WhoTom Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 Years ago, a friend/colleague gave birth to her child. A month later, another colleague saw her at a meeting and said, "I thought you already had the baby." And this guy is married with kids, so he should have known that women don't just go back to their original weight in a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrader Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 "Pregnant or fat" was always one of my favorite games to play at a bar back in the day. The answer tends to be pretty obvious given that we played it at a bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) at a dreadful grade school holiday pageant my friend asked the man beside him what grade his grandson was in. he was told "my son is in grade 3" it was a long 2 hours before it was over Edited January 7, 2019 by row_33 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 When I was a freshman in college, I tried to cash a coupon for $100.00. It was one of those promo fake checks to get you to sign up for an account. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 On 1/3/2019 at 2:35 PM, Guffalo said: When I was a sophmore in high school I had an accident during late summer and opened up my hand, torn nerves/ruptured artery, yada yada. Anyway I had lost the nerves in the hand and had no feeling, so I became quasi-left handed for a period of time. I stopped by my Mothers office at a school and was complaining to a cute girl who had been volunteering in the office for credits. She listened to me whine about how I can't do this or that with my right hand, and the feeling isnt back, just typical 17 year old self centered whining. She nodded in agreement the whole time. When my Mom came out to find me, I went to say goodbye to the girl and try to figure out if I had a chance. As she pulled away from the desk, I saw that her right hand was gone, she had a prothstesis on her right hand. I wandered off like I had been punched, replaying all the complaints I had just spewed about losing the use of my fingers and hand for a few months. I felt like such a doofus. Oof. I was at the local Bills Backers Bar a few years back. There was a group of girls about my age there. This was before I met my wife, and they were all pretty cute. The Bills scored a touchdown, and I was giving double handed high fives to everyone, then I noticed she didn't have a hand. I felt terrible and haven't seen her since, and wonder what happened to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
row_33 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) On 1/5/2019 at 12:07 PM, Gray Beard said: My wife was on the receiving end of that situation. What people (especially our kids) don’t understand is that if you insult or anger my wife, then my life becomes unbearable until things blow over. And they don’t really blow over. Memories will resurface when you least expect it. Don’t do that to me. *****...... that's making this bachelor do his OMG face... On 1/6/2019 at 3:03 AM, Nextmanup said: A few years ago I saw a colleague at the office who I have not seen in several years (we work in different locations). She's a good friend of mine who I've known for nearly 20 years now. She was so "big" when I saw her in the distance I concluded she must be pregnant. I was going to approach her to comment on this exciting news. I then thought 1) she already has a girl who is the center of her life and 2) she had not mentioned anything to me (typically via email) that she was pregnant, but she would have and 3) she is probably a few years too old to be pregnant now and so I decided to keep my mouth shut and just say "hello" and chit chat, with no mention of pregnancy unless she brought it up. Turns out she just went through some type of crazy hormonal shift or something and put on like probably 30 pounds since the last time I saw her....not pregnant. I have learned over the years to simply NOT say "Hey you're pregnant!" to a woman EVER unless she says it first. certain demographics don't talk about it or even mention they were expecting until the child is actually born maybe a good idea unless you really want to let people know Edited January 7, 2019 by row_33 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LB3 Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) So...I ***** my pants yesterday. I was at my regular bar for the 1pm game and had to go to the bathroom. The lock is broken on the door, so I decided to run to a McDonalds across the street. I didn't see this big patch of ice and slipped on it, got some good air and came crashing down on my tailbone. It knocked the wind out of me. I lost all control. Couldn't stop it. To make matters worse, it was a messy one. I go into the McDonalds to assess and try to clean up. There would be no cleaning up as it was a disaster. I ran out of there, ran into the bar, grabbed my jacket and told the bartender that I'd pay tomorrow. I tried to get in and out as quick as possible because of the smell and in case therewas a stain. Things only got better from there. I didn't want to use Uber because that's someone's personal car, so I called the scummiest cab company in town. As soon as they answer, my phone dies. I had to walk 2 miles home in broad daylight down the main street of my town. I couldn't use side roads because the only way home is a across a bridge. It was truly a walk of shame. I'm not looking forward to paying my tab today. Edited January 14, 2019 by LBSeeBallLBGetBall 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ridgewaycynic2013 Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) 2 hours ago, LBSeeBallLBGetBall said: So...I ***** my pants yesterday. I was at my regular bar for the 1pm game...It truly was a walk of shame. You could have stayed at the bar, and just said you were doing your imitation of the Chargers... Edited January 14, 2019 by Ridgewaycynic2013 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimShady'sSpaceForce Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Soft side I once asked my Canadian neighbors what a Canuck. was not really embarrassing ... I accidentally pooped my pants once or twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoHuddleKelly12 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 For the longest time as a kid, I thought clouds were made by airplanes...hey, it made perfect sense at the time seeing the jet contrails Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherpa Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I thought the Milky Way Galaxy was named after the candy bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ridgewaycynic2013 Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 30 minutes ago, sherpa said: I thought the Milky Way Galaxy was named after the candy bar. Then again, you would be surprised how much ‘drag’ those multinational confectioners have...?. The Hubble Space Telescope could have been the Coffee Crisp Space Telescope if the price had been right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 On 1/14/2019 at 9:58 AM, LBSeeBallLBGetBall said: So...I ***** my pants yesterday. I was at my regular bar for the 1pm game and had to go to the bathroom. The lock is broken on the door, so I decided to run to a McDonalds across the street. I didn't see this big patch of ice and slipped on it, got some good air and came crashing down on my tailbone. It knocked the wind out of me. I lost all control. Couldn't stop it. To make matters worse, it was a messy one. I go into the McDonalds to assess and try to clean up. There would be no cleaning up as it was a disaster. I ran out of there, ran into the bar, grabbed my jacket and told the bartender that I'd pay tomorrow. I tried to get in and out as quick as possible because of the smell and in case therewas a stain. Things only got better from there. I didn't want to use Uber because that's someone's personal car, so I called the scummiest cab company in town. As soon as they answer, my phone dies. I had to walk 2 miles home in broad daylight down the main street of my town. I couldn't use side roads because the only way home is a across a bridge. It was truly a walk of shame. I'm not looking forward to paying my tab today. Well done, sir. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 On 1/16/2019 at 9:31 AM, ShadyBillsFan said: Soft side I once asked my Canadian neighbors what a Canuck. was not really embarrassing ... I accidentally pooped my pants once or twice. As opposed to when you poop your pants on purpose? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nextmanup Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 On 1/7/2019 at 11:53 AM, row_33 said: *****...... that's making this bachelor do his OMG face... certain demographics don't talk about it or even mention they were expecting until the child is actually born maybe a good idea unless you really want to let people know I think most wait for the first trimester to come and go before announcing, not actual birth. Anyway, that was a couple years go and my buddy still only has the 1 kid, so not pregnant! I made the right call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 hour ago, Nextmanup said: I think most wait for the first trimester to come and go before announcing, not actual birth. Anyway, that was a couple years go and my buddy still only has the 1 kid, so not pregnant! I made the right call. I never asked her directly, because I knew better. But there was a woman I worked with that couldn't have been taller than like 5'6. She was never really "fat" per se, but had a belly that was disproportionately larger than her body. I always just assumed she was pregnant, till I realized she'd been like that for over a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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