The Cincinnati Kid Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Me: Wanna hear a joke? Person: Sure. Me: Women's Sports. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 How's this compared to yours? Q: What's the easiest way to get a Jewish girl's number? A: Roll up her sleeve. Still not there. Okay...mods, delete if you must. The rest of you...I take no responsibility for any offense you might feel. I did my best to protect you from it. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve O Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Q How many men does it take to do the dishes? A None, its women's work followed up with Q How many men does it take to change a light bulb? A None, if your wife can't change it herself let her do the dishes in the dark. Anyways gotta run and do the dishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWVABillsFan Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Q How many men does it take to do the dishes? A None, its women's work followed up with Q How many men does it take to change a light bulb? A None, if your wife can't change it herself let her do the dishes in the dark. Anyways gotta run and do the dishes. Still laughing. I told it to my son; but, not dare tell my wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SelmonSmith6378 Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) Q: What's the best part of 28 year old girls? A: There's 20 of them... relax...its a joke... You stole that from a Michael Jackson joke. WOW! Q: Breaking news is that Jerry Sandusky will be directing a combination of 2 Schwarzanegger movies. What will the movie be called? A: The Kindergarten Predator Still not there. Okay...mods, delete if you must. The rest of you...I take no responsibility for any offense you might feel. I did my best to protect you from it. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven. I only know 2 jokes more offensive then that. And I've heard a LOT of jokes! Yeah, I go to a school with a crapload of Jewish kids who'll want to slash you open like a catfish and eat your guts after that joke. Hell, even part of ME wants to, but then I realize it's just DC Tom being DC Tom. Edited May 10, 2012 by SelmonSmith6378 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve O Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Still laughing. I told it to my son; but, not dare tell my wife. You're a wise man... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Still not there. Okay...mods, delete if you must. The rest of you...I take no responsibility for any offense you might feel. I did my best to protect you from it. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven. That's it? and in a similar vein... What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew? Black Jews sit at the back of the gas chamber. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 So I met one of the sexiest woman I have ever seen in my life last week. She had a gorgeous face, beautiful curves, amazing smile, classy, and rich. She told me she was usually a good girl, but had this strange fetish for Indian and Jewish men. Then she asked my name. "Geronimo Goldberg, nice to meet you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SelmonSmith6378 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 There's now a sandwich named after Jerry Sandusky, it's got 60 year old meat stuffed between buns barely out of the oven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chandler#81 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 1336613820[/url]' post='2462811']That's it? and in a similar vein... What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew? Black Jews sit at the back of the gas chamber. Punchin' my one-way ticket to hell cuz I'm still ROTFLMAO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 man gets pulled over for speeding cop looks in the back seat where three penguins sit "you can't keep those penguins. take them to the zoo" says the cop next day he pulls the guy over again and there sit the three penguins "i thought i told you to take them to the zoo!" the man answers, "i did. tonight, i'm taking them to the opera". Actually I heard that joke as a blond with a monkey. I think that one is not funny seeing it makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) So, a horse walks into a bar...and the bartender asks, "hey, buddy, why the long face?" And, my next favorite: Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Up on the bar next to him is a miniature piano, with a tiny man about a foot tall playing a beautiful concerto. Next to the piano is an antique-looking lamp. The patron asks the bartender, "what's the deal with the tiny man and piano?" The bartender sullenly tells him, "that's a magic lamp; a genie pops out who grants wishes." "Amazing! Can I try it?" asks the patron. "Sure, be my guest" mumbles the bartender. The patron grabs the lamp, rubs it, and sure enough, a genie pops out. "I want a million bucks!" exclaims the patron. The genie nods and claps his hands, and then disappears. Suddenly a tremendous sound is heard from outside. The patron and bartender go look out the window, and thousands upon thousands of ducks are flying overhead, making an incredible racket with their quacking. "This genie is either deaf or stupid!" shouts the patron. "I said a million BUCKS, not DUCKS." The bartender looks at him and sighs, "tell me about it, buddy. You really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?" Edited May 14, 2012 by eball Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 3.5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob's House Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 A broke sailor goes into a brothel with only $20. The lady at the counter says she can help him & sends him to the last room where he finds an old, crusty, shrivelled-up, fat hooker. Although he's repulsed he figures as long as he turns out the lights he can pretend she's reasonable to look at so he gets in the bed. She tells him to give it to her but he tells her he can't because she's too dry. She rolls over and fools around with her ****, then rolls back over and tells him to try again. This time he slides right in & it's great. It's the best sex he's ever had & he can't beleive it. He tells her she feels like a 20-year old & asks if she used some special cream or lotion, to which she replies: "no, I just tore off the scabs & let the pus run." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Man tells is friend "I think my wife is dead" friend replies "How do you know?" Mana replies "Well the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jauronimo Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Still not there. Okay...mods, delete if you must. The rest of you...I take no responsibility for any offense you might feel. I did my best to protect you from it. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven. Come on, Tom. Who hasn't heard that one? I'm not sure any joke can live up to that kind of hype, but at least give me something I haven't heard many times before. Since we are headed in that direction... Q: What happened when the Jew with an erection walked into the wall? A: He broke his nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
section122 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing you ain't told that b*tch twice already! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tcali Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Why did the Russian people revolt in 1917?? They found out that The Tsar and The Czar were the same person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SelmonSmith6378 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Q: Why did Jerry Sandusky go to the department store? A: Because he heard used children's pants were 50% off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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