John from Riverside Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 This isnt a funny one....just a true one Dont take a first date to a fancy dinner at the Air Force Officer's club unless you know the girls personality.....my experience: - I was fresh out of boot (2 months) and one day saw a female one day that I thought I would like to get to know a little better.....actually I was just horny as *ell... - OK...so I am pretty much broke as an Airmen doesnt make much starting out.....but a friend gave me a gift certficate to the Officers club so I invite her out. - She accepts and seems nice (worked at a place on the base) now I tell her that I dont have a car yet as I fresh out of boot....she says she understands and we agree to meet at the officers club. - The first thing I notice when I get there is she looks totally pissed off.....I ask her if everything is all right she says "nothing" and we go in - I talk to her for all of 10 minutes to realize that I am dealing with a genuinely not nice person....but try to make it work (because I am horny)....but man...nothing is going right....has anybody seen the blonde from the movie "Anger Management"? This girl proceeds to have a meltdown similar to that because: - I am not the right color (well...she knew this from the beginning) - I probably just wanted sex (I never said anything of the sort but I was fresh out of book for christ sake so yeah.....I must have been thinking so loud she could hear it) Now here was the kicker.....she thought I was a stuck up white guy because I took her to eat at this fancy place (I tried to explain it to her that we only did it because I had a friend do me a favor and I wanted to share it with her) She then got up and walked out....telling me that if I ever bothered her again she would send her brothers to kick the ($*$ out of me.....and laughed a laugh that I can only describe as evil on her way out the door....embarrising the crap out of me. I smartened up a little bit after that...I should have given this girl a big mac and cab fair home in the morning. Luckily for me the girl who was serving us (or attempting to) felt so bad for me she gave me HER number...... I actually dated that girl for some time..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevestojan Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 32. We're in luck! They're removing a spleen at the local medical school surgical observation theater, and I got us in! 408269[/snapback] 31. "Here's a garden hose. Here's a golf ball. I think you know what to do." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 30. Don't take her for a walk along Onondaga Lake in the spring when the water is turning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 30. Don't take her for a walk along Onondaga Lake in the spring when the water is turning. 408341[/snapback] Turning into what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotStuckonStupid Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 dont take her fishing for Coney island white fish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BB27 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Don't ask her to pull your finger... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExWNYer Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #27 Don't wear a t-shirt with the catchy phrase and symbol: "Pork...the other white meat" l l l l l l l l l l \/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macdaddy Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 You guys run out of fingers and toes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 You guys run out of fingers and toes? 408376[/snapback] only the funny ones count. 29. "Do you mind swinging down to the launch pad with me? We scrubbed the shuttle launch and someone at the base said you could help..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BB2004 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #28- "If you come to my place we can play hide and seek." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Turning into what? 408342[/snapback] In the spring as the sun heats the water, the water basically "turns over", bringing the smelly lower water to the surface. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BF in Indiana Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #27 Hey baby, wanna play slip n' slide on my crocodile mile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaz Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 26.) Wear your wedding band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussiew Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 25: Take off your wedding band and leave the tan line there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckeyemike Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 24. Don't take her to a steakhouse if she's a vegetarian/vegan. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyT Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 23. Don't take her to see "When a Man Loves a Woman" thinking it's a romantic date movie, when her mother was an alcoholic who's life mirrored many aspects of Meg Ryan's character. Many a kleenex were dispensed that evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crap Throwing Monkey Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 22. Answer your cell phone with "I've got to take this, it's my wife..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astrobot Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 21. Don't take a crap-throwing monkey on the date with you. Even though the monkey doesn't care, your date won't come through... ...smelling like a rose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussiew Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 22. Answer your cell phone with "I've got to take this, it's my wife..." OMG - this really happened to me on a blind date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Chipper Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #20 Dont tell her you're a 40 year old virgin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 OMG - this really happened to me on a blind date. 408858[/snapback] Your wife called you on your blind date...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluenews Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 nineteen Do not ask her help in converting your (leftover) Canadian currency into U.S. dollars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crap Throwing Monkey Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 18. "No, I think Michael Jackson's behavior is perfectly normal..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuntheDamnBall Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 17. Pass out after one too many Labatt's. 16. When the DJ puts on "Sweet Child O' Mine," air guitar and leg kicks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 15 Start singing the theme to the TV series '"Beverly Hillbillies" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 14 - Putting on an old leather aviator's helmet, with goggles, and saying "I LIKE Santa. Do YOU like Santa?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drnykterstein Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 13. Keep trying to put pieces of duct tape on her nose throughout the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crap Throwing Monkey Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 12. End every sentence with "...in accordance with the prophecy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
col_forbin Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 11. tell her you are wearing rubber underwear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 11. tell her you are wearing rubber underwear 409002[/snapback] "Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluenews Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 "It's not polite to discuss politics on the first date, however, I'm hung like a Republican." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigdaddyinOrlando Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 9." Hi, I'm a big Rob Johnson fan how 'bout you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drnykterstein Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 8. Introduce her to everyone you meet as "my incognito expenditure topographic relation" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuntheDamnBall Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 7. Talk about how you never go anywhere without your trusted rubber duckie, as he is the only one who understands you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theesir Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #6- Announce that you just quit smoking weed 15 days ago and your really having a hard time dealing with unblurred reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Chipper Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 "Do I make you horny baby?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockpile Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #5 My name is Rockpile and I peed with Jon Dorenbos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #4 If we leave now we can get a good place in line for the $50 laptops! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
col_forbin Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #3 Tell her you're a 40 year old virgin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 #3 Tell her you're a 40 year old virgin 409115[/snapback] I think someone beat you to that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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