CountryCletus Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Dear Diary, I finally performed my final miracle with getting the Jaguars their 1st win of the season. Mr. Kahn just informed me that the Jaguars will be having a pre-game celebration of my canonization. The players will now have to refer to me as St. Doug or St. Marrone. I am so excited!!! If only Mr. Pegula saw my potential. I beat the Patriots. I am a way better headcoach than Rex. He even blamed the loss on himself...lol. This day couldn't have ended better. Obviously yours, St. Doug Future headcoach of the Jacksonville Jaguars Obviously yours.... HAHAHAHAHAHA Never been so happy that he sold out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike in Horseheads Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Dear Diary... I have a great record against the Patriots just ask me! I beat them last year like nobody does and you lost last week. This week if we lose its the HC fault not St Dougs as I have the keys to victory right up here and I'm not sharing that until halftime because I only need to do 1/2 the job. Over and out from what they will soon call St Doug Fla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jobu Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) Dear Diary, I bet they miss me in Buffalo now. Thank god EJ came through and gave us the game. Cuckolding my wife with that line judge could not have hurt either. If it was not for my foresight and coaching ability the Jaguars never would have had the moxie to pull off an upset of this proportion. I wonder what is next after Sainthood? Since this is my third miracle, am I now in line for Pope? Pope Doug, I like the sound of that. I think I will celebrate by going to to Victoria's Secret and getting some new Pink thongs. I really like the way they feel. Obviously yours, Pope Doug Edited October 26, 2015 by Show Me The Baby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Dear diary, I knew teams would come crawling back, I just had to wait. https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/670953090116395009 My dream job has always been to be head coach of [fill in the blank once I'm hired] and it looks like this off season it will come true. Dougie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike in Horseheads Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Dear Diary... I heard Georgia is interested in me??? I thought Atlanta was doing good but nothing St Doug can't fix! The pleasure was mine... Dougie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Dear Diary, I sure wish Kim would be a little more discreet. She's got a reputation for having a big butt, and everybody knows I left a head coaching gig so that I could spend more of my time in meetings with really big offensive linemen. Even those hacks in Buffalo will eventually put 2 and 2 together, and then the Twitter-verse is gonna blow up just as we're making a play-off push. The fax machines and sat-phones at TMZ will be humming. Why did she have to go and name our love child "Saint?" She must miss me almost as much as the fans and players in Buffalo. I sure hope that Kanye isn't a violent guy. I'm gonna have to keep this under my helmet, even though I didn't put one on my "soldier." Wishing Kim was a little less obvious about it (but I can understand why she couldn't help herself), Saint Doug leader of men and defiler of women Edited December 10, 2015 by ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Dear Diary, I'm the F$#@ing man!!!!!! CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Dear Diary - As this season passes, I can only say one thing: Here's to me getting back in the saddle again. My very own team!!! As you can see, obviously, I am penning this entry in dark green...Go Eagles!! I can't wait to get to work with Jason Peters and the rest of the crew. I always wanted to coach in Phila......*one second, Schefter tweeted me* OK... I obviously always liked the color orange...screw the Eagles...they suck anyways. Now the Browns have cool helmets...orange!!! Sound familiar? Orange is the color of success in my book...wondering when they want me in to interview? I'll knock it outta the park. When I sit down with the GM...or the President, or the owner or the trainer...orr....wait, not sure who is interviewing me, but they'll certainly *one second, Schefter tweeting me again*....ummmmmmm Blue...dark blue and silver is a good color. Yes!!!! I will go back to the City...I will be back in my hometown coaching the Giants. They need my help on that O-Line and I can wow them with my drill Sargent Brooklyn voice. So I best get my plane ticket reserved now...I think I'll sit in first class with the other *Hold on - Schefter Tweet* !@#$ this sucks....OK, composure, composure.... Orange...yes mother !@#$ing Diary, I said Orange...now I can really show them what I can do with a 3-13 team. Big turnaround time just like I did so many other times before..I love orange. I have to get my ticket changed from NY to Cleveland but I love Cleveland...this is my dream job when you really think about *!@#$ing no way...Schefter Tweet again* Son of a B word OK, teal fits me well. Plus I don't have to fly somewhere. I can stay in sunny Florida...Yes, teal is the chosen color....for now Obviously yours, Doug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Dear Diary, Went to the bathroom this morning and realized that in fact, my doesn't stink CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LA Grant Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Dear Diary: I am just sitting here on my bed, crying my eyes out. I can't believe all the hurtful things that have happened to me over the last few days. For one, I was walking down the hall at OBD just to get my things, and Russ Brandon (aka, the Bully) was walking down the hall. He didn't even move out of the way for me; I had to move from HIM. Oooh, I hate that so much!! Then, this Manesh Mehta wrote all those nasty things about me. Why does he want to hate on me like that? He is such an IDIOT. He even spelled "great" like "grate"-- stupid face. I guess I will just have to add the NY Post to my other banned papers (i.e., WGR, Buffalo News, Rochester D&C, Olean Times, Pittsford Daily News, Syracuse Alumni Magazine, Fairport Presbyterian Church Newsletter, bulletin board at Chipotle in Utica, Mike Williams twitter, bb.com). Anyway, after crying into the cool side of my pillow, I gave Uncle Bill a call. He told me not to worry and that I was still "coach of the year" in his book, even though that might mean"assistant line coach of the Jax Jaguars coach of the year." But, obviously, I am not a quitter and I am going to show these guys who's the boss here. Anyway, mom is calling now (we are having stovetop for dinner), so I need to put on a brave face. More later. Yours, St. Dougie I just discovered this thread. Nice work all around. But holy crap! This is crazy that you called this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delete This Account Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Dear Diary: Got to really hand it to myself, not only am I back being a hot candidate again, I snagged an extra bag of nuts on the flight to Cleveland this morning. Probably coulda got a few more freebies, ok? but I was busy preparing my opening remarks for my introductory news conference as head football coach of the Browns. How's this to start off: "North-Central Ohio really reminds me a lot of Central New York." Nailed it. Right there, it makes it sound like I'm one of them. And I know this town, OK? It's got the streets and the avenues and the traffic lights, just like Syracuse. Hey, I can relate, even the team's colors are orange! Best of all, I'm used to rebuilding projects like this. We did it in New Orleans, where I taught Drew Brees to be a star. We did it in Syracuse. And in Buffalo, where I left because, hey, we won. 9-7, ok? And let me tell you -- i'm a straight-shooter, right? -- Gus couldn't thank me any harder about the job I did in Jacksonville. No way, we win two games without me. Now Gus didn't exactly come out and say it, but I know he knows, OK. I saved his job, just like I promised. And now it's time to continue on my legacy. Sure, Pettine tried, but I can't help but say that I didn't warn him. Leaving my side was the worst decision he could'a made. Now we'll show him. STDM p.s. I even brought along my two Pinstripe Bowl championship trophies to show 'em what winning looks like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Dear Diary: Got to really hand it to myself, not only am I back being a hot candidate again, I snagged an extra bag of nuts on the flight to Cleveland this morning. Probably coulda got a few more freebies, ok? but I was busy preparing my opening remarks for my introductory news conference as head football coach of the Browns. How's this to start off: "North-Central Ohio really reminds me a lot of Central New York." Nailed it. Right there, it makes it sound like I'm one of them. And I know this town, OK? It's got the streets and the avenues and the traffic lights, just like Syracuse. Hey, I can relate, even the team's colors are orange! Best of all, I'm used to rebuilding projects like this. We did it in New Orleans, where I taught Drew Brees to be a star. We did it in Syracuse. And in Buffalo, where I left because, hey, we won. 9-7, ok? And let me tell you -- i'm a straight-shooter, right? -- Gus couldn't thank me any harder about the job I did in Jacksonville. No way, we win two games without me. Now Gus didn't exactly come out and say it, but I know he knows, OK. I saved his job, just like I promised. And now it's time to continue on my legacy. Sure, Pettine tried, but I can't help but say that I didn't warn him. Leaving my side was the worst decision he could'a made. Now we'll show him. STDM p.s. I even brought along my two Pinstripe Bowl championship trophies to show 'em what winning looks like. When jw chimes in with a Doug Marrone Diary entry, you know there is no love lost on the patron saint of punting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Dear Diary: Got to really hand it to myself, not only am I back being a hot candidate again, I snagged an extra bag of nuts on the flight to Cleveland this morning. Probably coulda got a few more freebies, ok? but I was busy preparing my opening remarks for my introductory news conference as head football coach of the Browns. How's this to start off: "North-Central Ohio really reminds me a lot of Central New York." Nailed it. Right there, it makes it sound like I'm one of them. And I know this town, OK? It's got the streets and the avenues and the traffic lights, just like Syracuse. Hey, I can relate, even the team's colors are orange! Best of all, I'm used to rebuilding projects like this. We did it in New Orleans, where I taught Drew Brees to be a star. We did it in Syracuse. And in Buffalo, where I left because, hey, we won. 9-7, ok? And let me tell you -- i'm a straight-shooter, right? -- Gus couldn't thank me any harder about the job I did in Jacksonville. No way, we win two games without me. Now Gus didn't exactly come out and say it, but I know he knows, OK. I saved his job, just like I promised. And now it's time to continue on my legacy. Sure, Pettine tried, but I can't help but say that I didn't warn him. Leaving my side was the worst decision he could'a made. Now we'll show him. STDM p.s. I even brought along my two Pinstripe Bowl championship trophies to show 'em what winning looks like. Strong effort.....if you're this good at creative writing you should write for The Buffalo News Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Right there, it makes it sound like I'm one of them. And I know this town, OK? It's got the streets and the avenues and the traffic lights, just like Syracuse. Hey, I can relate, even the team's colors are orange! I don't think Syracuse has any avenues. We do have a boulevard though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delete This Account Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I don't think Syracuse has any avenues. We do have a boulevard though. Dear Diary: Still don't understand why Syracuse City Council is holding up my request to rename State Street to Doug Marrone Way. stdm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Dear Diary: Got to really hand it to myself, not only am I back being a hot candidate again, I snagged an extra bag of nuts on the flight to Cleveland this morning. Probably coulda got a few more freebies, ok? but I was busy preparing my opening remarks for my introductory news conference as head football coach of the Browns. How's this to start off: "North-Central Ohio really reminds me a lot of Central New York." Nailed it. Right there, it makes it sound like I'm one of them. And I know this town, OK? It's got the streets and the avenues and the traffic lights, just like Syracuse. Hey, I can relate, even the team's colors are orange! Best of all, I'm used to rebuilding projects like this. We did it in New Orleans, where I taught Drew Brees to be a star. We did it in Syracuse. And in Buffalo, where I left because, hey, we won. 9-7, ok? And let me tell you -- i'm a straight-shooter, right? -- Gus couldn't thank me any harder about the job I did in Jacksonville. No way, we win two games without me. Now Gus didn't exactly come out and say it, but I know he knows, OK. I saved his job, just like I promised. And now it's time to continue on my legacy. Sure, Pettine tried, but I can't help but say that I didn't warn him. Leaving my side was the worst decision he could'a made. Now we'll show him. STDM p.s. I even brought along my two Pinstripe Bowl championship trophies to show 'em what winning looks like. Wow, it's almost like you studied the man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Dear Diary, IM DA BOMB!!!!!! PEACE Saint Doug (p.s....is there anything hire than a saint?) CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 (edited) Yo Diary, Are you there? It's me, Doug. I'm gonna be a head coach again. The teams are all clamoring over ol' Saint Doug. They probably keep calling at the same time and getting lines crossed, which is why I haven't heard anything yet. I already have my opening line for the first interview. Hi, I'm Douglas Marrone. They say a coach is only as good as his last game. Well, Doug ain't one to brag or nothing, but my last game as head coach I beat Tom Friggin Brady, in friggin Foxboro. I'll be sure to win almost half of the division games for you too." Boom! ol' Dougie's gonna knock it right outta the park. I ain't agreein' to no 4 or 5 year contract. Doug friggin' Marrone doesn't stay nowhere. I'm like Mary Friggin Poppins. Come in, fix ****, and leave. Anyway diary, I gotta go, phone's ringing, it's probably Cleveland or San Francisco. Oh, it was just the pizza guy confirming my order. Obviously I wan't friggin anchovies, I'm an American, ain't I? Well, Pizzas here. Obviously yours, St. Dr. Douglas Marrone Esq. Edited January 8, 2016 by The Real Buffalo Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best Player Available Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Dear diary, Well that was close the Dolphins picked the gasse bag as their new HC. Although it would have been nice to play my old team the Bills Twice a year and put two automatic W's in the win column. obviously then they would be guaranteed 4 losses a year. Since I am the only one to beat the pats recently. i still feel in a sense they deserve Rex. obviously cutting Pears bit them hard. They couldn't even beat my Jags this year. I tried to hand it to them. But no takers. but,the phone is still ringing non-stop. So with the fish HC job filled, i feel it's best and they would agree ( Bills fans) I am out of the AFCE. i also had concerns the Dolphins would trade for Hughes. i hate sitting high priced DE's. nate and I will sit tight today and watch the wildcard games in some comfy beach chairs we scored. Another big shoutout to Terry and Kim for the payout. With the cash I could afford a nice small starter condo on the upper westside. Should I take the G-Men gig. owner of 2 pin stripe bowl wins, and set for life and comfy. obviously life is good for those that know what success tastes like. St. Douglas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snafu Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) Dear diary, Off to see "The Revenant" on IMAX. St.D Edited January 9, 2016 by snafu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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