

 

They have told me if (when) they get married they want it to be small (just immediate family). I blinked a few times, but hey, if it is what they want...

 

They bought a house together this year, so I have no idea what they are waiting on. The sooner they get married, the sooner I get grandchildren. 

everyone says they want a small occasion....

 

 

[Buffalo_Gal]

20 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

we bought a house and lived together for two years before getting married.Then no babies for 4 years after that!And my Mom was 75 when we got married!!! Course, my brother had a couple at that point, so heat was off!!!!

 

 

I'll be dead before they have kids. ?

[UConn James]

On 11/15/2019 at 9:45 AM, Buffalo_Gal said:

Way over $100 a plate. I want the newlyweds to not start too far in debt after their big party. After that, I add a gift amount. (So I pay for each plate + gift amount.)

I only buy presents (plus the check) for very close family members. Everyone else just gets a check (too many stories about envelopes being stolen, I can always put a stop payment on a check and issue a new one).

Seconded on using checks, for that reason. It happened at my brother’s wedding in the late ‘90s. We have no idea who did it and sets a marriage off on a very unpleasant course. Cash is too easy to disappear to light fingers and there is NO safety net of cancelling checks or the thief just not being able to cash them. In this day and age, it’s a good idea to have some kind of security camera set up at the gift / envelope table.

 

This truly is a fallen world.

[Happy]

I have a question -- I'm going to my cousin's wedding next weekend and I found out that the "open bar" will not include mixed drinks/hard liquor, only wine and possibly beer.  Does this affect the amount you would put in the card and envelope as a gift?

[plenzmd1]

21 minutes ago, Happy Gilmore said:

I have a question -- I'm going to my cousin's wedding next weekend and I found out that the "open bar" will not include mixed drinks/hard liquor, only wine and possibly beer.  Does this affect the amount you would put in the card and envelope as a gift?

I would think not, but seems like i am an outlier here as i never consider the cost the reception in what I am giving as a gift.

 

True story, had a cousin get married on the Eastern Shore..they had a keg which was free, had to pat $.50 for a soda!!!! Glad all i drank was beer!

[Augie]

On 11/15/2019 at 3:53 PM, Mark Vader said:

Does your son and family members know to not get married during football season?

 

If UGA is playing She will be a no-show. If the Bills are playing, my son will make everybody wait until the fat lady sings.  

[Mark Vader]

5 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

If UGA is playing She will be a no-show. If the Bills are playing, my son will make everybody wait until the fat lady sings.  

They sound like a great couple.

[Gray Beard]

6 hours ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

 

If my son would get married I'd gladly pony-up for a big reception. *sigh*. 

 

They have told me if (when) they get married they want it to be small (just immediate family). I blinked a few times, but hey, if it is what they want...

 

They bought a house together this year, so I have no idea what they are waiting on. The sooner they get married, the sooner I get grandchildren. 

I’m in a similar situation with my son and his fiancé. My son’s attitude is that they aren’t ready for kids yet, and there’s no hurry to get married if no kids are imminent. 

My wife and I have said that we want them to get married so that we can have a party/family reunion, and we will pay. They’re not interested. ?

[Augie]

4 minutes ago, Gray Beard said:

I’m in a similar situation with my son and his fiancé. My son’s attitude is that they aren’t ready for kids yet, and there’s no hurry to get married if no kids are imminent. 

My wife and I have said that we want them to get married so that we can have a party/family reunion, and we will pay. They’re not interested. ?

 

It appears my son and his GF (hopefully fiancé is the next 24 hours) will be getting matching gifts from parents on both sides. Pretty sizable sums that will be enough to pay for a big reception and a very nice honeymoon with plenty left over. NOW, how much of that will they spend? I have no idea, and that’s their business.

 

I suspect they will play it conservatively, and I’d like to see them take the wise path. It sounds like he’s been looking into costs and he’s in sticker shock! He texted a while ago saying “we need to buy a wedding venue!”

[Buffalo_Gal]

1 hour ago, Gray Beard said:

I’m in a similar situation with my son and his fiancé. My son’s attitude is that they aren’t ready for kids yet, and there’s no hurry to get married if no kids are imminent. 

My wife and I have said that we want them to get married so that we can have a party/family reunion, and we will pay. They’re not interested. ?

What is with these "kids"!? My son is over 30, he ain't gettin' any younger (and neither am I!) Time to move it along!

(My son is the hold-up, if it were up to her, they would have been married years ago... why she stays with him, I do not know. I'd have dumped his ass years ago.)
 

Edited November 16, 2019 by Buffalo_Gal

[plenzmd1]

Hey @Gray Beard and @Buffalo_Gal your boys sound like smart intelligent young men! 

 

Gray, just throw a party , why the need for a wedding? Lots cheaper with none of the stupid stuff people like to spend money on at a wedding. 

 

And Gal, like I said I was 34 when I got married, still seems about a good 5 years too early. I think 40 sounds about right for a man to settle down. Course with a 24 year old woman who will take care of him when he has fallen and can’t get up. 

[Buffalo_Gal]

2 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

Hey @Gray Beard and @Buffalo_Gal your boys sound like smart intelligent young men! 

 

Gray, just throw a party , why the need for a wedding? Lots cheaper with none of the stupid stuff people like to spend money on at a wedding. 

 

And Gal, like I said I was 34 when I got married, still seems about a good 5 years too early. I think 40 sounds about right for a man to settle down. Course with a 24 year old woman who will take care of him when he has fallen and can’t get up. 

If he waits until 40, there will be problems. Besides my kicking his butt for waiting so long, she will be 38. It isn't always easy to conceive in your late-30s, early 40s. They have been together for four or five years already, living together for two or three years. Move it along! shesh
 

[plenzmd1]

4 minutes ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

If he waits until 40, there will be problems. Besides my kicking his butt for waiting so long, she will be 38. It isn't always easy to conceive in your late-30s, early 40s. They have been together for four or five years already, living together for two or three years. Move it along! shesh
 

Mom was 41 when she had me, 37 when she started.PLenty o time !!!

 

 

[Buffalo_Gal]

1 minute ago, plenzmd1 said:

Mom was 41 when she had me, 37 when she started.PLenty o time !!!

 

 

Do not give him any ideas.

[Gray Beard]

37 minutes ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

What is with these "kids"!? My son is over 30, he ain't gettin' any younger (and neither am I!) Time to move it along!

(My son is the hold-up, if it were up to her, they would have been married years ago... why she stays with him, I do not know. I'd have dumped his ass years ago.)
 

 

28 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

Hey @Gray Beard and @Buffalo_Gal your boys sound like smart intelligent young men! 

 

Gray, just throw a party , why the need for a wedding? Lots cheaper with none of the stupid stuff people like to spend money on at a wedding. 

 

And Gal, like I said I was 34 when I got married, still seems about a good 5 years too early. I think 40 sounds about right for a man to settle down. Course with a 24 year old woman who will take care of him when he has fallen and can’t get up. 

We are having a family reunion/party this coming summer, so that takes the pressure off. 

 

My son and his fiancé are both 30, so in my opinion, they should get down to business pretty soon!

 

Fortunately, my daughter who is 33 has a four year old daughter, so we have one grandchild. Unfortunately, the whole pregnancy/childbirth/infancy experience was not as smooth as it could’ve been, so my daughter is reluctant to do it again. 

Edited November 16, 2019 by Gray Beard

[Just Jack]

20 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Who in hell are the people <$100... ??? $25-$49... ??? This ain't 1966.  That won't cover plate & booze even @ Bob's Country Bunker in Kokomo, Indiana... Okay, maybe that will! ?

 

We had our reception in a fancy hotel, I think cost per person for meal and open bar was about $90/each. 

 

15 hours ago, Gugny said:

One of my Supervisors at work is getting married in a couple weeks.  I'm not going to her wedding (it's one of those destination things), but I will give her and her husband $100.  The main reason is because a colleague of mine jumped on her registry and got them a ***** microwave.  So I can't come in with a 50 spot after that.

 

Were you invited? Is this supervisor and family close enough to you to even invite you to the wedding? Is this colleague just being a brown noser? I've only gone to someone I worked with wedding once, because it was a small company, under 10 employees, and me and the groom did hang out together outside of work. 

 

14 hours ago, Keukasmallies said:

Huh?

 

Another term for a Jack & Jill. 

Edited November 17, 2019 by Just Jack

[Just Jack]

7 hours ago, Augie said:

 He texted a while ago saying “we need to buy a wedding venue!”

 

Old, refurbished barns seem to be the big draw around here lately. Each one we checked out while looking for a venue, we were told needed to be reserved almost a year in advance, due to demand. 

 

But, hey, if you're serious, here's one for sale....

 

https://www.syracuse.com/news/2019/11/a-complete-nightmare-bride-finds-out-wysockis-is-closing-7-months-before-wedding.html

 

https://www.weddingwire.com/biz/wysockis-manor-cicero/1000379a8dc1c530.html

[Augie]

On 11/15/2019 at 3:53 PM, Mark Vader said:

Does your son and family members know to not get married during football season?

 

After further consideration, it might be wise to look over the schedule and find a weekend where UGA plays Alabama, Auburn or Florida. That could save north of $10k on reception expenses, and the gift’s will still roll in! ?

 

They take their CFB seriously down here, and I’ll still get my Bills game the next day.

 

 

(I’m only about half kidding!)

[Gray Beard]

7 hours ago, Just Jack said:

 

Old, refurbished barns seem to be the big draw around here lately. Each one we checked out while looking for a venue, we were told needed to be reserved almost a year in advance, due to demand. 

 

But, hey, if you're serious, here's one for sale....

 

https://www.syracuse.com/news/2019/11/a-complete-nightmare-bride-finds-out-wysockis-is-closing-7-months-before-wedding.html

 

https://www.weddingwire.com/biz/wysockis-manor-cicero/1000379a8dc1c530.html

I recently went to a wedding at a converted industrial site.  You’re right, it’s the latest trend. 

https://premierweddingvenuescny.com/venues/the-cannery/

[Augie]

2 minutes ago, Gray Beard said:

I recently went to a wedding at a converted industrial site.  You’re right, it’s the latest trend. 

https://premierweddingvenuescny.com/venues/the-cannery/

 

I think because you can make it “cool”, without being so stinking expensive! My wife has run LOTS of big events, and she says plan on $150/head. For 100 people it will be around $15k. Not sure they can get it under 100 even if they try. The GF is one of six daughters and my wife has a huge family as well. (Other recent family weddings have already created a rift because you have to draw the line somewhere!) If you can skip the Ritz and get that down significantly in a clever alternative site, WHY NOT? 

[Gugny]

8 hours ago, Just Jack said:

Were you invited? Is this supervisor and family close enough to you to even invite you to the wedding? Is this colleague just being a brown noser? I've only gone to someone I worked with wedding once, because it was a small company, under 10 employees, and me and the groom did hang out together outside of work. 

 

I was not invited.  She isn't a brown noser (and I'm the kind of manager where brown nosing makes me lose all respect and will have the opposite effect than the brown noser thinks it will) by any means.  We work very closely together (she's actually going to be be promoted soon, so she will no longer report to me) and have a great working relationship.  We don't hang outside of work (she's about 15 years younger than I am).  

 

I will admit ... this is not typical behavior for me.  I normally don't cross lines.  It's just a big deal and I want to get them a little something.  

[The Jokeman]

I'm 42 and just got married (wife is 41) a little more than a month ago (October 12)  and most friends gave $50 and most family members gave $100.

Edited November 17, 2019 by The Jokeman

[Gray Beard]

12 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

I think because you can make it “cool”, without being so stinking expensive! My wife has run LOTS of big events, and she says plan on $150/head. For 100 people it will be around $15k. Not sure they can get it under 100 even if they try. The GF is one of six daughters and my wife has a huge family as well. (Other recent family weddings have already created a rift because you have to draw the line somewhere!) If you can skip the Ritz and get that down significantly in a clever alternative site, WHY NOT? 

When my daughter got married, my wife had a lot of input. Many tears were shed. The son in law and I were getting frustrated and angry because of all the stress and emotion.  It actually was a successful and enjoyable day in the end, but I’m still not sure it was worth the toll it took on the people involved.  That’s the stuff my son and his fiancé want to avoid. 

 

And don’t get me started on the cost of professional wedding photographers. 

[Augie]

16 minutes ago, The Jokeman said:

I'm 42 and just got married (wife is 41) a little more than a month ago (October 12)  and most friends gave $50 and most family members gave $100.

 

Congrats!!!

13 minutes ago, Gray Beard said:

When my daughter got married, my wife had a lot of input. Many tears were shed. The son in law and I were getting frustrated and angry because of all the stress and emotion.  It actually was a successful and enjoyable day in the end, but I’m still not sure it was worth the toll it took on the people involved.  That’s the stuff my son and his fiancé want to avoid. 

 

And don’t get me started on the cost of professional wedding photographers. 

 

My son is spending $400 just for some time today, on his engagement day. I can’t imagine what the wedding would cost. As I mentioned, they will get money from both sides to spend or save as they please. I think once the fiancé/former wedding planner gets involved they will spend wisely. 

[Just Jack]

57 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

I was not invited.  She isn't a brown noser (and I'm the kind of manager where brown nosing makes me lose all respect and will have the opposite effect than the brown noser thinks it will) by any means.  We work very closely together (she's actually going to be be promoted soon, so she will no longer report to me) and have a great working relationship.  We don't hang outside of work (she's about 15 years younger than I am).  

 

I will admit ... this is not typical behavior for me.  I normally don't cross lines.  It's just a big deal and I want to get them a little something.  

 

I think I’d look for something thoughtful and cheap then. Has she mentioned any favorite restaurants? How about a gift card to one she likes? The wife and I actually do love getting restaurant gift cards because then we can have “cheap date nights”. 

[Gugny]

Just now, Just Jack said:

 

I think I’d look for something thoughtful and cheap then. Has she mentioned any favorite restaurants? How about a gift card to one she likes? The wife and I actually do love getting restaurant gift cards because then we can have “cheap date nights”. 

 

Well, I would, but one of my colleagues went and got them a microwave off of their registry.  He wasn't invited, either and there's not even any reporting structure there.  I'm just gonna give them $100 in a card.

[plenzmd1]

@Augie, you live on the UES?

 

this is why weddings have gotten out of hand, as well as birthday party’s etc. 

[Just Jack]

49 minutes ago, Gray Beard said:

And don’t get me started on the cost of professional wedding photographers. 

 

Don't go cheap. I did my first wedding and was very disappointed. We had better photos from the guests than the photographer. Same goes for video and DJ. 

[LabattBlue]

I'm not sure what is more surprising...the number of extremely generous people(unless they missed the part about "per person"), or the number of people who still put cash in the card.

[teef]

if it's a standard wedding that i don't have any real close ties to, it's usually $150 so i'm paying for my time there.  close family and people i care about get in the $300 range.  for a couple of very close friends i wrote big checks.  these were also the guys who would buy me drinks and cover dinners while i was still in school and had nothing.  they looked out for me so i was more than happy to share with them.  

 

if people want to go smaller, i like the idea of the gift cards, especially to restaurants.  as jack mentioned, it gives you a cheap date night out.  it might sound strange, but i'd rather get a $50 gift card to a good restaurant than $50 cash, (when it comes to this type of a gift).

[Buffalo_Gal]

1 hour ago, plenzmd1 said:

@Augie, you live on the UES?

 

this is why weddings have gotten out of hand, as well as birthday party’s etc. 

That isn't for a wedding, that is for an IG "influencer".  ie, She makes a ***** ton of money selling herself and her kids on IG to advertisers, and needs a good photographer who can also touch up the photos to make it "natural".  She also wants the person to run her IG account for her so it is "authentic".

 I think it is funny that she is looking for a nanny-wannabe, social media manager, and photographer all rolled into one.

 

 

[Mark Vader]

3 hours ago, Augie said:

 

After further consideration, it might be wise to look over the schedule and find a weekend where UGA plays Alabama, Auburn or Florida. That could save north of $10k on reception expenses, and the gift’s will still roll in! ?

 

They take their CFB seriously down here, and I’ll still get my Bills game the next day.

 

 

(I’m only about half kidding!)

Ask, and you shall receive: https://fbschedules.com/ncaa-2020/team/georgia

[plenzmd1]

1 hour ago, Buffalo_Gal said:

That isn't for a wedding, that is for an IG "influencer".  ie, She makes a ***** ton of money selling herself and her kids on IG to advertisers, and needs a good photographer who can also touch up the photos to make it "natural".  She also wants the person to run her IG account for her so it is "authentic".

 I think it is funny that she is looking for a nanny-wannabe, social media manager, and photographer all rolled into one.

 

 

Oh i know, my contention that it is IG and the look at me culture that keeps amping tings up..100K weddings etc...all so you can put it on the Gram!

[Augie]

7 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

@Augie, you live on the UES?

 

this is why weddings have gotten out of hand, as well as birthday party’s etc. 

 

We are ruining our yutes! 

[Sundancer]

On 11/17/2019 at 8:44 AM, The Jokeman said:

I'm 42 and just got married (wife is 41) a little more than a month ago (October 12)  and most friends gave $50 and most family members gave $100.

 

That's cheap and also because you're old.