transient

Wearing your Sunday best McKelvin jersey, pull out the ring and start to take a knee outside in the driveway. Just as she's about to say yes, tear ass up the middle of the driveway and fumble the ring into a sewer grate. When she starts to scream about what an idiot you are and she's just about to throw a beer bottle at you, have her and your families come out of the bushes and spray paint "Will you marry me" on the lawn. Hopefully you're not really an idiot and you knew enough to fumble a fugazi into the drain and keep the real ring safe and sound, but then again you are wearing a McKelvin jersey... Congrats!

I'd throw Tampax at him... probably new and in the applicator, but you never know.

How you doin'? How's about you lose the geezer...

Undotted. Tees? Yep... uncrossed. He's a total handwriting bust who lacks attention to detail. Good thing his second grade class traded down before selecting him, getting an extra second round pick that they parlayed into little Suzy Alonso who won the district spelling bee and became quite the little legend before getting her pigtail caught on an electric fence while running away trying not to get caught passed out in the neighbor's sand box. Wait, what?

Fine. If you want to be Mr. Literal, you could throw 5-6 QBs in Ryan Fitzpatrick's helmet...

This Hartford Whalers coaching moment was brought to you by Nepotism, a new eau de toilette coming soon to stadiums near you.

Even though he's got more guts in his little finger than most of us do in our intestines, including the colon, I'm not sure he's ever really gotten over what happened at Macho Grande.

Methinks you know not of what you speak. This is a horrible injury, especially for a lineman. This is not a sprain. http://www.sportsinjuryclinic.net/sport-injuries/ankle-achilles-shin-pain/dislocated-ankle

Actually, the Pats*' footballs "sing" when they hold them wrong ("you got us, we confess, we videotape practices, we deflate balls, we use cheating formations that need new rules to point out the fact we're obviously cheating, Marcia has hair plugs, Marcia has a vagina, our former tight end was a mass murderer, our current tight end is a blithering idiot...), and then soothe their soulless egos when they hold them correctly ("everybody cheats, anything to win, other teams wish they had what it takes to win at all costs and still sleep at night, what asterisk, Coach Belichick will make it ok, he'll make it all go away, just sign here in blood and everything will be alright...).

If you've cut the top of your skull off, peeled off the protective membrane covering your brain, and drained all of shock absorbing CSF from your head, then yes, lightly slapping your forehead would make your brain do that.

Fixed.

Glenn's extension must have broke the bank.

Phins supply the paraPHINalia, rooks gotta bring their own bud. Practice field, 4:20.

German was drafted by Vikes.

Wouldn't this be more like a Cousins + Cousins thing? I don't see anyone with pre-injury RG III potential on their roster.

Ken O'Brien was actually a decent QB... until you put Marino's #s up for comparison and realize the Jets are stoooooopid.

Is this a knock on his athleticism or his Wonderlic? I've been wracking my brain, and the only reason I can surmise that he'd get gassed from chasing his own QB is because he's an idiot.

It also caters to arsonist fans who want to set the team on fire.

For the last 1-2 years I could have sworn they added a horrible looking tail on the helmet logo, until I saw your post which caused me to look online and realize it's a vent... DOH!

I'm not a fan of Sullivan's grumble pie. Too much BS a la mode for my taste.

Majik... are you sublimininmally suggesting Whale-E bring back Jon Dorenbos?

Sounds like a recipe for a fractured penis.

Only when they ruin the taste of my tuna fish sandwich...

Your 2016 Buffalo Bills: Playoff bound!! (the league provides a cache of complementary tickets to non-participants)