The Bipolar thread

[Draconator]

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

[Augie]

Thank you for sharing that. There are far too many topics people try to avoid rather than discuss openly. We all have 💩 in our lives somewhere. Anything we can do to help another person going thru something similar makes the world a better place. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone helps.

 

We’ve been thru our stuff, and I won’t derail things here (at this moment) but I swear that just talking about it helps. People we barely knew would approach us and want to ask questions. They were going thru the same kind of stuff and just needed someone to listen. Helping others navigate this stuff is an act of kindness.  

[Draconator]

7 minutes ago, Augie said:

Thank you for sharing that. There are far too many topics people try to avoid rather than discuss openly. We all have 💩 in our lives somewhere. Anything we can do to help another person going thru something similar makes the world a better place. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone helps.

 

We’ve been thru our stuff, and I won’t derail things here (at this moment) but I swear that just talking about it helps. People we barely knew would approach us and want to ask questions. They were going thru the same kind of stuff and just needed someone to listen. Helping others navigate this stuff is an act of kindness.  

 

Thank you. I've always been one to help, so if this helps anyone, I've met my goal for this. 

[muppy]

2 hours ago, Draconator said:

 

Thank you. I've always been one to help, so if this helps anyone, I've met my goal for this. 

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

[UConn James]

Bipolar runs in the family a bit on my mum’s side, and my mum was in and out of treatment for it when I was very young, and my oldest brother and, from the sounds of it, his son (11) have it. (Autism — which I have) & schizophrenia also are cluster diagnoses that run alongside with bipolar in heredity.) He hit on good drug treatment for it and they’re looking into for my nephew with aggression and a lot of sleep issues. Thanks for some insight.

 

BTW, diabetes also runs on my mum’s side, and my brother’s numbers were up, and he started Ozempic awhile back and it’s been terrific for him. A1c is down into the 5s, and he’s lost 50 pounds so far; doc says he’s the poster person for it.

[Draconator]

27 minutes ago, muppy said:

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

 

Thank you for sharing your back history. If we can get past the stigma of mental health, we would all be in a much better place. And you're right. The quality of the professional is key. My current therapist visited with me for 3 hours and confirmed my initial diagnosis. 

11 minutes ago, UConn James said:

Bipolar runs in the family a bit on my mum’s side, and my mum was in and out of treatment for it when I was very young, and my oldest brother and, from the sounds of it, his son (11) have it. (Autism — which I have) & schizophrenia also are cluster diagnoses that run alongside with bipolar in heredity.) He hit on good drug treatment for it and they’re looking into for my nephew with aggression and a lot of sleep issues. Thanks for some insight.

 

BTW, diabetes also runs on my mum’s side, and my brother’s numbers were up, and he started Ozempic awhile back and it’s been terrific for him. A1c is down into the 5s, and he’s lost 50 pounds so far; doc says he’s the poster person for it.

 

We suspect my dad was Bipolar. In his later years, he didn't deny that he had it and said his mom also may have had it. Bipolar is heredity.

[Another Fan]

 

3 hours ago, Draconator said:

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

My dad and uncle were diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I just tended to think of them as moody at times more than anything growing up.  The one time he had an episode that reminds me a little of what you talk about is when he impulsively bought a new car which he found out was like a bad fit for him weeks later and he wound up turning it in.  At the time I didnt really think much of at all...  I'm a very sort of people are people kind of person and if you're not doing something to harm someone else it's more or less whatever.  

 

My mom's cousin I am told has bipolar.  This came about when I was at a wedding with him and he said some things like really inappropriate to me like out of the blue.  It totally shocked me as the image I had of him was like a sort of jolly loves life kind of fellow.  I just attributed it to him being really drunk.  But when I asked someone what the hell was that about I'm told his daughter has bipolar and he most likely does as well.

 

 

I imagine like autism though it's kind of a spectrum disorder in how severe you have it?  I got officially diagnosed with autism last year.  While no one else in the family was diagnosed officially a fair amount of relatives have similar traits to me where I never really stood out so to speak.  

Edited August 12, 2023 by Another Fan

[Draconator]

1 minute ago, Another Fan said:

 

My dad and uncle were diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I just tended to think of them as moody at times more than anything growing up.  The one time he had an episode that reminds me a little of what you talk about is when he impulsively bought a new car which he found out was like a bad fit for him weeks later and he wound up turning it in.  At the time I didnt really think much of at all...  I'm a very sort of people are people kind of person and if you're doing something to harm someone else it's more or less whatever.  

 

My mom's cousin I am told had bipolar.  This came about when I was at a wedding with him and he said some thing like really I thought inappropriate to me like out of the blue.  It totally shocked me as the image I had of him was like a sort of jolly loves life kind of fellow.  I just attributed it to him being really drunk.  But when I asked someone what the hell was that about I'm told his daughter has bipolar and he most likely does as well.

 

 

I imagine like autism though it's kind of a spectrum disorder in how severe you have it?  I got officially diagnosed with autism last year.  While no one else in the family was diagnosed officially a fair amount of relatives have similar traits to me where I never really stood out so to speak.  

 

The car episode does sound like a manic episode. The story about your mom's cousin to me (and I'm no professional) sounds more like mild schizophrenia than bipolar. Those diagnosed with Bipolar don't normally blurt out inappropriate things, while people with schizophrenia do things like that.  Thank you for sharing those stories. 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

2 hours ago, muppy said:

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

❤️✊🏻Muppito. 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

5 hours ago, Draconator said:

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

What an amazing journey and thanks for sharing.  I don’t deal with these issues but it always helps to understand what others might be going through.  

 

 

[muppy]

10 hours ago, leh-nerd skin-erd said:

❤️✊🏻Muppito. 

Leonardito. That's a mouthful.   MUWAH .  I claim you as amigo,  eso es cierto.  that was so sweet of you? Are you feeling ill today or somethiing?

 

🤭

 

he's like the brother I can tease  I don't have any more IRL. I adopted him and he let graciously allowed it.  That's actually true :-)))))

 

Lord knows what he's gonna say back lmao

 

 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

54 minutes ago, muppy said:

Leonardito. That's a mouthful.   MUWAH .  I claim you as amigo,  eso es cierto.  that was so sweet of you? Are you feeling ill today or somethiing?

 

🤭

 

he's like the brother I can tease  I don't have any more IRL. I adopted him and he let graciously allowed it.  That's actually true :-)))))

 

Lord knows what he's gonna say back lmao

What he’s going to say back is that as a guy who got really lucky in life, the ability of people to overcome obstacles and tragic events in life impresses the heck out of me.   
 

In fact, when you and I first discussed things a few years back, it changed the way I approached certain topics, online and in person*.  Drac’s story here provides context and experiences that likely will do the same.   

 

I’m trying to keep learning, Mup, that’s all. 

Ps:  no idea what MUWAH means, but it sounds dirty. 
 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2023 by leh-nerd skin-erd

[muppy]

awesome mate. I am jazzed you remembered that conversation many moons ago. You are the BEST bratty adopted brother I could have hoped for

 

lol I added an extra W for spice MUWAH I like my spelling better :-)-m

 

@leh-nerd skin-erd

 

 

Edited August 12, 2023 by muppy

[Another Fan]

17 hours ago, muppy said:

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

This.  Although I like the phrase different more than disease per say.  

 

 

I cannot tell you how many times I got made fun of growing up for not speaking.  In front of whole classes as well and in family parties.    But really to me I make the same comparison as somebody with a broken leg being made fun of because they can't run fast.  People just wouldn't do that.  

 

 

Internalizing a lot of that over the years turned me into a bitter, jaded person.  

[Draconator]

1 hour ago, Another Fan said:

This.  Although I like the phrase different more than disease per say.  

 

 

I cannot tell you how many times I got made fun of growing up for not speaking.  In front of whole classes as well and in family parties.    But really to me I make the same comparison as somebody with a broken leg being made fun of because they can't run fast.  People just wouldn't do that.  

 

 

Internalizing a lot of that over the years turned me into a bitter, jaded person.  

Don't let what happened younger in life to be carried by you later in life. 

[T&C]

Getting out in nature certainly helps... hikes or just a walk through the woods. I'll bet that a lot of functioning people spend a lot of time on the internet when they really should get away from it. 

Edited August 12, 2023 by T&C

[Draconator]

I remember this statistic being high, just went and verified it. Just over 41% of all people with Bipolar smoke, whereas 21% of the general population smoke. I was a smoker. Thankfully the last anything I had to smoke was December 31, 2019. Chewed nicotine gum after that, and gave that up sometime in the fall of 2021. This is good, because smokers in the general population have a 1 in 4 chance of quitting smoking, while people with bipolar have a 1 in 10 chance of quitting. 

Edited August 13, 2023 by Draconator

[Bill from NYC]

On 8/12/2023 at 10:49 PM, Draconator said:

 This is good, because smokers in the general population have a 1 in 4 chance of quitting smoking, while people with bipolar have a 1 in 10 chance of quitting. 

These are numbers that I did not know. Thanks for this.

 

I quit smoking on October 15, 2015. I was on the patch for approx 2 months. One day I couldn't find my patch and I was sweating and agitated. I found it and decided that I would never use nicotine again in any form.  It was one of the best decisions of my life.

 

Cigarette smokers are more vilified than heroin users imo. Both are threats to society in some way, be it second hand smoke or the crimes frequently committed by heroin addicts. That said, there are far more commercials and attacks waged at cigarette smokers than at heroin users. 

 

To this day I feel very sorry for smokers. Smoking really is suicidal in a back door way. Surprisingly, MANY people don't even know why they smoke. It is an addiction to nicotine, plain and simple.

 

To anyone wanting to quit, I highly recommend the book by English author Allen Carr. 

 

Sorry, I am not trying to derail your important topic. 

[Draconator]

2 hours ago, Bill from NYC said:

These are numbers that I did not know. Thanks for this.

 

I quit smoking on October 15, 2015. I was on the patch for approx 2 months. One day I couldn't find my patch and I was sweating and agitated. I found it and decided that I would never use nicotine again in any form.  It was one of the best decisions of my life.

 

Cigarette smokers are more vilified than heroin users imo. Both are threats to society in some way, be it second hand smoke or the crimes frequently committed by heroin addicts. That said, there are far more commercials and attacks waged at cigarette smokers than at heroin users. 

 

To this day I feel very sorry for smokers. Smoking really is suicidal in a back door way. Surprisingly, MANY people don't even know why they smoke. It is an addiction to nicotine, plain and simple.

 

To anyone wanting to quit, I highly recommend the book by English author Allen Carr. 

 

Sorry, I am not trying to derail your important topic. 

I don't think you derailed it in any way, shape, or form. Everything said is connected in one weird way or another. 

And I had listened to "Easy Way to Quit Smoking" (The Allen Carr book), and when I actually did quit, no panic, no outbursts of anger. I did feel withdrawal from quitting the nicotine gum, rather than cigarettes, or vaping (which I did prior to NYE 2019.) My wife and I were coming back from a funeral in Syracuse in December 2019 for a close college friend of hers. My vape stopped working on the drive back home, and I was like, "That's a bummer. Let me pop this gum in". 

[LeviF]

Lot of ups and downs in this thread

[BuffaloBill]

On 8/11/2023 at 5:16 PM, Draconator said:

 

Thank you. I've always been one to help, so if this helps anyone, I've met my goal for this. 

 

 

Thank you for being very real about your situation.  It is very fortunate that there is now a better understanding of mental being as, maybe even more, serious than physical health issues.

 

Sadly, the science really remains limited.

 

I wish you continued success in your journey,

[Another Fan]

On 8/11/2023 at 4:53 PM, Draconator said:

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

Is there any sort of fear with you people with the disorder get pathologized?

 

Thats one part of mental health that bothers me.  People are just treated as labels and all their “quirks” are because of such and such.  

[Draconator]

7 minutes ago, Another Fan said:

Is there any sort of fear with you people with the disorder get pathologized?

 

Thats one part of mental health that bothers me.  People are just treated as labels and all their “quirks” are because of such and such.  

Speaking only for myself, I don't let that bother me. I am what I am. It's their problem is they label me. All I can do is share my experience and hopefully change some minds. If I don't do that, I know I did what I had to do, what's best for me. 

[Augie]

4 hours ago, Draconator said:

Speaking only for myself, I don't let that bother me. I am what I am. It's their problem is they label me. All I can do is share my experience and hopefully change some minds. If I don't do that, I know I did what I had to do, what's best for me. 

 

OK, I know just enough to be dangerous when it comes to bipolar. Isn’t a HUGE part of the battle proper diagnosis? It seems to get thrown around a lot with some people we know, but it’s always an iffy gray area. It seems like if properly diagnosed and medicated it’s a world of difference! But the proper diagnosis is rare or slow to come. Trickier than other stuff? 

 

 

EDIT: And then get people to STAY on their meds. 

 

.

Edited August 14, 2023 by Augie

[Draconator]

13 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

OK, I know just enough to be dangerous when it comes to bipolar. Isn’t a HUGE part of the battle proper diagnosis? It seems to get thrown around a lot with some people we know, but it’s always an iffy gray area. It seems like if properly diagnosed and medicated it’s a world of difference! But the proper diagnosis is rare or slow to come. Trickier than other stuff? 

 

 

EDIT: And then get people to STAY on their meds. 

 

.

The danger is sitting with a psychiatrist, and they give you a bipolar diagnosis after 15 minutes with you. I know I have a solid diagnosis. I've seen 3 psychiatrists. The first one was with me for 2 hours. The 2nd one gave me a series of tests for 3 days to diagnose me. The third was with me for 3 hours. All said Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. The key is a psychiatrist who takes their time and covers all the basis with an individual before their diagnosis. 

With medication, people all too often feel good on medication, saying to themselves, I don't need this anymore. I feel fine, and they're in a manic or depressed episode soon after. I actually went to one of my PAs in California and said I wanted to smoke marijuana as a supplement to my medication. She made a deal with me. I could get my medical marijuana card, and use marijuana as my sole bipolar medication. I was to report back to her in a month about my mood, and articles from non-marijuana-friendly publications. I had to stop smoking weed after 3 weeks, due to going into a depressed episode. All the articles I found said the same thing. THC actually increases bipolar symptoms/episodes. That was certainly true for me. As much as I would love to have a joint or an edible, I know for myself I can't. 

[Augie]

2 minutes ago, Draconator said:

The danger is sitting with a psychiatrist, and they give you a bipolar diagnosis after 15 minutes with you. I know I have a solid diagnosis. I've seen 3 psychiatrists. The first one was with me for 2 hours. The 2nd one gave me a series of tests for 3 days to diagnose me. The third was with me for 3 hours. All said Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. The key is a psychiatrist who takes their time and covers all the basis with an individual before their diagnosis. 

With medication, people all too often feel good on medication, saying to themselves, I don't need this anymore. I feel fine, and they're in a manic or depressed episode soon after. I actually went to one of my PAs in California and said I wanted to smoke marijuana as a supplement to my medication. She made a deal with me. I could get my medical marijuana card, and use marijuana as my sole bipolar medication. I was to report back to her in a month about my mood, and articles from non-marijuana-friendly publications. I had to stop smoking weed after 3 weeks, due to going into a depressed episode. All the articles I found said the same thing. THC actually increases bipolar symptoms/episodes. That was certainly true for me. As much as I would love to have a joint or an edible, I know for myself I can't. 

 

One of the most important things we can possess is knowledge. Good for you! 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

On 8/14/2023 at 3:06 PM, Draconator said:

Speaking only for myself, I don't let that bother me. I am what I am. It's their problem is they label me. All I can do is share my experience and hopefully change some minds. If I don't do that, I know I did what I had to do, what's best for me. 

I’m reading a book on brain/mood well-being and the author suggests that “I am” and the words that follow set the stage for what follows in minutes, days, weeks and months thereafter.  I realize it’s kind of cheesy and very superficial, but it makes an awful lot of sense.  

[Draconator]

1 hour ago, leh-nerd skin-erd said:

I’m reading a book on brain/mood well-being and the author suggests that “I am” and the words that follow set the stage for what follows in minutes, days, weeks and months thereafter.  I realize it’s kind of cheesy and very superficial, but it makes an awful lot of sense.  

It makes sense, and it works. 

[LABILLBACKER]

Draconator....thank you so much 👍 for sharing all this information.  My son (31) suffers from Aspergergers but is now exhibiting Bipolar 1 behavior since the pandemic. Trying to get him to agree to (trust) medications will be a challenge. Have you heard anything about Thorazine?

[Augie]

1 hour ago, LABILLBACKER said:

Draconator....thank you so much 👍 for sharing all this information.  My son (31) suffers from Aspergergers but is now exhibiting Bipolar 1 behavior since the pandemic. Trying to get him to agree to (trust) medications will be a challenge. Have you heard anything about Thorazine?

 

This illustrates an important point: it’s not just the individual who is affected, it’s their entire universe of people, family, friends, co-workers, etc.

 

Bipolar was thrown around when we were dealing with our son’s addiction issues. It seems they often go hand in hand as people self-medicate trying to find their “normal”.  At the first rehab stint they had a mobile, like you would hang over a baby’s crib. If you apply pressure to any one object, all the other objects get shifted. (Great visual tool I just butchered!) In our case, for example, the older son had serious issues and required a great deal of emotional and financial attention. Hence, his younger brother learned to be one of the most independent and self-reliant young people I’ve ever seen. I dropped him off at college and never went back until he was finishing his Masters 5 years later, and only then to see an FSU football game. It also changed my relationship with my wife, which was rough in the moment -everything was -  but now stronger than ever. There is often a ripple effect if you look for it. 

 

Among the things we learned was we can try all we want to help him, but only HE could do the work. We could give him love and tools, but that’s about it. What we wanted didn’t matter, especially with addiction. Adding drugs removes reason. 

 

Good luck with your challenge of finding the right path, then staying on it. For better or worse, that experience changed how I see the world to some degree. I am less apt to judge, and I have less patience for people who do. And little stuff like a preseason football game seem like silly things to get upset about. 

 

 

.

Edited August 20, 2023 by Augie

[Draconator]

9 hours ago, LABILLBACKER said:

Draconator....thank you so much 👍 for sharing all this information.  My son (31) suffers from Aspergergers but is now exhibiting Bipolar 1 behavior since the pandemic. Trying to get him to agree to (trust) medications will be a challenge. Have you heard anything about Thorazine?

You're welcome. 

 

I was diagnosed at age 40. Sometimes a major life event brings about symptoms and then diagnosis. 

 

I do not know that much about Thorazine. Doing a quick Google search, found out It is a classic Bipolar med. It was discontinued in the US this past June. Generic equivalents are still available. 

 

9 hours ago, Augie said:

 

This illustrates an important point: it’s not just the individual who is affected, it’s their entire universe of people, family, friends, co-workers, etc.

 

Bipolar was thrown around when we were dealing with our son’s addiction issues. It seems they often go hand in hand as people self-medicate trying to find their “normal”.  At the first rehab stint they had a mobile, like you would hang over a baby’s crib. If you apply pressure to any one object, all the other objects get shifted. (Great visual tool I just butchered!) In our case, for example, the older son had serious issues and required a great deal of emotional and financial attention. Hence, his younger brother learned to be one of the most independent and self-reliant young people I’ve ever seen. I dropped him off at college and never went back until he was finishing his Masters 5 years later, and only then to see an FSU football game. It also changed my relationship with my wife, which was rough in the moment -everything was -  but now stronger than ever. There is often a ripple effect if you look for it. 

 

Among the things we learned was we can try all we want to help him, but only HE could do the work. We could give him love and tools, but that’s about it. What we wanted didn’t matter, especially with addiction. Adding drugs removes reason. 

 

Good luck with your challenge of finding the right path, then staying on it. For better or worse, that experience changed how I see the world to some degree. I am less apt to judge, and I have less patience for people who do. And little stuff like a preseason football game seem like silly things to get upset about. 

 

 

.

 

You don't know how much something like Bipolar affects your sphere. 

 

In my younger, undiagnosed days, I was the kid everyone tolerated. Including my brother and sister. My band had a gig last Friday, and I wanted my sister and brother-in-law to come. They said they would. Then a few hours before the gig, my sister messaged me, saying she was going to stay at home and not come. I replied saying she can go to the Adirondacks where my brother has a cabin, and see my brother in his Florida house, but she can't drive 15 minutes to see her little brother play in his band? Speaking of my brother. Every year in said cabin in the Adirondacks, the family is invited for a week. I, however, have never been invited. Nor have I been invited to his Florida home. I'm used to it. I was the black sheep of the family, and in many cases, I still am. It's all good though. I'm very close to my in-laws. Sometimes closer to them than my blood family. And that's ok with me.  

[transplantbillsfan]

I really don't mean to make a joke about this because my sister is bipolar, but I truly thought this was going to be a thread about the main page and all Bills fans after preseason game #2.

[ExiledInIllinois]

13 hours ago, LABILLBACKER said:

Draconator....thank you so much 👍 for sharing all this information.  My son (31) suffers from Aspergergers but is now exhibiting Bipolar 1 behavior since the pandemic. Trying to get him to agree to (trust) medications will be a challenge. Have you heard anything about Thorazine?

Thorazine?

 

That's a tranquilizer, isn't it? It was used 60+ years ago.

 

My father was an alcoholic... The VA had him on this stuff in the 1960s.

 

 

He was definitely bi-polar by today's standards!

 

 

[Draconator]

7 hours ago, transplantbillsfan said:

I really don't mean to make a joke about this because my sister is bipolar, but I truly thought this was going to be a thread about the main page and all Bills fans after preseason game #2.

Bipolar has dual purposes. Just ask my other me. 

5 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Thorazine?

 

That's a tranquilizer, isn't it? It was used 60+ years ago.

 

My father was an alcoholic... The VA had him on this stuff in the 1960s.

 

 

He was definitely bi-polar by today's standards!

 

 

Thanks for the back history. I didn't know that it had been around for that long. 

[ExiledInIllinois]

43 minutes ago, Draconator said:

Bipolar has dual purposes. Just ask my other me. 

Thanks for the back history. I didn't know that it had been around for that long. 

I guess the old stuff has benefit... BUT the medical profession is more proactive in managing it when prescribed now... Well I hope. So many more checks today and safety conscious goals. Like drinking and driving. Back then people popping pills and drinking, etc... Black out behind the wheel will get you and others killed. Such a different era... We just have to make sure the recklessness doesn't come back. 

[Draconator]

This probably only affects me, but it's a thing. Whenever I see someone say "He's fat and lazy, he should lose some weight", it's not always due to the fact that dude is lazy. Just taking me into example, I simply cannot lose weight. I'm not lazy, but I am fat. To some, I guess I am a lazy bastard. Them are the breaks I guess. 

[Augie]

27 minutes ago, Draconator said:

This probably only affects me, but it's a thing. Whenever I see someone say "He's fat and lazy, he should lose some weight", it's not always due to the fact that dude is lazy. Just taking me into example, I simply cannot lose weight. I'm not lazy, but I am fat. To some, I guess I am a lazy bastard. Them are the breaks I guess. 

 

We know people like that. One guy in my wife’s extended family is probably my favorite of all of them. Brilliant guy, quiet and thoughtful. I’ve known him for decades, and he’s tried everything possible, but he just can’t lose weight. 

 

My wife recently started with some private nutritionist. She’s been going hard after the watermelon and other fruits all summer. Sounds healthy, right? She’s been told all the sugar was hurting her, and the reason she would get foot and leg cramps when she slept and the sugar crashed. Anyway, she’s being told to eat MORE. More protein, more forced but healthy snacks, etc so she never hungry enough to binge on the bad stuff. Everybody needs to find what works for them. 

 

 

 

.

Edited September 4, 2023 by Augie

[Draconator]

Pro Tip. TAKE YOUR MEDICATION EACH AND EVERY DAY!!!

 

I skipped my medication yesterday. Was in bed when I remembered to take it and was too tired and comfortable to get up and take it. I had a blow-up at my cats and dog when trying to feed them dinner tonight, and if I had taken my meds, the blow-up would have never happened. My youngest cat is now afraid to come up to eat her dinner. I don't like this feeling. 

 

 

Edited October 23, 2023 by Draconator

[Augie]

9 minutes ago, Draconator said:

Pro Tip. TAKE YOUR MEDICATION EACH AND EVERY DAY!!!

 

I skipped my medication yesterday. Was in bed when I remembered to take it and was too tired and comfortable to get up and take it. I had a blow-up at my cats and dog when trying to feed them dinner tonight, and if I had taken my meds, the blow-up would have never happened. My youngest cat is now afraid to come up to eat her dinner. I don't like this feeling. 

 

 

 

I’m sorry that happened. The cat will be fine after a bit. Maybe this is a lesson that will help strengthen the med regimen. That would be a good thing in the long run. 

 

Get your rest, stay on the meds and feel better tomorrow. 

[ExiledInIllinois]

Life is like a taco...

 

My wife has this magnet on her board: