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The Babylon Bee, America's Newspaper


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20 minutes ago, B-Man said:

 

NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE: 

Wise Men Actually Just Sent Gifts Using Free Amazon Prime Shipping, Scholars Now Believe.

 

From the Babylon Bee, Bethlehem’s Newspaper of Record

 

 

 

Amazon-Prime-Air.jpg

 

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Edited by Koko78
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On 11/25/2019 at 12:39 PM, Foxx said:

this has to be the funniest Babylon Bee article yet.

 

wait......

https://twitter.com/RealSaavedra/status/1199037792078032896

 

 

'Perineum sunning' leaves Josh Brolin 'crazy burned' as doctors warn against viral wellness trend

 

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“Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain,” Brolin shared on Instagram, along with a string of curse words calling out the “stupid” trend that may in fact be detrimental to one’s health.

 

screen-shot-2019-03-29-at-13.31.15.jpg?q

 

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29 minutes ago, B-Man said:

HEH: Rise Of Skywalker To Introduce First Lesbian AT-AT.

 

From the Babylon Bee, the Galactic Empire’s Digital Newspaper of Record.

 

(And worth clicking on for the Photoshop atop the page alone.)

 
 
 
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“Star Wars has always been about representing diversity.” Abrams said, “Whether it was giving all the white characters medals at the end of A New Hope, or the hilariously accurate Jewish and Caribbean stereotypes in The Phantom Menace, it’s important that everyone has a character they can relate to!”

 

:lol:  But they forgot the accurate Asian stereotypes.

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19 hours ago, B-Man said:

AMERICAN DEMS VOW TO LEARN FROM UK LABOUR PARTY’S MISTAKE OF NOT GOING FAR ENOUGH LEFT.

 

From the Babylon Bee, America’s Newspaper of Record

 

 

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a Labour leader went on air boasting about the increase in popular vote

 

even the anti-Conservative anchor reminded all that in the UK it’s first-past-the-post

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, B-Man said:

 

BRAVEHEART TO GET ALL-FEMALE REBOOT STARRING LENA DUNHAM.

 

From America’s Newspaper of Record, the Babylon Bee.

 

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In an inspiring speech late in the film, Dunham's character will rant about abortion rights and healthcare for all, inspiring her squad of she-soldiers to charge into battle.

...

The majority of the army is, of course, slaughtered.

 

?

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article-5300-2.jpg

 

Impeachment can be confusing. But The Babylon Bee is here with an explainer so you will know how the process works and what it takes for Dems to snap their fingers together and make Trump disappear in a cloud of dust.

 

 

What is impeachment?

It's the official, constitutional method for screaming at the sky because Trump is president.

 

Why is Trump being impeached?

Trump has committed some very serious offenses, from not being a Democrat to being a Republican. He also won the 2016 election, which rises to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors. He also restored the celebration of Christmas after eight years of winter with no Christmas under Obama. This drove Dems up a wall so they drummed up some charges against him.

 

Why didn't Democrats include any criminal offenses in the articles of impeachment?

There were just so many of them, it was hard to pick one. So, instead of laying out actually impeachable offenses, the Democrats summarized it all with two main articles of impeachment:

1.) Trump is president.

2.) TRUMP IS PRESIDENT.

 

What does it take to remove the president from office?

Faith, trust, and pixie dust.

 

Will Trump be removed from office?

Lol.

 

If we believe in ourselves and try hard, and Trump is removed, Hillary Clinton becomes president, right?

Actually, Mike Pence would become president, basically making the United States into a Handmaid's Tale-style dystopia.

 

What happens if Trump is impeached in the House but acquitted in the Senate?

Democrats don't get the big prize, but they each get a complimentary copy of Impeachment: The Board Game.

 

Once the House votes to officially impeach President Trump, what happens next?

Trump wins the 2020 election.

 

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-bee-explains-impeachment?

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