Captain Hindsight Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 Without getting to much into the details, I have someone very close to me that appears to be depressed. Many on this board know of my own struggles with depression/anxiety in college and I've been open about them. However, This is the first time that I've been this close to someone that is depressed and I don't know how to help this person. I know the steps that worked for me. Ive suggested those steps but they are very reluctant to seek help. Has anyone ever been in this situation? How can I help them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 they have to want to help themselves, you need to be there to support him/her, don't constantly try and offer to help them, just be there to be a friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Without getting to much into the details, I have someone very close to me that appears to be depressed. Many on this board know of my own struggles with depression/anxiety in college and I've been open about them. However, This is the first time that I've been this close to someone that is depressed and I don't know how to help this person. I know the steps that worked for me. Ive suggested those steps but they are very reluctant to seek help. Has anyone ever been in this situation? How can I help them? I've been on the other side of that situation. And speaking from that experience, the best advice I have is that you can't help them until they want to be helped. True clinical depression is fundamentally introverted and selfish, and there's really no easy and reliable way to break through that from the outside. Believe me, I wish there were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Just reassure them you are always there and they should call or text no matter what day or what time. They need to know they have a relief valve if it gets to be overwhelming. If that happens, be there ASAP for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrags Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Like others have already posted they really have to want to help themselves. I've been depressed before and was able to get myself out of it but I had to want it. Just reassure them that you are and will be there for them when and if needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Hammersticks Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Just reassure them you are always there and they should call or text no matter what day or what time. They need to know they have a relief valve if it gets to be overwhelming. If that happens, be there ASAP for them. This. Yes a depressive disorder does make a person selfish in that they are absorbed in negative thoughts, are pessimistic, and often lose interest in personal relationships and other things that once gave them pleasure. It is also true that treatment, especially cognitive/behavioral therapy, is most effective when the patient is invested and committed. As a friend, however, you need to be involved and let that person know that you are always there for them. And if they are expressing suicidal ideation, or are engaging in acts of self-harm, you need to contact people who have the power/influence to directly intervene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Let them know you are around 24/7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne Cubed Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Having been in a relationship with someone who is/was severely depressed setting the expectation that you are always there can backfire a bit? It's not realistically possible to always be there for them. Things come up, you may be away, not near your phone, you can't drive to see them, etc. If you don't deliver on your promise this can drive the depressed person further into depression by thinking you aren't there for them and have let them down. And it's important that you keep yourself mentally stable because some depressed people can drag you into there feelings. You can say that if there is anything they need you will do the best you can to help. Say that you are there for them, in my experience I would just avoid the word always. Encourage them. Say that you believe in them. In the end they need to feel like they have your support but you aren't there to fix everything for them. I'd say these things are important when dealing with someone who's depressed: 1. Set boundaries. This is important for your own mental health because it's very easy to get overwhelmed when dealing with someone who is depressed and who you care about. 2. Be encouraging. Tell them you believe in them. 3. It's ok to get frustrated because it will be frustrating. 4. Don't tell them to cheer up. 5. The most important thing. Just listen to them. I think that's it although I'm not professional, just from my experience. Really encourage them to seek help and cognitive/behavioral therapy as that seems to help the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted April 12, 2016 Author Share Posted April 12, 2016 Having been in a relationship with someone who is/was severely depressed setting the expectation that you are always there can backfire a bit? It's not realistically possible to always be there for them. Things come up, you may be away, not near your phone, you can't drive to see them, etc. If you don't deliver on your promise this can drive the depressed person further into depression by thinking you aren't there for them and have let them down. And it's important that you keep yourself mentally stable because some depressed people can drag you into there feelings. You can say that if there is anything they need you will do the best you can to help. Say that you are there for them, in my experience I would just avoid the word always. Encourage them. Say that you believe in them. In the end they need to feel like they have your support but you aren't there to fix everything for them. I'd say these things are important when dealing with someone who's depressed: 1. Set boundaries. This is important for your own mental health because it's very easy to get overwhelmed when dealing with someone who is depressed and who you care about. 2. Be encouraging. Tell them you believe in them. 3. It's ok to get frustrated because it will be frustrating. 4. Don't tell them to cheer up. 5. The most important thing. Just listen to them. I think that's it although I'm not professional, just from my experience. Really encourage them to seek help and cognitive/behavioral therapy as that seems to help the most. The bolded has concerned me as well. I would do anything for this person, but admittedly right now I am busy with work and my own life in general. Its hard for to respond to every text/cry for help. Not because I don't want, I just cant. I'm being supportive as much as I can but honestly right now its a little draining. I dont want her to feel abandoned so I just grit my teeth and keep going, but its getting difficult I've told them about my own struggles and how cognitive therapy helped me (and meds to an extent) but she is resistant. Her family (in my unprofessional opinion) could all use this. They all struggle with anxiety and dealing with unknowns, making decisions ect. But they still see the stigma of going to a shrink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Yeah, don't compare your situation to what she is going through..... ...and i'd be remiss to ask, even in sensitive situations like this....... PICS??? (too soon? ) The bolded has concerned me as well. I would do anything for this person, but admittedly right now I am busy with work and my own life in general. Its hard for to respond to every text/cry for help. Not because I don't want, I just cant. I'm being supportive as much as I can but honestly right now its a little draining. I dont want her to feel abandoned so I just grit my teeth and keep going, but its getting difficult I've told them about my own struggles and how cognitive therapy helped me (and meds to an extent) but she is resistant. Her family (in my unprofessional opinion) could all use this. They all struggle with anxiety and dealing with unknowns, making decisions ect. But they still see the stigma of going to a shrink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne Cubed Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 The bolded has concerned me as well. I would do anything for this person, but admittedly right now I am busy with work and my own life in general. Its hard for to respond to every text/cry for help. Not because I don't want, I just cant. I'm being supportive as much as I can but honestly right now its a little draining. I dont want her to feel abandoned so I just grit my teeth and keep going, but its getting difficult I've told them about my own struggles and how cognitive therapy helped me (and meds to an extent) but she is resistant. Her family (in my unprofessional opinion) could all use this. They all struggle with anxiety and dealing with unknowns, making decisions ect. But they still see the stigma of going to a shrink. Yea just be careful with that, I kept getting reminded of the fact that I wasn't able to be there on one occasion. And then it was thrown back in my face when she would get down on herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted April 12, 2016 Author Share Posted April 12, 2016 Yeah, don't compare your situation to what she is going through..... ...and i'd be remiss to ask, even in sensitive situations like this....... PICS??? (too soon? ) Haha I should have guessed pooj would ask for pics. Shes feeling good today. Going to meet her for lunch and she got a job interview request this morning so things starting to go in her favor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sodbuster Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 There's a fine line between being there for someone, and being there too much. I had a friend who became very concerned with me, and it put unnecessary pressure on me, when what I needed most was a little space to work out my issues. Granted, I was already seeing a counselor, so I had the lifeline in case things got bad, but that was enough. All I needed was to know that somebody would be there if I needed them, not that they were always there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Yeah, don't compare your situation to what she is going through..... ...and i'd be remiss to ask, even in sensitive situations like this....... PICS??? (too soon? ) !@#$ing epic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) The bolded has concerned me as well. I would do anything for this person, but admittedly right now I am busy with work and my own life in general. Its hard for to respond to every text/cry for help. Not because I don't want, I just cant. I'm being supportive as much as I can but honestly right now its a little draining. I dont want her to feel abandoned so I just grit my teeth and keep going, but its getting difficult I've told them about my own struggles and how cognitive therapy helped me (and meds to an extent) but she is resistant. Her family (in my unprofessional opinion) could all use this. They all struggle with anxiety and dealing with unknowns, making decisions ect. But they still see the stigma of going to a shrink. There's a difference between "being supportive" and "being always there." Frankly, the latter is likely to be counter-productive, as it can lead to the depressed person having an increased feeling of worthlessness ("I'm so screwed up, I'm runing this other person's life, too.) You have to find the right balance. What is that balance? **** if I know. No one every said this was easy. Edit: One thing that helped my wife was reading Night Falls Fast and An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. It at least helped her understand what I was going through, which helped both of us. I highly recommend reading them. I also recommend you recommend them to her; they'll provide her with a clinical foundation for what she's going through, and let her know she's not alone in suffering it. Edited April 12, 2016 by DC Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punching Bag Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Without getting to much into the details, I have someone very close to me that appears to be depressed. Many on this board know of my own struggles with depression/anxiety in college and I've been open about them. However, This is the first time that I've been this close to someone that is depressed and I don't know how to help this person. I know the steps that worked for me. Ive suggested those steps but they are very reluctant to seek help. Has anyone ever been in this situation? How can I help them? Being depressed and having depression are different things. You can be depressed because things are not going well and that is a natural reaction. I get that way every time I am laid off. Depression is due to brain chemistry being off due to drugs (legal or otherwise), disease/condition or injury. Several in my family have that issue due to medical conditions and I went through it before after some mis-prescribed medication by PA until my system recovered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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