Anyone else in recovery?

[Steely Dan]

Have a kid. You won't have time for drinking....or anything else.

 

Seriously....good luck.

 

Yeah, but that should require a wife and then the whole drinking motivation begins again.

[bbb]

Hi my name is mead107 and I love to drink wine . (SORRY, I had to do it )

 

 

My dad was an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis of the liver . He did AA a few times . GE even sent him away to dry out twice , never worked for him . I think that was because he never really wanted to admit that he was that bad about drinking so much .

 

You are going to have to make some big lifestyle changes .If you are going to make it work stay away from the people that you drink with and as most others have said get involved with some other activity.

 

Good luck to you .

 

I may be the exception, although my best friend in AA is exactly the same way, but I had very little lifestyle change. I still hang out with the same friends, do the same things, etc. - I just don't drink..........And, all the friends I hang out with (except my new ones in AA) drink, some very heavily. I told them my deal, we made a joke about if they see me going for a drink, they have to punch me in the face, and it's worked for 14 years. (The joke is getting kind of old now!) It's just not an issue. I hope his friends are as cool as mine are.

 

Concerts, parties, games - you name it. I do it. Now, if your lifestyle is hanging out in crackhouses, that may have to change. And, if you basically live in a bar right now, that should change. You'll be able to go into bars, but not make it your lifestyle. Although, I have a good friend in AA who owns a bar and is with alcohol all day every day, and stays sober.

[bbb]

First off, IMO, is that you're more than ready to quit if you're posting about it here. Take the initiative and keep at it.

 

One suggestion I've had, for friends who smoke only, is to take a jar and put the money you'd normally spend on your vice into it every week. Then after a year spend it on something you want not on something you need. Watching that money accumulate will show you how much money you've wasted and give you a goal to reach for.

 

 

 

He's right, IMO, avoid AA. You're much better off with a program like his wife's because they are there to help not convert.

 

Penn and Teller's BS on twelve step programs;

 

Part one. NSFW

 

Part two

 

Part three

 

AA after one year has a 5% success rate.

 

 

 

 

IMO, you're an alcoholic. JMO

 

Gomper's life is literally at stake here, and I don't think posting youtube videos made by some guys who have never had a drink is very helpful. How would they know anything about what he is going through.

 

I have no idea what AA's success rate is. I suspect poor, if you count every person who ever walked in a door, probably court mandated at that.............But, for those who really want to quit, and do the work, it is quite high.

 

Each year, we have a big book study and start out with about 12-13 guys. And, within that one year, one or two end up drinking. So, out of the guys who are willing to put in the work (the lifestyle change alluded to above is not so much in what you do for fun, but in what goes on in your head - the alcohol is just a symptom of the deeper issues), my expereince is over 85% success. And, even the ones who did drink, they then have stuck with the program and now are sober since that relapse. So, I would call that success that is close to 100%.

[The Dean]

I have no idea what AA's success rate is. I suspect poor, if you count every person who ever walked in a door, probably court mandated at that.............But, for those who really want to quit, and do the work, it is quite high.

 

 

I'd guess you are right, there. AA certainly works for millions of people. The reason I posted alternatives is, it isn't right for everyone, and you rarely hear about anything other than AA. People who are wary of AA, or who have tried it unsuccessfully, should know it isn't the ONLY resource available to them. But if you aren't serious about quitting, and willing to put in the work, no method is likely to be successful.

 

As for hanging around people who drink, when you are trying to quit, I'd say it depends on you, and the friends you hang with.

 

I have a friend who quits drinking during Lent, every year. Doesn't bother me one bit. If we are out, I drink, he doesn't. Who cares? I actually sort of like having a sober person around to talk to...and to drive.

 

He has other friends who lobby him to drink when they are together, though. It is as if they aren't happy if he isn't drinking. I think you have to avoid those kinds of friends if you are trying to quit.

 

I know some people "on the wagon" who are uncomfortable to be around booze, or drinkers. If you are one of them, you probably need to find a new group of friends. It is fine to ask your friends to be comfortable with your abstinence, and to allow you to do your thing. It isn't acceptable to ask your friends to not drink in your company, IMO. A good friend will adjust his/her behavior, when possible, to help you be comfortable, but don't expect them to become abstinent just because you are.

[bbb]

I'd guess you are right, there. AA certainly works for millions of people. The reason I posted alternatives is, it isn't right for everyone, and you rarely hear about anything other than AA. People who are wary of AA, or who have tried it unsuccessfully, should know it isn't the ONLY resource available to them. But if you aren't serious about quitting, and willing to put in the work, no method is likely to be successful.

 

As for hanging around people who drink, when you are trying to quit, I'd say it depends on you, and the friends you hang with.

 

I have a friend who quits drinking during Lent, every year. Doesn't bother me one bit. If we are out, I drink, he doesn't. Who cares? I actually sort of like having a sober person around to talk to...and to drive.

 

He has other friends who lobby him to drink when they are together, though. It is as if they aren't happy if he isn't drinking. I think you have to avoid those kinds of friends if you are trying to quit.

 

I know some people "on the wagon" who are uncomfortable to be around booze, or drinkers. If you are one of them, you probably need to find a new group of friends. It is fine to ask your friends to be comfortable with your abstinence, and to allow you to do your thing. It isn't acceptable to ask your friends to not drink in your company, IMO. A good friend will adjust his/her behavior, when possible, to help you be comfortable, but don't expect them to become abstinent just because you are.

 

Dean - I agree 100% with every word you said.

[DrFishfinder]

Gomper's life is literally at stake here, and I don't think posting youtube videos made by some guys who have never had a drink is very helpful. How would they know anything about what he is going through.

 

I have no idea what AA's success rate is. I suspect poor, if you count every person who ever walked in a door, probably court mandated at that.............But, for those who really want to quit, and do the work, it is quite high.

 

Each year, we have a big book study and start out with about 12-13 guys. And, within that one year, one or two end up drinking. So, out of the guys who are willing to put in the work (the lifestyle change alluded to above is not so much in what you do for fun, but in what goes on in your head - the alcohol is just a symptom of the deeper issues), my expereince is over 85% success. And, even the ones who did drink, they then have stuck with the program and now are sober since that relapse. So, I would call that success that is close to 100%.

Every AA person I ever spoke with, that had at least one year of sobriety and relapsed, said the same 5 words.

 

I

stopped

going

to

meetings.

 

Every single one....young, old, male, female....without exception.

 

The success rate for AA is generally accepted to be about 5%. That's not very good, except for the 5% who have managed to stay sober. I suspect, that like most things in life, a person will get out of AA (or any other addiction related program) what they put into it.

[thebug]

Good luck to you man! You can do it and kudos to the folks with some really good responses to this thread. This is obviously important to the OP and your willingness to help is nice to see.

 

GO BILLS!

[Fezmid]

So, I would call that success that is close to 100%.

You're basing these "statistics" on a sample size of 12-13 people....?

[bbb]

You're basing these "statistics" on a sample size of 12-13 people....?

 

Where the hell am I expounding this into a scientific sample study, saying I have statistics. I said I don't know the statistics. I'm telling you my experience.

[tennesseeboy]

Every few years Alcoholics Anonymous does a survey of its members. In 1992, a random survey of 6,500 A.A. members in both the United States and Canada revealed that 35 percent were sober for more than five years; 34 percent were sober from between one and five years; and 31 percent were sober for less than one year. The average time sobriety of members is more than five years. According to A.A. World services, the survey is designed to provide information to the professional community and the general public as part of its purpose to carry the message of recovery to those who still suffer from alcoholism. For more information about Alcoholics Anonymous, write to A.A. World Services

 

Got that from a Betty Ford website. I always wondered what "success" was. Someone quits for a year sounds like a success to me.

 

I agree with Dean that there are alternatives, but AA generally seems to be a very good option.

[Gordio]

I used to have drinking habits very similar to yours. Never an everyday drinker,never let it interfere with work or family,but still drank way more than what is healthy. If you're like me,you probably handle your alcohol very well and even after 8 or 10 beers,no one can really tell. I always said there was no real reason to quit so I didn't,even tho I knew it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. Then one morning after a night of moderate (6 pack) drinking I started feeling ill. So bad that I went to the ER. My blood pressure was off the charts. Doc gave me blood pressure medication and told me I needed to change my lifestyle. So I did,and that included stopping drinking. It's easy to stop when you have a reason to. Sometimes God just needs to give you a wakeup call. I hope the OP finds his reason to quit.

 

 

Yeah I could respect that. I have often been called a fun drunk, never getting nasty with anybody so I guess my wife has put up with it all these years. She has asked me to quit a couple times but I have always refused. She does not ride me to much as I drank like this before we got married so she definately knew what she was getting into & like I said I never really cause any problems when I am drinking, since I have had my son 5 yrs ago, I could probably count the times on my one hand that have drove while being intoxicated. I am not trying to justify my lifestyle, as if I was honest specially with 2 kids now I would be the first one to say I should tone it down on the drinking, the problem is it is so much fun. You have me pegged perfectly with 8-10 beers noone know I am even drinking. The health is good, just got some extra life insurance on myself & blood tests & everything came out great. Blood pressure was fine. I am probably about 15-20 pnds overweight(I am 6ft about 215) but who isnt at my age(I am 36) which I would probably lose if I stopped drinking. I never go to hard stuff, always stick with the beer. If it ever does come down to a health issue with me, I will try my best to quit if not for me for my kids.

[Just Jack]

Got that from a Betty Ford website. I always wondered what "success" was. Someone quits for a year sounds like a success to me.

Success is one day without a drink.

[Simon]

One of my oldest and closest friends finally admitted he had a problem this winter and let us help him get into a rehab. He did good coming out but then had a relapse.

He was dead within 2 weeks.

Left behind two kids under the age of 12.

Dead. In 2 weeks.

 

Stop fu(king drinking.

[Jim in Anchorage]

Success is one day without a drink.

With me it was more like a hour. Was in a work situation where the 10 AM coffee truck meant crack open a beer. Got a DWI[1994] and that was it for me.

[Chef Jim]

One of my oldest and closest friends finally admitted he had a problem this winter and let us help him get into a rehab. He did good coming out but then had a relapse.

He was dead within 2 weeks.

Left behind two kids under the age of 12.

Dead. In 2 weeks.

 

Stop fu(king drinking.

 

Holy shiit. You know, that's what got me to quit. I was working at a restaurant in Beverly Hills. Drank like a fish every day...EVERY day. Then one day the Chef of one of our sister restaurants passes out at work, three weeks later.....dead. They all said he drank like a fish every day. Scared me straight. But 10 years later I start with this firm and I go off the wagon but relatively controlled. Friday nights the wife and I go out for happy hour sometimes it's two drinks, sometimes four but I know when to say when. Saturdays we cook and drink together sometimes we over do it and sometimes we only have two but either way it's fun and we really enjoy eachother's company . During the week...no desire. Here it is 8:30pm on Monday and it's the farthest thing from my mind. I really feel for people that have to go to meetings and have their sponsor on speed dial. That's gotta suck.

[Lori]

The first step was to recognize there was a problem. The next is to work your way through it. I'm not in your position, so I don't have any specific advice ... but I can tell you to remember that you're not the only one going through this. Here's another one:

Columnist, others know what's being thrown at Texas Rangers' Hamilton

 

You and Cowlishaw both had the guts to discuss this in public. To me, that's a sign of strength, not powerlessness. Use that strength to your advantage, one day at a time.

 

Good luck.

[The Dean]

The first step was to recognize there was a problem. The next is to work your way through it. I'm not in your position, so I don't have any specific advice ... but I can tell you to remember that you're not the only one going through this. Here's another one:

Columnist, others know what's being thrown at Texas Rangers' Hamilton

 

You and Cowlishaw both had the guts to discuss this in public. To me, that's a sign of strength, not powerlessness. Use that strength to your advantage, one day at a time.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Great read, Lori. Thanks.

[JoeFerguson]

Yeah I could respect that. I have often been called a fun drunk, never getting nasty with anybody so I guess my wife has put up with it all these years. She has asked me to quit a couple times but I have always refused. She does not ride me to much as I drank like this before we got married so she definately knew what she was getting into & like I said I never really cause any problems when I am drinking, since I have had my son 5 yrs ago, I could probably count the times on my one hand that have drove while being intoxicated. I am not trying to justify my lifestyle, as if I was honest specially with 2 kids now I would be the first one to say I should tone it down on the drinking, the problem is it is so much fun. You have me pegged perfectly with 8-10 beers noone know I am even drinking. The health is good, just got some extra life insurance on myself & blood tests & everything came out great. Blood pressure was fine. I am probably about 15-20 pnds overweight(I am 6ft about 215) but who isnt at my age(I am 36) which I would probably lose if I stopped drinking. I never go to hard stuff, always stick with the beer. If it ever does come down to a health issue with me, I will try my best to quit if not for me for my kids.

 

What's worse, one shot of whiskey, or 8-10 beers? If you can't just have one beer, I think that means you're an alcoholic.

[BuffaloBill]

I'd guess you are right, there. AA certainly works for millions of people. The reason I posted alternatives is, it isn't right for everyone, and you rarely hear about anything other than AA. People who are wary of AA, or who have tried it unsuccessfully, should know it isn't the ONLY resource available to them. But if you aren't serious about quitting, and willing to put in the work, no method is likely to be successful.

 

As for hanging around people who drink, when you are trying to quit, I'd say it depends on you, and the friends you hang with.

 

I have a friend who quits drinking during Lent, every year. Doesn't bother me one bit. If we are out, I drink, he doesn't. Who cares? I actually sort of like having a sober person around to talk to...and to drive.

 

He has other friends who lobby him to drink when they are together, though. It is as if they aren't happy if he isn't drinking. I think you have to avoid those kinds of friends if you are trying to quit.

 

I know some people "on the wagon" who are uncomfortable to be around booze, or drinkers. If you are one of them, you probably need to find a new group of friends. It is fine to ask your friends to be comfortable with your abstinence, and to allow you to do your thing. It isn't acceptable to ask your friends to not drink in your company, IMO. A good friend will adjust his/her behavior, when possible, to help you be comfortable, but don't expect them to become abstinent just because you are.

 

 

Well said

[Fewell733]

AA dramatically improved the lives of several members of my family over the course of 30 years. I'm personally not into the religious aspect of it, and I'm not sure they were either, but I'll always be appreciative for the work AA does.

 

 

Gordio, I know that when I'm watching a Bills game at a bar I'll drink nervously and before I know it I've had way more than I had planned, though nothing like 12 to 15 beers. I don't know if that is any part of your issue, but perhaps even just alternating beer and water or some other nonalcoholic beverage when watching a game. could make a huge difference in the number you're drinking. Or maybe try loading the fridge with ales or something really heavy where it would be tough to drink more than 5. I guess it may be the difference if you're drinking to drink something, or drinking to try and get drunk. If its the former this might help, if its the latter I doubt it will.

[Cheeseburger_in_paradise]

A.A. can't hurt. It may not end up being right for you, but you may still get some good from it. A 12 step program can be awesome. But it can be hard work, because it often seems to run counter to what society drills into our heads. As has been pointed out, there are lots of good alternatives. There is even an organization called M.M., which is about moderation. And there is no reason you can't take several approaches at once. I kind of like Al-Anon, because you can still do a 12 step program, there are more chicks, and you can still drink. DO NOT do a 12 step program by yourself, without a sponsor. I'm reminded of the guy who decided to make amends (step 9) to a women he date raped in college 20 years earlier, by writing a letter of apology. She turned it over to the police, and he went to prison. A sponsor would have prevented that. Anyway, just know...that you are not alone. One more thing, A.A. really is a great organization to be involved with. Some people pretend to be alcoholics just to be there.

[ExiledInIllinois]

A.A. can't hurt. It may not end up being right for you, but you may still get some good from it. A 12 step program can be awesome. But it can be hard work, because it often seems to run counter to what society drills into our heads. As has been pointed out, there are lots of good alternatives. There is even an organization called M.M., which is about moderation. And there is no reason you can't take several approaches at once. I kind of like Al-Anon, because you can still do a 12 step program, there are more chicks, and you can still drink. DO NOT do a 12 step program by yourself, without a sponsor. I'm reminded of the guy who decided to make amends (step 9) to a women he date raped in college 20 years earlier, by writing a letter of apology. She turned it over to the police, and he went to prison. A sponsor would have prevented that. Anyway, just know...that you are not alone. One more thing, A.A. really is a great organization to be involved with. Some people pretend to be alcoholics just to be there.

 

 

WOW! I guess he made amends! Oh, boy!

 

Mental note: Skip Step 9!

[Cheeseburger_in_paradise]

WOW! I guess he made amends! Oh, boy!

 

Mental note: Skip Step 9!

 

(9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

In other words, Don't try this at home, all by yourself. Or two or three heads are better than one. One of the points to all this is to use the wisdom, experience, and help from others. And besides that, making amends is not about apologizing.

[ExiledInIllinois]

(9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

In other words, Don't try this at home, all by yourself. Or two or three heads are better than one. One of the points to all this is to use the wisdom, experience, and help from others. And besides that, making amends is not about apologizing.

 

Ya, I know what you mean. The guy probably sobered up in jail... Yikes!!!

[bbb]

Holy shiit. You know, that's what got me to quit. I was working at a restaurant in Beverly Hills. Drank like a fish every day...EVERY day. Then one day the Chef of one of our sister restaurants passes out at work, three weeks later.....dead. They all said he drank like a fish every day. Scared me straight. But 10 years later I start with this firm and I go off the wagon but relatively controlled. Friday nights the wife and I go out for happy hour sometimes it's two drinks, sometimes four but I know when to say when. Saturdays we cook and drink together sometimes we over do it and sometimes we only have two but either way it's fun and we really enjoy eachother's company . During the week...no desire. Here it is 8:30pm on Monday and it's the farthest thing from my mind. I really feel for people that have to go to meetings and have their sponsor on speed dial. That's gotta suck.

 

It is my belief that you were a very hard drinker, but not an alcoholic. You can't scare an alcoholic straight. It's in the hard wiring - we'll drink anyway. That's why it's genetic, too - it's got a lot to do with brain chemistry. And, will power will not do it, either. It's just too powerful - you can have a mountain of evidence why not to drink (or drug, etc) like you did, and the brain shuts that off, and you still do it.

 

For the record, going to meetings and talking to my sponsor absolutely does not suck. As somebody said above, some people who aren't even alchoholics join so they are in the group. Meetings can sometimes to be boring, but if you go to the right ones, they're usually good for some real good laughs, and you almost always come away glad you went.

 

As for my sponsor. He's actually one of my best friends. I actually don't call him enough. Maybe once a week, but I know he'd be there if I really needed him.........But, whenever we do talk, we never even talk about alcohol - it's always about concerts, games, chicks, etc............He stopped over yesterday for about 20 minutes to pick up his tickets for the phish show and a few other concerts, and all we did for 20 minutes was laugh our heads off. Yeah, that does not suck!

 

And, I had the same preconceived notions that it all sucked, too.

[The Dean]

It is my belief that you were a very hard drinker, but not an alcoholic.

 

That all depends on how one defines "alcoholic". Unless it happened very recently, there really isn't one accepted definition of just about any addiction.

 

For some, it has to do with the consequences of your drinking: Does it hurt your relationships, job, ability to make good decisions, etc...

 

For others it has to do with the ability to control your drinking. In other words, if you always drink enough to get drunk when you drink, you are an alcoholic.

 

I've also seen it described in terms of how often and how much you consume.

 

But in the way I would likely define it, you are probably correct about Chef.

[DrFishfinder]

That all depends on how one defines "alcoholic". Unless it happened very recently, there really isn't one accepted definition of just about any addiction.

 

For some, it has to do with the consequences of your drinking: Does it hurt your relationships, job, ability to make good decisions, etc...

 

For others it has to do with the ability to control your drinking. In other words, if you always drink enough to get drunk when you drink, you are an alcoholic.

 

I've also seen it described in terms of how often and how much you consume.

 

But in the way I would likely define it, you are probably correct about Chef.

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are you are right. Your thought processes are already heading down that path.

[Steely Dan]

A.A. can't hurt. It may not end up being right for you, but you may still get some good from it. A 12 step program can be awesome. But it can be hard work, because it often seems to run counter to what society drills into our heads. As has been pointed out, there are lots of good alternatives. There is even an organization called M.M., which is about moderation. And there is no reason you can't take several approaches at once. I kind of like Al-Anon, because you can still do a 12 step program, there are more chicks, and you can still drink. DO NOT do a 12 step program by yourself, without a sponsor. I'm reminded of the guy who decided to make amends (step 9) to a women he date raped in college 20 years earlier, by writing a letter of apology. She turned it over to the police, and he went to prison. A sponsor would have prevented that. Anyway, just know...that you are not alone. One more thing, A.A. really is a great organization to be involved with. Some people pretend to be alcoholics just to be there.

 

 

WOW! I guess he made amends! Oh, boy!

 

Mental note: Skip Step 9!

 

I can't believe you guys don't think he did the right thing. If he had raped your wife, sister or mother I think your ideas about his confession and the consequences would be a lot different. It took a lot of courage to do what he did. He obviously traumatized this woman so much that it wasn't a; "well thank you we'll let bygones be bygones." kinda thing. IIRC, I saw a story on this and just reading the letter made her extremely upset. It had been a crime against her that really affected her life up to, and I'm very sure, after that confession. She probably has more closure now than if he never wrote her.

 

He's an effmo who got what he deserved and his conscience should be clearer now. JMO

[Fezmid]

I can't believe you guys don't think he did the right thing. If he had raped your wife, sister or mother I think your ideas about his confession and the consequences would be a lot different. It took a lot of courage to do what he did. He obviously traumatized this woman so much that it wasn't a; "well thank you we'll let bygones be bygones." kinda thing. IIRC, I saw a story on this and just reading the letter made her extremely upset. It had been a crime against her that really affected her life up to, and I'm very sure, after that confession. She probably has more closure now than if he never wrote her.

 

He's an effmo who got what he deserved and his conscience should be clearer now. JMO

 

I agree 100%.

[Ramius]

Interesting topic. I really do not consider myself an achoholic. I do not ever come home from work & crack a beer open, never drink during the week, never let it effect how I am to my son or my recently born daughter. My wife says I have a problem. She calls me a binge achoholic. See I can not just have one or two beers,(part of the reason I will never touch a beer during the work week). If I drink one beer I really have to have at least 12-15 beers. I can not stop. That is why I usually save my drinking for Saturdays & Sundays during football season. The other thing she gets mad about is often times, especially during college football season I will go down in the basement & watch the football games & drink by myself. Sometimes a friend or 2 will come over but I am at the age now where all my friends have families & we do not see each other nearly as much as we did 3, 4 or 5 years ago. My son is at an age now where(5 years old)where I will bring him down in the clubhouse(the basement) on a saturday & we will watch college football all day. We will play mini basketball down there & watch the games & have alot of fun. I know it is not the best influence on him but hey what are you going to do, it is still quality time we are spending together & he really likes it.

 

I am not judging anybody as everybody has their demons so to speak in life. Good luck to the OP, it has got be difficult quitting. Although, from the sounds of it, I do not drink as much as you, I do not know if I could do it or not. & alot of posters, if they are really honest with themselves probably could not quit either. Imagine going to a bills tailgate & not drinking. I would rather not even go.

 

Careful Gordio. Not being able to stop is a big sign of a problem. Alcoholism isn't limited to those that drink daily.

[Cheeseburger_in_paradise]

I can't believe you guys don't think he did the right thing. If he had raped your wife, sister or mother I think your ideas about his confession and the consequences would be a lot different. It took a lot of courage to do what he did. He obviously traumatized this woman so much that it wasn't a; "well thank you we'll let bygones be bygones." kinda thing. IIRC, I saw a story on this and just reading the letter made her extremely upset. It had been a crime against her that really affected her life up to, and I'm very sure, after that confession. She probably has more closure now than if he never wrote her.

 

He's an effmo who got what he deserved and his conscience should be clearer now. JMO

 

He did the steps program incorrectly was my only point. You should look into whether there might be a "jump to conclusions anonymous" club. But first you have to admit the problem.

[Chef Jim]

It is my belief that you were a very hard drinker, but not an alcoholic. You can't scare an alcoholic straight. It's in the hard wiring - we'll drink anyway. That's why it's genetic, too - it's got a lot to do with brain chemistry. And, will power will not do it, either. It's just too powerful - you can have a mountain of evidence why not to drink (or drug, etc) like you did, and the brain shuts that off, and you still do it.

 

For the record, going to meetings and talking to my sponsor absolutely does not suck. As somebody said above, some people who aren't even alchoholics join so they are in the group. Meetings can sometimes to be boring, but if you go to the right ones, they're usually good for some real good laughs, and you almost always come away glad you went.

 

As for my sponsor. He's actually one of my best friends. I actually don't call him enough. Maybe once a week, but I know he'd be there if I really needed him.........But, whenever we do talk, we never even talk about alcohol - it's always about concerts, games, chicks, etc............He stopped over yesterday for about 20 minutes to pick up his tickets for the phish show and a few other concerts, and all we did for 20 minutes was laugh our heads off. Yeah, that does not suck!

 

And, I had the same preconceived notions that it all sucked, too.

 

You know you're not the first person that said seeing I was able to quit on my own I was not an alcoholic. She was in AA too. Don't take this the wrong way, but they've got you brainwashed. I drank every day, not one, not a couple but to get drunk...EVERY day. Couldn't control it. I'd stop by the liquor store (and this was after a few beers at work) and pick up a pint of vodka. Down it in the car in the garage before I walked in the house and then proceeded to drink at least a six pack more. Remember every day! But I quit cold turkey. I've got a very strong personality (no kidding) and no one was going to tell me what I couldn't do. Only I'm in charge of that...and I did it. Now you may think that seeing I'm able to drink "socially" today that proves that I'm not an alcoholic. Well let me tell you, my wife was out of town last week so I had no one to "report" to. Yeah I'm an alcoholic but currently only Friday night and Saturday.

 

And during Bills games? I don't drink on Sundays. Work is waaaay too important for me to drink when I have to work the next day.

[The Dean]

You know you're not the first person that said seeing I was able to quit on my own I was not an alcoholic. She was in AA too. Don't take this the wrong way, but they've got you brainwashed. I drank every day, not one, not a couple but to get drunk...EVERY day. Couldn't control it. I'd stop by the liquor store (and this was after a few beers at work) and pick up a pint of vodka. Down it in the car in the garage before I walked in the house and then proceeded to drink at least a six pack more. Remember every day! But I quit cold turkey. I've got a very strong personality (no kidding) and no one was going to tell me what I couldn't do. Only I'm in charge of that...and I did it. Now you may think that seeing I'm able to drink "socially" today that proves that I'm not an alcoholic. Well let me tell you, my wife was out of town last week so I had no one to "report" to. Yeah I'm an alcoholic but currently only Friday night and Saturday.

 

And during Bills games? I don't drink on Sundays. Work is waaaay too important for me to drink when I have to work the next day.

 

 

It all does to how you define "alcoholic", of course. You are obviously functional. If you are also an alcoholic, so what? If your binging on Friday and Saturday causes problems, blackouts, arrests, fights, etc. Well, then I might not say "so what?" But if the alcohol isn't negatively impacting your job, relationships, freedom, etc...I don't see it is a major issue. Unless you do, of course.

[tennesseeboy]

I think the test cited earlier will pretty much set forth whether you "might" be an alchoholic and is pretty much accepted. The medical definition seems to be whether or not you go through withdrawal when you try to quit. The first test seems to be too inclusive, and the second too restrictive. I figure if the wife and others think you drink too much, you black out on occassion and you haven't been able to quit or moderate on your own you probably need help. AA is fine, but there are lots of in patient and out patient programs. Admitting there is a problem is a HUGE first step.

[bbb]

You know you're not the first person that said seeing I was able to quit on my own I was not an alcoholic. She was in AA too. Don't take this the wrong way, but they've got you brainwashed. I drank every day, not one, not a couple but to get drunk...EVERY day. Couldn't control it. I'd stop by the liquor store (and this was after a few beers at work) and pick up a pint of vodka. Down it in the car in the garage before I walked in the house and then proceeded to drink at least a six pack more. Remember every day! But I quit cold turkey. I've got a very strong personality (no kidding) and no one was going to tell me what I couldn't do. Only I'm in charge of that...and I did it. Now you may think that seeing I'm able to drink "socially" today that proves that I'm not an alcoholic. Well let me tell you, my wife was out of town last week so I had no one to "report" to. Yeah I'm an alcoholic but currently only Friday night and Saturday.

 

And during Bills games? I don't drink on Sundays. Work is waaaay too important for me to drink when I have to work the next day.

 

Now why would I possibly take that the wrong way?

[bbb]

You know you're not the first person that said seeing I was able to quit on my own I was not an alcoholic. She was in AA too. Don't take this the wrong way, but they've got you brainwashed. I drank every day, not one, not a couple but to get drunk...EVERY day. Couldn't control it. I'd stop by the liquor store (and this was after a few beers at work) and pick up a pint of vodka. Down it in the car in the garage before I walked in the house and then proceeded to drink at least a six pack more. Remember every day! But I quit cold turkey. I've got a very strong personality (no kidding) and no one was going to tell me what I couldn't do. Only I'm in charge of that...and I did it. Now you may think that seeing I'm able to drink "socially" today that proves that I'm not an alcoholic. Well let me tell you, my wife was out of town last week so I had no one to "report" to. Yeah I'm an alcoholic but currently only Friday night and Saturday.

 

And during Bills games? I don't drink on Sundays. Work is waaaay too important for me to drink when I have to work the next day.

 

BTW, what do you consider yourself? An alcoholic, not an alcoholic, formerly an alcoholic but no longer because you can now drink?

[Fan in Chicago]

Long story short my drinking career has reached massive levels and I couldn't handle it anymore. Started going to AA. Anyone have advice on how to stay sober? Please no wise cracks. Anything would help. Thanks.

 

First of all - congratulations on admitting the problem. I had the misfortune of living with an alcoholic for 3-4 years. Her personality would change radically after 2-3 drinks and I spent the better part of those years fighting at nights, getting inadequate sleep etc. It was very very tough but even tougher for her to admit she had a problem. She went to rehab twice but relapsed. Then I threatened divorce and after that she had two thoroughly embarassing situations she got herself into. I pulled her parents into the picture (to that point they were oblivious to the situation). Somehow, something clicked inside her after those sequence of events. She quit (did not got to AA as it had not worked for her in the past), took up regular intense workouts and started mending things with me. We also changed our circle of friends. She did start again in extreme moderation but in these past two years we have not had a single incident. She drinks 3-4 beers a week now and alcohol is just not an important part of her life any more. She likes to say that nothing external will work until (1) one admits his/her problem and (2) Makes up her mind to solve the problem. She thinks her internal resolve is so strong that external influences don't matter any more.

I know this won't work for everyone but is just a very very personal example. I know other people would have given up on her but as tough as those years were, I am happy we pulled out of them.

 

Examples i can cite:

- A distant cousin became an alcoholic at about age 45 and by age 52 he was dead of liver cirrhosis (spelling?)

- a friend (a diabetic) was addicted and got into a serious accident a few years back. Quit completely but relapsed after 6 years. Last year he relapsed again. In July he went on a 2 week drinking spree where he just sat home and drank. One Sunday he was admitted to the ICU because he could not move or function. His sodium and sugar balance was so badly affected that it affected his brain. Doctors now say that he may have permanently lost some motor functions.

 

All in all, quit or go into extreme moderation. Your life is valuable to you and to your loved ones.

[ExiledInIllinois]

It is my belief that you were a very hard drinker, but not an alcoholic. You can't scare an alcoholic straight. It's in the hard wiring - we'll drink anyway. That's why it's genetic, too - it's got a lot to do with brain chemistry. And, will power will not do it, either. It's just too powerful - you can have a mountain of evidence why not to drink (or drug, etc) like you did, and the brain shuts that off, and you still do it.

 

For the record, going to meetings and talking to my sponsor absolutely does not suck. As somebody said above, some people who aren't even alchoholics join so they are in the group. Meetings can sometimes to be boring, but if you go to the right ones, they're usually good for some real good laughs, and you almost always come away glad you went.

 

As for my sponsor. He's actually one of my best friends. I actually don't call him enough. Maybe once a week, but I know he'd be there if I really needed him.........But, whenever we do talk, we never even talk about alcohol - it's always about concerts, games, chicks, etc............He stopped over yesterday for about 20 minutes to pick up his tickets for the phish show and a few other concerts, and all we did for 20 minutes was laugh our heads off. Yeah, that does not suck!

 

And, I had the same preconceived notions that it all sucked, too.

 

 

I believe the same things it too... Yet, my father being an alcoholic finally cleaned himself up when my mother came down with ovarian cancer and then died 6 years later in 1999. Believe it or not, he didn't drink the whole 1970's when his doctors told him simply: "That he couldn't." Then he had a new doctor in the early 1980's when he went away from the VA and to my mother's health insurance doctor that she had. You know what he told my father not knowing his past: "You can drink socially, I see no problem in that." WTF?? Then the problems began all over agin until 1993 when my mother got cancer... He quit smoking and drinking cold turkey! Hasn't had drop since!

 

What I am saying is, it is all how you channel too... I may have the tendency... Yet, I rarely drink and never go over-board, knowing in the back of my mind I may be pre-disposed. I DO CHANNEL IT IMO in more OCD behavior, which I guess is the lesser of two evils??

[Chef Jim]

Now why would I possibly take that the wrong way?

 

True...there's really only one way to take that. Sorry.

[Chef Jim]

BTW, what do you consider yourself? An alcoholic, not an alcoholic, formerly an alcoholic but no longer because you can now drink?

 

I consider myself a patient alcoholic. Friday comes around very quickly.

 

Day after tomorrow already. !@#$ yeah!