Jauronimo

Matt "don't call me Meh" Cassel goes deep to Dez. Football fans are pretty sure that wasn't a catch based on rule book that no one but Blandino understands. McFadden re-enters the game as the change of pace back as Dallas is looking poised to not totally f@#$ everything up. Shockingly, Fumb DMC kills another Dallas drive and totally f@#$s everything up.

I would imagine that any defense which stifled Brady and Gronk has an outside chance of slowing down Cassel and Witten. Dustin Hopkins has the inside track to be this week's Ground Gruden.

Dallas overcomes a seemingly insurmountable 3 point deficit to tie the game. Stay tuned folks, we've got a ball game here. If you give Cousins time on third down, he will find the open man 7 yards shy of the marker. Consistently.

Three weeks ago this was an actual topic. http://forums.twobillsdrive.com/topic/182943-skins-to-sign-k-cousins-17mill-yr-how-much-is-tt-worth/page-1 Never forget. So should Whaley be fired for trading Cassel or for signing him in the first place? He should definitely be fired, but why???

Sources deep within the organization.

Developing Story: Redskins head coach Jay Gruden has previous relationship with ESPN commentator Jon Gruden. Details emerging. Conflict of interest?

Greg Hardy’s current love interest was just seen in the owner’s box wearing the red jersey typically worn by QBs in camp and practice to designate non-contact. Part of Jerry Jone's commitment to combat domestic violence, red jerseys will be made available to all spouses. Halftime adjustments: Washington to go with the hot hand at punter while Garret says Dallas will stick with punter by committee to avoid fatigue. Jay Gruden is currently putting the second half up for player vote to determine whether the Skins want to continue the game. Jason Witten is reportedly debating retirement depending on how Cassel’s next drive goes. Berman is now just making guttural noises. The fans deserve more out of their halftime show than just a pretty faced bimbo in a slick suit.

I'm encouraged that he even remembered to bring his shoes to the game. Baby steps.

Dez Bryant with a leadership tantrum on the sideline after Cassel limp dicks one into the turf on the third down. Shocking development. Stay tuned. And Bailey spoils a perfect game by converting the field goal. What could have been?? Jerry Jones is reportedly exploring a trade involving Hardy and a member of ISIS in order to improve his team's karma.

Witten will remember this night for the rest of his life. Bittersweet fails to describe.

As Cassel eclipses the daunting quarter mark (25 yards passing), somewhere Derek Anderson is sipping champagne, his record still intact. A stark reminder that yes, football does get worse than this.

The product on the field may suck and the ticket might cost $250, but thanks to the business acumen of Dan Snyder you can still get a reasonably priced Meister Brau and Chi Chi’s brand tortilla chips at FedEx field. Despite his repeated trips to the turf, Cousins uniform is totally resistant to grass stains. Something fishy going on in the Skins laundry room. When this game is over, December 7th might be associated with another tragedy. The day the offense died. If model franchises like the Skins and Boys are having headset and tablet issues, maybe we're not so incompetent after all??

Pretty sure the Skins offensive line really wants to see RGIII get another shot at the starting job.

With DeSean back in the lineup, we will need all the coverage we can muster. Mario and Darby on Jackson with safety help over the top. Dareus lines up on the slot receiver and every other down lineman and linebacker sits in the shallow zone to take away the underneath stuff. Rex's scheme will blow everyone's mind.

3 hours of Gruden coming up. I will be posting my observation throughout the game. Despite my many tweets, Tirico seems reluctant to adopt the moniker 'Bride of Chucky' for tonight's broadcast. I will keep trying. Predictions for the game: the Gruden Grinder will be awarded to whichever starter on the Cowboy's offense cries the least after playing 60 minutes of Cassel ball. Greg Hardy will be restrained and removed from the stadium by Maryland animal control after another bout of sideline "leadership." DeSean Jackson will negate a gimme TD by stopping at the goal line and punting the ball back toward his own endzone. Gruden, completely unabashed, will continue to contradict himself every other sentence and yet still be smug about it.

He was a true rock star. I saw him in the twilight of his career with STP and even then he commanded the spotlight. He owned the stage. Great showman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vpg0IPr1N7A

We can't all be Bohemian like you. http://www.tmz.com/2015/04/30/stone-temple-pilots-scott-weiland-gasoline-video/ He murders an STP classic and blames it on the sound levels. Terrible.

Doug Whaley used to work for the Stillers therefore our personnel and coaches are all analogues of the yinzers. Every fleeting thought deserves its own thread.

What kind of question is that? Do you even watch the games, bro?

I can only imagine what was left on the cutting room floor after crafting that gem.

Can we replace Dareus with 24 year old Dareus too? Looks like he hit the wall this year as well. They're all just too damn old.

Trap Chaplain?!?!? I'm pretty open minded but hip hop has gone too far this time. Just getting weird now. Damn kids.

Will Hill to reactivate his legendary twitter account. #Sour http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2011/1/19/1943956/the-happy-football-life-of-will-hill The Ground Gruden is Kamar Aiken formerly of Bills training camp fame. Kudos to Aiken. Steve Young stutters and stammers while Ray Lewis looks on with the cool confidence of a man that has gotten away with murder. Classic paradigm. I would not be surprised to see them star in a buddy, cop movie sometime soon.

3 seconds left. Its all on Coons to kick the FG and win the game. Blocked and returned for TD by Will Smoke Dem Blunts Hill. Factory of Sadness indeed.

Austin Davis has thrown one pass and here come the boos. #FreeJohnnyFootball2016 Manziel is reportedly staring intently at an Etch-O-Sketch and hoping no one notices he lost his tablet. Morgan Cox demonstrates the importance of a franchise long snapper. Extend Sanborn now while we can still afford him. Austin Davis walks back on to the field and boos have started again. Apparently Cleveland fans really want to watch someone else fail. They're getting pretty picky about the way they lose games now. Real connoisseurs.* Gruden will eat mustard off just about anything. I always suspected and now we know. 2 Minute Warning or 120 seconds remaining for those of you who subscribe to the metric system. Browns fans have stopped booing Davis long enough to cheer as he throws a bomb to Benjamin for a TD. Overtime? Austin Davis is 6/7 for 71 yards and a TD. At this rate, if were to extrapolate his stats and project over a 10 year career, he's looking like the greatest QB in NFL history. Keep your eye on this kid. First Favre reference of the night! Tirico breaks the ice and Gruden declines the opportunity to remind us that he once held a clipboard next to Brett. Trouble in paradise?? Schaub throws an INT with 50 seconds left on the clock. Davis wisely does everything in his power to kill the remaining game clock and force OT. When you don't know when you'll get on the field again, make it last. *Like degenerate alcoholics, you're still ok as long someone is slightly worse than you.