DC Tom

In fact, NASA's plan to counter an asteroid strike is to block it by launching thousands of surplus '60s school desks in to orbit. Their backup plan is to land Bryce Harper on it, because Harper can't hit ***** anymore.

In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

I drive to work for a reason.

57 states.

Of course not. Ginsburg 1.0 is deader than Beto's presidential campaign.

Translation: "We won't, but we want to keep our base angry for 2020." Really, I'd like to see them try. They just had articles of impeachment blown up in a floor vote prefaced by an absolute circus of House procedure. I'm sure it'll go better next time.

Roughly ten times larger than the Chelyabinsk meteorite, by way of comparison. About the size of what created Barringer Crater.

Very well qualified, too. Army and Naval War Colleges. The previous administration would have publicized this solely for her skin color. Who are the racists, again?

I wouldn't mind having the girl in the turtleneck in my lap.

No, it's sexist, because women must be believed. You misogynist.

That's racist. No, wait...that's sexist. Yeah, that's it. Sexist.

I feel like he may have been a Nigerian prince not too long ago...

Take that, splice it into 15-amp NM, splice that into BX, hook that up to a 20 amp breaker in a box that somehow - don't ask me how, but an electrician has confirmed - has TWO mains - a 60 and a 40 - coming in from the meter. And a 20 amp breaker for a subpanel in an outbuilding workshop wired for 75 amp. Last time I tried to replace a ceiling light, it took me and a master electrician FOUR HOURS just to figure out how the duplex switches were wired (with a combination of BX and NM, of course).

Zeppelin? Tom Petty's greatest hits. Jesus, you can't even stoner correctly, you idiot.

The greatest satire even-handedly satirizes everyone.

Oof. That's gonna leave a mark.

Conservatives are "racist," but liberals "get accused of racism."

That's racist.

Both of those are freely available, from NASA and NOAA. I have them.

Play the Spice Girls?

Hmmmm...

He'll probably just limit himself to spying on and threatening reporters, like Obama did.

People call him an orange moron.

Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels. So what you're saying is that Trump isn't a scoundrel, he's...innocent?