Dear Mrs. Simon:
Attached herewith please find our firm “Retainer Agreement” with respect to the matter we discussed on today’s date.
Please be advised, complaints re. tuna noodle casserole are NOT grounds for divorce. Your spouse, obviously, has no basis upon which to seek separation or make complaints. As a “real” Bills fan, you (and your dog) understand the pain we have been through over 40+ years.
For a mere $24.99/mth, our office can limit, restrict and block any additional comments re. your cooking (which I’m sure is better than the crap he eats at 7-11). Kindly furnish your debit card number and code so we may begin our work.
Yours in spirit (Go Bills),
Gugny, Fergy and Knitwitt