BringBackFergy Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 Dear Diary, Note to self. Now that Nate's been promoted to offensive coordinator, I'm gonna invite him and Khan over to watch the Blues Brothers movie. Maybe when Khan sees how getting the band back together benefited everyone he'll make the obvious move. Getting the band back together even helped some nuns in that movie. I wonder if the Pope got Netflix in Argentina? Out of pins and needles so I'm sitting on my thumb, Saint (unofficial for now, obviously, but stay tuned) Doug LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted December 15, 2016 Author Share Posted December 15, 2016 (edited) Dear Diary - An old Chinese wise man once said "man who go to bed with itchy butthole wake up with stinky finger" and I guess the Pegulas now understand it was better to keep me (the itchy butthole) than to have a stinky finger (Rex Ryan and his crew). What a joke these guys are. I still read the Buffalo Bills news and have to say, they will be lucky to win another game this year with that defense and the little fella they call a QB. I have singlehandedly trained Bortles (I call him by his last name as a sign of affection) to evade pressure. I have also devised a blocking scheme that allows LB's to come in untouched in a way that gives Bortles room to roam. My play designs and schemes are ready for the "big stage" and my agent says I will have my choice of landing spots: Possibly Cincinatti, NY Jets, Rams, or the Bills. Why don't I want to coach the Jags you may ask...well like the cowboy in the movie "Shane" or Clint Eastwood in that movie where he played a reverend, I will ride off into the sunset because "my work here is done". Just look at my running offense and you'll see why. But the biggest attraction to coming back to Buffalo is so I can work a fourth miracle. The fans all liked me, I was paid good money, and this may well be my time to take the big leap to a Playoff appearance. So as they say in the biz...I'm shuffling off to Buffalo. Will keep you posted on my progress... Obviously yours...okay? Doug Edited December 15, 2016 by BringBackFergy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike in Horseheads Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Dear Doug... what was the second and third miracle? I know your the bestest everest so shame on me for asking. Humble in Horseheads Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 OMG, OMG, OMG!!! Finally my prayers have been answered! (it's about time - God!). Gus has been relieved of his duties as HC of MY Jacksonville Jaguars. It's my time. It's my time.It's my time.It's my time.It's my time.It's my time.It's my time. I just know it. Oh Thank YOU lucky stars!!! I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for Kahn to call. GodDamnit phone... why won't you ring? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snafu Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 Dear Diary, They're obviously going to offer me the HC job. I'm not going to take it, though. My agent is telling me that Woody Johnson is waiting for the end of the season to bring me in. I'm gonna go to NYC and kick Mehta's ass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Gus has sat in the bathroom the whole time back to Jacksonville. Jesus I have to pee. David Caldwell has given me a few knowing nods. He is so much smarter than Whaley and Russ. I have already begun game planning for the Titans next week. I know I can beat Mularkey. We do have a kinship I respect -- both leaving the Bills in the lurch. Can't wait to land.....and be a head coach again. St. Dougie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixxxer Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 (edited) Dear diary: Finally! My voodoo doll finally paid off, I knew it would work. That old hispanic woman from the Santeria shop was right all along, I will have to send her some sort of gift for the services. Better yet I'll go down myself, I'll let her take my picture and she can start selling Doug miracle's card. We're gonna be rich, scratch that, I'm already rich, thanks to Kim and Terry, lolers..... This plan can't fail. The voodoo doll already paid dividends, now it's time for Khan (aka Mr Whiskers, lol, I kill myself at times) to make a decision, those bologna sandwiches had to make an impression on him. PS: kidnapp Nat for a week until they make it official, I can't let that brat steal my thunder again. pffts, offensive coordinator my ass. Edited December 19, 2016 by Fixxxer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Dear Diary, Yes, I know one YUGE prayer has been answered with Gus' firing. But why ... why is Manish Mehta still walking among us? The Jets job was MINE until that fuct up name having piece of beef had to go and ruin it. I see the Pegulas really struck oil with the Ryan, obviously. I haven't felt this positive since I led THE Syracuse University to the Pinstripe Bowl (a.k.a. "National Championship for Teams That Aren't So Good") title. I know the best is yet to come. Just take care of Manish so I can someday walk into a 7-11 and buy a NY Daily News from him. Love, Doug90210 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted December 19, 2016 Author Share Posted December 19, 2016 Dearest Diary - Well there ya have it...okay? I mean I deserved this promotion right? Okay? Obviously others may feel more qualified but I have brought success to that offensive line like no other before me. Interim Head Coach Doug Marrone...I like the sound of that, okay? In fact, in the next few months it will be Head Coach and General Manager of THE Jaxsonville Jaguars. Obviously, we didn't end up where we wanted to be record wise (lol)...and don't tell anyone but I may have called some zone blocking schemes that weren't entirely appropriate for the opponent we faced...but this is my own little House of Cards and damn it...I deserve the office with the leather chair rather than the cubicle with the folding card table chair in this joint. Now I get the big office, the janitor that says hi to me a lot and the 85 year old receptionist....lol...that ****'s gonna change and quick, okay? I have to go put a deposit down on a new Range Rover and some new duds. Your (Interim) Head Coach - DM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike in Horseheads Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Dear Diary, Hope those Titan players still like their choice of Mularky when they realize that cheeseburgers are the only thing available for a meal on game day. I at least would have mixed it up and had chicken sandwiches also. Doug Hope St Dougs dogs are hiding when he comes home to kick them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 (edited) Dear Diary, I saw Rex Ryan's most recent press conference and felt sorry for the guy. They say he's gonna get canned. Obviously, having been in his shoes, there's an obvious reason why that's gonna happen. The man obviously can't communicate good. He obviously sounds like a hayseed every time he says "and all that stuff." All WHAT stuff, exactly? He obviously doesn't even know what stuff he's talking about, or else he'd manage to be specific and not repeat himself using obvious generalities. If you want to be known as a saint rather than a failed head coach, you obviously need to speak good. You can't be an obvious hayseed and constantly repeat words or phrases when the moneybags owners obviously want you to be the face of their franchise. But enough about Rex Ryan. Now for some obviously breaking news about me (boy did Nate obviously hook his wagon to the right star at Syracuse): Note to self: It occurs to me that if Nate was smart enough to hook his wagon to me, I'm obviously gonna have to keep an eye on his obvious ambitions. Saint (still unofficial - - what's taking the Pope so long?) Doug Interim leader of the band Edited December 19, 2016 by ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo Barbarian Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Dear Diary, I saw Rex Ryan's most recent press conference and felt sorry for the guy. They say he's gonna get canned. Obviously, having been in his shoes, there's an obvious reason why that's gonna happen. The man obviously can't communicate good. He obviously sounds like a hayseed every time he says "and all that stuff." All WHAT stuff, exactly? He obviously doesn't even know what stuff he's talking about, or else he'd manage to be specific and not repeat himself using obvious generalities. If you want to be known as a saint rather than a failed head coach, you obviously need to speak good. You can't be an obvious hayseed and constantly repeat words or phrases when the moneybags owners obviously want you to be the face of their franchise. But enough about Rex Ryan. Now for some obviously breaking news about me (boy did Nate obviously hook his wagon to the right star at Syracuse): Note to self: It occurs to me that if Nate was smart enough to hook his wagon to me, I'm obviously gonna have to keep an eye on his obvious ambitions. Saint (still unofficial - - what's taking the Pope so long?) Doug Interim leader of the band Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted December 20, 2016 Author Share Posted December 20, 2016 This sucks. I can't believe this!!! #nate-hackett was here# Dear Diary: Please forgive my highly energetic and well-intentioned colleague/pool boy, Nathaniel Hackett. He obviously thought he was going to be head coach. Obviously, that wasn't going to happen, given my level of expertise and track record in reforming sinners into saints. Right now, he is running laps outside in the breezy Jacksonville air. Obvs: Dougie LOL Nate strikes again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Dear diary, See what I can do when given a chance. I may just not even bother coaching the rest of the game, let my players call their own plays. Unless they start slipping of course. Then it's laps for everyone. Dougie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Dear Diary, Here we are four days after I deliver a franchise defining win and Caldwell and Shad have the audacity to bring in a an old freaking fossil to interview for the full-time gig. I feel like a saint and now a martyr. What a damn kick in the teeth. Caldwell is no better than Whaley and Brandon. I will do what I always do. Win the job the right way, with my awesome skills. Just in case, I have already bribed Ginny in the cafeteria to put Exlax in Coughlin's cobb salad and I have called ahead to Shad's favorite restaurant cancelling tonight's reservation. I also went to the parking lot and did the old banana in the tail pipe of Coughlin's town car. Diary, I am so close to victory here I can taste it... St. Doug Interim Head Coach Jacksonville Jaguars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 Dear diary, So now there's talk of Kubiak leaving the Broncos and Lynn may be hired there. They better remember to hire Dougie, after all, being the Syracuse Buffalo Jacksonville Broncos Head Coach is my dream job. Dougie Future Broncos Head Coach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Dear Diary - Well, there ya have it...I am the first (meaning the most sought after) coach this year. Okay? Obviously I'll have more time on my hands now so I'm going to start putting in snapshots of my times in Jax. Here's my latest pic so that I can look back and remember what I did on my first day as Head Coach Douglas Marrone. Good times!! Yours, DM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Dear Diary, I knew it was a matter of time, St. Doug miracles on the shore of St. Augustine....my plan to undercut Gus, impress Shad and David and discredit that old fossil Coughlin worked like a charm. Quick--get me Rex Ryan's number -- I could use an experienced DC. !@#$ you Buffalo, !@#$ you Two Bills Drive...God bless me...obviously. St. Doug Head Coach Jacksonville Jaguars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Dear diary, Note to self: plan exit strategy in 2018. Make sure it is a $5 million buy-out this time. Obviously, Douglas, st. Shad's money spends the same as Pegula money.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Dear Diary, Well, when you make it big obviously everybody wants to join the band. I suppose Coughlin can run the stage lights until I get my next gig: If I convert to Catholicism I wonder how long I need to stay to make the sainthood thing official before switching religions? Sanctimoniously, Douggie Head coach, interim saint, and exalted grand pubah of options Edited January 10, 2017 by ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts