Doug Marrone's Diary

[Deranged Rhino]

Dear diary,

Off to see "The Reverant" on IMAX.

 

St.D

[BringBackFergy]

Dear diary,

Off to see "The Revenant" on IMAX.

 

St.D

LOL

 

(See Schefter thread on TSW)

[Beerball]

LOL

(See Schefter thread on TSW)

no

[26CornerBlitz]

Yo Diary,

 

Are you there? It's me, Doug. I'm gonna be a head coach again. The teams are all clamoring over ol' Saint Doug. They probably keep calling at the same time and getting lines crossed, which is why I haven't heard anything yet. I already have my opening line for the first interview.

 

Hi, I'm Douglas Marrone. They say a coach is only as good as his last game. Well, Doug ain't one to brag or nothing, but my last game as head coach I beat Tom Friggin Brady, in friggin Foxboro. I'll be sure to win almost half of the division games for you too." Boom! ol' Dougie's gonna knock it right outta the park.

 

I ain't agreein' to no 4 or 5 year contract. Doug friggin' Marrone doesn't stay nowhere. I'm like Mary Friggin Poppins. Come in, fix ****, and leave.

 

Anyway diary, I gotta go, phone's ringing, it's probably Cleveland or San Francisco. Oh, it was just the pizza guy confirming my order. Obviously I wan't friggin anchovies, I'm an American, ain't I?

 

Well, Pizzas here.

 

Obviously yours,

 

St. Dr. Douglas Marrone Esq.

 

[ICanSleepWhenI'mDead]

Dear Diary,

 

 

Those NFL owners and GMs gotta be at least as smart as my dog, right? Besides, who would want a dead squirrel or poop for a coach?

 

No one, obviously.

 

Well, OK, after yesterday, maybe the Bengals. If I get hit by lightning and Nate can't revive me, he should ask if they have any openings.

 

BRAINSTORM - maybe I should just wait for the New Orleans Saints job to come open. I kinda like the way "Saint Doug, head coach of the Saints" rolls off the tongue. After a few years, people will think the team was actually named after me, because of all the pre-season victories we piled up.

 

I better get Nate working on the trademark application for "Saint Doug."

 

Biden my time,

 

Saint Doug - ™

[JoeF]

Dear Diary,

 

Go Giants

Go Eagles

Go 49ers

Go Browns

Go Titans!!!!

 

St. Doug...

[4merper4mer]

Dear Diary,

 

Go Giants

Go Eagles

Go 49ers

Go Browns

Go Titans!!!!

 

St. Doug...

Go Away

 

Everyone else...

[BringBackFergy]

Dear Diary -

 

As this season passes, I can only say one thing: Here's to me getting back in the saddle again. My very own team!!! As you can see, obviously, I am penning this entry in dark green...Go Eagles!! I can't wait to get to work with Jason Peters and the rest of the crew. I always wanted to coach in Phila......*one second, Schefter tweeted me* OK...

 

I obviously always liked the color orange...screw the Eagles...they suck anyways. Now the Browns have cool helmets...orange!!! Sound familiar? Orange is the color of success in my book...wondering when they want me in to interview? I'll knock it outta the park. When I sit down with the GM...or the President, or the owner or the trainer...orr....wait, not sure who is interviewing me, but they'll certainly *one second, Schefter tweeting me again*....ummmmmmm

 

Blue...dark blue and silver is a good color. Yes!!!! I will go back to the City...I will be back in my hometown coaching the Giants. They need my help on that O-Line and I can wow them with my drill Sargent Brooklyn voice. So I best get my plane ticket reserved now...I think I'll sit in first class with the other *Hold on - Schefter Tweet* !@#$ this sucks....OK, composure, composure....

 

Orange...yes mother !@#$ing Diary, I said Orange...now I can really show them what I can do with a 3-13 team. Big turnaround time just like I did so many other times before..I love orange. I have to get my ticket changed from NY to Cleveland but I love Cleveland...this is my dream job when you really think about *!@#$ing no way...Schefter Tweet again* Son of a B word

 

OK, teal fits me well. Plus I don't have to fly somewhere. I can stay in sunny Florida...Yes, teal is the chosen color....for now

 

Obviously yours,

 

Doug

Hey Diary -

 

It's me. Just had to correct a few entries.

 

I still like teal....Jags have teal.

 

Adam just called me...told me to hold tight. He'll put some tweet feelers out there later today. Said not to worry because the Giants are saving the best for last....I think I know what that means, okay?

 

Yours obviously,

 

Doug

 

PS: Chip Kelly is a douchebag...he took my gig.

[JoeF]

Go Away

 

Everyone else...

Is Syracuse still looking for an Offensive Coordinator?

[4merper4mer]

Dear Diary,

 

When I heard the ambulance
Screaming down Abbott
I didn't give it a thought
But it was my Head Coach Tenure
It died 2014, on Wednesday 12/31

And my Lackey Hackett, they all called him 'puppet'
They said for his younger ways
He'd get up in the morning
And show me the plans of passes and trap plays
He kept in the memory of his new Apple I-Pad

And we all thought I would coach forever
My Mama didn't raise no Greggo
Now put down that football
And come on and join in
The last of my chances to crow

Now my second last job, its name was Syracuse
It died when it barely turned two
It was pinstripe bowl and hype that did it
Buddy Nix he didn't know what to do
He just stood there and watched as I blew

And we all thought I would coach forever
My Mama didn't raise no Greggo
Now put down that football
And come on and join in

The last of my chances to crow

And my friend Adam Schefter
He thought I could make it
So from that thing Twitter he sung
He missed his prediction, about 35 times
And everyone said he was dumb

Now there was great Uncle Ralphie
And there was Aunt Kim Pegula
And Terry and that GM Doug
And there was Freddie and EJ
And Williams and Urbik and he saw his own value fall

And there are more I remember
And more I could mention
Than words I could write in a song
But I feel them watching and I see them laughing
And I hear them writing along

And we all thought I would coach forever
My Mama didn't raise no Greggo
Now put down that football
And come on and join in
The last of my chances to crow

At least until 2017

 

[BringBackFergy]

Dear Diary -

 

As this season passes, I can only say one thing: Here's to me getting back in the saddle again. My very own team!!! As you can see, obviously, I am penning this entry in dark green...Go Eagles!! I can't wait to get to work with Jason Peters and the rest of the crew. I always wanted to coach in Phila......*one second, Schefter tweeted me* OK...

 

I obviously always liked the color orange...screw the Eagles...they suck anyways. Now the Browns have cool helmets...orange!!! Sound familiar? Orange is the color of success in my book...wondering when they want me in to interview? I'll knock it outta the park. When I sit down with the GM...or the President, or the owner or the trainer...orr....wait, not sure who is interviewing me, but they'll certainly *one second, Schefter tweeting me again*....ummmmmmm

 

Blue...dark blue and silver is a good color. Yes!!!! I will go back to the City...I will be back in my hometown coaching the Giants. They need my help on that O-Line and I can wow them with my drill Sargent Brooklyn voice. So I best get my plane ticket reserved now...I think I'll sit in first class with the other *Hold on - Schefter Tweet* !@#$ this sucks....OK, composure, composure....

 

Orange...yes mother !@#$ing Diary, I said Orange...now I can really show them what I can do with a 3-13 team. Big turnaround time just like I did so many other times before..I love orange. I have to get my ticket changed from NY to Cleveland but I love Cleveland...this is my dream job when you really think about *!@#$ing no way...Schefter Tweet again* Son of a B word

 

OK, teal fits me well. Plus I don't have to fly somewhere. I can stay in sunny Florida...Yes, teal is the chosen color....for now

 

Obviously yours,

 

Doug

!@#$ you Diary!!!!! Go Jags!!

[Just Jack]

Dear Diary,

 

Hope those Titan players still like their choice of Mularky when they realize that cheeseburgers are the only thing available for a meal on game day. I at least would have mixed it up and had chicken sandwiches also.

 

Doug

[Nanker]

Dearest Diary,

 

!@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$! !@#$!

What the !@#$ is wrong with people? Why can't they see I'm their best !@#$ ing choice for HC?

Sure I took $4million from the Pegulas, but that's chump change to an NFL owner. Who gives a **** about that?

Okay, I took a dump on their crappy team and crappy city, but who cares about Buffalo... Canadians?

This is the EN EF EL we're talkin' about obviously. It's the big time. I'm so ready for it.

 

To be honest, the worst thing is now I've got to face Mojo and break the bad news. Heartbreak doesn't begin to describe how she'll feel. That, and she's gonna kick my azz. Oh well, I've been through worse and risen back to the top. I'm not heralded as St. Doug everywhere for nothing.

 

Go Jags!

[YoloinOhio]

Dear Diary,

I have asked my assistant to call and text Seantrel to let him know how much I care about his well-being. I know he's probably just busy. That doesn't explain why he blocked me on Twitter though. Anyway, seems like he would really have a deep appreciation for me throwing him a bone in the 7th round after he failed his Combine drug test. If I still can't work my Sainthood on Luke Joeckel this year I'm going to try to trade for my boy Seantrel. Gus won't mind, time to pull rank with that AHC title.

 

Yours obviously, Saint Doug

Edited May 31, 2016 by YoloinOhio

[Buffalo Barbarian]

Dear Diary,

I have asked my assistant to call and text Seantrel to let him know how much I care about his well-being. I know he's probably just busy. That doesn't explain why he blocked me on Twitter though. Anyway, seems like he would really have a deep appreciation for me throwing him a bone in the 7th round after he failed his Combine drug test. If I still can't work my Sainthood on Luke Joeckel this year I'm going to try to trade for my boy Seantrel. Gus won't mind, time to pull rank with that AHC title.

 

Yours obviously, Saint Doug

 

[BringBackFergy]

Dear Diary -

I really like this song. LOL LOL LOL

 

I'm also pissed that Rex keeps using my trademarked "obviously".

Yours very obviously,

Doug

Edited September 17, 2016 by BringBackFergy

[John from Riverside]

Rolling....im just rolling...lol

[ICanSleepWhenI'mDead]

Dear Diary,

Life just isn't fair sometimes. The Pope canonized Mother Teresa as an official saint this month. How ironic is that? I mean the woman was supposed to be a nun, so if she had kids and was a mother then how could she really be a nun anyway? Besides, I'd like to see her take the Orangemen to two Pinstripe Bowl victories. She helps feed the poor in India and THAT is supposed to be some kind of miracle? Big whoop!

What's next - - are they gonna make Dick Jauron a bishop 'cause he was so consistent in getting 7 or 8 wins a year? Keep this to yourself diary, but I bet Bill Belichik would have gotten a big raise from beating Bishop Dick instead of plain old ordinary Dick.

They tell me that Catholics kneel a lot during Mass, so maybe my chances for official sainthood would be better if the Bills had been kneeling at the end of games. But Hey, didn't the Pope see all those "Hail Mary" passes we were chucking instead? Seems like that oughtta count for something. They get the Sunday Ticket in Argentina, right?

Note to self: Have Nate check with Father Guido Sarducci about whether I have to convert to Catholicism before I can be officially canonized as a Saint. But who really cares what the Pope thinks, anyway? The Bills players and coaches all know that we got "canonized" every time Brady threw the ball.

Catholicly and obviously yours,

Saint (unofficial but not giving up on the Pope yet) Doug

Edited September 22, 2016 by ICanSleepWhenI'mDead

[JoeF]

Dear Diary:

 

Shad Khan was at practice today. I know he sees the great job I am doing with the OL. I think he even winked at me today when he was having trouble with his contact lens. I am going to grow a handlebar just like his to make it obviously obvious I am all in.

 

I continue to stab my Gus Bradley voodoo doll with long pins at night. I know its working. Gus can't even look me in the eye anymore. I keep writing Interim Head Coach on my note pad during staff meetings...I think Gus saw me do it in this week's meeting. He called me into his office the other day and he caught me eyeballing whether my couch would fit where his credenza now sits.

 

Won't be long know...

 

Love,

Your Dougie

Soon to be Interim Head Coach

Jacksonville Jaguars

Edited September 30, 2016 by JoeF

[ICanSleepWhenI'mDead]

Dear Diary,

 

Note to self. Now that Nate's been promoted to offensive coordinator, I'm gonna invite him and Khan over to watch the Blues Brothers movie. Maybe when Khan sees how getting the band back together benefited everyone he'll make the obvious move.

 

Getting the band back together even helped some nuns in that movie. I wonder if the Pope got Netflix in Argentina?

 

Out of pins and needles so I'm sitting on my thumb,

 

Saint (unofficial for now, obviously, but stay tuned) Doug