Wedding Gift Question

[LabattBlue]

Wife and I having this discussion recently.   What say you?  Do you consider per person reception costs when determining amount of gift?

Edited November 15, 2019 by LabattBlue

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Always at least $100 cash if I get invited to a wedding (even if I don't attend).  I typically shell out $300 for a close friend or family member. 

[Buffalo_Gal]

Way over $100 a plate. I want the newlyweds to not start too far in debt after their big party. After that, I add a gift amount. (So I pay for each plate + gift amount.)

I only buy presents (plus the check) for very close family members. Everyone else just gets a check (too many stories about envelopes being stolen, I can always put a stop payment on a check and issue a new one).

Edited November 15, 2019 by Buffalo_Gal

[Seasons1992]

I'm old so I'm not invited to weddings anymore. 

[plenzmd1]

15 minutes ago, Seasons1992 said:

I'm old so I'm not invited to weddings anymore. 

no, you are not old, you are in the middle ground! I am old, and have a wedding coming up in December, now my friends' kids are getting married, thats when you are old! Went a good 15 years with no weddings..now seems like 2 a year or so. Not a fan!

 

In terms of gifts, when did this idea of paying for your plate start???? 

 

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

 

BTW, i was mid 30's when i got married, paid for the wedding ourselves, ay a great spot in DC..paid by the drink. Scariest moment in my life walking up to the bar at the end of the night to get the bill!! Great thing was about 1/3rd of what we budgeted. we got married at 5, my friends and family pre-gamed pretty hard..kept costs down!!!!!!

Edited November 15, 2019 by plenzmd1

[Gugny]

1 hour ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Always at least $100 cash if I get invited to a wedding (even if I don't attend).  I typically shell out $300 for a close friend or family member. 

 

I might actually get married again just so I can invite you!

[row_33]

100+ easily

 

if they are registered i will get them something useful

 

otherwise cash in an envelope

 

and always repay kindness to you with the same or better

 

[KD in CA]

Emily Post says at least the cost of your attendance at the wedding.

 

So yeah, 100+ is the right answer.  If you’re not willing to spend that, is this really someone you are close enough to to be attending their wedding?

[PastaJoe]

1 hour ago, Seasons1992 said:

I'm old so I'm not invited to weddings anymore. 

Yeah, now it’s donating to the deceased’s charity in lieu of flowers.

[Mr Info]

We are purchasing something from the registry...no cash or checks. 

If the couple has not planned a registry then not going to the wedding as that probably will not be well organized either. 

 

[apuszczalowski]

1 hour ago, plenzmd1 said:

no, you are not old, you are in the middle ground! I am old, and have a wedding coming up in December, now my friends' kids are getting married, thats when you are old! Went a good 15 years with no weddings..now seems like 2 a year or so. Not a fan!

 

In terms of gifts, when did this idea of paying for your plate start???? 

 

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

 

BTW, i was mid 30's when i got married, paid for the wedding ourselves, ay a great spot in DC..paid by the drink. Scariest moment in my life walking up to the bar at the end of the night to get the bill!! Great thing was about 1/3rd of what we budgeted. we got married at 5, my friends and family pre-gamed pretty hard..kept costs down!!!!!!

I agree with most of this, you invited me to celebrate your wedding, now I'm supposed to pay for my dinner and a gift? Many cases the parents/family help out and pay for it, plus they have Stag & does to make money to help pay too. If you can't afford it or don't want to end up in debt afterwards, don't have such an expensive wedding.

 

When I got married i didnt want a Stag & Doe and paid for pretty much all of it ourselves. Kept it small and told my wife to work with the budget. 

[plenzmd1]

10 minutes ago, Mr Info said:

We are purchasing something from the registry...no cash or checks. 

If the couple has not planned a registry then not going to the wedding as that probably will not be well organized either. 

 

or...maybe they just don't want gifts....or maybe they know you will not attend and that's why they do that!!!!

 

 

[US Egg]

Weddings ?.....about $500 - $600 for me

 

$250 - $300 for the Bride & Groom and $250 - $300 on pants, shirt and cheaper sports coat that will fit me.

 

Got a lot of one and done suits.

 

[row_33]

cousin invited only uncles/aunts and older for next month

 

i went to the website and there was nothing under registry

 

oh well.... 

 

[IslandBillsFan]

$100 whether friend or family.  I typically buy a gift too.  Something I personally pick out for $25-$75.  Not sure crappy appliance from a registry.

[Augie]

A close friend has a daughter getting married soon. They are in their 30’s, established and she’s quite successful. Nothing on the registry was over $100. It felt awkward but we got something at the high end and will probably send a check too (cannot attend due to conflict). What do you do if they are 45 instead of 25? Is that any different?

 

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it. 

 

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

My wife is from a HUGE family, and it’s that time for everyone to start getting married. Four in last 12 months I think. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Travel expenses for each one is a real thing. One was at Baha Mar resort in the Bahamas. It was worth every penny! 

[DaBillsFanSince1973]

3 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

no, you are not old, you are in the middle ground! I am old, and have a wedding coming up in December, now my friends' kids are getting married, thats when you are old! Went a good 15 years with no weddings..now seems like 2 a year or so. Not a fan!

 

In terms of gifts, when did this idea of paying for your plate start???? 

 

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

 

BTW, i was mid 30's when i got married, paid for the wedding ourselves, ay a great spot in DC..paid by the drink. Scariest moment in my life walking up to the bar at the end of the night to get the bill!! Great thing was about 1/3rd of what we budgeted. we got married at 5, my friends and family pre-gamed pretty hard..kept costs down!!!!!!

my friends kids have kids. yeah, I'm old. I'm a grandfather so I'm cool with being old.

 

as for the gift, as some said, 100 bucks should suffice and a nice well aged bottle of scotch.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

3 hours ago, Gugny said:

 

I might actually get married again just so I can invite you!

 

If you find that special guy, I will be there with cash in hand my friend!

[Tenhigh]

4 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Always at least $100 cash if I get invited to a wedding (even if I don't attend).  I typically shell out $300 for a close friend or family member. 

More like this.

 

 

 

4 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

Screw that, you invited me, most likely your parents footing the bill...i am not giving you extra money to cover an expense you did not incur.

Less like this.

[Augie]

It al depends on where you are in life. We’d do probably $100 minimum for someone we barely know, probably $250 for someone closer or a cousin’s kid. My son? He should not be expected to come up with anything like that when his friends are getting married.