\GoBillsInDallas/ Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 If there were a drinking game for resume buzzwords, I would have passed out after five minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Did I get the job? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Did I get the job? Only if you achieved significant turnaround of an underachieving division while also building self directed work teams that had superior interpersonal skills and collaborated well on major projects all while realizing significant investor returns and then most importantly managed customer relationships well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 If there were a drinking game for resume buzzwords, I would have passed out after five minutes. If they didn't use resume buzzwords, you wouldn't even be reading their resumes. Not a defense, just an observation. You have to write resumes that way to get them in front of someone. I can't stand reading my own resume..."Resolved conflicting requirements and effectively leveraged communications skills to achieve buy-in from multiple stakeholders with diverse and conflicting visions." Why can't I just say "Worked with idiots. Most survived." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 The worst part is getting an interviewee in there and realizing that their resume was a worked up fabrication of bull ****. They're as dumb as a rock, have no capability and cannot explain what they have done in real life scenarios. That said, I could use a good job. I am a focused team member who brings a diverse background in ethical compliance and regulations which allow me to focus on safety, communication, and efficiency. In my many years I have resolved conflicts effectively removing wasteful expenses and developed methods to remove overhead. aka. I am a janitor working with 3 others to clean the shitters, sinks and mop floors whilst only entering the womens bathroom prior to knocking and announcing myself clearly and posting a sign saying the floors are wet. In my 26 years of janitoring I have unplugged many toilets and drains and downgraded from two ply to one ply, as well as let the soap dispensers run out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous Guy Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 synergy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountryCletus Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I am a dumb ass jail guard... I won't F*}€ things up... Have anything for me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv's Neighbor Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 If you started off by running Criminal Histories first, you could maybe get away with :15. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFanM.D. Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 If there were a drinking game for resume buzzwords, I would have passed out after five minutes. I just jumped on here for a break and had to laugh. I've been doing the same thing for the past few hours. All these resumes blur together. To tie this into my "I don't like marathons" thread, I have a real bias against people that list "running" as one of their interests on their resume. I have seen hundreds of resumes that have a section that says: "interests: running, foreign travel, blah blah blah." Very boring and cliche. My resume says, "interests: buffalo bills." You're starting to give me a complex. Though, thankfully, I don't 'list' it on my resume. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miyagi-Do Karate Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 You're starting to give me a complex. Though, thankfully, I don't 'list' it on my resume. That's because you are the real deal. I don't think real runners list "running" on their resumes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFanM.D. Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 That's because you are the real deal. I don't think real runners list "running" on their resumes. It's all good. I was just poking back a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) My wife was conducting interviews last night. Her back was to the public window in an office... The interviewee was looking the opposite way through the window... There was a ruckus with the cops coming in and kicking a bunch of unrully teens out of the place. The interviewee never lost a step saying what she saying and never gave a hint with a facial expression what was going on behind my wife... Oh... Just your average evening @ a mid to large suburban public library... Cops busting unruly teens down (and rightly so). Edited July 31, 2014 by ExiledInIllinois Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 To tie this into my "I don't like marathons" thread, I have a real bias against people that list "running" as one of their interests on their resume. I have seen hundreds of resumes that have a section that says: "interests: running, foreign travel, blah blah blah." Very boring and cliche. My resume says, "interests: buffalo bills." A resume is valuable real estate and this information is totally useless. I would drop it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Here's one you should watch out for: "I'm growing and learning, meeting new challenges with confidence and enthusiasm, while developing good working habits and people skills." Nelson DeMille Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keukasmallies Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) Skim the resume, if something piques your interest, call the prospect and arrange to meet her/him anywhere but the workplace. Just talk to the person for thirty minutes, if there is interest in the candidate AS A PERSON, arrange something more formal, if that's required. After all, you're the insider, you know the skill sets and experiences necessary to fill the position successfully. If the candidate doesn't have the intangibles that you'd expect, go on to the next person. Hiring is an art, not a science. Hiring the wrong person is never a mistake, but keeping the wrong person in your employ is always a mistake; so, if the new hire is the "wrong person" fire, counsel out, or otherwise separate him/her from the firm ASAP. Easy Peasy!! Edited July 31, 2014 by Keukasmallies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountryCletus Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Skim the resume, if something piques your interest, call the prospect and arrange to meet her/him anywhere but the workplace. Just talk to the person for thirty minutes, if there is interest in the candidate AS A PERSON, arrange something more formal, if that's required. After all, you're the insider, you know the skill sets and experiences necessary to fill the position successfully. If the candidate doesn't have the intangibles that you'd expect, go on to the next person. Hiring is an art, not a science. Hiring the wrong person is never a mistake, but keeping the wrong person in your employ is always a mistake; so, if the new hire is the "wrong person" fire, counsel out, or otherwise separate him/her from the firm ASAP. Easy Peasy!! Perfect! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoodooOperator Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 synergy! I'm glad to see this nonsense isn't relegated to Beltway douchebags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous Guy Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I'm glad to see this nonsense isn't relegated to Beltway douchebags. Yo...I'm change agile!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 My resume says, "interests: buffalo bills." Mine says, "interests: Maximizing shareholder value" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 i end every line in my resume with "....B word!!!" example: • Led a multi-faceted classification mapping project for a vendor conversion that resulted in more than $2MM cost savings to XXXX.....B word! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts