DC Tom Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 A green snake and a pink elephant walk into a bar one day. The Bartendersays 'You're both early, he's not here yet.' ----------- I don't get this one.... 52436[/snapback] They arrived before the drunk who usually sees them got there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevyVanMiller Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with the birth control pill? A: A trip without the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paco Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 This joke belongs to another waller, but I'll bet he won't mind me lifting it. G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave. Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse!" The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffaloboyinATL Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Did you hear about the Dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He lies awake at night wondering if there is a Dog? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gantrules Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Thanks DC.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gantrules Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 What's Brown and sticky? A stick. Courtesy of the Don & Mike show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 This joke belongs to another waller, but I'll bet he won't mind me lifting it. G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave. Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse!" The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." 52504[/snapback] i read that one on my eq guild's message board. they also had the following: Dan Rather of CBS news was seated next to little Tommy on the plane when Rather turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers." Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to Rather, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know" said Rather. "How about politics? Should we keep Bush as president or elect Kerry?" "OK," said Little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic but let me ask you a question first: a horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out flat patties, and a horse excretes clumps of dried grass. Why do you think that is?" "Jeez!" said Rather. "I have no idea." "Well then," said Little Tommy. "How is it you feel qualified to discuss who should run this country, when you don't know sh*t?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Engineer1 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Wellk, judging from this thread, I guess the answer to the original question is "no." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining >and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. >"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?" >"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied >The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the >truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money." >The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" >His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative. >After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy, what happens to the babies >those ladies have?" >"They become cab drivers!" She replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RkFast Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Ive got a good one: "Trade Henry, Moulds and Spikes!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfmeister Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Ok dammit, I've read that damn thing 4 times and I still don't get it. WTF is the friggin joke? 52351[/snapback] Change "Where's" to "Wears" and see if you GET IT ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Change "Where's" to "Wears" and see if you GET IT ~ 52679[/snapback] Tanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greybeard Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Did you hear about the Dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He lies awake at night wondering if there is a Dog? 52515[/snapback] There are a lot of good jokes here but this one is making me cry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Hansen Forever Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 An old women enters a Baskin Robbins and orders a bowl of Chocolate Ice Cream. The attendant apologizes, and says that they are out of chocolate today, but have 30 other flavors to chose from. The old lady thinks for a second, then orders a large chocolate cone. The attendant, scratches his head, and once again tells her they are out of chocolate ice cream, but have 30 other flavors to chose from. They have banana ripple, peanut butter - chocolate delux, but no chocolate. The old lady thinks again, then orders a medium chocolate shake. The attendant is totally perplexed, and thinks for moment before replying. Excuse me maam, we are out of chocolate ice cream, and there apparently is a communication problem here. I have an idea, can you spell "van" as in vanilla? The old lady replies, of course. V A N! The attendant thanks the lady, and asks her another question: Can you spell "straw" as in strawberry? The lady nods her head, and replies S T R A W! The attendant smiles, and tells her that he has only one question left. Maam, can you spell "!@#$" as in Chocolate? The woman looks at him strangely, and replies....there is no !@#$ in chocolate. The attendant replies "EXACTLY" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Hansen Forever Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 A man is walking by a bar, and hears wonderful piano music coming from within. The man stops and listens for a bit and is amazed with the skill and quality of the music. So curiousity overtakes him, and he looks inside, but doesn't see a piano anywhere. Walking up to the bartender, he asks him about the lovely music. The bartender graps his towel, and snaps it across his shoulder and tells the man to follow him. He leads the man to the back of the bar, and toward a wall with a small door built in it. The bartender opens the door, and has the man gaze within. The man looks inside, and sees a very tiny man, playing a very tiny piano. He is totally amazed, and asks where he found him. The bartender smiles, and tells the man he was wondering around the beach one day, and found an old lantern half buried there. He took the lantern home, and began to polish it up. All of a sudden, POOF! A genie appears. The genie says "I am the genie of the lantern, vhat ever you vish I vill grant you, but only one vish". The bartender thinks for a moment, and poof...the genie granted him the wish. The man is stunned, and amazed at the both the story and the music. The bartender thinks for a bit, then tells the man he keeps the old lantern behind the bar for good luck. He goes over and fetches it to show the man. The man looks it over and is very impressed, and hands it back to the bartender. The bartender tells the man to keep it, since he has already gotten his one wish, there really is no reason to keep it any more. The man politely refuses, telling him he can't take his magic lantern, but the bartender insists. The bartender gives him the lantern, and his towel, and the man starts to polish up the lantern. Once more the genie appears and replies "I am the genie of the lantern, vhat ever you vish, I vill give you, but only one VISH! The man thinks for a moment, and says "I want a million bucks" Poof, the room is full of ducks DUCKS, DUCKS? I ask for a million bucks, and I get a room full of DUCKS? And the bartender says "You actually think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzer32 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 You want to hear a joke....here's one.........Tom Brady not gay!!!!! Ok, heres some. What is the first thing a woman does after being released from The Shelter For Battered Women............................the dishes if she's smart. Why do Brides wear white..............so your dishwasher matches the stove and refrigerator. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes...........nothing, she's already been told twice. Honeslty, I believe in equal rights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigDaddy12 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 To compliment Rayzer's good taste, this is the funniest thing I have heard in a while. Q: What's black and blue, and hates sex? A: The 12 year old boy I have locked in my trunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LewPort71 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves it up and the neutron asks, "How much is that?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "What's wrong pal? You look pretty down." The atom says, "I lost an electron." The bartender asks, "Are you sure?" The atom answers, "I'm positive." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Ive got a good one: "Trade Henry, Moulds and Spikes!" 52678[/snapback] here's another one: mcnally will turn mike williams into a pro bowler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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