In space no one can hear Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I just got back from speaking with a State Trooper. I have his card and he said if she wants to leave he will go and help her. If the punk says one word, he will arrest him. The punk has a history of violence, and we can get a protective order for her within one day. That means he cannot come within 100 yards of her, nor go into her workplace. If he shows up at my place, he is arrested on the spot. If he so much as text messages her, he is arrested. If he enters my house when we are home, that is mandatory 10 years. However if she visits him, the protective order is null and void. I feel much better after speaking with the officer. This has been ripping my heart out. I have felt so helpless. Thanks for some good advice! Pete: I think its great that you contacted a state trooper and they can help work toward her immediate safety. My concern is that she has underlying issues that need to be resolved that will strike at the root of the problem. I would contact(or actually have her if possible) contact a reputable domestic violence program to get her involved in individual and group work that will hopefully empower her and help her effectively cope with her current situation and also hopefully help her avoid future similiar relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stl Bills Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I'M TELLING YOU PETE.......... Buy a Supernova Problem solved Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 First of all...don't do nothing. You need to get in touch with the local battered women's shelter. Start by contacting your local city/county offices. If they can't help you, try your local United Way offices. There IS a shelter near by, and they'll typically arrange to meet you at a diner, Starbucks, whatever, and then they'll take your friend to their location, which is never listed so her abuser can't find her. Keep in mind they will likely sequester her for a week or two; no work, no cellphone, very little contact. Don't bring her home, because you'll bring him with you. But GET her to a shelter. They have the safety net and counseling that will help her. But she has to want to help herself. But again. Don't do nothing, but don't do everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 In most cases, the police do not prevent crimes, they respond to them after they happen. I would absolutely contact them and start documenting the incidents, but don't fool yourself by thinking that will keep the girl safe. If you get involved in this situation be prepared to defend yourself by any means necessary. If you are not prepared for that, get her help and keep your distance. Sadly your right. until she has a bruise or cut that she can show to the police there isnt much they can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I wouldn't say "never", but I agree that it usually doesn't work out the way you hope. "The Savior" typically gets the shaft. Ok never may have been to definite but i just got the shaft so im seeing it as never right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 First of all...don't do nothing. You need to get in touch with the local battered women's shelter. Start by contacting your local city/county offices. If they can't help you, try your local United Way offices. There IS a shelter near by, and they'll typically arrange to meet you at a diner, Starbucks, whatever, and then they'll take your friend to their location, which is never listed so her abuser can't find her. Keep in mind they will likely sequester her for a week or two; no work, no cellphone, very little contact. Don't bring her home, because you'll bring him with you. But GET her to a shelter. They have the safety net and counseling that will help her. But she has to want to help herself.But again. Don't do nothing, but don't do everything. That is most true thing ever posted on the board Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Avenger Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 2 Warnings: 1. Remember, no matter what type of restraining order you have, it is still just a piece of paper - if someone is really unreasonable/violent/out of their mind you can have all the restraining orders in the world and bad things can happen - it can't actually stop anyone, it can only help prosecute/punish them afterwards. 2. Don't get caught in the middle. If the girl wants to get away and you want to help her that's great, but you have to understand the ramifications if she has a change of heart. What if she picks up the phone a week from now because she's thinking he's not such a bad guy afterall and tells him all that you have done for her, where she is and where you are. Your personal safety could be at risk if she suddenly has a change of heart (and if she's been with this guy who treats her like this it could easily happen). Be careful and remember that job #1 is to protect your personal safety - don't rely on things outside of your control for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Call a battered women's shelter and ask their advice. You'll get better than you'll ever get here. And do it quick. This is life-or-death sh--. It's amazing the issues that people bring up here for us to help them with. It's like they've never read any of our posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 It's amazing the issues that people bring up here for us to help them with. It's like they've never read any of our posts. Well...too give the board credit, I didn't see anyone respond "Is she hot?" Which is nice for a change... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extrahammer Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Sounds like the guy needs more help than her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Adams Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I agree with the chef and the police officer. My perspective is someone who does pro bono (read: needy people) family law. Help her but don't take her under your personal umbrella. The real guardian angel for an adult is someone who gets her on her own 2 feet and out on her own. That's a clinic or organization. Not Pete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bills_fan Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 It's amazing the issues that people bring up here for us to help them with. It's like they've never read any of our posts. I think you get views from multiple cross sections of the country, from people in different walks of life and a little perspective. Not a bad thing to step outside of your own little circle and ask for anonymous, outsider perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I think you get views from multiple cross sections of the country, from people in different walks of life and a little perspective. Not a bad thing to step outside of your own little circle and ask for anonymous, outsider perspective. I wouldn't trust you guys to tell me which brand of toilet paper to use let alone your input on life or death situations. Come to think about it the TP issue is life or death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I wouldn't trust you guys to tell me which brand of toilet paper to use let alone your input on life or death situations. Come to think about it the TP issue is life or death. Scott, of course. That fru-fru three-ply quilted perfumed anti-bacterial "oh so soft on your delicate little tushie" sh-- is for pansies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Ok I have a plan... Let her move in with you, and then when this idiot inevitably shows up at your place warn him that he's not welcome on your property. When he doesn't leave, shoot him in the head. End of story. (Oh ya get a gun first). And make sure he throws a punch at you or does something violent before you shoot him. I'm fairly sure that is legal on your part. And he will die deserving a Darwin Award. Keep a kitchen knife handy to put in his hand after you shoot him (Self defense). Wear gloves so you dont leave finger prints. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 2 Warnings: 1. Remember, no matter what type of restraining order you have, it is still just a piece of paper - if someone is really unreasonable/violent/out of their mind you can have all the restraining orders in the world and bad things can happen - it can't actually stop anyone, it can only help prosecute/punish them afterwards. 2. Don't get caught in the middle. If the girl wants to get away and you want to help her that's great, but you have to understand the ramifications if she has a change of heart. What if she picks up the phone a week from now because she's thinking he's not such a bad guy afterall and tells him all that you have done for her, where she is and where you are. Your personal safety could be at risk if she suddenly has a change of heart (and if she's been with this guy who treats her like this it could easily happen). Be careful and remember that job #1 is to protect your personal safety - don't rely on things outside of your control for that. Find a battered womans shelter and take her there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Ok I have a plan... Let her move in with you, and then when this idiot inevitably shows up at your place warn him that he's not welcome on your property. When he doesn't leave, shoot him in the head. End of story. (Oh ya get a gun first). And make sure he throws a punch at you or does something violent before you shoot him. I'm fairly sure that is legal on your part. And he will die deserving a Darwin Award. Self-defense is a crap shoot. No guarantee you won't get nailed yourself. And head wounds are messy; not something you particularly want in your own houose.. In the long run, if you can properly plan and dispose of the body, it's safer and easier to do these things quickly, quietly, and away from the home and without staging a confontration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Scott, of course. That fru-fru three-ply quilted perfumed anti-bacterial "oh so soft on your delicate little tushie" sh-- is for pansies. Thanks for that tip but being frugal has gotten me to where I am today. I use the newspaper when I'm done reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Thanks for that tip but being frugal has gotten me to where I am today. I use the newspaper when I'm done reading it. If that's the LA Times you're talking about, you may want to skip the initial step of reading that thing and move directly to what is best served to do; wipe your ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 If that's the LA Times you're talking about, you may want to skip the initial step of reading that thing and move directly to what is best served to do; wipe your ass. Nah, OC Register. Dropped the Times when I crossed the orange curtain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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