Johnny Hammersticks

I started working in a restaurant when I was 14, and did everything from dishwasher to front end manager. Worked in restaurants until age 30 when my son was born. A couple of quotes I remember that helped me learn the ropes: “You got time to lean, you got time to clean.” Never stand around when it’s slow. Fold napkins, shine silverware, sweep. Whatever. ”Get this f&$&ing order out of my window right now, or me and Rob (the sautée chef) are going to cut holes in your neck and bump d$&ks in the middle.” Chefs are crude, degenerate mofo’s in general, but it pays to stay on their good side. Make sure to get the food out of the window and onto the tables before it “dies” under the heat lamps. Also, when a chef/bartender is in the weeds (busy), don’t pester them. She doesn’t want to learn this lesson the hard way. Finally, there definitely something to be said for a server/busser being overly attentive. She’ll need to find happy medium between being properly attentive and being annoying.

Definitely NSFW Musician/DJ, Dan Deacon, recorded himself commenting while watching TV with the volume turned off. That audio was then synced to a CGI video of a lizard. People claimed he was on LSD while doing so, but he since has denied that. Randomly hilarious.

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A bit blurry, but this one cracks me up every time.

Sadly, Bill Polian has been a train wreck for about 5 years now. Just about everything that comes out of his mouth lately is idiotic. Also, his reasoning for stating that Lamar Jackson should play WR in the NFL instead of QB was that he was “too short.” LJ is 6’3” Time to put Bill out to pasture. https://www.google.com/amp/amp.thecomeback.com/nfl/bill-polian-please-stop-talking.html

What the....?

Ummmm....there’s an incumbent starting QB on the roster. Remember a guy named Flacco? Name another QB from this draft that has a strangle hold on the starting QB position right now. LJ just happens to be ABLE to be involved in the offense in other ways. Stop the hate.

So draft position is the only thing that matters? Say hello to Russell Wilson ?

Fair enough, man. I don’t even like Lamar Jackson as a prospect, but I don’t agree with your Tyrod comparison. You REALLY don’t like LJ. Did he steal your girlfriend or something? ?

Ever watch Tyrod Taylor in college? Lamar Jackson is miles ahead of him in every facet of the game coming out of college.

YOU compared him to Tyrod Taylor. I think that is a bad comparison. I’d say more like Vick than Taylor. Certainly a better passer coming out of college than TT was coming out of VTech. And LJ has improved every season. Thank you.

Well, he can run a lot faster. ? Also, LJ’s arm is a howitzer compared to Peterman’s. Whether or not either of them can be consistently accurate in a NFL game remains to be seen.

He’s a better passer just coming out of college than Tyrod is right now after ample NFL experience. AND he is a far superior athlete. Everybody knows that...

It’s illegal I think. Edit: yeah let’s get a phone doctor’s note for poor Josh and his slow eyes.

Exactly. He is one of the greatest athletes to come out of college football since Vince Young, and he’s an electric playmaker. They’d be crazy to not find a role for him out there. Even if it’s just a few jet sweeps or gadget type plays here and there. Get the ball in his hands, or at least make the defense account for him.

Mouth or rear end. Ahhhh... I'm guessing she's a giver.

I thought sodomy referred specifically to sticking something up someone's back side. No?

Sodomy? Yes please....

Just answer the question, fart boy.

Yikes! Someone needs a Xanax or two.

Crazy! That’s exactly how I met Gugny. Except after that he slowly turned to my wife and said “want to smell my finger?”

Chuck E Cheese is one of the few places that shouldn’t be allowed to serve alcohol. What the hell??

Hey, whatever blows your hair back, fella. If showering in my beautiful guest bathroom is what you’re needing, please wait until after 8am to knock on the door ? Just bring your own soap. I don’t want any foreign short-curlies in my bar of Irish Spring.

Such a time existed?! Come on, man. Next you’ll be spinning tales about unicorns and honest politicians.

I take my kids to the one down in Albany almost every time we have to travel down there. There are always “colorful” types of people (e.g., lots of face tattoos), but never had a negative experience. Except for the pizza, that is.