Why does a bride wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the fridge and the stove.
What's the best part of sex with 21 year olds? There's 20 of them. (not good written, but hits the mark when spoken)
A guy and gal from the old folks home decide to go out on a date. Things go really well and they end up back in the woman's room. Just as they are about to go at it, the woman stops and says "I need to warn you that I have acute angina." The man says "that's good because your breasts sure are ugly!"
What does it taste like when you go down on a senior citizen? Depends...
A man gets news that his wife has been in a horrible car accident and is in a coma. He spends night after night at her bedside hoping she wakes up. After many nights, he gets bored and reaches over and cops a feel of her breast. She lets out a slight moan which is the first sign of life since the accident. The man goes running out of the room to tell the doctor "Dr, this is a little embarrassing, but my wife made a noise when I touched her breast." The Dr thinks for a minute and replies "Since sexual stimulation seems to get a response, lets try something unorthodox. We will give you some privacy so you can try oral sex and see if it will snap her out of this coma." The husband goes into the roo and about 15 minutes later comes running out in a panic! "Dr, something horrible has happened. I think my wife is dead!" he yells. The Dr goes into the room and sure enough she is dead. The Dr asks the man what happened. "I don't know...I think she might have choked to death."
How does a real man tell when a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.