Jump to content

The Babylon Bee, America's Newspaper


3rdnlng

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, John from Riverside said:

I did not say you all

 

But while we’re there, unfortunately, you do act like a pack of hyenas a little tribe that have to back each other up rather than think critically

 

I’ve been pretty fair to you commsvet because I’m not gonna go out of my way to insult a fellow veteran, even if I disagree with how he thinks

 

I have not been shown the same respect by you so that stops now


Still waiting on those bumps there John, you made the claim now back it up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Are you a good guy, or a bad guy? WHO KNOWS!

 

That's why we reached out to a morality expert to help us understand evil.

Are you a bad guy? Keep an eye out for these warning signs:

 

Paragliders seem like a great tool for murdering: They're supposed to be for recreation, silly!

 

Your biggest supporters are Ayatollah Khamenei and Mia Khalifa: Yikes.

 

You look at almost anything and say to yourself, "I wonder if I can turn that into a rocket and kill someone with it.": And now everyone's thirsty because you used all the water pipes to make rockets. Not cool, man.

 

Biden just gave you $6 billion: Never a good sign.

 

You defend yourself by reminding everyone you didn't behead all the babies you killed: Just some of them, you guys. Lay off!

 

Your bulletproof vest has a child on the front of it: A subtle but troubling indicator that you might be the bad guy here.

 

You have a heavy machine gun mounted in the bed of your 1994 Toyota pickup truck: Unless you live in Kentucky, this is a red flag.

 

You are exhilarated by the thought of innocent people being killed: You should try being exhilarated by something else, like baseball.

 

College kids love you: Yep, you're definitely the bad guy

  • Like (+1) 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, BillsFanNC said:

I understand that Quack MD will be assisting with the costume.

 

 

 

 

One Halloween during my internship year I got home late on Halloween.  I had my lab coat and stethoscope on me and trick-or-treaters came to the door, so I decided to greet them.  I gave out candy to the first couple of kids and then the next one says "hey mister, are you a real doctor?" all excited.  I said "yes I am" to which he replied "oh" and then hung his head and walked away.

  • Haha (+1) 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, BillsFanNC said:

 

"I'm just under a lot of stress right now and I get overwhelmed and nobody understands and I feel so bloated and if these wretched sinners don't repent of their sins right now, the Almighty God will smite them with His wrath!"

 

at publishing time, the church's leadership committee had begun discussing the possibility of adding additional female pastors to the staff, though there was reportedly some concern being expressed that the cycle of fire and brimstone sermons would eventually synchronize.

 

and here I am chuckling like I would have been at say, 13

 

 

 

 

Edited by Tommy Callahan
  • Like (+1) 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...