muppy Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 😏 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregg Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 2 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 Sent this trash talking Bears fans... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 5 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said: Sent this trash talking Bears fans... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregg Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 The Genius of Steven Wright: 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popu, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fleezoid Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 29 minutes ago, Gregg said: The Genius of Steven Wright: 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popu, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work And this one: “I wish the first word I ever said was the word quote, so right before I die I could say unquote.” — Steven Wright 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 24 minutes ago, Fleezoid said: And this one: “I wish the first word I ever said was the word quote, so right before I die I could say unquote.” — Steven Wright More from Steven Wright: "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." "I bought some instant water, but I'm not sure what to add." "I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 Today's "pun a day"... "I don't know why I got kicked out of mime school, it must have been something I said." "I bought a dog the other day. I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd." ~Steven Wright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwksilver Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregg Posted April 28, 2023 Share Posted April 28, 2023 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punching Bag Posted April 28, 2023 Share Posted April 28, 2023 1 hour ago, Gregg said: Washington needs to fix owner before stadium. It would also help if they moved team to west coast just to mess up "NFC East". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted April 28, 2023 Share Posted April 28, 2023 8 minutes ago, Limeaid said: Washington needs to fix owner before stadium. It would also help if they moved team to west coast just to mess up "NFC East". They could move to Spokane and still be the Washington Commanders. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrW Posted April 28, 2023 Share Posted April 28, 2023 From "Red Dwarf", IMHO one of the best British sitcoms: Rimmer: I never agreed with my parents’ religion but I wouldn’t dream of knocking it. Lister: What were they? Rimmer: Seventh Day Advent Hoppists. They believed that every Sunday should be spent hopping. They would hop to church, hop through the service and hop back home again. Lister: What’s the idea behind that then? Rimmer: Well, they took the Bible literally. Adam and Eve, the snake and the apple, everything. Took it word for word. Unfortunately their version had a misprint. It was all based on 1 Corinthians 13, where it says “faith, hop and charity, and the greatest of these is hop.” So that’s what they did every seventh day. I tell you, Sunday lunchtimes were a nightmare. Hopping around the table serving soup. We all had to wear sou’esters and asbestos underwear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted April 29, 2023 Share Posted April 29, 2023 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T&C Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 (edited) Where are all the chuckles from chuckles? We need more.... What do you call a dog laying in the sun? A hotdog. Edited April 30, 2023 by T&C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 SLUG POSSE 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwksilver Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevyVanMiller Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheCockSportif Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 (edited) You remember that show House ( @HOUSE remembers) and how they would always be all like, "it's lupus" before they would decidedly say that it wasn't lupus -- til the end of the series when it was finally lupus and the patient died? People on my team kept asking "if I had a minute". Usually this meant quitting, so I was like, "stop that *****, and if you're gonna quit, then tell me that it's lupus then put some time on my calendar to discuss." People keep asking for a minute whilst telling me that it's not lupus. Success. Edited May 2, 2023 by TheCockSportif 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 On 5/1/2023 at 5:25 PM, muppy said: Or on Hallmark this Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoTom Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 (edited) 😉 Edited May 5, 2023 by muppy 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 🙄 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punching Bag Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 4 hours ago, muppy said: 🙄 I heard of body butter but never but BButt BButter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon in Pasadena Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 4 hours ago, muppy said: 🙄 Yeah... think I'll be going with the Olive oil instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted May 6, 2023 Share Posted May 6, 2023 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevyVanMiller Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1billsnut Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 On 5/5/2023 at 2:41 PM, muppy said: 🙄 Cracker? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 On 5/1/2023 at 5:25 PM, muppy said: Oh, I figured it out… ”He’s a car thief, she’s a car thief. One day their futures collide in ‘Stealing My Heart’, this weekend on Hallmark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muppy Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.