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Deadspin's "Why your team sucks" 2016


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The Bills have been an embarrassment and a clusterf**k wrapped in false hope since my freshman year of high school. This write up was completely accurate which makes it less funny because it's hard to caricature something as stupid as drunk Bills fans. I've been laughing at my favorite football team for about a decade and this just reinforced why.

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J-E-T-S

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2016-new-york-jets-1785498001

"Fitz and the Jets are a pair of sad winos meeting together in a fleabag motel room after getting kicked out of every other bar in town."

 

Ahh, back to funny again.

 

THIRD STRING: Bryce Petty, who basically played flag football in college and will be a “project” quarterback until age 49. Any time you mention playing Petty to a Jets staffer, they react as if you asked a human baby to drive a car. OMG HE’S NOT READY AT ALL JUST GIVE HIM A FEW DECADES.

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Ahh, back to funny again.

 

THIRD STRING: Bryce Petty, who basically played flag football in college and will be a “project” quarterback until age 49. Any time you mention playing Petty to a Jets staffer, they react as if you asked a human baby to drive a car. OMG HE’S NOT READY AT ALL JUST GIVE HIM A FEW DECADES.

:worthy:

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This is the best one...

 

My brother was Phi Beta Kappa at Harvard. He graduated at the top of his med school class at Columbia. He was born and raised in New England. He roots for the Jets. That makes him the dumbest f@ck!ng guy I know.

I liked this one...

 

We all know what happened next. :52 seconds, 21 points, including my boy Mark Sanchez got pulled into the black gravity hole of Brandon Moore’s !@#$, and the score was quickly 35-7. And boy oh boy, I was so wide awake for it I thought I could read minds.

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I liked this one...

 

We all know what happened next. :52 seconds, 21 points, including my boy Mark Sanchez got pulled into the black gravity hole of Brandon Moore’s !@#$, and the score was quickly 35-7. And boy oh boy, I was so wide awake for it I thought I could read minds.

That's quality

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nothing will ever be better than this hilarious takedown of the Pats. I literally laughed out loud and wonder if Drew Magary reads this board.

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2016-new-england-patriots-1786042247?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

 

 

OMG.....

 

I AM CRYING

 

HAHAHAHA

 

 

 

 

CBF

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Nothing will ever be better than this hilarious takedown of the Pats. I literally laughed out loud and wonder if Drew Magary reads this board.

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2016-new-england-patriots-1786042247?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

 

Brilliant. And Batfleck? Jesus, man, just because you're on cable doesn't mean every other word out of your mouth needs to be F**k.

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I like this guy.

 

It’s Tom Brady. There I said it. The reason that we are still talking about !@#$ing Deflategate a full year-and-a-half later is Tom Brady. Whether he ordered those balls deflated or not, any Patriots fan with even a shred of objectivity (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA) has to admit that Tom’s handling of the situation has been atrocious. Whether it was his brutal press conference in which he came off about as credible as Jerry Sandusky; or his destroying of his cell phone during the middle of an investigation; or his making a literal federal case out of the whole thing, thus guaranteeing that this farce stays in the new cycle as long as possible - it’s Brady. This **** could’ve been over with eons ago but it’s not, because the face of the franchise has the crisis management skills of Plaxico Burress. And we Patriots fans rabidly defend him anyway because, despite four Super Bowl wins since 2001, we STILL somehow have an inferiority complex that renders us incapable of absorbing any criticism of the Patriots whatsoever in a mature manner. ****. Maybe we ARE the reason why the Patriots suck.

And !@#$ Reche Caldwell with Peyton Manning’s head.

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This guy gets it:

 

 


Our fans (who have a long illustrious tradition of cheering for this team for almost 15 years!) can go toe to toe with any other teams’ lunatics for racism, homophobia, misogyny and other general dickheadishness. But our trump card is our insane conspiracy theories and victim complex that makes Kanye West like a model of self-reflection and humility. Pats fans are like drunk versions of Alex Jones with lower grade-level reading.

 

:lol:

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