John from Riverside Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Pete, I have seen this situation before.....and agree with everyone else that says you should NOT bring her home but you SHOULD get her help. A couple of things: - You have to tread very carefully with the gals that are @sshole magnets. I am not saying this is the case but it is possible that she is unconciously attracted to the "bad boys" that do this kind of @hit. I have seen it before it is absolutely morbid. If this is the case dont get sexually involved with this girl. - Getting her to a shelter is a great idea....it puts her in the hands of people that a. know how to deal with the girl and b. Have the law enforcement connections to deal with the punk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RLflutie7 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 The Chef is a wise man. There is a lot more to this story. First of all, why is she with this guy in the first place? What else is in her background? Have you even asked yourself this in a serious way? There is obviously something lacking, something you, as a "guardian angel," are ill equipped to give her. Oh.......abused women are almost always insecure, and even the hottest ones are often looking for a "savior" of sorts. Trust me on this. Pete, I'm sorry to say that I have seen many a "guardian angel" go down in flames. Don't be starry eyed young man. Refer her to the authorities (she should have done this already by herself). Then, refer her to counselling (lots of women's groups out there). Next, run for the hills in terms of being involved. Sorry, but we have posted back and forth for years, and I think that you deserve to hear the truth. I've read all the posts and I think this one is right on. If this girl was interested in you, she'd be with you. She's not with you, she's with the "wife beater" badass. Make a mental note of that. She might be using you, and she'll go right back with the "wife beater" or another guy like him. You may have contacted the police . . . but that was you and not her . . . She needs to leave and it's her decision. She has to make it happen. . . stay away from this girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussiew Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I've read all the posts and I think this one is right on. If this girl was interested in you, she'd be with you. She's not with you, she's with the "wife beater" badass. Make a mental note of that. She might be using you, and she'll go right back with the "wife beater" or another guy like him. You may have contacted the police . . . but that was you and not her . . . She needs to leave and it's her decision. She has to make it happen. . . stay away from this girl. As a woman who has known many "victims" of abuse, I fully agree. She may seem sweet and helpless, and you want to save her and protect her, but you have to think with the brain above your neck. Without the proper counseling, she may stay with you for a while, but she will be on the look-out for another bad boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I agree with the chef and the police officer. My perspective is someone who does pro bono (read: needy people) family law. Help her but don't take her under your personal umbrella. The real guardian angel for an adult is someone who gets her on her own 2 feet and out on her own. That's a clinic or organization. Not Pete. Perhaps even a church organization...true? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I agree with your post. Good people need to get involved. She is most definitely worth fighting for! And I saw the look on her face after he terrorized her one time- and it was the saddest thing I have ever seen. I cry whenever I think about it. After that I feel it is my duty to help this girl and be her guardian angel. Don't "fight for her", and don't "be her guardian angel". Use some common sense, man. Either it's about her, and not AT ALL about you...or you shouldn't be anywhere near her. One thing I can guarantee: she's !@#$ed up in the head. It's unaviodable. Either she was before this guy, or she is now after the abuse. Any romantic delusions you're having, you can dismiss right now. Ever rescue an abused animal? They don't suddenly turn well-adjusted and loving. Now multiply that mess by 100, since you're talking about a woman and not a puppy. Don't be an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Don't "fight for her", and don't "be her guardian angel". Use some common sense, man. Either it's about her, and not AT ALL about you...or you shouldn't be anywhere near her. One thing I can guarantee: she's !@#$ed up in the head. It's unaviodable. Either she was before this guy, or she is now after the abuse. Any romantic delusions you're having, you can dismiss right now. Ever rescue an abused animal? They don't suddenly turn well-adjusted and loving. Now multiply that mess by 100, since you're talking about a woman and not a puppy. Don't be an idiot. Maybe he could get a rescue Pit Bull? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Maybe he could get a rescue Pit Bull? Uh...yeah...sure... Hey, remember when you were a kid and they weren't yet domesticated? Good times... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bills_fan Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Don't "fight for her", and don't "be her guardian angel". Use some common sense, man. Either it's about her, and not AT ALL about you...or you shouldn't be anywhere near her. One thing I can guarantee: she's !@#$ed up in the head. It's unaviodable. Either she was before this guy, or she is now after the abuse. Any romantic delusions you're having, you can dismiss right now. Ever rescue an abused animal? They don't suddenly turn well-adjusted and loving. Now multiply that mess by 100, since you're talking about a woman and not a puppy. Don't be an idiot. Listen to DC Tom....good post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Uh...yeah...sure... Hey, remember when you were a kid and they weren't yet domesticated? Good times... I do. We knew to keep away... I am disappointed you didn't see the clever, implied reference to another thread, the sublime irony of my post. You are normally sharper, Tommie Boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GG Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Well... is she hot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acantha Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Don't "fight for her", and don't "be her guardian angel". Use some common sense, man. Either it's about her, and not AT ALL about you...or you shouldn't be anywhere near her. One thing I can guarantee: she's !@#$ed up in the head. It's unaviodable. Either she was before this guy, or she is now after the abuse. Any romantic delusions you're having, you can dismiss right now. Ever rescue an abused animal? They don't suddenly turn well-adjusted and loving. Now multiply that mess by 100, since you're talking about a woman and not a puppy. Don't be an idiot. Everything here is exactly correct, but come on man, do you really think he's even capable of listening to this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevbeau Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 1.) Scott TP. Definitely the way to go. 2.) Leave this to the professionals. Once she's back on her feet & has this d-bag completely out of her life, then you can consider possibly moving on with her. I had a cousin that was always trying to be the nice guy. Never ended well for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Everything here is exactly correct, but come on man, do you really think he's even capable of listening to this? Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrDawkinstein Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Yes. no. he's involved already. he's going to stay involved. whats that old saying? advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't? Pete, you obviously came on here and asked because youre involved more than you think you should be and know it, and were hoping a few of us would tell you that you were doing "the right thing", or at least being noble. But dont put yourself at more risk than you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill from NYC Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Well... is she hot? Yes. She is also seductive in a demure kind of way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Everything here is exactly correct, but come on man, do you really think he's even capable of listening to this? I'm hoping he'll listen to experience. There's nothing romantic about it. It is extraordinarily difficult on everyone involved. It is difficult, nasty, emotionally gruelling work getting an abuse victim back on their feet and in control of their life. That's why there's professionals for this sort of thing. Pete, if you go to her place to move her out, as well as a cop, take an experienced social worker with you! Moving out needs to be her decision, not yours; there's trained professionals that know how to handle these situations and help her make that decision. No disrespect intended...but you are not one of those people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I do. We knew to keep away... I am disappointed you didn't see the clever, implied reference to another thread, the sublime irony of my post. You are normally sharper, Tommie Boy. Oh, no, I did. I just felt like making a "crotchety old man" joke at your expense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 As a woman who has known many "victims" of abuse, I fully agree. She may seem sweet and helpless, and you want to save her and protect her, but you have to think with the brain above your neck. Without the proper counseling, she may stay with you for a while, but she will be on the look-out for another bad boy. When it comes to women, men have a brain in upper part of their body? Interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I have not read all of the posts so I do not know if this has been mentioned. Where is her family? I think that you have to help -- especially given that you are friends with her. You also are going to need help. This does not sound like you are going to be able to do this all by yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I'm hoping he'll listen to experience. There's nothing romantic about it. It is extraordinarily difficult on everyone involved. It is difficult, nasty, emotionally gruelling work getting an abuse victim back on their feet and in control of their life. And statistically, battered women actually tend to go from one abusive relationship to another. A lot of it is tied to self-esteem, and quite often it can stem from being sexually abused as a child. But their self-esteem is so beaten that it's somehow considered easier for them to get beat up than it is to figure out a new place to stay, or find a new job. A lot of times they have children, which only adds to the challenge of getting out of the grip. I can't tell you how many battered women I've met who admit the main reason they stay with an abusive man is because they have no place to take their children. And Pete, that's why she needs help from professionals. And just as important, you better keep your dick out of it because I promise you it will not only complicate her life, but yours as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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