Jauronimo

I'm encouraged that he even remembered to bring his shoes to the game. Baby steps.

Dez Bryant with a leadership tantrum on the sideline after Cassel limp dicks one into the turf on the third down. Shocking development. Stay tuned. And Bailey spoils a perfect game by converting the field goal. What could have been?? Jerry Jones is reportedly exploring a trade involving Hardy and a member of ISIS in order to improve his team's karma.

Witten will remember this night for the rest of his life. Bittersweet fails to describe.

As Cassel eclipses the daunting quarter mark (25 yards passing), somewhere Derek Anderson is sipping champagne, his record still intact. A stark reminder that yes, football does get worse than this.

The product on the field may suck and the ticket might cost $250, but thanks to the business acumen of Dan Snyder you can still get a reasonably priced Meister Brau and Chi Chi’s brand tortilla chips at FedEx field. Despite his repeated trips to the turf, Cousins uniform is totally resistant to grass stains. Something fishy going on in the Skins laundry room. When this game is over, December 7th might be associated with another tragedy. The day the offense died. If model franchises like the Skins and Boys are having headset and tablet issues, maybe we're not so incompetent after all??

Pretty sure the Skins offensive line really wants to see RGIII get another shot at the starting job.

With DeSean back in the lineup, we will need all the coverage we can muster. Mario and Darby on Jackson with safety help over the top. Dareus lines up on the slot receiver and every other down lineman and linebacker sits in the shallow zone to take away the underneath stuff. Rex's scheme will blow everyone's mind.

3 hours of Gruden coming up. I will be posting my observation throughout the game. Despite my many tweets, Tirico seems reluctant to adopt the moniker 'Bride of Chucky' for tonight's broadcast. I will keep trying. Predictions for the game: the Gruden Grinder will be awarded to whichever starter on the Cowboy's offense cries the least after playing 60 minutes of Cassel ball. Greg Hardy will be restrained and removed from the stadium by Maryland animal control after another bout of sideline "leadership." DeSean Jackson will negate a gimme TD by stopping at the goal line and punting the ball back toward his own endzone. Gruden, completely unabashed, will continue to contradict himself every other sentence and yet still be smug about it.

He was a true rock star. I saw him in the twilight of his career with STP and even then he commanded the spotlight. He owned the stage. Great showman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vpg0IPr1N7A

We can't all be Bohemian like you. http://www.tmz.com/2015/04/30/stone-temple-pilots-scott-weiland-gasoline-video/ He murders an STP classic and blames it on the sound levels. Terrible.

Doug Whaley used to work for the Stillers therefore our personnel and coaches are all analogues of the yinzers. Every fleeting thought deserves its own thread.

What kind of question is that? Do you even watch the games, bro?

I can only imagine what was left on the cutting room floor after crafting that gem.

Can we replace Dareus with 24 year old Dareus too? Looks like he hit the wall this year as well. They're all just too damn old.

Trap Chaplain?!?!? I'm pretty open minded but hip hop has gone too far this time. Just getting weird now. Damn kids.

Will Hill to reactivate his legendary twitter account. #Sour http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2011/1/19/1943956/the-happy-football-life-of-will-hill The Ground Gruden is Kamar Aiken formerly of Bills training camp fame. Kudos to Aiken. Steve Young stutters and stammers while Ray Lewis looks on with the cool confidence of a man that has gotten away with murder. Classic paradigm. I would not be surprised to see them star in a buddy, cop movie sometime soon.

3 seconds left. Its all on Coons to kick the FG and win the game. Blocked and returned for TD by Will Smoke Dem Blunts Hill. Factory of Sadness indeed.

Austin Davis has thrown one pass and here come the boos. #FreeJohnnyFootball2016 Manziel is reportedly staring intently at an Etch-O-Sketch and hoping no one notices he lost his tablet. Morgan Cox demonstrates the importance of a franchise long snapper. Extend Sanborn now while we can still afford him. Austin Davis walks back on to the field and boos have started again. Apparently Cleveland fans really want to watch someone else fail. They're getting pretty picky about the way they lose games now. Real connoisseurs.* Gruden will eat mustard off just about anything. I always suspected and now we know. 2 Minute Warning or 120 seconds remaining for those of you who subscribe to the metric system. Browns fans have stopped booing Davis long enough to cheer as he throws a bomb to Benjamin for a TD. Overtime? Austin Davis is 6/7 for 71 yards and a TD. At this rate, if were to extrapolate his stats and project over a 10 year career, he's looking like the greatest QB in NFL history. Keep your eye on this kid. First Favre reference of the night! Tirico breaks the ice and Gruden declines the opportunity to remind us that he once held a clipboard next to Brett. Trouble in paradise?? Schaub throws an INT with 50 seconds left on the clock. Davis wisely does everything in his power to kill the remaining game clock and force OT. When you don't know when you'll get on the field again, make it last. *Like degenerate alcoholics, you're still ok as long someone is slightly worse than you.

Gruden is befuddled as Cleveland gives up a first down on first and 20. Pettine is no longer in the running to be the Grinding Gruden. Everyone else is still alive. Theres no time fact check, Yolo. We're doing this thing live and uncut so hold on to your foreskin. Its going to be wild a finish here. Update: My sources have confirmed that Austin Davis will play if McCown is hurt because "dude, that guy Pitten is a pain in my a$$. Wasn't even that drunk"

McCown is down and its looking like Johnny F@#$ign Football time!!!! Pettine might just forfeit. Per sources deep within the organization, Ray Farmer has sent Mike Pettine 37 text messages since the first quarter with variations of "FLee flickerZ LOL". Apparently, Farmer has learned nothing from his first suspension. The only commercials tonight that haven't been pushing erection pills are selling wood splitters. Mixed messages, ESPN.

Justin Gilbert took a massive hit and is very shaken up on the Raven's sideline. Per Jay Glaze Her (adult film star I follow) Jeff Fisher is reportedly pursuing a trade. Stay tuned. Gruden has not mentioned Brett Favre once tonight. I'm concerned. Bring back Kornheiser!

After a first half romance, Gruden is very disappointed in Schaub following the pick 6. They may be having dinner at Pomodoro tomorrow night. Barkevious Mingo??? Pretty sure Gruden is making up names. Marc Trestman wears the same glasses as my mother. John Hughes is almost unrecognizable these days. Probably why Molly Ringwald left him assuming they were together. They were most likely together. Why else would you put her in every movie?

Observations on the game. Will update in real time For those that have gone mercifully deaf, Gruden is on his game tonight. Should be great broadcast. The Orangemen are playing with a lot of energy tonight after firing their HC just days ago. Gruden on the topic of Donte Whitner "he's a winner". Poltifact's truth-o-meter has deemed this statement to be dubious. 2 min warning in the second quarter. Everyone is a front runner for the Gruden Grinder tonight and title of John Gruden's best friend. Tight race. Halftime. Berman is having an aneurysm. Ottawa has a CFL franchise called the Red Blacks. Where is the outrage?!?! Snyder must have something to do with this. Whitner has challenged Poltiifact to a boxing match and pre-emptively reneged on his next 5 twitter giveaways. Whitler don't play. The new Cuse coach pettine has ties to Marrone and Buffalo. Small world. This Schaub guy is looking sharp so far. He might have a real future in football. Baltimore backup QBs are looking like a hot commodity.

After posting the same gibberish in at least 5 other threads, how is your grand treatise on Whaley still such an incomprehensible, abortion of a post?

Back in my day, terrible threads were at least entertaining. No redeeming value.