ExiledInIllinois Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) You'll also recall Santa's comment to Rudolph's father, Donner, upon finding out about his nose: "You should be ashamed of yourself." Now some would argue that Santa was actually talking about Donner's effort to hide Rudolph's nose with some mud, but all evidence is to the contrary based on the truth you cite above. Red nose? No sleigh-pulling. Santa suggests that Donner should be ashamed of himself for giving birth to such a non-conformist. LoL! Good point. Wow... This is really a phucked up story on so many fronts! ;-P Then ontop of it, Mrs. Claus turns Santa into an unfit slob! "Eat Papa eat!" "Can't have a skinny Santa!" Edited November 30, 2013 by ExiledInIllinois Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 LoL! Good point. Wow... This is really a phucked up story on so many fronts! ;-P Then ontop of it, Mrs. Claus turns Santa into an unfit slob! "Eat Papa eat!" "Can't have a skinny Santa!" Can we now safely assume that the obesity epidemic is attributable to Mrs. Claus? We watched her feed C. Cringle like a fatted pig in order for him to be "jolly"; equating a fat elf to having a happy outlook may be what sparked our current health problems - surely the poor fella is diabetic. I feel sorry for him when he goes before the death panels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Can we now safely assume that the obesity epidemic is attributable to Mrs. Claus? We watched her feed C. Cringle like a fatted pig in order for him to be "jolly"; equating a fat elf to having a happy outlook may be what sparked our current health problems - surely the poor fella is diabetic. I feel sorry for him when he goes before the death panels. Not to mention the forcing of elves into servitude who are required to ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee. "We are Santa's Elves" might as well be "Swing low, Sweet Chariot" The whole !@#$ing thing stinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Not to mention the forcing of elves into servitude who are required to ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee. "We are Santa's Elves" might as well be "Swing low, Sweet Chariot" The whole !@#$ing thing stinks. That was some funny ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Santa didn't kick out Rudolph, it was the reindeer coach Comet, that did that. Ralph is cheap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Santa didn't kick out Rudolph, it was the reindeer coach Comet, that did that. Now it is locker room bullying! And the management is covering its azz! Coach Comet Icognito? Ruddy ran away with his queer friend Hermie and hottie Clarice? Where do Yukon Cornelius and The Bumble fit into this twisted mess of a story! Can we now safely assume that the obesity epidemic is attributable to Mrs. Claus? We watched her feed C. Cringle like a fatted pig in order for him to be "jolly"; equating a fat elf to having a happy outlook may be what sparked our current health problems - surely the poor fella is diabetic. I feel sorry for him when he goes before the death panels. Yep! The insulin needle surley looms big over The Jolly One! It is either that or start hitting the Wild Turkey to drown the old battleaxe (Mrs. C) out! I propose a new name for ObamaCare: SantaCare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Yukon Cornelius = evil strip mining company that causes the destruction of the "deep throated pansy lizard" habitat in North America. He uses outdated equipment and methodology (throws pick axe in air and licks the tip to test for mineral deposits) mostly because the Obama EPA makes him comply with Clean Air standards for a freaking dog sled....!@#$s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Yukon Cornelius = evil strip mining company that causes the destruction of the "deep throated pansy lizard" habitat in North America. He uses outdated equipment and methodology (throws pick axe in air and licks the tip to test for mineral deposits) mostly because the Obama EPA makes him comply with Clean Air standards for a freaking dog sled....!@#$s. gotta love Yukon Cornelius ... But how the heck in the arctic does his tongue not freeze to the pick axe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) gotta love Yukon Cornelius ... But how the heck in the arctic does his tongue not freeze to the pick axe? It is all the cheap bourbon in his bloodstream! Pick your poison which one: http://deadspin.com/cheap-bourbons-ranked-1468454287 Edited November 30, 2013 by ExiledInIllinois Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outsidethebox Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 Not to mention the forcing of elves into servitude who are required to ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee. "We are Santa's Elves" might as well be "Swing low, Sweet Chariot" The whole !@#$ing thing stinks. That was the funniest **** I have heard in a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 You know who the really oppressed in this story are? The abominable snowmen! Indigenous bumbles! Next thing that will be happening is Coach Comet and the boys will be naming their team after them: The North Pole Whitefurs Gr8... Now we will have "That Racist Reindeer Team from The North Pole" to contend with! Poor snowmen... Living off the land until some queer dentist removes their teeth and a global warming denier (Yukon Cornelious) pushes them off a cliff, only to bounce then be relegated to a lifelong job as official star puter-oner for those bourgeois elve decorators! Anyway... Speaking of global warming, what's up w/that freak fog snowstorm? Foggy Christmas Eve? I don't know, they say the polar regions will feel the brunt of global warming the most! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 You know who the really oppressed in this story are? The abominable snowmen! Indigenous bumbles! Next thing that will be happening is Coach Comet and the boys will be naming their team after them: The North Pole Whitefurs Gr8... Now we will have "That Racist Reindeer Team from The North Pole" to contend with! Poor snowmen... Living off the land until some queer dentist removes their teeth and a global warming denier (Yukon Cornelious) pushes them off a cliff, only to bounce then be relegated to a lifelong job as official star puter-oner for those bourgeois elve decorators! Anyway... Speaking of global warming, what's up w/that freak fog snowstorm? Foggy Christmas Eve? I don't know, they say the polar regions will feel the brunt of global warming the most! LOL...you raise a lot of interesting points. The "nickname" issue is huge. Bumbles need protection and have feelings as well. You know who is really !@#$ed in this story? The misfit toys....the squirt gun that shoots jelly, the train with square wheels, the polka dot elephant....all of them are relegated to a Siberian hideaway to decompose and/or sit by a campfire made out of cast off Lincoln logs. Talk about a depressing concept. These disabled toys should be included (not segregated from the masses). Teach the choo choo how to move with square wheels...show the squirt gun that having jelly ammo is a "special gift" (especially if a little boy has bread and peanut butter but no preserves). In other words, this island should celebrate shortcomings...not condemn them. Really pisses me off to think about these poor toys...I need to make a donation *cue the Sally Struthers bit and "Wind Beneath My Wings" song* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Nice job guys! Some day, when I have time, I'd like to compile this thread into a "Have Yourself a merry little PPP Christmas"story and get it published. Of course you'll all sue my azz for intellectual content infringement. But then again, any jurist in America would dismiss your claims with a guffaw as soon as they got to the "intellectual" part of your complaint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 LOL...you raise a lot of interesting points. The "nickname" issue is huge. Bumbles need protection and have feelings as well. You know who is really !@#$ed in this story? The misfit toys....the squirt gun that shoots jelly, the train with square wheels, the polka dot elephant....all of them are relegated to a Siberian hideaway to decompose and/or sit by a campfire made out of cast off Lincoln logs. Talk about a depressing concept. These disabled toys should be included (not segregated from the masses). Teach the choo choo how to move with square wheels...show the squirt gun that having jelly ammo is a "special gift" (especially if a little boy has bread and peanut butter but no preserves). In other words, this island should celebrate shortcomings...not condemn them. Really pisses me off to think about these poor toys...I need to make a donation *cue the Sally Struthers bit and "Wind Beneath My Wings" song* Different era. That's when our society simply locked away the disabled. Thank progressive Rudolph for sending them to group homes! WOW! LoL... I really did forgot about those sorry phucks! So many sub-stories crammed into that 1964 TV special, amazing they did it all in 55 minutes! It blows the social doors off Linus van Pelt's speech (a year later) in that "other" Christmas special! Even if Chuck and his gang were only given 25 minutes! Oh... You wonder why clocks don't work in the gov't... Made by Skilcraft: "In 1938, President Roosevelt signed the Wagner-O'Day Act which directed the government to purchase products manufactured by blind Americans. In 1971, Senator Jacob Javits introduced legislation extending the act to severely handicapped individuals. Today, known as the Javits-Wagner-O'Day Act, this legislation is implemented by The Committee for Purchase from People who are Blind or Severely Disabled, an independent federal agency. The Committee for Purchase has designated the National Industries for the Blind (NIB) and NISH to be the two central, non-profit organizations which coordinate government acquisitions from hundreds of independent organizations for the blind and severely handicapped." And coincidence that the Rudolph book comes out in 1939? Hmmmm... FU Ruddy and your misfits! Progressives Bad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdog1960 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 late to the party but if not already mentioned, burl ives was named a communist and testified in front of the huac so he could go back to work. maybe "red nose" had a deeper meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 late to the party but if not already mentioned, burl ives was named a communist and testified in front of the huac so he could go back to work. maybe "red nose" had a deeper meaning. Unfortunately, this made the cutting room floor... This was supposed to be Sam the Snowman's main scene to Santa and all his stinking elves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrader Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 What about the Oedipus complex that Santa has going, constantly calling the wife "mama"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 What about the Oedipus complex that Santa has going, constantly calling the wife "mama"? Yeah. Santa can't use the excuse that he has children... Then he might be able to pull it off. Does Santa have any children? History has been very silent on this. Maybe if Blitzen didn't kick a young Claus in the nuts he would of had them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Yeah. Santa can't use the excuse that he has children... Then he might be able to pull it off. Does Santa have any children? History has been very silent on this. Maybe if Blitzen didn't kick a young Claus in the nuts he would of had them. Of course he doesn't. Kids belong to the community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdog1960 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 maybe a bit far flung http://open.salon.com/blog/colleenclaes/2010/01/07/rudolph_the_red-nosed_commie but within the realm of possibility. hermie? really? nah.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts