Captain Hindsight Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Hey guys, I know this typically isn't the forum for this kid of stuff but you guys give me straight answers and I appreciate that. Ive been dating this girl for a few months and not long after we started dating I got a job about 5 hours away. Its really more of an internship so I don't get paid a lot so I can only go see her every 3 or 4 weeks for 3 days at a time. Needless to say its a little hard on both of us. I think she feels like she's left alone and just kind of waiting for when we can see each other again. I try to encourage her to go and live but she's a little resistant (she's shy anyway) We do the Skype every night and texting/emails. I send her a letter every week but i feel like thats getting a little stale. She's a keeper, (huge sports fan and extremely cute) Our first date was a hockey game (her idea), like cmon if that doesn't scream keeper idk what does. Anyone ever been in this situation before? Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) Pics? and if i wind up giving advice...do the exact opposite.... Hey guys, I know this typically isn't the forum for this kid of stuff but you guys give me straight answers and I appreciate that. Ive been dating this girl for a few months and not long after we started dating I got a job about 5 hours away. Its really more of an internship so I don't get paid a lot so I can only go see her every 3 or 4 weeks for 3 days at a time. Needless to say its a little hard on both of us. I think she feels like she's left alone and just kind of waiting for when we can see each other again. I try to encourage her to go and live but she's a little resistant (she's shy anyway) We do the Skype every night and texting/emails. I send her a letter every week but i feel like thats getting a little stale. She's a keeper, (huge sports fan and extremely cute) Our first date was a hockey game (her idea), like cmon if that doesn't scream keeper idk what does. Anyone ever been in this situation before? Any ideas? Edited March 3, 2012 by The Poojer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Pics? and if i wind up giving advice...do the exact opposite.... I was wondering how long til that would come up Shed probably kick my ass if i posted a pic here so won't but trust me she's cute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsWatch Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I met my wife as a tourist in Hong Kong. We dated while I was there but I knew I could not stay and when I got back I applied for a fiancee visa for her; the months between separation in Hong Kong and when it was approved months later was one of the toughest period of my life but worth it. We have been married for almost 25 years now. We were doing communication thing before Skype and when phone calls were a lot more expensive. If she is a keeper do whatever you need to do to keep her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 You did say it is only for a few months? Send her flowers. How often is she coming to see you? Start her posting with us. we will take good care of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 If she's a keeper then you had better not this up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 To echo others, if she's a keeper she's a keeper. Of course that entails a lot more than being cute and liking hockey (those are 2 pretty big credits though!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ofiba Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I suggest each of you driving 2.5 hours and meet halfway to see each other more often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 To echo others, if she's a keeper she's a keeper. Of course that entails a lot more than being cute and liking hockey (those are 2 pretty big credits though!). O theres much more to it i figured i wouldn't bore all of you with the details Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 1330813284[/url]' post='2394233']O theres much more to it i figured i wouldn't bore all of you with the details O please do . Tell us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Long distance relationships are next to impossible. I was in one for a short time and it was so right that it could not work out unless we were together. I know it goes against the whole perfect for each other but that's how it was. Nonetheless, just don't let it get stale and do not try to act like it is bothering you. My biggest mistake is that I would always act like I could live my life thinking she wouldn't have to worry about me missing her all the time. I did miss her a lot. After a while she said it felt like I no longer held her or the relationship as a priority and we had to talk about it. I guess, the point of the story is communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 1330813900[/url]' post='2394236']Long distance relationships are next to impossible. I was in one for a short time and it was so right that it could not work out unless we were together. I know it goes against the whole perfect for each other but that's how it was. Nonetheless, just don't let it get stale and do not try to act like it is bothering you. My biggest mistake is that I would always act like I could live my life thinking she wouldn't have to worry about me missing her all the time. I did miss her a lot. After a while she said it felt like I no longer held her or the relationship as a priority and we had to talk about it. I guess, the point of the story is communication. Big brown eyes? Goes moo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Long distance relationships are next to impossible. I was in one for a short time and it was so right that it could not work out unless we were together. I know it goes against the whole perfect for each other but that's how it was. Nonetheless, just don't let it get stale and do not try to act like it is bothering you. My biggest mistake is that I would always act like I could live my life thinking she wouldn't have to worry about me missing her all the time. I did miss her a lot. After a while she said it felt like I no longer held her or the relationship as a priority and we had to talk about it. I guess, the point of the story is communication. But...my sister met a guy one New Year's Eve who had to fly back home to London two days later. They dated trans-oceanically for one or two years...been married five years now. "Next to impossible" does not mean "impossible". IF anything, it's probably easier with the internet now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeFerguson Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I started dating my wife when we were both juniors in college (2000-2001). In 2002 she moved to NYC and I stayed in Buffalo to continue with grad school. In 2007 she moved to Milwaukee. During this time we maintained our relationship. In 2009 I moved to Milwaukee and in with her. Long distance relationships aren't for everyone, but if you love each other you end up figuring out the logistics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 But...my sister met a guy one New Year's Eve who had to fly back home to London two days later. They dated trans-oceanically for one or two years...been married five years now. "Next to impossible" does not mean "impossible". IF anything, it's probably easier with the internet now. I agree. we'd skype, etc. cell phones with unlimited calling and text, all that. i have never had a relationship with that level of communication and dependency (it actually felt comfortable). All we had was communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevestojan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Coming from a guy who's first marriage lasted less time than the last Sabres Stanley Cup parade, take this with a huge grain of muddy rock salt from the bottom of your winter boots, but if she's a "keeper" you wouldn't be asking strangers our opinions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 OK, this assumes she's a "keeper" who hasn't made you any real promises yet (and vice versa), and the following level of effort would be easier than trying to trade up in your new location: If her housing/job situation allows it, and she's an animal lover, think about getting her a puppy (or he11, even a cat [gag]). It will be a constant reminder of you. Reinforce the association by naming it after her favorite hockey player that you watched on your first date. Don't try this if you aren't sure how she feels about pets or aren't sure if a pet would be compatible with her housing/job situation. But it sounds like you have dated enough that you ought to have some idea if this makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 How old are you two? That'll help you find the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevestojan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 How old are you two? That'll help you find the answer. Valid point. A lot hinges on that variable . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corp000085 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I dated a girl for 2 years from 4 hours away. Then I married her. My point? If she's a keeper, you don't need to ask. Youll figure it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevestojan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I dated a girl for 2 years from 4 hours away. Then I married her. My point? If she's a keeper, you don't need to ask. Youll figure it out. That was my point, but you relayed it with much less of a prick factor than I now realize my response contained. If youre having doubts AND its long distance, good night. If she's really a keeper, a long car drive doesn't mean ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Thanks for all the advice guys. Really you guys said what I've been doing so far so I'm glad I'm doing the right thing. Thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevestojan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) Thanks for all the advice guys. Really you guys said what I've been doing so far so I'm glad I'm doing the right thing. Thanks guys Guys at home (or like myself at a bar but sadly checking TBD on my cell) on a Saturday night posting on a sports website have historically been the best guys to take relationship advice from. You're welcome. Edited March 4, 2012 by stevestojan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 You're Captain Hindsight, you'll know what to do...... eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Guys at home (or like myself at a bar but sadly checking TBD on my cell) on a Saturday night posting on a sports website have historically been the best guys to take relationship advice from. You're welcome. I figured i couldn't find a better cross section anywhere else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Zackly...next to impossible makes the end result that much more worth it But...my sister met a guy one New Year's Eve who had to fly back home to London two days later. They dated trans-oceanically for one or two years...been married five years now. "Next to impossible" does not mean "impossible". IF anything, it's probably easier with the internet now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Adams Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) Pre Internet and cells, my wife of 16'years and I dated long distance for 4 years due to college choices. It sucked but it can be done. This distance was between 5-7 hours depending on the year. I guess we did have Internet. Had to convince her to get a Vax account to exchange emails. The compsci people did not get why an Econ student wanted a Vax account. Edited March 4, 2012 by John Adams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilsner Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 As some have already said, if she's a keeper then do what you need to do to keep her. I've seen friends and family go thru the long distant thing and it worked out for them. Distance is an obstacle but does not necessarily discount the chance of something special occuring. If you think a girl is worth it and u believe the feeling is mutual then you can never let distance deter you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cincinnati Kid Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I say dump the BUM! Lol. I'm just kidding Captain. Be strong. It'll all work out, no matter what that means, everything will work out. Oh, and uh, maybe you should text your brother once in a while in addition to posting on the Wall... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 Hit our first rough patch. Distance was getting to be to hard for her so she asked for break. She is starting senior year tomorrow, has a new job a bunch of new friends and trying to finish up two majors. I firmly beleive tho that the door isnt closed and its just taking a step back and evaulating what we want because were both in such different places right now. Since facebook tells all, she hasnt changed our status as a couple (this happened yesterday afternoon) She gave me all the usual lines, still love you, I dont expect you to wait for me ect. We havent spoken since. I told her I needed to take time to get used to this. I dont want to give up on her becuase I still see a future with her. I'm trying to figure out the best way to give her space and still be in the picture and at least be talking to her but frankly this is new territory for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 The grass may be greener on the other side. Stay off her facebook page. You may not like what pops up. Give her a few weeks then send her a message asking how everything is going. Tell her you miss her more than anything. See how she responds and if she is stand offish you will want to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Hit our first rough patch. Distance was getting to be to hard for her so she asked for break. She is starting senior year tomorrow, has a new job a bunch of new friends and trying to finish up two majors. I firmly beleive tho that the door isnt closed and its just taking a step back and evaulating what we want because were both in such different places right now. Since facebook tells all, she hasnt changed our status as a couple (this happened yesterday afternoon) She gave me all the usual lines, still love you, I dont expect you to wait for me ect. We havent spoken since. I told her I needed to take time to get used to this. I dont want to give up on her becuase I still see a future with her. I'm trying to figure out the best way to give her space and still be in the picture and at least be talking to her but frankly this is new territory for me. Very simple: 1) ask for MDP's advice. 2) do the exact opposite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optometric Insight Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 The grass may be greener on the other side. Stay off her facebook page. You may not like what pops up. Give her a few weeks then send her a message asking how everything is going. Tell her you miss her more than anything. See how she responds and if she is stand offish you will want to move on. *Clears throat* Actually, its greener where you water it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 *Clears throat* Actually, its greener where you water it. That was brilliant. You can't possibly be a teenager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 That was brilliant. You can't possibly be a teenager. Or maybe his Dad made him water the lawn today. As for the captain, it might be a good idea to take the opportunity to date others. Don't just assume she's a 'keeper' or it'll work out, etc. Instead, put it to the test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optometric Insight Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Or maybe his Dad made him water the lawn today. As for the captain, it might be a good idea to take the opportunity to date others. Don't just assume she's a 'keeper' or it'll work out, etc. Instead, put it to the test. Phshh, water the lawn? Its so humid down here the ground takes the water from the air. Also, there's a hurricane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Phshh, water the lawn? Its so humid down here the ground takes the water from the air. Also, there's a hurricane. In that case, don't you have sandbags to fill? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
section122 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Sorry it's over but that's the norm (which doesn't make it suck any less). I would have recommended letting go myself and having fun. If she is a keeper your paths will cross again (sometimes you may have to "make" that happen). Meanwhile your in your 20's!!! Go buck wild! Live it up as much as you can and when you find your keeper it'll all work itself out. Mean time have fun trying to find ms. Right(now) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 !@#$ a lot of women, kid. I have no reason to lie to you. Not one woman. A lot of women. You heard what I said? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Hit our first rough patch. Distance was getting to be to hard for her so she asked for break. She is starting senior year tomorrow, has a new job a bunch of new friends and trying to finish up two majors. I firmly beleive tho that the door isnt closed and its just taking a step back and evaulating what we want because were both in such different places right now. Since facebook tells all, she hasnt changed our status as a couple (this happened yesterday afternoon) She gave me all the usual lines, still love you, I dont expect you to wait for me ect. We havent spoken since. I told her I needed to take time to get used to this. I dont want to give up on her becuase I still see a future with her. I'm trying to figure out the best way to give her space and still be in the picture and at least be talking to her but frankly this is new territory for me. Given the bolded, (and i'm going to flat out give you the harsh truth), it sounds like she wants to ride as much pole as she can before she enters the real world. Go out and meet new girls. Have fun. If you and the ex end up back together, great, and if not, there's always another girl just around the corner. I know i'm only 30, but i look back at myself 10 years ago and the girls i "couldn't live without" and just laugh at how wrong i was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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