YoloinOhio Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 @deadspin Why Your Team Sucks returns, with the suckiest suck team ever to suck: The Cleveland Browns. http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-cleveland-browns-1797293528 Oh God, you went and hired Greggggggggggggggggggg! For real, how does this man keep finding work? Shouldnt he be coaching in Estonia or some ****? Gregg Williams is Rob Ryan without any of the charm. I hope you enjoy multiple personal foul flags and busted coverages, Cleveland. Those are the hallmarks of any Gregg Williams defense. SO INTIMIDATING. Youre beyond !@#$ed now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Thanks Yolo - this is the best series in Pre-season football. Aside from the quote above ("Gregg Williams is Rob Ryan without any of the charm."), I thought this one summed it up perfectly: That’s the 2017 Browns for you: a team of players they’re not even sure they want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevewin Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 My wife and I are expecting our first child, and Finish Line had Browns onesies on sale, so I bought three sets, for $5 each. Good deal, right? I have never seen her lose her temper faster than when I showed them to her. I may as well have showed her baby Klan robes, she was that disgusted lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 warmly thought-out sympathetic piece for the Browns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Quote: Somewhere there’s a Browns (read Bills) fan who talked himself into a 10-6 season this year reading this article and getting angrier and angrier. He’s prepping a post describing which Browns (read Bills) are going to suddenly emerge as stars and exactly which games in the schedule are totally winnable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmotionallyUnstable Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 49ers are up http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-san-francisco-49ers-1797328541 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 This team used to play in one of our best cities and was on the cusp of restoring its former glory. Now theyve been uprooted to a cast iron pan located in an office park, where they charge $100 for parking and field a team that you wouldnt recognize even if they handed you a !@#$ing program. They have been spiritually contracted. The league now consists of 31 teams and one ghost ship sailing off into oblivion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 49ers are up http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-san-francisco-49ers-1797328541 I did not realize until this very day that Shanny only called five running plays while up 28-3 in the Super Bowl. Good god, Atlanta got better by him leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sodbuster Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 In a recent podcast Malcolm Gladwell, as part of a quixotic screed against Big Country Club, introduced me to Plutarchs Paradox of Theseus, which goes like this: if while Theseus is traveling across the sea, each day a plank from his boat is replaced with a new one so that when he reaches his destination no part of his boat is the same as when he left, is he still riding the same boat? It begs the question: why, when there is no line of continuity between this team I was cursed to root for only by the misfortune of where I was born except the ugly-ass uniforms and helmets (that they are now even changing to somehow be even uglier) they wear, so much so that the team I rooted for actually plays in !@#$ing Baltimore now, do I continue to give a ****? Its Theseus Paradox if only also Theseus boat crashed into the rocks every time he went out on it and also gave him splinters, then !@#$ed his wife and then took a dump on his rug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuvian Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 never knew Clausen and Beuerlein had stints with the Browns Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo86 Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 never knew Clausen and Beuerlein had stints with the Browns They didn't; they were part of the list of bad ND QBs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Linen Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Quote: Somewhere there’s a Browns (read Bills) fan who talked himself into a 10-6 season this year reading this article and getting angrier and angrier. He’s prepping a post describing which Browns (read Bills) are going to suddenly emerge as stars and exactly which games in the schedule are totally winnable. Then you look at our roster and go, uh oh, they are pretty talented. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heitz Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Da Bears: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-chicago-bears-1797391407 and Da Jags: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-jacksonville-jaguars-1797428247 Looking forward to Marrone commentary in the Jags write-up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 1, 2017 Author Share Posted August 1, 2017 Da Bears: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-chicago-bears-1797391407 and Da Jags: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-jacksonville-jaguars-1797428247 Looking forward to Marrone commentary in the Jags write-up our coach: Oh look! Its WIDELY RESPECTED mall dad Doug Marrone! You probably remember Marrone, seen here formulating a game plan, from the time he quit the Bills thanks to a strange contract clause that let him collect $4 million even if he opted out. Marrone was banking on getting another head job right away only to quickly discover that a coach with a 15-17 record who bailed on his team for extra cash isnt a hot commodity. Lucky for you Jags fans, the franchise(wait for it)pounced on Marrone (BOOM!), gave him a piddly-**** job coaching the line for an awful team, and then promoted him when they couldnt find anyone better to hire. Buffalos loss is now your future loss! Congrats! You should hope the Jags play as hard as Marrone played himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Da Bears: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-chicago-bears-1797391407 and Da Jags: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-jacksonville-jaguars-1797428247 Looking forward to Marrone commentary in the Jags write-up Those are both pretty funny, but I laughed out loud at the Mitch Trubisky tweet on the Bears' writeup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderingsquid Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 This must be in order of suckitude, correct? We will be there soon, no doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoloinOhio Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) This must be in order of suckitude, correct? We will be there soon, no doubt. 2017 draft order Edited August 2, 2017 by YoloinOhio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Murica Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 2017 draft order Don't worry guys we traded back. We have a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmotionallyUnstable Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Rams http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-los-angeles-rams-1797461976 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Then you look at our roster and go, uh oh, they are pretty talented. The big question is... DOES YOUR TEAM HAVE A PROVEN ELITE QB? I can't even pretend I'd read the Rams one if you paid me $20. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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